A Mercato Musical

By: chris | March 25th, 2008

This week’s wrap up of relatively new names to the rumor mill in musical interpretation. (Try not to take it word for word on some of these.)

Luis Fabiano.:

His agent says he’s coming to Serie A and it’s being rumored Roma is going to drop a quick €13m for his services. Quite frankly, I’m skeptical. Skeptical about both the reports/rumors (no quotes, appears to be simple “4 must be the sum of 2 and 2″ speculation after his “I want Italy” comments) and whether or not he’d be a smart buy. I’ve got reservations about guys who have dropped kicked opposing players during a game (and teammates in practice); and I’ve got real reservations about hugely skilled forwards with a very volatile temper and itchy trigger on the kung fu kicks……remind you of someone? I don’t think it’ll be an issue simply because he’ll chase the money Roma won’t offer him and he’ll wind up in a place like Madrid, Milan or Torino. Not to mention Spalletti time after time after time mentioning there is no room for headcases in his locker room. I just don’t see this being feasible whatsoever.

Some Roma fans want the club to pick up Italians, I just don’t want to have to worry about them being charged with voluntary manslaughter during a game. Is that really too much to ask?

(And for those who say he’s calmed down, he managed to get into yet another brawl last year. No. Thanks.)

Marco Borriello.:

I don’t get this one at all. I really can’t see how he winds up anywhere but Milan next year, now that all those stiddie creams have made their way out of his system and he’s scoring gross goals for Genoa like it’s going out of style. Milan clearly needs someone who can put some balls into the back of the net and they already own half his contract. Seems very cut and dried, doesn’t it?

His agent has waxed on about Roma, but not a logical bone in my body (the two of them that there are) can possible see how he winds up in Rome next year. (You know what this means: start printing the Borriello Kappa editions.)

That said…..in the odd event that it happens, he’s another guy whose decision making I seriously question. Probably not a huge shocker when you get suspended for a drug violation when that drug happened to be your girlfriend’s STD cream. I swear, man…..some people.

Bafé Gomis (Saint Etienne).:

This is one of those rumors where they throw a bunch of team names in a sentence and Roma is one of them. I’ve seen this kid’s name linked with Roma in the past, which probably means we’ve got the same source. The other teams in that glorious sentence aren’t so glorious (Aston Villa, Newcastle, Psg, Olympique Marsiglia, Lens, Siviglia e Roma) except for one: Arsenal. Everybody knows about Arsene Wenger’s eye for non-British talent. Usually if your team is eying up the same player as he, that’s a very good sign.

Here’s the deal: Bafetimbi is the “new Didier Drogba” #4,792, bringing his pricetag to anywhere from €11m to €15m. Quick YouTubers:

Tous les buts de bafé gomis
Uploaded by allezlesverts42

Kid gets like 12,000 extra points for a highlight reel set to Radiohead.

Pretty strong young feller with a nice eye for goal from just about anywhere. There’s a lot in France which doesn’t necessarily translate to goals abroad, however. That seems like a lot of money for a 22 year old kid who may or may not be the real deal. There isn’t much to go on in terms of specific linkage to the Giallorossi, so he appears like one of those rumors which is just Roma sending scouts out to watch him and little more. Call me when Bruno Conti is sitting in the owner’s box and I’ll perk up. But by that time he’ll probably be in Arsene’s arsenal.

Dmitry Sychev.:

Dude’s all kinds of fast and does very well with the ball at his feet. Problem is, however, Roma is looking more for a guy who can handle aerial service, which does not appear to be his strong suit. So logic (that dreaded five letter word again) leads us to believe that he’d actually be a replacement for Mancini, rather than the big guy Roma has been having illicit fantasties about since Ludovicious first went up for a header.

Didn’t do much of anything with Marseille a few years back, but he’s still only 23, so it could just be a matter of maturing as an athlete. Russian regular, POY up there a couple years back, and he can be quite the influence on the attack – especially the counter, where he’s absolutely lethal. However, he’s got severely limited decision making skills, as evidenced by his attempted rap on some Russian MTV award show. Red flags all around that one.

The rumor is just the “throw Roma’s name in the sentence” variety (from goal.com, to boot), so it could be complete hogwash. He strikes as one of those names which you’ll hear once and then the rumors will dissipate (how ya doin, Yuri Zhirkov?). We hardly knew ye, Dmitri.

Cosmin Moti.: What…..what’s that I smell…….is that………the Becali brothers?

