Ooh, Baby I Love Your Ways, or: Down To Business

By: chris | September 21st, 2007

This is going to be one of those rare days in between game previews, recaps and diaries over the next few weeks, so let’s kick back, relax and have a cappuccino, sambuca, Tia Maria and Red Bull concoction courtesy of the second biggest cokehead in Sicily (one would assume the first is Nicholas Caglioni) and enjoy a quick resurgence from the silly season.

Juventus Wants Little David…Again:

First of all, just so you don’t think this was fabricated in some desperate plea to recoup that recockulous transfer fee by us (or me) here at the Roma Offside, here’s the link, provided so graciously by a Marco from Montreal (from now on anytime someone provides a link, a Marco from Montreal is getting credit – chances are I’ll be right because they make up about 80% of my demographic).

Here’s the skinny, Juventus doesn’t have enough central mids capable of playmaking already, so they’re interested in bringing David Pizarro on co-ownership for between 5-6m during the January window. First of all, you know they’re having some financial struggles up in Torino when they are relegated (again!) to using Serie A’s layaway program. Maybe they have all their money in Northern Rock? Who knows. Anyways, this isn’t the first time Juve have been all smitten with Little David. Their whirlwind romance started almost as soon as DP stepped off the plane in Udine, and had him clamoring for a move to Torino as soon as he smelled their scent (euros). Which is kind of like going out on a date and having the girl flirting with another guy then giving him her number that very night. Real lame and almost definitely ending up in some sort of venereal disease and a three-limbed child, whore.

Anyways, it’s highly doubtful this happens, but for a guy sitting on the pine staring out at Roma’s newest homegrown legend, it could be enticing*. Not to mention a replacement approaching his level could probably be had at a fraction of the cost. So maybe the financial sensibilities kick in for the higher ups and they realize they aren’t exactly going to get 12m worth of value for Little David this year, or anytime soon, and send him off to Juve with a cackle. Who knows.

I’m not a big proponent of doing big mid-season transfers on exports, but I suppose I could make an exception should Juventus stump up the requisite cash, as well as Roma finding a capable replacement with significant value (Mozart?) and at least the slightest illusion of defensive ability. And line up the David Pizarro nut-hugging firing squad…..now.

* – We’re ending this KA-DP debate at least until Roma concedes a goal, I don’t think anyone believes those two things are coincidental. And if I see any comments otherwise, I’m deleting them and instead inserting a picture of a turd. Or Tony Danza.

Cassano Rumors Are Back…I Mean Andrea Russoto:

Normally rumors emanating from tribalfootball would not hold much weight, well, it still doesn’t, but during the fall we’re going to be clawing for any nuggets we can possibly get our hands on. Also, this isn’t the first time Andrea Russoto’s name has come up in regards to Roma, so it could be quasi-legitimate, just like the war in Iraq (cue Patriot Act surveillance……now). Here’s what tribal says, which could just be listed under the definition for ‘vague’ in the dictionary:

Treviso prospect Andrea Russotto is attracting big Serie A interest.

Napoli have been in contact this week, while Roma are considering a move for Russotto in January which see him return to Treviso on-loan for the rest of the season.

and here’s what I had to say when the interest was reported way back in June, all of which still holds true aside from the potential suitors, who may or may not have fallen back,

Roma are throwing their hats into the ring to get the Azzurri’s heir apparent to Francesco Totti, Andrea Russotto. He’s been called the “Italian Messi” and elicits comparisons to Totti, Roberto Baggio and Antonio Cassano and is widely considered the future of Italian football. Normally, I would be much more excited about this but for a few reasons I’m a little uneasy:
- They’re in a race with Juventus, Milan, Inter, Man Utd and Liverpool. In other words, it’s the G14 lottery.
- Rafa Benitez has a big man crush on him. Roma can’t compete with his checkbook.
- Like Cassano, he’s a reported headcase.
- He was a Lazio youth product before he was sold for refusing to sign with GEA, a major sports agency who obviously are tied with Lazio somehow. Lazio told him he had no future in the sport and was sold to a second-divison Swiss club. Good call, Lazio. Real smooth.
- He recently stated that returning to Lazio would be a “dream move.”

