Monday Matinee Midgetized Musings (On Wednesday, Because I Can)

By: chris | April 30th, 2008

Alright, it’s a little later than “matinee” - actually it’s Wednesday now - but life happens. A lot lately. Oh that dastardly life.

Roma 4 - Torino 1

I’d like to send a big vaffanculo to the good people who decided this game was unworthy of a stream. Listening to Zampa was a nice touch, though. Nothing kicks a normal lazy Sunday into “let’s get some shit done today” like Carlo Zampa screaming into your ear in the early morn. It’s like a straight IV of espresso + red bull + Pablo Escobar’s baking soda.

Did the game mean anything? I dunno. It’s really hard to comment having not seen it, but scoring four freakin’ times in the first stanza after learning your leader and best player is going to sit out a few months appears, at least on the surface, to be a statement of some sorts.

Then again, counting the last half hour Torino spent in the Olimpico, Roma outscored the Granata 8-0 in a 62 minute span. Yes, EIGHT to zero. I love Toro, but how about a 38 game season of nothing but home games against Torino. That’s a +152 goal differential for those scoring at home. Anybody with me?

So who knows. Maybe it’ll take the next four (maybe perhaps five) games to determine how this team has truly responded to His absence.

Soros

Alright, let’s get this straight: I’m for new ownership. I’m just not for throwing the Sensi family and the team they’ve built under the bus on the way to new ownership (which is happening). And I’m damn sure not for Soros. So yesterday’s news is the best I’ve heard in months: Soros withdraws.

Now it may be true or it may not, but I do suspect it at least will be true at some point, if not now. So no, I do not expect Soros to takeover Roma at any point. That’s that.

(More Sheik news, though. Take it for what you will. I take it for nothing right now.)

Spaniard

(I figure from here on out we can assume Roma will go into the mercato with the Sensi fam as owners, which means you can put Football Manager away.)

So we can look into a quote from a few weeks back from Ernesto Bronzettiballs:

“Roma are looking at four or five players and will surely sign a couple of important men,” he told Centro Suono Sport.

“The Lupi know how to make the right moves in the market and have shown that in the past by cashing in on players to bring in others, who have proved to be intelligent purchases.

“I can’t give names for their targets this time around, but I can reveal that they are European.

“They are certainly looking for a striker and I will pay particular attention to a Mallorca player who has scored 20 goals.”

Cool. So Roma is seriously looking at “4-5″ players, will make a couple signings of important players and they’re European. I’m guessing by European he means by nationality, not European based, so no need to worry about the non-EU signing just yet.

The last line is Güiza, unless two freakin’ players have scored 20 for Mallorca this season. Somewhat of a late bloomer at 27 - something I always worry about unless the name begins with Luc and ends with oni - but still a long-time talent who scores goals. Bout it. Well, at least he does now. Plus Barca, Real & Milan want him.

His scoring from the last few years (all competitions):

07/08: 22
06/07: 16
05/06: 9

And before that he spent 3 seasons in the second division despite being one of the best talents in Spain, and there’s the issue. He at least was a cassanata. A fat, lazy partier whose desire for the nightlife trumped his desire for European nights.

It’s funny because there was an article on him just today from Sid Lowe, a writer for the Guardian who loves Spanish football, but still can’t help being British. Throw a Brit into the world of the mass media and, well, clown cars chauffeuring shit-tossing monkey’s are bound to show up eventually. But usually good, as long as Spain is the lone subject. The article (here in full) was regarding his very famous girlfriend who has admittedly slept with anyone that could possibly get her famous, especially footballers. Basically she was the shiny town bicycle. And now she’s his agent. FIFA license and all. Hooray for opportunities.

Here are a few snippets:

Nothing, that is, except getting up close and personal with the very rich and reasonably famous: as one all-singing, all-dancing send-up put it, Bermúdez made a name for herself by “going from bed to bed” and pinning down “any old celebrity in any old toilet”, demonstrating a fornicatory fascination for “bull-fighters, singers and waiters.”

And footballers. Especially footballers. Because Nuria Bermúdez loves football. A season ticket holder at the Santiago Bernabéu, she it was who claimed to “know” the entire Real Madrid squad.

When he signed for Ciudad de Murcia, he was presented as “the greatest promise in Spain and the greatest party-goer too”.

And then along came Nuria.

It could have been the worst thing that ever happened to him – a good time guy and a good time gal egging each other on. Instead, it was the best. “Ever since Dani’s been with Nuria, he turns up to training and it doesn’t look like he’s slept under a bridge,” said his coach at Getafe Bernd Schuster.

Supported by coach Gregorio Manzano – a smashing bloke with a degree in psychology - Güiza has settled perfectly at Mallorca.

Am I the only person who sees a ton of redflags around that? And not just a couple, it resembles the Sud during a derby.

In the full article there’s a little sentence which says Guiza tumbled down a major hill when his first marriage. Well what happens if his relationship with this firecracker of an agent fails? (50%, remember.) Will he need a coach who has a psych degree to get him hitting on optimal? If not will he show up at Trigoria looking like he slept under a bridge? (And in all seriousness, that’s a classic quote right there. I don’t like Bernd Schuster but kudos for that one.) Who wants a big-money signing who less than two years ago showed up at training still hungover from legs ‘n eggs at the local pole dancing club? Anybody?

I’m all for second, third, fourth and nth chances, but I hope he gets his chance at big time footy in Spain. Honestly, he seems now (from interviews in Spanish that I can’t understand) to be an affable, likable guy. But he’s soon to be 28 and, well, just too many red flags. Of course, I realize not all athletes are Kaka, but still, this one’s just a bit much this soon. Two to three year probation period minimum. But if Bronzettiballs says his name, methinks that means something….

Plus he doesn’t have a YouTube highlight video. And you’re nothin’ if you don’t have one of those. Nothin’, you hear me?

And for the love of Gesu, can we target some strikers who have better decision making capabilities when it comes to women? The fact that one of Roma’s targets got suspended for using his girlfriend’s banned gonorrhea cream and another’s baby mama is a proud footballing groupie just does not reflect well on their decision making capabilities at all. And what the hell would this do to Amantino’s fragile psyche if he saw all these slutty chicks walking around Trigoria? I shudder to think.

(Never thought I’d miss the days when Totti was running through hot chick buffets like Tara Reid runs through an open bar.)

* - There are more rumors, full themed rumor post tomorrow.

The Potato Chunks In Your Clam Chowda

I) Juan has been suspended for one game, so it looks like it’ll be Philou and The Grumpster trying to stop Talentino and L’aeroplanino this weekend. Oh good.

II) SpanglyPrincess - oddly enough that’s my real name, “Chris” is just the pen variety - sent me a little working on the history of Roma a couple weeks back which I’ve failed to post because I’m a terrible person. Here it is. Go there. Devour it. Savor it. Then come back to me when you need dirty jokes (not so) cleverly disguised in transfer rumors.

III) The Michael Jordan of AS Roma, aka Matteo Brighi, could once again be close to a contract extension with Roma (if you believe agents). Which would totally explain all those rumors linking Roma with central mids lately.

Uh oh, David……..

IV) If you type “giallorossi” into google, this pops up as one of the three sample pictures.

I’m going to be banned from the internet at some point. It’s inevitable.

V) I just want to get off topic here for a second before we go our merry ways. I just read here, at 1am, that Scarlett Johansson is releasing a Tom Waits cover album and I nearly popped out twins.

How can the world allow this to happen? One of my all-time all-times and she’s going to butcher his music. What’s the world coming to?

I’ll leave you with some Tom as I go to bed attempting to ignore this tragedy.