Canna, Cassano & Cicinho (Get The Paddles Ready)

By: chris | July 2nd, 2007

Back to the Future:

I’m going to go all Rick Pitino on you for a second here:

“Antonio Cassano is not walking through that door. Fabio Cannavaro is not walking through that door. Francesco Antonioli is not walking through that door. Wait…”

Got it? I’m sure the majority of Roma fans have heard about the new Real “offer,” which resulted in the greatest mass participation of cold showers in Rome’s history. Maybe except for when Sabrina Ferilli stripped after the 00-01 Scudetto win (psst - to the left). Mamma Mia.

Hold on, cold shower…..

Anyway. The rumored deal is €15m plus one of Cicinho, Fabio Cannavaro or Antonio Cassano for that Chivu guy. Let’s break this down:

Canna: No. His wages are astronomical, even Juve can’t afford them (!). I don’t know what they are, but if Real is handing out a €5m per offer to Chivu, imagine what they would be for the reigning Ballon D’Or holder. Yikes. That aside, he said the reason he wants to stay at Real is to take another shot at winning the Champions League, the one title which has eluded him thus far. Unfortunately, as much as I hate to admit it, Real has a much better chance of achieving that next year than Roma. I don’t see anyway he accepts a deal with Roma on a severely reduced contract.

Cassano: Holy Christ don’t do this to me. I loved Cassano. I hate what he did to the team and Totti, but the good majority of Roma fans loved him at one time or another too. He’s got the maturity of a 5 year old but holy shit is he talented. I think this is the one instance this summer where Totti is phoned and told, “it’s your call.” If Totti says yes, they might consider it, even though he did also fuck over the management, but I doubt either party (Roma or Cassano) is ready for his return. It’s too soon. But it will happen someday. He belongs in Rome. He just needs to grow up and get a fucking clue first.

I need to move on. Talking about Cassano gets me all mushy and nostalgic inside. I loved that guy. Why did he have to fuck it all up.

Emerson: I’m nipping this one in the bud before any rumors come out saying he’s headed back to the Olimpico. Go feign your depression somewhere else. And go fuck yourself, too. Never. Happening.

Cicinho: I expect him to be coming back in any Chivu-Real deal.

€15 million: Not with a choice of the 3 players. Not a chance. Maybe by itself, but they just outbid the competition by about 50% if this proposed deal is true, considering the player valuations. I know paying way over the top is what they do, but that’s even a little much by their standards at this point. Though it’s not 100% impossible. They’re like that guy at the auction who bids 4x as much as the last offer just to prove a) he’s rich and b) he has a small penis.

I don’t see how anybody but Cicinho comes to Rome in the proposed deal. Cici plus €8-12m I could see. He was valued around €6m before his injury-plagued year, so I don’t see how his value went up. But who knows.

And not to toot my own horn or anything, but if this comes true I’m dropping everything and moving to Tibet to live out my days as a yak herder. This was from my summer prediction in late May:

Complete BS Prediction of the Summer:

Chivu to Real Madrid in return for 6(?) million euros plus full ownership of one Fabio Cannavaro. I’ve got to admit, after the season Canna had, I have no clue what his pricetag is, but Chivu has seven years on him so that has to be worth quite a bit.

Not a chance, but I can dream.

Netminder?:

Dunununununununununununununu BATMAN!!!!!!!!!!

Holy Christ I think I’m going to cry. What is this? Nostalgia Day? Antonioli AND Cassano rumors in the same day?

Someone get a defibrillator.

* - I can’t take anymore Roma rumors right now. Luckily I’m headed to the hospital today/tomorrow anyway so I’ll be in safe hands should my heart give out. The GHD and more later.