Boys Are Back & Breakin’ Down The Bacon

By: chris | September 13th, 2007

Everyone’s Happy To Be Back:

Ooh ooh ooh. Roma still exists! I, along with everybody else, can got back to forgetting - thankfully - that Roberto Donadoni still exists, at least for a few more weeks, and get back to the fun stuff. The Grand Imperial Poobah and the boys get back to work down in Reggio Calabria on Sunday, and we’ll have a bangup preview tomorrow, but today it’s down to business - literally - with all the leftovers we missed while we were too busy watching the Azzurri get out-played and still pull out 4 points because they’re just that damn talented - even if they should’ve had a quick 6, but I digress….

FIRE DONADONI

Moving on…

Money, It’s A Gas:

We’ve already got big news to discuss, this time it’s the Serie A payrolls (moreso the Giallorossi version), including the managers. Here’s what it looks like right now, before the big boys (De Rossi, Mancini, Ferrari, Aquilani) get their big money extensions.

• Totti deserves every freakin’ euro.
• Samuel Kuffour makes me want to vomit.
• Doni should almost triple that by the time his next extension rolls around.
• Taddei was complete thievery, especially considering some of the names above him on that list.
• Best Bang For The Buck: King Alberto, with Doni a close second. Especially if good Doni keeps showing up.
• Management has been very fiscally responsible with some of their buys, with some incredible values, like: Taddei, Doni, King Alberto (but he’s young), Max (especially), Mirko and Perrotta. Especially when you see the likes of Del Piero and Vieira pulling down close to €5m apiece. Oh, and Kaka’s kid bro, Digao, is at a cool mil even though he couldn’t break into the starting XI at Rimini in Serie B. So I guess we can bump Kaka’s salary up to €7m.

Here are the payrolls for all the teams in Serie A, in case you are interested.

* - That’s a nice “€5m” Chivu’s earning in Milan this year. Raise your hand if you saw that one coming (hint: everyone’s hands should be raised).

** - Anybody else notice that “1″ next to Montella’s name on the Sampdoria roster? Bullshit.

Managers:

Courtesy of Mad Martha, the Top 5 managerial salaries:

1. Roberto Mancini (Inter) €5 million
2. Carlo Ancelotti (Milan) €4.5 million
3. Luciano Spalletti (Roma) €2 million
4. Cesare Prandelli (Fiorentina) €1.5 million
5. Claudio Ranieri (Juventus) €1.5 million

I think we’ve all come to realize 3 things:
1. Nobody in Milan has any idea how to value money. So if you’re planning to be a coach someday, aim towards Lombardy.
2. Massimo Moratti has the intelligence of an eggplant.
3. The Grand Imperial Poobah at €2m is a complete farkin’ steal.

Looking over the salaries of the big boys up north, and consequently the idiotic decisions, I have to say I’m very impressed that the management rarely wastes a euro (Sam Kuffour notwithstanding - but there are some much worse buys in Serie A, and I’m looking at you Moratti). And even though he is the 3rd highest paid in Serie A, I have to believe TGIP is the best value amongst all of the coaches in the league. I also now have absolutely zero faith in the future of society based solely on the fact that Roberto Mancini makes more than 1.5x TGIP. I think I’ll just wing it by joining a cult and hoping this whole “mothership” thing pans out. Is Heaven’s Gate still around? Where’s Hale-Bopp when you need it?

Roman Internationals

Daniele De Rossi - DNP, and it’s looking like those blisters are a lot more serious than originally anticipated. He’s being listed as doubtful for the Reggina game. Oh boy, it looks like the debut of The Ghanaian Gladiator is impending. Hide the women and children.

Alberto Aquilani - 15 largely inconsequential minutes. He’s going to have to cure AIDS blindfolded for Donadoni to give him a start in an important game, regardless of whether he’s the best player for the job or not (he is).

