Never has this collection of athletes faced a larger game with more on the line than they will experience when stepping onto the pitch in Sicily, and I am completely convinced that tomorrow we will see a level of ferocity unseen from Roma thus far this season.

Unfortunately, it’s not all in Roma’s hands, and Parma has become everyone’s second team. You would never bet against Inter to lose or even draw, but the Gialloblu proved themselves worth adversaries in January and the new unrest in Milan this week, along with Inter’s history of choking, allows for a modicum of hope. And with that hope comes a little bit of Forza Parma, a lot of prayer and karma with the weight of the world on its shoulders. Quite frankly, a Roma scudetto win is the only thing which can convince me all is right in the world.

As for the Elephanti, Catania is nowhere near Roma’s class. That’s not really up for discussion, and has been on display on three separate occasions this year – even with one draw thrown in, a draw that, for all intents and purposes, was an exhibition. They had a decent first half of the season and a stunning run in the Coppa Italia, but this is a relegation-quality team. On a normal day, we can say 9 out of 10 would go to Roma, yet this is anything but a normal day.

One could almost consider these games with these circumstances akin to a derby in that form and skill are irrelevant. What matters is desire, the “will to win”. Teams in Catania’s position often play well above and beyond when facing survival. In this case I’m not sure you can completely throw talent, class and form out the window – especially with Roma having more than 3 points at stake – but their effect is certainly watered down. The Sicilians will scrap, they will fight and they will attempt to claw their way above the relegation mire and onto the ledge containing another year with much of the same. Their problem becomes Roma has just as much to fight for, if not more. Do these desires cancel each other out and leave us back at square one with talent v talent? Could be. Could very well be. We’ll only know once the game is over.

For now, without getting into tactics and matchups, of which there are very few, if any, relevant ones, the greatest worry is Roma scoring a goal. Catania has conceded the second fewest goals at home in the league this season – thirteen – and we don’t exactly need to unveil a lengthy presentation detailing Roma’s struggles with finishing. No great secret, it’s their Achilles heel. Of course, this doesn’t seem to be the case since the loss of The Jesus. Averaging a solid three goals per game against a higher caliber of opposition, would a couple be two much to ask during what will be the biggest game of nearly every player’s life? I don’t think so.

If we do want to look back at the three games against Catania this season, one thing is completely evident: they’re exposed even when they aren’t pushing numbers forward. The problem becomes even if Parma loses, they can be relegated because Empoli has the tie-breaker. So really, with each game being played at the same time, they have to play for the win – or at least play for the draw. Even though they’ve built something of a fortress down there in Catania, I find it impossible to believe Roma won’t will itself to at least one goal. Meaning I’d be utterly shocked to see a nil-nil draw, and I doubt I’m the only one.

What becomes mighty dangerous in the event that Catania opens up with a goal. At which point we’d see a Livorno-esque team picture in the back. So as much is this game is about emotion and heart and desire and all those clichéd things which make up Hollywood’s archives, it’s just as much about wits and tactics when the scoreline comes into play. Would you rather have Spalletti or Walter Zenga making decisions on the fly? That’s what I thought.

On the other hand, if Roma opens up for a goal, Catania will be forced to open up the back and perhaps consequently, the floodgates for the boys. Which may allow us to to turn our attention to the Tardini. Well, at least we hope…

The overwhelming feeling for me is that Roma will come flying out of the gate and play to a level we don’t often get to see. I’ve spent some time this week thinking about which was the game of the year, I actually came up with three in three different categories, and I couldn’t help but to compare the feeling of this game to Udinese. Yes, Udinese was nearly tailor-made for Roma tactically, but it wasn’t the opening efforts or domination which was most impressive. It was the reaction after the goal. It was the first time a Roma team gave the impression that we were watching champions. Calmly and coolly they absorbed the pressure of the goal, stepped their game up just one notch and proceeded to conquer Udinese as though it was their destiny. This will be another display of champions. This team has matured immeasurably, and it’s become quite clear at hand is not the same old Roma. They deserve this scudetto, whether they get it or not, and they’ll prove it in Sicily.

But most importantly of all? This one’s for Francesco. Bring it home for him.

Standings

1. Inter 82 points
2. Roma 81 points
.
.
.
17. Catania 36pts (-12)
18. Parma 34pts (-18)
19. Empoli 33pts (-24)

Domestic Five

Roma: WDWWW

Catania: LWLLD

Catania’s last five at home: DLWWL

They’re certainly not unbeatable at home, are they. Especially when considering the draw was with Siena and the two losses via Torino and Reggina, two teams which just assured safety last weekend. So while they may concede few goals, it’s easily a result for the taking.

Squads

Roma:

ANTUNES Gabriel

AQUILANI Alberto

BERTAGNOLI J. Sergio

BRIGHI Matteo

CASSETTI Marco

CICINHO

CURCI Gianluca

DE ROSSI Daniele

DONI Alexander

ESPOSITO Mauro

JUAN

GIULY Ludovic

MANCINI

MEXES Philippe

PANUCCI Christian

PERROTTA Simone

PIZARRO David

TONETTO Max

VUCINIC Mirko

ZOTTI Carlo

Catania:

Portieri –
1 Bizzarri, 16 Polito, 18 Rossi.
Difensori –
22 Alvarez, 3 Sabato, 2 Sardo, 5 Silvestre, 21 Silvestri, 4 Sottil, 6 Stovini,
23 Terlizzi.
Centrocampisti –
17 Baiocco, 27 Biagianti, 9 Colucci, 8 Edusei, 20 Gazzola, 13 Izco, 19 Tedesco,
7 Vargas.
Attaccanti –
25 Martinez, 10 Mascara, 15 Morimoto, 11 Pià, 24 Spinesi.
Non convocati:
Iannelli, Ioime, Lasagna, Sciacca.


Key Injuries

• Juan is available, but I strongly doubt we’ll see him in the starting lineup. Though fantastic, OMR has been solid for nearly the entire year while throwing in the odd goal. There’s really no need to risk another injury to Juan and a needless substitution when the drop-off to OMR is negligible. On the bench for reserve use at best, I’d say.

• Doni is going, I’d bet my bottom dollar he plays.

Probable XI

Doni;
Cicinho, Panucci, Mexes, Tonetto;
DDR, Pizarro;
Mancini, Aquilani, Perrotta;
Vucinic.

It works, simple as that. Highly doubt Spal will mess with it.

* – If Panucci is any type of captain, he’ll give the armband to DDR.