Moti is Romanian and plays for Dinamo Bucharest, the arch-rival of Steau Bucharest, which is owned by the biggest arsehole Becali of them all, George. I wonder how Dinamo feels about its players signing with agents who have direct ties to their main rivals. Not sure it’s met with a big XOXOXO.

I googled “Cosmin Moti Becali” and his name was popping up in various links with Gigi Becali. My trusty Romanian googlization translator didn’t work too splendidly, so I’m out of info. But unless those two are an item and have decided to separate business from pleasure, I don’t like the sounds of this. Actually, I don’t like the sounds of it period. Can’t they just nix scouting in Romania until karma comes back like a bitch and both the Becali brothers die of distemper?

(You’re about to magically flash forward in time about 10 hours.)

So then, after I wrote the above paragraph and refused to delete it, I woke up Tuesday morning to this little nugget from “Joan” Becali, his agent. It appears Joan is actually one of Chivu’s agents. For real.

Here’s what he has to say:

“It was coupled with Radu – he said to Laromasiamonoi – is stronger than Lazio player. He’s tall High, powerful and technical, probably Roma are following to replace Mexes. At the moment the price of his registration is around 4 million euros. We have already received several offers from England, but I have a very good relationship with Roma’s management and I am a very close friend with the Sensi family, although I have not been officially contacted by Roma.”

First off: fuck off. Don’t insinuate that Mexes is leaving at any point now or in the near future. Hype your client some other way.

Four million sounds doable. But no way can Roma continue to do business with the The Lineage of Fucktards (that’s the new official name for the Becali family). After Chivu? Really? I’m usually pretty good about defending the Mensa crew in the front offices simply due to their lack of experience and training, but if they pick up another Becali client – a Romanian defender, no less – I’m going to fly to Rome and throw bleach on Rosella, see how she likes her tan then. That would be idiotic territory who lone occupants are Mancio & Moratti.

I suppose there are some very short memories in football, but I really can’t fathom the Becalis doing another deal with Roma so soon after Chivugate. Especially with the hierarchy knowing full well TLOF will try to fuck them over when the time is most appropriate. And all of this is after the Webster ruling. Logic says this is a no go – and the fact that Roma hasn’t contacted Becali just furthers the theory. They’re just making stuff up again. Where’s a Zampa rant when you need one? (Kidding.)

Cristian Zapata.:

Good god is he going to be good. Not just good, he’ll almost certainly be great. Immense talent in the back and, if Roma were actually to pick him up, probably the best possible 3rd CB they could get. Problem is everybody else feels the same way, and his pricetag will reflect such. I can’t even ballpark it, but you’d be talking an absolute minimum of €12m, probably closer to €20m. It’s also no secret that chief Udinese fucktard Pietro Leonardi doesn’t like Roma. In fact, he probably sits in his closets at night carving up pictures of Rosella and Bruno Conti with a ginsu knife while stroking his stuffed edition of Luciano Spalletti as tears run the mascara down his face. Or something like that. Anyway, that makes negotiations quite difficult.

Both Milan and Juventus are in on him, and considering that he’s South American, it’ll only be a matter of time before Massimo Moratti comes sniffing around with a just-this-side-of-legal €10m per year contract offer or something. Still, he’ll probably stick around a couple more years in Udine before somebody comes in and makes them an offer they can’t refuse (he’s indicated such). But feel free to daydream about a 2011-12 defensive pairing of Mexes & Zapata – when Zapata will be 24. Frightening. Until then, pray he decides Rome is the only place for him.

Hernan Crespo.:

I purposely avoid watching Inter simply because I like to watch things more appealing to the eye like Kathy Bates sunbathing in the nude, hippos mating and paint dry on growing grass. So how he’s been performing this year I have not a clue. Rumor is not very good (4 goals in 13 games isn’t all that wonderful). Then there’s that Oscar-winning dive which got Philou sent off, probably didn’t endear him to anyone on the squad. Oh yeah, and he’s an ex-Lazie.

The cap may not be an issue, given the fact that he “only” makes €3.5m and €1m may not be an issue if there’s a goals scored clause or something in there. Problem is he’s on the downside of his career and, even though he may come relatively cheap, he isn’t what could be considered a sound investment. Transfer fee + salary for a 33 year old striker who has scored 4 goals this year probably won’t translate to Crespo in a Roma kit. You can all breathe a sigh of relief now.