I Have No Idea What’s Going On

By: chris | June 24th, 2009

You may have noticed that a “ownership change imminent” sign began flashing roundabout Friday morning. You also may have noticed that Saturday morning produced some Luis Suarez to Roma rumors. What you may not know, my friends, is that these are not mutually exclusive.

I’ve jested in the past, but it’s true: I sign off on all major Roman moves (except Loria – ’twas on vaca that day…somewhere). By day I’m mere flesh and blood, but by night I’m Roma’s big mover and shaker. And if you’ve been stumbling around these parts for more than a week or two, I’m anti-non-Roman ownership. Particularly when you have no fucking idea who the new owners would be.

I’m sorry to say the Luis Suarez rumors were merely a shameless ploy for me to sign off on the sale, and it didn’t work. It was close, I’ll admit, and it forced me into hours of lost time and blubbering tears in and amongst YouTube, but it ultimately failed. Why? Because it’s too obvious. You’ve got to be more clever than that, and giving me my dream Roma signing isn’t going to cut it.

Thus the end of the sale mumbo jumbo, I’m sorry to say.

***

In all reality, I have no idea what’s going on. I’m not even sure I care to know right now. I’d just like to wake up one day and know one way or the other what Roma looks like going forward: Roma under Roman ownership or Roma under faceless owners who could be renting space in a cave with bin Laden for all we know.

All of which has posed a slight problem with transfer rumors. So much so I’ve begun rumor posts only to end a few paragraphs in realizing how ridiculous it’d be. Since the difference in ownerships will dictate the mercato movement – I am, and have been since the winter, staunchly adamant that Roma doesn’t need reinforcements, simply health (their mid-winter run during their only relatively health-filled stretch would seem to back this up), whereas a new ownership would be forced into a big buy or two for PR purposes – it’s really quite pointless analyzing a Sneijder rumor when Rosella will be writing the checks or a Pavlyuchenko nugget when eoD nhoJ will be ordering the hits.

So right now, I gather Guberti & Motta are the only two names worth discussing ’til it’s figured out one way or the other.

***

Motta: Amen.

Always a foregone conclusion, I gather the delay was to wait until the very last moment and see just how sale negotiations would shake out. Without a firm solution in sight, they had to buy right now with the thought that it’ll be Rosella & Co. going forward. Some are sourcing the full ownership, others co-ownership. Either way, I expect him to be in Rome for a long, long time. Kid’s always had Roma written all over him.

And just for kicks, shall we? I think we shall.

Curci
Motta, Andreolli, Brosco, Crescenzi
De Rossi, Aquilani
Guberti, Cerci, D’Alessandro
Christian Totti

***

Suarez: Alright…I’ll indulge.

He’s been my dream Roma signing for many, many moons now. Well, sort of – would like to see him, along with some of the other better players (Afellay, Dembele, Elia, El-Hamdaoui, etc), stick it out in the Eredivisie for a bit (which he’s said is precisely what he’ll do). They’re being poached a bit too early nowadays – even Huntelaar was a relatively late exit at a mere 24.

But the prospect of Suarez in a Roma kit is one that keeps me up at night, staring at the ceiling wide-eyed with the Dance of the Cucchiaio replaying in my head. The kid’s just flatout amazing (half-man, half-amazing he’s been dubbed by at least one Dutch journalist). I’ve even forgiven the Menez Jr. simulations and petulant whining to focus on the mind-numbing genius of his play, because even that doesn’t seem to do him justice. What he does isn’t just brilliant – it’s audacious, bold, daring and visionary. It tests the bounds of not only play, but purpose. Reminds of, ahem, a certain other attacking midfield type known for his gross talent and penchant for parting the public in two.

But it won’t happen. Not unless Mirko is sent packin’ to Manchester, as Suarez would be a winger in the 4-2-3-1 and I find it impossible to believe Spalletti can hack out an all-pleasing balanced rotation between Mirko, Menez, Guberti, Taddei & Suarez. Never happen.

The other reason is the first phone call will go a little something like this:

Danny Blind: Hello?
Daniele Prade: How much for Suarez?
Blind: Not for sale.
Prade: €20m.
Blind: No.
Prade: €25m.
Blind: No.
Prade: €30m.
Blind: No.
Prade: €35m.
Blind: Throw in De Rossi.
Prade: (click)

Kid’s too brilliant and Ajax doesn’t have much brilliance going for it these days, nor does it have much want for money. As long as the academy keeps churning out those T.I.P.S. products, and it doesn’t look to be stopping anytime soon, the money from exports will be there in bunches.

But I can dream.