Matchups

There is but one.

Daniele De Rossi v The World: It’s doubtful we would get few arguments against the notion that DDR has been Roma’s best player this season. He’s also been the best midfielder in the league and a candidate for best player. This has been the season where we’ve seen the full bloom of DDR; at a time when it was desperately needed with the injuries to Il Capatino. They needed him to rise to another level and he did. It’s that simple. And consequently, in the absence of Francesco, this has become his team. Whether he gets the arm band or not is irrelevant. The man bleeds red and yellow, and his heart beats as Roma’s heart beats.

This is, without a doubt, a must win game. Roma has Daniele De Rossi leading them into battle, Catania does not. The man cares more than any of us could imagine. That is your difference maker.

Predictions

God help us all.

Score: 1-0 Roma
Goals: Vucinic (34)
MOTM: DDR

When: 1500 CET, 0900 EST
Where: Stadio Angelo Massimino
Forecast: Sunny, 25°C.

Streaming: Here.

FORZA PARMA

FORZA ROMA

This whole Cuper thing smells like low tide at the pier. It would be one thing if Porky Pig had lined up a class coach who didn’t have anything to do this weekend and could hold off picking out window treatments at Crate & Barrel for another week or so. Hell, I would’ve understood it if he asked Mimmo Di Carlo to return for a one-off and finish what he started. He must want to beat Inter as much as Cuper after the shit that was pulled at the San Siro in January. Or I could’ve lived with pulling a Chievo and plucking a highly respected former Gialloblu out of the club archives to come in for the final spell. But a youth team coach who has a few weeks experience in Serie B and some stints in Serie C2 and lower with less than favorable results? Come on.

I’m always so hesitant to throw out an actual “cheater”. I’ve often been mighty suspicious and Inter’s calls (they got another favorable, potentially scudetto-deciding, call this weekend) give us every reason to be. But how often is it now that Inter has been benefited by various happenings? This is just another. They say where there’s smoke there’s fire. Well there must be a nuclear explosion behind Internazionale FC +1 this year, because it won’t stop billowing.

Of course, looking at this from Parma’s perspective, what do they have to gain by bending over for Moratti and going down? Only last year they were participating in the UEFA Cup and they’ll surely be looking at a stripped down squad after a mass exodus this summer. They’ll inevitably lose a ton of money and it’s no walk in the park to get back to Serie A, especially after you lose your best talent. (Last year’s clubs are 1st, 8th and 12th.)

My first thought is simply that Porky Pig is a moron and that he has no clue what he’s doing. I’m sure a Parma fan or two would agree with me there. Then again, there’s the concept of dietrologia which essentially says there is always something behind what you see on the surface…

We’ve run this route before. I’ll just say I wouldn’t pack a parka for a seat next Hades in the event that it turns out there’s something happening behind the scenes.

Fan Ban

Tricky tricky. It appears this didn’t come from the FIGC, but actually the local authorities in Catania, which explains the lack of fairness towards Inter. There will be a meeting Thursday to discuss this, because this isn’t what the FIGC wanted – even if it makes sense in the cases of Parma-Inter and Roma-Catania. It may be unfair for the visiting teams competing for a scudetto, but if one team wins the championship at the expense of another being relegated, you have the makings of a disaster.

Of course, can we now check the bank account of the Powers That Be in Sicily to see if any Western Unions from Milan came in under the name “MM”? Again, would you put it past him? Not at all. The only thing I think we could put past Moratti is a quality Italian.

We’ll see on Thursday.

Bullshit Over

Now that the stink of discussing Inter has passed, a little bit on what has transpired over the course of these few weeks.

Didn’t see it coming. It’s as though the sounds of church bells and angels on harps have awoken me from a deep calcio-induced slumber. There was “hope”, you could say, but more in the class of “I hope that I passed gas on our first date won’t preclude us from having a second” than “Oh hey, she kissed me goodnight, I may actually get a second date with Destinee” (Destinee being the artist from a local pole dancing club, not Destiny, the young, sexy lass Roma is chasing furiously). Not when Inter was up by eleven. Not even a few weeks ago:

There is still a mathematical chance the season isn’t over, but that’s simply numbers.

As you can see, I’m an idiot.

Of course, I strongly doubt I’m the lone man in this boat. Inter was so dominant for so long that even a fall back to earth would’ve meant being chauffeured on cruise control to the scudetto. The good money, perhaps the only money, was on their victory. Something which may still happen (+1).

If we ever needed another reason to love our fair Giallorossi, this is it. When they were decimated by injuries, others stepped up. When very few believed, they still kept fighting. When the Champions League ended in sorrow, they simply switched fronts. When the symbol of Rome went down, they each brought a little something extra to the equation, outscoring their next three opponents 9-1. And when we thought all was lost, they proved to us it wasn’t.

This is not a stable. This isn’t Inter or Manchester United, and it’s not quite Cinderella. This is not a team which, on paper, should even be in contention with the northern bank accounts. This is the true epitome of a team with a tactical Geppetto pulling the strings on parts of varied qualities and skill. It’s just….Roma. A team unlike any other.

Whatever happens, I just hope everyone realizes we watched something special this year, Inter collapse or not. Roma has set its all-time point total (though benefited by four extra games). They became the first Italian team to defeat Real Madrid, the Club of the Century, at the Santiago Bernabeu in the CL knockouts ever. They managed a second straight quarter final run in the continent, only defeated by a team which had stolen their blueprint and used it with more expensive parts. They’ll defend their Coppa Italia title at home in two weeks. They took home the Super Cup. And they did much of this without their best player, leader and icon. It may not be the model organization, but they’re becoming the model team.

It’s going to be a great future, of this I’m convinced. I’ve always thought Destiny would come calling to bring the wolves home next season, and she still may. But for now it’s Tuesday and I have no fingernails left. God help us all.

Forza Parma!

Shorts

I) Mama Rosella wants to blow you a kiss. MWAH.

II) Francesco is saying he thinks Inter will win the scudetto. Mind games, clearly.

And were it any other team, I’d say inevitably fruitless mind games. But this is Inter…it may just work. Hell, I’m not even sure he would need to say it for the overly arrogant squad and its equally pompous coach to believe going in a victory is a formality. [Insert late game penalty joke here.]

III) I personally believe this list is a bunch of horseshit, but we’ll run with it. The Don has supposedly drawn up a 29 man squad for the Euros, and on it are a few Giallorossi. A couple surprising inclusions as well: Daniele De Rossi, Simone Perrotta, Christian Panucci, Alberto Aquilani, Marco Cassetti & Max Tonetto.

