My Buddy, Handicapped Smurfs & Phrenchmen

By: chris | May 1st, 2008

Get Outta Town

David Pizarro.:

I saw these “Pizaman to Athletico” rumors and immediately dismissed them, because the thought of Spal without David is like the thought of Linus without his blanket, Marcello Lippi without his cigar or Cristiano Ronaldo without his air of scumbaggishness (tis a word, per Webster). But some central midfielders started to pop up in transfer rumors. Then more central midfielders - defensive mids at that - continued showing up unannounced. The Matteo Brighi’s agent mentioned his client is close to an extension. The the agents of these rumors, a couple, at least, started confirming Roma’s interest. And then I went “whoa”, because I can add 1 + 1. (Math whiz and all that.)

So…would The Grand Imperial Poobah really consider selling his little buddy? Seems unfathomable, right?

But if the reports are true, that Athletico is ready to offer up an unconscionable €15m for the Mighty Morphin Turnover Machine, well, they’ve got to at least seriously consider that, right? Would you turn down a clean $20 for a $10? Because that’s what this amounts to. Even David’s staunchest nut-huggers admit his price was steep, and now they might be able to make a freakin’ profit? Give Rosella & Prade execs of the year if they can pull off that coup.

And let’s face it, David’s on borrowed time once Alberto Aquilani finds his magical stay healthy potion. He’ll only improve with time and pretty soon David’s going to be playing patty-cakes with Matteo Brighi and Gianluca Curci at the end of the bench. For all he provides and will provide in the near future, he’s not exactly a smart dollar left on the bench. If you can do it, gotta do it.

That said, can we imagine the day Spal sends Pizaman away? Never.

* - Tell me this isn’t totally Spal and David:

Amantino:

I’m wavering, but deep down inside I know the club needs a more consistent performer whose on the pitch success doesn’t rely on his success between the sheets. Actually, let’s think about this for a second. His horrid stretch came when he’d just broken up with his long time flame. Then, around the turn of the year, he got absolutely en fuego for about 2 months, and during the same time he was being linked to some fox from a TV show. The rumors - at least from what I saw - suddenly died down, and now he’s playing like a handicapped Smurf (all apologies to the handicapped Smurfs in the house). They line up, do they not?

Rumor is Liverpool wants Amantino for the price of his buyout clause (€5m). The jokester in me says it’s probably more than he’s been worth this year, but the logical me, as much as he wants to agree with the chuckler, says that they can do more and get a better price. The problem will be convincing Amantino not to use the clause. Eh.

I don’t like how this is shaping up. You know Moratti would love nothing more to use his Roman Scouting Department and offer Amantino a 4m per year deal if he uses his buyout clause.

Then again, maybe he’ll sign. Who knows. But if he doesn’t find a steady girlfriend by mid-summer I’m shipping him out personally.

Mauro Esposito aka Maurizio Domizzi’s Bargaining Chip:

This one’s been floating around awhile, along with Roma’s supposed interest in Domizzi. It makes sense from both sides. I’d be willing to bet heavily they get swapped with a bit of cheese coming from Roma. That is that.

Here, But Still Incoming

Mirko Vucigol: Everybody in the world wants him, Lecce wants €12m for his half, bringing the total to €19m. He’s worth it and Roma will have not choice but to at least get close to Lecce’s offer in order to take him back. Roma can’t afford not to buy Mirko, partly because of Francesco’s injury and partly because he’s Mirko @#$%ing Vucinic.

Incoming

Nikola Pokrivač:

I’ll be honest, no clue who this kid is. Played one year with Dinamo Zagreb before being shipped off to AS Monaco this January for €3.5m. Defensive mid, 22, never capped by the Croatian senior team but a stalwart in the younger squads.

So apparently playing roughly 4 months in France has been enough to show some people, namely the hierarchy, he’s ready for the next step. That’s mighty quick. His agent is giving out mixed vibes, which means I need to reevaluate my sources, surprisingly (Roma News has been different from nearly everything else I read lately, leading me to to believe something weird happened over there, which is a shame).

I’ve tried perusing his YouTubers but I felt like I was watching Croatian football games without a program guide. Which I was. Try for yourselves.

Florent Malouda:

Must’ve been a slow news day. You’d think with CL football to quell the need for bullshit rumors the media would stick to Drogba’s dives and Fernando Torres being the Spanish Jesus. Speaking of diving….Florent Malouda, ladies of gents.

I’ve never really been a fan. Actually, I was sort of indifferent for a long time. That all changed July 9th, 2006 when we witnessed The Dive Heard Round The World:

….which was followed by this………

…..and then all was right with the world again.

I quite simply don’t want him, and at a reported €25m, not to mention on a Chelsea contract (per annum salary no lower than a sum which could cure world hunger), you’re going to have to do a lot of convincing for me to think there’s any reason I should even be writing this, much less any more. Moving on.

Benoit Cheyrou:

Can we stop with the phucking Phrenchmen, please? Philou and Ludovicious are enough already. (Unless it’s Samir Nasri. I’d donate at least half a kidney and a full testicle for his Roman signature. Hell, I’d even throw in a signed lithograph of the other one. The kidney, that is.)

Let’s see: He’s 27. Plays in the midfield. Is the brother of Bruno, epic Liverpool screw up. But he’s got 9 dimes this season. That’s not half bad, especially when you’d think Nasri is serving up treasures on a silver platter like a royal butler. Okay…

What I always wonder when these rumors pop up is whether or not the media got the right name. Lorik Cana, the Albanian Gattuso, has been linked in the past and is linked along with Cheyrou. Have to wonder if it’s him. Actually, I’m going to say it’s him. (Doesn’t he look good next to the shield?) Just because I’d rather it was and because I can. Forza Lorik.

Watch this and imagine him patrolling the midfield with DDR. Bestill me heart:

Nikola Zigic:

Everybody remember this guy? (Yeah, it sucked, but that was a helluva goal.) While Roma is in the midst of a strange attempted takeover which may or may not be over, Valencia is going through some sort of economic crisis. What exactly? I dunno. I don’t pay too much attention to Spanish footy, as much as I’d like to. But they’re supposedly having issues. Nice. Cue firesale. The one name being linked to Roma specifically is the Serbian Josh Hartnett.

Well if you’re looking for a guy to get on the other end of a cross, he’s so fitting it’s almost overkill. He’s just freakin’ huge and has some technique to boot. What more do you want?

He cost €20m last summer and his price hasn’t exactly jumped this year, but neither has anyone’s at Valencia, really. Is this concrete? I dunno. But it makes a bit of sense, ya know?

Enjoy a YouTubers while we wait for this to fizzle off and die or to pick up steam:

Amauri:

The man’s agent just does. not. shut. up….but this is one time I’m glad he piped up.

“At the moment I am in Rome. I have spoken to Roma’s sporting director Daniele Pradè who wanted information on the situation.

“He told me that as soon as they sort out the questions regarding the club’s direction, we would speak again.

“There isn’t any definitive agreement with anyone yet. We haven’t even talked about money with Juventus.

“The summer transfer market is still some way off and we are just at the early stages.

“I can only repeat that we are weighing up various offers and I will be more precise in the future,” Grimaldi continued.

“The player just wants to play for the best clubs. He enjoyed being in Rome and has lots of friends there, but at the moment there are lots of factors to consider.”

Well well well. So Prade’s been on the horn with Amauri’s agent recently. I guess we need to wait and see what plays out with the ownership situation, but all the Amauri fans in the house can feel free to dream on a little. Good news.

So enjoy for now: