Roman Briefs: Nothing To See Here (But The Schedule).

By: chris | July 28th, 2009

Update: The schedule has been released. I’d strongly recommend sitting down away from sharp objects before clicking the link…

1° GIORNATA – 22/23 AGOSTO 2009
GENOA-ROMA

2° GIORNATA
ROMA-JUVENTUS

3° GIORNATA
SIENA-ROMA

4°GIORNATA
ROMA-FIORENTINA

5° GIORNATA
PALERMO-ROMA

6° GIORNATA
CATANIA-ROMA

7° GIORNATA
ROMA-NAPOLI

8° GIORNATA
MILAN-ROMA

9° GIORNATA
ROMA-LIVORNO

10° GIORNATA
UDINESE-ROMA

11° GIORNATA
ROMA-BOLOGNA

12° GIORNATA
INTER-ROMA

13° GIORNATA
ROMA-BARI

14° GIORNATA
ATALANTA-ROMA

15° GIORNATA
ROMA-LAZIO

16° GIORNATA
SAMPDORIA-ROMA

17° GIORNATA
ROMA-PARMA

18° GIORNATA
CAGLIARI-ROMA

19° GIORNATA
ROMA-CHIEVO

Dates here.

***

Today’s photo of absolutely no worry whatsoever.

Daniele’s forehead may soon orbit Barry Bonds’.

***

Speaking of…

There’s an unsubstantiated rumor that Ahmed Barusso may wind up in Brescia on co-ownership despite also being co-owned by Rimini. So that’s three teams that only kinda sorta want him. Ahmed must be chuffed.

Oh, and Andrea Caracciolo’s name has been mentioned somewhere, somewhere, somewhere – presumably involving a Barusso-Brescia deal.

In other – entirely unrelated, it must be said – news I’m swapping syphilis for gonorrhea and calling it a day.

* – This may or may not be true but I couldn’t be arsed to look it up.

***

Spam Report: The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.

This little fortune cookie came via a pink yoga mat sales pitch.

Aesop says: Spalletti needs a pink yoga mat.

***

I will assume a solid number of people read the Roman daily news wrap up on RomaNews. You know, the one often appropriately signed BS. They typically bold key words…along with random prepositions…which has proven quite useful for me, as by the time the day ends, my attention spans resembles that of a junkie with ADHD. So I scan the bold words and decide whether or not the 30-60 seconds are worth my oh so valuable time.

They weren’t, so in a bid to play journalist, I created my own truths.

MERCATO - Roma’s defense has more holes than Vlad’s Transylvania. So they’ll go ahead and pick up Julio Cruz to fill those holes – presumably with some nice shrub and the occasional tree. El Jardinero’s wife is a hoe. Somebody threw ‘contratto‘ into the equation and suddenly things started flying off the the table – that ‘contratto’ being the first victim. Why the fuck did they bold Roma and Cruz again? Which lost chance at embryonic stem cell research couldn’t rub his two IQ points together to determine the subjects at hand? Doni (is next on the list of bolded names). One sees cedere and can only assume Aquilani’s name isn’t far behind, as the last stage of Spalletti’s devious plan to run Alberto out of town by lacing his espresso with David’s poisoned love nectar(s) begins taking shape. Oh, look at that: Aquilani, Menez e Vucinic – apparently Taddei’s technical genius has rendered this untalented trio surplus to requirements. Liverpool want to drop a bag of shit on Roma’s doorstep and set it on fire; that bag of shit’s name is Andrea Dossena. Real Madrid can’t afford Xabi Alonso so Rosella has jumped into the fray with a three-quarters used can of spray tan and Prade’s testiclese, which are currently pickling in a jar on her nightstand. (Aside: remember back in the 48 ore days when Eddie Murphy was funny?) Juventus offered 30 milioni & Del Piero for a teaspoon of Francesco’s essence; it was flatly turned down. But Aquilani is available for the same price if Del Piero would kindly remove himself from the equation. Yeremy Menez, on the other hand, is available to anybody who hasn’t watched Roma in the last year and/or plays their home fixtures in the lost city of Atlantis; Lione and Marsiglia have passed for mammals who spend more time on land – blue whales or some such. Did anyone see Deschamps at Candela’s farewell match? Didier looks as though he celebrated Juve’s promotion with a two year faceplant at Billy Bob’s BBQ Buffet Bonanza. Vucinic’s continuous back problems lead one to believe that he’s a) South American and fudged his passport and b) will be taking his pants off out of confusion rather than celebration this year. Manchester United, Chelsea and Arsenal play in the English Premiership…yes, we know. What the fuck does his have to do with Mirko taking off his pants? Oh….Arsene Wenger (hide the children) – apparently once you go Adebayor, you can go back. Breaking: Juve have changed their offer to 17 milioni & Del Piero for a signed Totti lithograph they can slap on a stick and place in Alex’s spot. Roma have again declined, instead preferring to resume interest in Julio Cruz’s carcass.