Gotta say I don’t see how the last two make without a run of injuries in front of them. Oddo, Panucci, Zambro and Grosso should be enough to get the job done on the defensive flanks. And if one’s going, it’s probably Cassetti. Absolute revelation this season, particularly in the first half. Plus there’s that versatility thing. And then there’s the possibility Donadoni grows a brain and sends Oddo back to Pluto.

Rumor is Aquilani’s inclusion is between he and Riccardo Montolivo. If that’s the case, I’ll just copy and paste why it’s gonna be Alberto from Italy page:

1. Alberto plays both ways and his attack is just as lethal as Montolivo’s.
2. Real Madrid. Aquilani looked like an absolute god in Spain, and the world sat up and took notice. Donadoni certainly did so as well.
3. Montolivo has a friendly cap, Aquilani has been a part of The Don’s starting XI.
4. This one’s most important: Montolivo is eligible for the summer Olympics, Alberto is not. Riccardo’s time in Swissaustria would almost surely be off the bench, while Aquilani is a real option. Montolivo’s time would be better served in Beijing perfecting his nazionale game, because we’re damn sure going to need him for the next eight years or so.

Really only needs number four.

Of course, I think this whole list is BS and the only reasoning I need is that Tommaso Rocchi is one of the 29 names listed.

IV) I’ve yet to meet a footballer player whose brain is connected to his feet, therefore I don’t pay a whole lot of attention to what many of them say unless it rips a good rant out of me. Not the case with Gigi Buffon:

“What ever happens both teams have been excellent but I must say that Roma have played the better football.”

What this says for me, and something which has been evident since February/March, is that if Inter wins the scudetto, the better team will not have won. Of course, we’ve got all sorts of video to back this up anyway…

V) See what happens when you kick Christian Wilhelmsson the @#$5 outta town? Scudetto races happen, that’s what. Mauro Esposito has done more for Roma in riding the pine for a year than Chippen ever did on the pitch. Ass.

VI) Materazzi and Julio Cruz picked up bans for their actions against Lazio in the Coppa semis, which means they’re both going to be back in Milan spooning while watch the game on TV. Cruz got 3 for his punch on Kolarov and Marco got 2 for attempting to tackle Goran Pandev while on the ground – an attempt which ended up nothing more than a typical Matrix hatchet job. Yeah, he’d be good to bring to the Euros.

Anyway, best of both worlds: Lazio players get punched in the face and hacked down at the legs and Inter players get suspended. Man hugs all around.

VII) I could watch this thing all night. In fact, I just may:

Big game? Might be. We’ll have to keep one eye here, one eye elsewhere. But aside from the actual result, I’m frothing at the mouth to watch Vincenzo and Antonio back together again and playing against Roma. It’ll be mighty weird, but I’m sure on a few occasions I’ll be imagining them in giallorosso, streaming down the pitch at the Olimpico, waiting for the chance to run in celebration towards the Sud. L’aeroplanino has at least been called up, so we shall see what happens. Unfortunately, Sampdoria still has much to play for with a spot in Europe in the balance, so it’s not as though Walter Mazzarri can throw any old lineup out there.

That’s really where the good news ends. You know the standings, and it doesn’t seem as though Francesco Totti took a dip in the fountain of medical miracles, meaning he’ll be left back in Rome to rehab. Taddei is also “out for the year”, which is one of my favorite things in sports. It happens across the board, too. Players will have an injury which would normally take a month to heal, but because the season has only 3 weeks remaining, they’re out for the year. Is this necessary? Because when I hear “out for the season” my first thoughts are, “does he have AIDS and where the hell are my prayer candles?”. Can we be a bit less dramatic? Like, say, “he’s going to be out three weeks and will miss the remainder of the season”. Is that too much to ask? Because as it looks right now, minor injuries which have ended a players season have taken at least 7 years off the back end of my life. Thanks.

Oh, right, Sampdoria.

I expect the boys to put up a performance and I expect Spal to go for the win. However, he may have an eye towards Wednesday, with Roma having a realistic shot at that trophy.

Last Five

Roma: DWWDW

Samp: WWLWD

They creamed Udinese, drew with Fiorentina and lost to Reggina. Your guess is as good as mine.

Squads

ANTUNES Gabriel
AQUILANI Alberto
BERTAGNOLI J. Sergio
BRIGHI Matteo
CASSETTI Marco
CICINHO
CURCI Gianluca
DE ROSSI Daniele
DELLA PENNA Claudio
DONI Alexander
ESPOSITO Mauro
GIULY Ludovic
MANCINI Alessandro
MEXES Philippe
PANUCCI Christian
PERROTTA Simone
PIZARRO David
TONETTO Max
UNAL Daniel
VUCINIC Mirko

I understand mathematically it’s all left to play for, but I’d love to see these kids get a late-game run. For all the fantacalcio in the last few weeks, we may be looking at two studs sitting in Roma’s Primavera right now.

* – Juan is suspended unjustly.

Samp:

Portieri: Fiorillo, Mirante.

Difensori: Accardi, Gastaldello, Miglionico, Sala.

Centrocampisti: Delvecchio, Franceschini, Palombo, Pieri, Poli, Sammarco, Volpi, Zenoni, Ziegler.

Attaccanti: Bellucci, Bonazzoli, Cassano, Montella.

Probable XIs

Roma:

Doni;
Cicinho, Grumpy, Mexes, Tonetto;
Piza, DDR;
Ludovicious, Simone, Amantino;
Vucigol.

Maybe Marco Cassetti for Cicinho or King Berto for David.

Samp:

Mirante;
Gastaldello, Lucchini, Accardi;
Palombo, Sammarco, Delvecchio, Franceschini, Pieri;
Cassano, Bellucci.

I cheated.

Movies

For all the Taddei naysayers: How many goals has he cleared off the line this year? I count at least two. Shit, that’s more saves than Curci, Julio Sergio and Carlo Zotti combined.

Francesco was fantastic, no doubt, but check out that run by Cassetti at the end. Who needs Cicinho?

Predictions

Previous Encounters:

12/.22: 2-0 Roma
1.23: 1-1 (Roma down to ten men.)
1.9: 1-0 Roma

Roma for the victory.

Score: 2-1 Roma
Goals: Cassano (34), Simone (38), Vucigol (71)
MOTM: Mirko
Mancini Give-A-Shit Factor: 7.9

When: 1500 CET, 0900 EST
Where: Luigi Ferraris
Forecast: Cloudy, 19°C.

Streaming: Here.

FORZA ROMA

Tis the first game in the sans-Totti stretch we’re about to endure; unfortunately, the boys in red & yellow have had a lot of experience dealing without their captain this season. Now, though, they’ll have to march on knowing it’s about them and only them, because Francesco won’t be making any miraculous recoveries, walking up the stairs and onto the pitch for the rest of the season. It’s time to form the team around themselves and without Him. The leadership will be fine in the form of Daniele De Rossi, but they need to start finishing much, much better as a whole. That is unless Mirko goes bananas, which is altogether possible.

Could there be a better team to kick of this stretch with than Torino? In the standings, very few, but this team knows how to grind out draws away from home – and we know how well Roma can gloriously flub finishing at times – with 2 wins, 6 losses and 9 sister smooches. They’ve also got Gianni De Biasi back in the fold, and have a rush of adrenaline as they attempt to avoid relegation, sitting just four points off the zone.

Luckily for Roma, they’ve had severe difficulties scoring goals against anyone (4 goals in their last 9 games, held scoreless 7 out of those 9), much less a team of Roma’s defensive capabilities; so to say they’d be lucky getting just one would be the understatement of the century. Actually, if they get 2+ goals I’ll fly to Rome and disembowel Doni myself. That’s a promise. (One I probably won’t keep but I’d at least think about it, so that’s something.)

And thus it begins. There is still a mathematical chance the season isn’t effectively over, but that’s simply numbers. I have no doubt Spal will play for the full three points every week for the rest of the season, but the question becomes who will see minutes that hasn’t seen all that many so far. The first name which pops to mind is Antunes. His playing time has basically come in the Coppa and a meaningless CL game, and his status for next year could still be up in the air – loan looks likely, but one never knows.

Adrian Pit? Perhaps? Strange to see him on the squad the full year with zero time on the pitch outside of the Coppa. Then there are guys like Mauro Esposito and Gianluca Curci, both of whom are almost certainly headed elsewhere in the summer (Espo sold, Curci on co-ownership/loan), and could do well to bump up their pricetags/sex appeal a bit.

But those are likely for the coming weeks. For this week, should be standard. The one overwhelming question I have is what happens when Vucigol comes off (he’s not playing every minute from here on out, that’s for damn sure). Ludovicious? Sure, but he’s less than ideal. Taddei? Mancini? Alright, but those are emergency band-aids. There is one guy I’ve felt for a while (I said it in the beginning here) on the roster who could potentially take Totti’s prima punta spot in the future when Francesco’s time is up: Alberto Aquilani. They aren’t like-for-like, but start thinking about Alberto’s first touch, finishing and passing qualities in that spot and……………

Last Five

Roma: WDWWD

Torino: LWLLL

I think both clubs would like a couple “do-overs”. Roma two, precisely.

Squads

Roma:

ANTUNES

AQUILANI

BERTAGNOLI

BRIGHI

CASSETTI

CICINHO

CURCI

DE ROSSI

DONI

ESPOSITO

GIULY

JUAN

MANCINI

MEXES

PANUCCI

PERROTTA

PIZARRO

TADDEI

TONETTO

VUCINIC

Torino:

Portieri: Fontana, Gomis.

Difensori: Dellafiore, Di Loreto, Franceschini, Lanna, Motta, Pisano, Rubin.

Centrocampisti: Asamoah Kwadwo (n. 24), Barone, Corini, Diana, Grella, Lazetic, Rosina.

Attaccanti: Bjelanovic, Di Michele, Recoba, Stellone, Ventola.

Key Injuries

Jesus.

Torino lost Matteo Sereni, which means Fontana in net being backed up by a 12 year old. Corini and Bottone are suspended. And Gianluca Comotto is out for the year, though his mouth isn’t.

Probable XI

Roma:

Doni;
Cicinho, Juan, Mexes, Tonetto;
DDR, Pizarro;
Taddei, Simone, Mancini;
Vucinic.

Seems pretty straight forward, though expect Marco Cassetti to come in later to rightfully reclaim his old spot and Alberto Aquilani to do the same. Pray they don’t get injured.

Torino:

Fontana;
Motta, Di Loreto, Dellafiore, Pisano;
Diana, Grella, Barone, Lazetic;
Rosina, Stellone.

Started out with similar last week, seemed to work alright….

Predictions

Let’s see, Roma got manhandled in Torino 3-1 and snuck down to the level for a sister smooching in the Serie A encounter over a few weeks in December. Then, in January, Roma put on a 45 minute clinic in the Coppa at the Olimpico. Where will this one end up? Somewhere in between.

Score: 2-0 Roma
Goals: De Rossi (21), Vucinic (36)
MOTM: Mirko
Mancini Give-A-Shit Factor: π

When: 1500 CET, 0900 EST
Where: Stadio Olimpico
Forecast: Sunny, 21°C.

Streaming: Here.

FORZA ROMA

And here it is, game number eight versus a Tuscan side this season. As devastating as the trips to The Poobah’s home have been (that much ballyhooed “Curse of Tuscany” rearing its ugly head), its been equally as delightful to host that rascals.

In Tuscany:

Fior 2-2
Empoli 2-2
Livorno 1-1
Siena 0-3

Hosting Tuscany:

Siena 2-0
Fior 1-0
Empoli 2-1

Here’s to hoping the trend continues.

Aside from superstitions and black magic and tomfoolery and all that jazz, I’m not looking forward to this game one bit. It wasn’t simply the fact that Roma was in its most dreaded province the last time around or that the Armando Picchi had been declared a state of emergency with water levels higher than New Orleans during Katrina (also making it yet another occasion Totti has walked on water); it was mostly that Livorno countered Spalletti’s men well and fully deserved their point. If you recall, they eschewed the team bus in favor of hauling the team plane onto the pitch and they parked that SuperBus in front of the goal for nearly the entire game, having no less than 37 men in their own box at the same time. And now we get to see their away tactics. Nice. Have they called in the Italian navy for this one?

It’s hard to score with that much space closed down and that many angles nullified, but it’s a doubly as hard when the guy between the sticks is pretty damn good. Goal-a-game saver. I believe this is the one game where everyone was bemoaning the lack of a tall striker who can rise above the defense and get on the other end of a cross instead of watching Ludovic “I’m A Grownass Man And I Still Can’t Get On Amusement Rides” Giuly fail to outleap a cricket. Still no tall striker, still searching for someone besides Grumpy Old Man River to leap into a cross regularly (and Rodrigo Taddei’s face).

