A Potpourri of Useless Flapdoodle

By: chris | August 17th, 2007

See-see-nyoooooooo:

Hey Sevilla, over that way…to the left.

I’m sure you’ve seen the quote from Cicinho how he’d be happy to join Sevilla about 48 hours after saying it was “Roma and only Roma.” Honestly, this sounds a lot like his agent speaking. In fact, it screams it. Limiting your options limits your leverage, etc etc etc. Good player management 101. And most teams aren’t complete buffoons like Inter in handing over an insane promise like Moratti did to Chivu. Cicinho’s looking for something to get done soon, and he’s looking for some scrilla. It’s that simple.

The problem here, of course, is this whole Dani Alves saga. Chelsea can’t come up with the requisite bank to please Sevilla (!) or won’t and Real Madrid has snuck in the open back door without actually being invited in. You know, kinda like when you throw a somewhat exclusive party and while you’re out front greeting guests some guy who wasn’t invited sneaks in the patio door, starts chatting up your girlfriend and making her his “famous” cocktail - like 12 of them. That’s Real Madrid.

If Cicinho agrees to move to Sevilla, there really isn’t much to say. A lot of people will blame the management, but nearly every single report says that Real was holding onto him until the whole Alves to CSKA London thing was a go or fallen to smithereens. The latter happened so now Cicinho, a guy who has the potential to be just as good, if not better, than Alves, is the key ingredient to the deal Real is cooking up. I believe it’s Cici + enough euros to cure world hunger, which is totally within the realm of possibility when talking about Real “I Wipe My Ass With Million Euro Bank Notes” Madrid.

So it was either pay way above market value for Cicinho, almost double Rosella and/or The Grand Imperial Poobah’s valuation, or wait. And wait on a player who isn’t a necessary purchase, but more of a luxury with Marco Cassetti in the fold (we all know Cicinho isn’t a big upgrade for the one major flaw in Marco’s game - defense). Yeah, if the difference was negligible and Rosella didn’t close that deal, that’s shoddy management to say the least. But it really sounds like Real has been holding onto Cici until Dani Alves gets moved one way or the other. You know I really want Cicinho, but I can’t really blame Rosella & Co. here if it really is how it sounds - with a little bit of reading between the lines, of course.

At this point, I haven’t a damn clue what’s going to happen. Not a clue.

* - I just got home from being gone since quite early this morning, so I’ll wrap up the rest of the not-so-important news in tomorrow’s post.

All Flap, A Little Bit of Doodle:

I) By request your gratuitous cheesily awesome 80’s music video this week will be provided by rock legends Tears for Fears, but with a different song than requested. Sorry, but if it’s going to be TFF, it’s got to be Shout or Everybody Wants To Rule The World. We’re going with latter. Why? Because it rings true for everybody. Especially Hitler.

Tears for Fears - Everybody Wants to Rul
Uploaded by justin8131

II) Best name in the history of IMDb.

III) In honor of the continuing suckitude of the US dollar, revisiting some comedy of yore.

IV) Is Jackie Chan dead yet? No? Damnit.

V) Like it’s any big surprise. (You’ve probably seen it, but it’s worth revisiting)

VI) Zlatan’s Corner

Quote of the Week

Co Adriaanse, Ajax, after Zlatan signed with Ajax:
Ibrahimovic plays very well; excellent, I’d say. He really has good technique. You don’t see that very often with tall players. Probably because of the bigger distance between the brains and the feet.

I believe we can all be thankful Co decided to be a football coach rather than a physician. Though I would like to see him publish that theory. Or at least the methodology which led to his great epiphany. And as a tall person, I’m highly offended. I’m tired of this bullshit stigma that comes along with being characterized as “tall” (officially 1.90m+ according to someone who probably made it up but has a fancy degree). I’m tired of people asking me to reach for stuff for them. Get a damn stool. Or movie rows which are too close and force us to pull our knees uncomfortably towards our chests. But you know what kills me? The fact that I can’t achieve my dream of being a short track horse jockey. Goddamnit if Tobey Maguire can do it why can’t I? I’m done.

Zlatan takes Cristiano Ronaldo over his knee and gives him a spanking. Unfortunately, The Fake Ronaldo enjoys it just a little too much. (Nice pants)

Alright, that might not be the video. But it’s totally plausible.

VII) Revisiting another old commercial. Something tells me this kid’s going to be a ladies man when he grows up.

VIII) New: Chris Walken’s Comedic Corner

Pure genius is often attempted, but a rarely achievable state of comedic nirvana. Here’s bliss. (A worthy investment of your time)

IX) Your gratuitous Former Soviet Bloc supermodel who could probably stand to eat a sandwich, but we won’t force her to do anything against her will. This beaut is a 6′ Ukrainian Valeriya Melnik who has reportedly been making waves in the Italian fashion community ever since she graced the pages of Vogue in December or something. Yeah, I actually read the article that came along with said photo. No really.

This whole supermodel section has given me far too much fashion insight and quite frankly I’m not happy about it.

X) Warning: If you’re offended easily, probably shouldn’t click on this link. Not sure how safe for work it is either (bad four letter words). Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Jesus had a brother. Where will you be when the Craig machine comes partying through?

XI) For those who missed it, we’ve started up The Roma Offside Fantasy League over at Yahoo (the link):

League Name: Roma Offside League (ID# 692)

password: spalletti (lower-case s)