Christian Panucci - Old Man Wonder and his overlaps played the full 90 against Ukraine and was solid as usual. The guy’s a rock, and considering he actually keeps his crosses on the continent, he very well may steal some time from Massimo Oddo. Actually, there’s a chance he’ll be tapped to replace Canna in the central pairing against Georgia while Fabio is parked in the stands due to yellows. A month ago we were bitching and moaning after the Juve game how disastrous he was, now he looks like the best option in a must win Euro Qualification game (they’re all “must win” from now on). How times have changed.

Simone Perrotta - Played a largely inconsequential 75 mins against Ukraine. He gets a pass, when was the last time he played a meaningful 90? He’ll be more than alright for Georgia.

Gianluca Curci - Probably took down a few Sudoku puzzles in the stands during the game.

Philippe Mexes - Get real. He has as much of a chance of playing as Zach Braff does of producing testosterone. Seriously, the guy puts out more estrogen than an East German women’s swimming team.

Alright, bad example.

Mirko Vucinic - Vuci-gol. 3 in the last 3 matches.Can we puhlease see a 2 striker system one of these days? Pretty please?

* - I still haven’t decided if that’s the best or worst youtube-goal-video-soundtrack-song we’ll hear all year or the best. Leaning towards the former.

** - I think I’m alright with transitioning to Vucigol. Everybody on board?

Ludovic Giuly - Somewhere banging Domenech’s wife.

Juan - Sitting out friendlies so that he won’t injure himself for Roma. All hail Juan.

Doni - Had I known Doni was in the Boston area before the game, you can be assured I would have stalked him relentlessly. But alas, I did not. Still not sure what I would’ve done had I run into Doni at Downtown Crossing or the Red Wing in Foxboro. Peed my pants comes to mind. (Pissed pants aside, Doni got to sit in the Gillette Stadium seats like the rest of us).

Nuggets, Notes & Nonsense:

I) Lazyo is considering moving out of Rome to be closer to their fans. There isn’t much to say about this one but good God I hope this happens. Now I don’t have to shower after watching Roma games knowing that Lazyo played there previously or will play there soon. It’s like making love to your girlfriend knowing she hooked up with Chester the frattastic frat guy. It’ll just never feel clean. And someday she’s bound to dance naked for the rent.

II) Guess who’s hurt. Just guess.

I don’t think any of us saw this coming AT ALL. My world is upside down right now. I need to regroup.

III) There are some bullshit lies being spread around that Roma had some interest in Francesco Modesto this summer, which is complete and utter garbage. But what’s more, apparently they were after Nicola Amoruso also - which I think we all completely missed on. I suppose he fits into that big backup striker guy thing, but whatever. Although he does have the best birthday in the history of birthdays; also, he has yet to play for Roma, and it looks like he’s trying to be the Lega Calcio town bicycle by playing for every single squad north to south.

IV) Just as a reminder to everyone: start up those candlelight vigils and prayer groups soon….

Sept 19 Dynamo Kiev
Sept 23 Juve
Sept 26 @ Fiorentina
Sept 30 Inter
Oct 2 @ ManYoo

V) Roger Goodell is going to ruin the NFL. Just had to say that.

VI) Alright, considering AS Roma is like, well, second in line for most deserving club to join the boys at Gamma 14 (or 18, depending on how well you can count), I figure this is relevant (although whether or not Roma is interested in joining is still up in the air). It looks like rush week is starting and the boys at G14 are looking for 30 or so new pledges - bringing their total participants for an eventual European Super League to a modest FIFTY.

We’re about two years away from watching Leeds United complete hazing and get inducted into G14. It’s getting a tad ridiculous over there. And guess who’s president? Jean-Michel Aulas. Exactly.

VII) Bullshit January Transfer Rumor of the Day:

Jean-Michel Aulas is ready to offer up Fred + €15m for Mancini in January. First things first, I don’t think Mancini gets sold. However, Fred is valued at a very fair €15m, making the total value of that deal €30m (trust me here), which is good. In fact, that’s damn good.

If you can move Fred after that for close to €15m, I don’t know. That’s Rosinaldo plus an extra €15m to throw around….

That said, it’s probably complete and utter bullshit.

* - Back tomorrow with the injury updates, Reggina preview and any other bullshit offers JMA is ready to throw out there in January.