Hopefully this time Roma will have a better time stretching the defense and working up some chances, because as with every game from here on out: must win. The good news is Livorno is not in the midst of a fantastic run as they were the last time around, but actually putting for a bounty of suckitude. They’re the calcio caboose and they haven’t won eight games, and they scored their last victory in hosting Catania. You know, the drunken sorority chick. So I’m not even sure that counts. Before that? January 20th v Empoli. Yikes. Pray for Marco’s sanity.

Of course, a draw is still a loss at this point. But if the Udinese game was any indication, Roma is up for the challenge and will get done what needs to be done. Pray for the continuing demolition of all things Toscana at home.

Last Domestic Five

Roma: WDWWW

Livorno: DLDLL

Squads

Roma:

ANTUNES Gabriel
BERTAGNOLI J.Sergio
BRIGHI Matteo
CICINHO
CURCI Gianluca
DE ROSSI Daniele
DONI
ESPOSITO Mauro
GIULY Ludovic
JUAN
MANCINI Alessandro
MEXES Philippe
PANUCCI Christian
PERROTTA Simone
PIZARRO David
TADDEI Rodrigo
TONETTO Max
TOTTI Francesco
VUCINIC Mirko

Livorno:

Key Injuries

King Berto still has pain, Marco Cassetti is still nursing his pitching shoulder and Mirko Vucinic was called up, but has an ankle injury. Looks like he’ll only be called in under dire circumstances – if at all.

Probable XIs

Roma:

Doni;
Cicinho, Mexes, Juan, Tonetto;
DDR, Pizaman;
Taddei, Perrotta, Mancini;
Totti.

Convinced on everything but the back line.

Livorno:

Amelia;
Grandoni, Knezevic, Galante;
Pulzetti, Vidigal, De Vezze, Bergvold, Pasquale;
Diamanti, Tavano.

Coin-flipperage.

Key Matchups

Roma v The Homeless Man’s Antonio Cassano.: Everybody had a good look at Alessandro Diamanti this year? Livorno doesn’t have a ton going forward, but Diamintia is a talented creative forward with a lethal left foot, a left foot which he likes to use and can use from wherever.

Ludovic Giuly v Simone Perrotta: Let’s call a spade a spade, Ludovicious, for all his heart and desire, couldn’t bulldoze through a six foot tall stack of cotton candy, much less a team plane. They sure as hell could’ve used Simone against Livorno last time, they’ll be lucky to have a bit of his physical stature this time.

Game/ Everything

The mid-week Coppa class proved no different, even though Ciro Polito looked mighty decent at times: Roma’s finishing suuuuuuuuuuucks. First of all, Roma is going to get chances aplenty on Saturday, and that’s me being conservative (I personally think they’re going to walk over, around and through Livorno all day). The problem is, of course, they can’t even get their shots in places where the goalkeeper can attempt to miss them, much less actually miss them. They steamrolled Cagliari and Catania, and walked away with 2 goals in 2 games.

And guess who doesn’t play for Catania or Cagliari? Marco Amelia. Yeah, he’s pretty good. His start to the season wasn’t tremendous by any stretch, but he appears to have come on lately, and he damn sure stopped Roma the last time they went around. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but this game worries me more than Milan or Inter or Udinese. Actually, maybe you can – check out these stats from the game in Tuscany:

Livorno Roma
Time of Possession 28% 72%
Shots (on Goal) 16(9) 20(6)

Exactly.

Francesco Totti was absolutely brilliant against Udinese and Catania at times, but Roma couldn’t make use of his service (I’m looking at you, Amantino). Somebody, anybody has got to take advantage this game. They can pepper Amelia all day long, but unless they get some clinical finishing, it’s going to be useless.

Add that to the fact that they have Mirko still nursing and injury and………I’ve been more confident going into a game. Despite being confident that Roma can walk through them. But just not get the job done. Does that make sense? Ah well.

Last Game

Predictions

I’ve picked a draw one other time this season, and Roma won rather convincingly. Here’s hoping.

It has worked…………

Score: 1-1
Goals: Tavano (36), Totti (58)
MOTM: Totti
Mancini Give-A-Shit Factor: 6.4

When: 1800 CET, 1200 EST
Where: Stadio Olimpico
Forecast: Sunny.

Streaming: Here.

FORZA ROMA

This game was about two reactions. The reaction going into the game with only one piece of major silverware left to fight for and the reaction after Antonio Di Natale’s goal early on in the second half. On Sunday, more than any other day this year, they reacted like champions. I can honestly say today was the first day this season I’ve thought they had It.

The opening session was Roma’s, with a few interspersed Udinese counterattacks thrown in; surely a disappointment to go into the half without having scored. Whether they were buoyed by the presence of Totti or kicking the scudetto push up a notch – probably both – they were undoubtedly in Udine for three points and no less. Arriving in Udine knowing they were a class above, and it showed.

For me, the epiphany appeared to come immediately after the Udinese goal, when Roma – despite the Panucci/Doni shenanigans – promptly marched down the field and put in a real retaliatory effort, as if to say “game on”. From that point forward, it appeared they kicked into a higher gear, raising their game one more notch to simply get it done. And that’s it. They just got it done. Sure, it was pretty at times, but they stayed composed, stayed confident, stayed focused and imposed themselves on Udinese until they broke. And it didn’t even take Mirko’s smooth finish for Udinese to break. It was quite clear the question was not if Roma would score, but rather when and, more to the point, how many. A single goal was almost a certainty; multiple a real possibility.

Mirko’s goal opened the coffin and threw the striped body in, and Rodrigo’s goal, putting Roma just one ahead, felt as if the coffin had been slammed, nailed and nestled firmly under six feet of earth. I think this game is what we’ve been hoping for, and we finally got our “reaction of champions”. Time will only tell whether or not they’ll be bestowed with the actual title.

Unfortunately, Fiorentina didn’t match Roma’s exploits, and aside from a short stint in the Nerazzuri half, they spent much of the time getting trampled, forcing Sebastian Frey to put on a clinic. Roma remains four points back, with just five games left to make up ground. But at least Roma has Il Capitano back, waving his wand; a very good start, because La Magica is still incomplete without Francesco.