I’m gonna be sick.

So, knowing how much The Grand Imperial Poobah has worked to create team unity and eliminate selfishness and locker room squabbles and controversy, it appears this gets filed under “naaaaaaah.” However, maybe the media has blown this out of context and he’s not the bad egg he’s reported to be, which would make him insanely valuable and a certified stud. And not like Barbaro.

Alright, so what are Roma’s chances? Here’s the kicker, he isn’t owned by Treviso, he’s on loan. From where, you ask? Only from Bellinzona, Roma’s new BFF’s to the north in Switzerland’s Mentally Challenged League (who also seem to be providing political asylum for banished youth products throughout Europe – Raffaele De Martino, anyone?). The determining factor will obviously be how much scrilla gets stumped up, but one must think the recent friendship cultivated between the Romans and the Bellinzonans is a very good sign.

Still, that whole Lazio thing turns the stomach. This kid is supposed to be It. The Phenom. Hopefully some more positive signs emerge over the next few days or weeks. And also let’s hope that Lazio is thrown out of football for a scandal involving 3 12 year old Guatemalan boys, nipple cream, a snorkel, edible undies and one of those Sicilian concoctions our new friend, the second biggest cokehead in Palermo, taught us (all of which would obviously be held at Cristiano Ronaldo’s home) – preventing Russotto from going to the evil-doers.

Oh, and the requisite youtube video to drop jaws and have y’all calling for the new messiah, who is actually not Keivan Zarineh, contrary to popular belief:

Alright, I’m on board, kid’s all of 19. Get after it.

Festivus For The Restivus:

I) With Roma looking, um, good I suppose we can start to expect a lot of this – Roma nut-hugging from coaches around the continent. Today (or yesterday, whenever) it’s Claudio Ranieri, a Roman boy, and very big fan of the Giallorossi at the moment. In fact, such a fan that he has listed them as one of the best three teams in Europe. along with Arsenal and Barcelona (and what do those three teams have in common? say it with me, joga…bonito). When one hears such statements a few days before a game it’s often reverse psychology, but in this case, it’s hard to believe that’s true. Roma is clearly one of the best teams in Europe at the moment.

Finally, the team getting their due. Well, that is if you discount Sky Sports fucktards.

* – Fucktard is easily the most apt description of a highly incompetent person in the history of the English language. And this is easily the best example of a fucktard I’ve seen yet. Well, at least today. Or at least until a Lazio fan opens up ~~his~~ her mouth.

II) After seeing Ranieri’s comment, I decided to quickly rifle through the standings of the big 5 leagues to see how many squads had yet to concede a goal (some obviously starting earlier than Serie A, but who really cares?). The answer? One. Osasuna, and they’ve only played twice, also failing to score.

Quite the achievement.

III) Karma, baby.

IV) So, if one is Fenerbahce, how does one go about beating Inter? Easy, says Zico. “Play like Roma”.

Suck a toad, Inter.

V) In case you missed it, Antonio Nocerino will miss the game because he was hit by a a car, presumably driven by Luciano Moggi. Honestly, not a big deal, but if you ask any Juve fans or anyone from Naples, he’s the greatest thing to happen to the boot since the creation of the Senate. Methinks they’ll be just fine.

VI) You can file Roma under: Teams that forced another coach to quit directly after a poor showing in a Champions League game.

Along with Rosenborg.

VII) The Gauntlet:

Sept 19 Dynamo Kiev 2-0 Roma
Sept 23 Juve
Sept 26 @ Fiorentina
Sept 30 Inter
Oct 2 @ ManYoo

Game previews and stuff tomorrow.