Mercato Short Shorts & YouTubers

By: chris | May 7th, 2008

Gimme A Purple People Eater

I’d take Giampaolo Pazzini faster than you could say “Alberto Gilardino is a has been”. It was just one line in Gazzetta, they being the ever reliable ones, so it’s not much to get your hopes up over, but it fits, does it not? Another in the line of guys who could provide the missing ingredient to the Giallorossi pie.

Problem is he hasn’t been all that prolific this year and can, from what I’ve seen, botch some shots quite gloriously. Finishing issues? No thanks. I can’t see him being the out and out numero uno needed for a team like Roma - unless they’re pazzo enough to think Totti is going to show up for the first giornata waving his magic wand. Ideal young piece of the puzzle, but a main piece right now? I’m skeptical. Seems a proven commodity - one that at least has a proven track record of scoring a nauseating number of goals, and Pazzini’s never scored double digits - would be a better fit. I feel like he’s primed for an epic explosion, but how long can Roma wait for one of those, really. Not long.

That said, I’d love to see him wind up in Kappa next year. Kid is obviously very talented. It’s just he’s in a position that needs production over talent right now. That’s the key.

How much leg does this rumor have? Very little at the moment, but we shall see what happens with the Viola this summer. Mutu’s suspension isn’t helping in their bid for Champions League football and that will likely have repercussions across the board for the mercato. Watch the last two weeks of the season intently.

And a video with a slightly creepy soundtrack (around the three minute mark) to savour while we await the mercato:

I See A Spaniard

Joaquin “has an offer from Italy”, and rumor is Roma is that offer with Everton lurching in the background. Asking price is 15-18m. Start praying. Clearly Ronaldo Koeman is the dumbest man alive, because he is absolutely filthy. At Roma, he’d be volcanic.

(There’s really nothing else to say. If you’ve watched even one Valencia game in the non-Koeman era, you know of Joaquin.)

* - Start thinking of a right flank with Joaquin and Cicinho capable of just running at dudes. Gross.

Guiza

(Seriously, bro, get a YouTube video. Until then you’re a nobody.)

According to Marca, also known as Spain’s best-selling toilet paper, Roma has sent someone to Spain to discuss some stuff with his agent (aka his baby momma). Precisely what they’re discussing is his buyout clause, which is coming in at a decent 15m. Thoughts are that Roma would like to do a deal without having to go through Mallorca and complicating things. Knowing Rosella, this is a good thing.

I’m assuming going through the agent is less about the actual transfer fee itself and more about the fact that Real Madrid, Barcelona, Inter and Milan will be jumping into the fray soon enough, and nobody wants to get in a bidding war with them. Especially Real Madrid. They’re that really, really rich guy who shows up at the auction in a Cadillac with bull horns on the front, a cowboy hat and a belt the size of Canada. While everyone else is playing nice and bidding in reasonable increments, they roll in and just yell out “17 MILLION DOLLARS” to put the squadoosh on the procedure. When, in fact, they were only bidding on a used dinette set won on The Price is Right. That’s Real Madrid. They’re That Guy.

So…if they’re going through the buyout clause, it would seem in order for this to get done, they would like it to happen mighty quickly. Perhaps there will be more rumors on this soon. Or perhaps Marca is a piece of shit which couldn’t properly report the weather from outdoors. Either one.

A Joe Without The “E”, Which Is Rather Lame

Supposedly done and dusted to Man City for just a ridiculous amount of cash (£20m, or something). Not sure what happened there, though maybe it has something to do with Sven’s status.

I strongly believe there’s next to nothing to this, but that won’t stop me from putting up a YouTuber. Kid’s mighty talented.