Il Tabellino

UDINESE (3-4-3): Handanovic; Zapotocny, Coda, Lukovic; Ferronetti (79′ Zapata), D’Agostino (83′ Pinzi), Inler, Dossena (77′ Floro Flores); Pepe, Quagliarella, Di Natale. A disp.: Saulo, Isla, Eremenko, Colombo. All. Marino

ROMA (4-2-3-1): Doni; Cicinho, Panucci, Mexes, Tonetto; De Rossi, Pizarro; Taddei, Perrotta (62′ Giuly), Vucinic (91′ Antunes); Totti (76′ Brighi). A disp.: Curci, Juan, Esposito, Mancini. All. Spalletti

ARBITRO: Rizzoli di Bologna (Griselli-Calcagno; 4° Celi)

MARCATORI: 52′ Di Natale, 64′ Vucinic, 70′ Taddei, 90′ Giuly

NOTE: Ammoniti Dossena, Pepe, Totti, Taddei. Recupero pt 2′, st 4′.

Highlights

Player Ratings

Doni: Who woulda thunk Doni would end up the game as the brighter of the two keepers? If you raised your hand you’re lying through that big gap in your teeth, Pinocchio. Handanovic was the Down Syndrome baboon on the day, and made Doni look fantastic simply by default, though I’m not sure he needed it. Alex stopped at least two 1 v 1’s and kept Roma in the running for the full three points. 7

Cicinho: Just a very solid game. Constantly involved, walked through the Udinese midfield often and was good on the defensive end. 7

Mexes: I’ve often thought half his brain power is in the hair, Sunday was confirmation. Chopped half the locks off, going for the 7 year old girl look, and appeared to have lost his mind on that header back to Doni with Toto flying in. Really made up for it with some vicious tackles and smart defensive work, especially in the second half. 7.5

Juan: R.I.P. Chivu must’ve touched him on his way out of town, because the dude is quite clearly cursed. Or maybe there’s just an injury running through the CB department, afflicting everyone not named Philippe. Think about it: Andreolli passed on long ago, I’m not even sure he managed a Spalletti ass slap before moving on to Vicenza; Matteo Ferrari has battled injury much of the year after missing the first month, now down with surgery when his agent’s wallet needs him most; and Juan, who misses three games for every one he plays. Ridiculous stuff. And you know who’s the only person to benefit from this? Christian Panucci. Given he’s thrown down with half the squad plus Luciano this year, I don’t doubt for a second he’s involved somehow.

Grumpy Old Man: (OMR now = GOM.) Just want to get this out of the way before we discuss what crawled up his ass: He saved the day real early, notably when Pizaman was faking himself out with Cruijff turns inside the Roma box. After that….meh.

Now, it actually looked like Doni was the more heated of the two and the one pressing the issue, but given than GOM has taken to having Mancini-esque mood swings with a slice of violent tendencies on the side, the blame’s going to go almost entirely to him (hard to tell what started the argument, did almost look like GOM yapping at Doni, despite Doni looking apologetic). Strangest of all this is that GOM has the most accomplished resume (thus far) of anyone on the roster aside from that Totti guy. Of course, maybe that’s precisely the problem. Maybe his current status doesn’t equate to his own perceived status, or his prior status.

I love the presence he’s provided, and I love the versatility he now provides, but three separate incidents now – grizzled veteran or not – and you really have to wonder what that does to team chemistry. Spal has swept it under the rug, and I’m sure he and Doni will do the same tomorrow, but three in one year is a bit much. Especially when one of those is the coach.

Will wait til tomorrow to see what’s said regarding the argument, but my early inclination is he needs a talking to – at the least. 6.5

Tonetto: It’s come to the point where he has some good games and he has some bad games. This was the latter, getting caught up high too many times and that abysmal header to kick off the second half, resulting in Toto 1 v 1 with Doni. Over the last month I’ve gone from thinking Roma needs a vice-Tonetto to Roma needs a Tonetto. Today didn’t do anything to dispel that thought. 6.5

DDR: Caught a bit of KA-itis going to the trigger early and often without a whole bunch of success. Udinese had next to nothing going in the midfield, guess who was a big reason why. 7

Pizaman: You know what’s funny? When he fell down participating in his own little skills competition in the box, I didn’t even flinch. Didn’t yell, didn’t move. Did nothing, because it’s the type of thing we’ve come to expect from him once or twice a game. Had that resulted in a goal, I might have flown to Rome, kidnapped and hid him in a dungeon for the next decade so that he was never able to don Giallorosso again. Luckily for him, GOM (still OMR at that point) saved the day.

Besides that, he was fantastic, and upgraded to superb on that ball to Vucinic for the first goal. Has zero pace whatsoever, but runs touchline to touchline when necessary. Easily made up for his earlier gaffe, thankfully. 7.5

Taddei: Putting aside the goal for a second, let’s look back to that play when Totti fired over the bar because Udinese’s fourth centerback the ref stuck a boot in. Simone was pulling out wide because there was no room to move in and he dumped off to Taddei, who one-timed a perfect no-look pass through the defense into a waiting Francesco on the spot. Rodrigo obviously hasn’t been on a scintillating run of form as of late, and it’s plays like this which can forecast a 180 degree turn in the wings.

Then, of course, there’s the goal, which was a smooth switch of the foot and perfect placement. Quite possibly could’ve had a second also. Considering the obvious defensive responsibilities he had to fill as well on that dangerous Udinese left hand side, he was my MOTM. I think he turned the corner today, and that could be a big difference maker down the stretch. 7.5

Perrotta: Probably had a brace, maybe a triple, if some of the service wasn’t so strong. A solid performance from Simone. 7

Vucigol: He might be as good on his feet as he is when going to ground. That goal was by no means a gimme, and he actually almost had to wrap his leg around Pepe for a chance to finish. Infinitely dangerous, and unlike Amantino this year aside from that 6 week stretch of fury, he often capitalizes. It may be a bit early to say, but he has probably earned the starting left wing spot for now and perhaps even going into the summer – which means you know what. Whodathunkit? 7

Totti: Looked like a man who’d spent the last couple weeks on the shelf, but a man who has a bag of tricks like no other. Even a fairly immobile Totti is a game changing force, spraying balls onto the runs off of him. His touch will get better as he gets back into form – he took a beating during the Empoli game as well, kicking off this lengthy run – and he’ll get back to Jesus form as the race gets down to the wire. 7

Ludovicious: Whenever he comes off the bench I have this feeling they’ll get a goal. I just didn’t think they’d get three today. Splendid finish, and exactly what we were hoping for last summer. And did you see him wave off Pizarro after he was flying over to celebrate with him? Wonder if David took the last booster seat at dinner last night. 7

Brighi: Looked like a coked up Simone bombing back and forth for a quarter hour today. Missed a chance to make it 3-1 after that absurd tackle he had no business making, but fed Ludovicious anyway for the final nail in the coffin. Really don’t know how much more, aside from a brace with one on an Aurelio after doing a cartwheel, Spal could’ve asked from him in 15 minutes. 7.5

iTunes: Hey, he played. N/A

Key Matchups

Roma’s Identity Crisis v Udinese’s Counter: The centerbacks actually were mostly able to stay back well enough through the game, but there were occasions when Simone Pepe could’ve translated War & Peace into Italian and fathered a bastardized child before Max Tonetto could get within whiffing distance of his Old Spice. And I’m not even sure Max noticed. On two occasions Doni saved the day, so it wasn’t to difficult to see why Udinese’s counters are so dangerous, but Roma kept a very dangerous attacking side in check with a back line reminding no one of a brick wall. Winner: Roma

Simone’s Stamina v Inler & D’Agostino: Inler and D’Agostino were alright, Gaetano better than Goky, but nearly the entire Udinese offense came on the wings (let’s see: DDR + Mexes v Max + Cicinyo….hmmmm). GDA threatened a couple times, but neither were really enough to break out the adult diapers at any point (although assuredly many were already sporting the Depends in anticipation of the Antonio Di Quagliarella supersized Napoletano combo meal – totally understandable). Winner: Simone

Handcuffs v Fabio Quagliarella: There were some loose, “I just found these in my dresser drawer”, occasions, but he’s had better. A LOT better. Winner: Toy handcuffs.

Francesco v Health: A solid 75 minutes, three points and no news of tear-jerking “knocks”? I’ll take it and run. Winner: Francesco

MOTM: Rodrigo, for the splendid finish on the deciding goal and a solid all-around performance – plus extra credit for hopefully getting back on track.

Remaining Sched

4.16: Catania (Coppa)
4.19: Livorno (20th)
4.27: Torino (14th)
5.4: @ Sampdoria (6th)
5.7: @ Catania (Coppa)
5.11: Atalanta (11th)
5.18: @ Catania (15th)

Seven games, perhaps eight, remaining, and three will be against Catania. Nice. The danger for Roma, as always, is with the lesser teams, but I can guarantee everyone here to a man (and woman) would take this over a tour of next year’s Champions League participants and hopefuls.

All is right with the world again: Francesco Totti has been called up. And oh how that changes the complexion of this game. A very good squad turns into a great one and that is that. Guns ablazin’, they march on to Udine.

Still no definitive word on how he’ll be involved, if even at all, but that lone remaining brain cell I have says that he wouldn’t be flown up if he’s not available to make a significant contribution. It’s simply the Spalletti way. Best guess is he’ll start and see an hour at least, and then he’ll dictate how long he can play. Even though the Coppa semis are nice, this one’s well more important (even before considering opponent) and it won’t be the end of the world if he’s forced to sit in the stands on Wednesday and be fanned by dudes and fed grapes by scantily clad women.

Of course, last time Il Capitano was rather unexpectedly added to the squad list after an injury was the last Udinese game, but that one was at home, and he was in the vicinity anyway (unless he has a long commute). Longish travel is mighty different than taking a taxi to the game. But who the hell knows. I know nothing, I just think he plays.

Aside from Jesus, Alberto Aquilani has gone fron “hopeful” to “ain’t happenin’”, and he’s been left to hangout at home with Marco Cassetti and watch the big screen. So yes, this means you can now get mortified over the thought of David Pizarro kickstarting the Udinese counter, something they’re mighty, mighty good at. Aside from that it’s all the familiar faces – including the trio of Mirko Van Basten, Rodrigo Today, and Ludovicious Giulius – ready for battle at the Fruili.

So what do we have? A potentially epic game which could decide the season. Personally, I was hoping Udinese would thrash Catania in the semi-finals because I love the matchup of Bianconeri #12 v I Giallorossi and I’d love to see them in an arena where it’s not the absolute death of all things good and righteous if Roma falls (which would be the case this game, should the thinkably unthinkable happen). Alas, we’ll have to settle for a decisive Serie A fixture.

And more than this game, we have Inter minus Ibra v Fiorentina later in the day. Even though Udinese is a very good team, this is one of the better chances Roma is going to have to make up points with only 6 games left. Time for the big guns to show up.

Udinese

Last Five: DWWWD

Against the big fellers at home:

Fior: 3-1 W
Juve: 1-2 L
Milan: 0-1 L
Inter: 0-0 D

Basically what that says to me is…..nothing. (I was hoping a revelation would come out of this before I began, not to be.)

If anything, it’s more indicative of their form at the time than anything, plus the fact that they’re Inter’s bogey team. They didn’t lose the entire month of March, and rounded off the month with a commanding performance against the Viola. During the run where they were felled by Juve & Milan, they were getting crushed by the likes of Catania, Napoli, Parma and Genoa. Having extreme difficulties scoring goals during the same spell, too. And the one game they could score goals (aside from a victory against Reggina), against Genoa, their three were met with a Borriello hat trick and a 5 spot from Genoa.

What’s their form like right now? Good, so not good for Roma. I suppose the great hope is that last week’s draw at Siena is an indicator of things to come. Then again, both Roma and Fiorentina lost at Siena. The Other Other Bianconeri could just be a giant killer at home.

I guess what this means is: Roma’s going to have to bring its A++ game. And some extra credit. And Totti, which they did.

Squads

Roma:

Antunes Gabriel
Brighi Matteo
Cicinho
Curci Gianluca
De Rossi Daniele
Doni
Esposito Mauro
Giuly Ludovic
Juan
Mancini Alessandro
Mexes Philippe
Panucci Christian
Perrotta Simone
Pizarro David
Taddei Rodrigo
Tonetto Max
Totti Francesco
Vucinic Mirko
Zotti Carlo

Udinese:

PORTIERI: 22 Handanovic, 71 Paroni, 1 Saulo;

DIFENSORI: 17 Colombo, 32 Ferronetti, 6 Coda, 24 Lukovic, 99 Moreno, 2 Zapata, 21 Zapotocny;

CENTROCAMPISTI: 4 D’Agostino, 8 Dossena, 23 Eremenko, 88 Inler, 15 Isla, 11 Pinzi, 86 Siqueira;

ATTACCANTI: 14 Candreva, 10 Di Natale, 83 Floro Flores, 7 Pepe, 27 Quagliarella.

Key Injuries

Marco Cassett, Berto & Matteo Ferrari, who’s at home realizing he’s not worth nearly what he thought he was (or what his agent had been whispering into his ear).

For Udinese it’s two big losses in Felipe and Giandomenico Mesto. Whether they’re injured or not I haven’t the faintest, but it doesn’t really matter; just as long as they’re watching from the Fruili grandstands, not the pitch.

Probable XIs

Roma:

Doni;
Cicinho, Juan, Mexes, Tonetto;
DDR, Piza;
Taddei, Perrotta, Vucinic;
Totti.

Feel free to blow this one up now that Jesus is along for the ride. Hell, I could even see a wing combo of Vuci plus Amantino and Totti up top. Or Giuly and OMR on the right. Or Taddei and OMR. Or pretty much anything. The expected XI won’t matter until we see the actual XI, and whether or not Totti will walk on Fruili water.

Udinese:

Handanovic;
Ferronetti, Zapata, Lukovic;
Zapotocny, D’Agostino, Inler, Dossena;
Pepe, Quagliarella, Di Natale.

Feel free to tweak that back and RB/WB spot accordingly, but the rest seems pretty probable.

Key Matchups

Roma’s Identity Crisis v Udinese’s Counter: I’m sure most of you know this, but Udinese can be absolutely lethal beyond lethal on the counter attack. Not helping matters is that Fabio Quagliarella’s range starts once he enters the opposition’s half. With Crockett & Tubbs, two centerbacks who sometimes fancy themselves strikers, this can become dangerous. Methinks this would be a good game to play it safe.

Simone’s Stamina v Inler & D’Agostino: If little birdies are any indication, Gokhan Inler has been gawgious on the ball lately (haven’t seen Udinese play in quite a bit). Plus they’ve got Old Boy Gaetano. Basically, Simone has to run back, do his pinballing thing, and disrupt any sense of continuity and flow from one or both. Don’t give them time. Buzz around constantly, be a nuisance.

Handcuffs v Fabio Quagliarella: The below highlight reel will suffice for explanation, but even still, remember last game? Good christ. Slap the handcuffs on him as soon as he gets even a whiff of the ball.

Francesco v Health: Self-explanatory. Rome is an infinitely better team with than without.

There are honestly so many great matchups I can’t name them all, and most are individual. Such as if Cicinho starts and Dossena is patrolling that wing and they play body tennis for 90 minutes. Or Simone Pepe, who in my short viewing has looked pretty damn good for the zebras this year, finding space on the right to whip some dicey balls in. Or Pizaman finding an opening over the top after Udinese gets a little too aggressive with its attacking. Or Doni and whether or not he remembered to pack his brain for the flight. Or how many meters DDR will have to run trying to hoover everything in sight. Or, if Totti plays, whether or not the wily veteran will show young gun Zapata a thing or two. Then there’s The Grand Imperial Poobah v Pasquale Marino, earning a nice little reputation himself.

This is a huge game with big implications, but this will be a very enjoyable game to watch going in. There are so many nuances which could blow this game open. Exciting stuff.


Last Game

Predictions

I’ve picked a draw one other time this season, and Roma won rather convincingly. Here’s hoping.

Score: 2-2
Goals: Quagliarella (19), Vucinic (27), Juan (61), Pepe (68)
MOTM: Juan
Mancini Give-A-Shit Factor: 3

When: 1500 CET, 0900 EST
Where: Stadio Fruili
Forecast: 9°C, 60% chance of rain.

Streaming: Here.

FORZA ROMA

If my sources are correct, the Giallorossi were thoroughly outplayed, yet still managed to bag Genoa’s scalp; not unlike the way ManU snuck through the back door and swooped for the three points while everyone was ballroom dancing in the living room, striking a dull and resounding blow to the collective heart of the Giallorossi. I see this as ultimately positive, borderline optimal, as they begin their ascent upon the steep face which has become Old Trafford on Tuesday. What you saw on Saturday was not simply a reversal of fortunes in the scoreline, but the very definition of a 180 degree turn in the face of adversity. Two of the vaunted Holy Roman Trinity were missing, as were nearly the whole of the Roman Samba Contingent: Juan is still suffering from his knock, Mancini’s desire was buried deep within the winter soil a month ago, still yet to be dug out (which will surely coincide with either a contract extension or the official opening of the mercato), and Doni’s brain has taken his quarterly month-long holiday, in its absence leaving a cavernous coconut patrolling the area between the sticks.

Despite it all – even with this being The Year Of The Actual Bench – they managed a crucial, yet perhaps undeserved, three points against a good side in the neverending quest for made-up ground on the Nerazzurri. What does that say to the confidence of an athlete? After spending so many nights deserving a victory but lumbering home without their full spoils, it says they can surely bring their “B”, even “C” game, and grind out a victory without all that fancypants bella calcio. If they do play to their level, they can certainly climb any mountain, but without their top form, they are still a formidable side capable of the requisite three points. And after last Tuesday, they needed that boost of confidence. What if they were on form and fully healthy against Genoa? A bombardment, for sure. They’ll be fine Wednesday.

Who Wants A Sheva?

I’ve wavered on this for the past few weeks since the rumors reared their plain Jane heads. I never liked him at Milan, despite my obvious affection for all things blonde and Ukrainian (of course the fact that he is male and also not available for marriage for the Low! Low! Price! of nothing more than shipping & handling probably did not help matters), and I don’t really have any explanation as to why. My first instinct is it was the ESPN commercial with Scott van Pelt, but that was well into my distaste for all things Sheva.

Speaking of mail-order marriages (his wife, the American model, went shopping for a rich footballer in Milan and got herself a Mr.), we all know why Sheva is in London: the wife. And of course, if you didn’t see this coming the good ship logic sailed on you long ago. A woman was involved, and we all know they ruin everything. We also know that Americans ruin everything (see: Iraq, MLS, KFC, etc). So when you combine the two in a devastating one woman cyclone seeking higher education in an English-speaking country, well, you’re bound to experience an apocalyptic disaster – such as one of the world’s best athletes having to join a pub league team on Sundays to get any type of playing time and some goddamn oranges at halftime.

• - I was 100% kidding about one of those demographics ruining everything, I’m sure everyone can guess which one.

Despite his obvious discontent in London (unless he’s happy just showing up for his bustling paycheck – something I doubt greatly), Sheva has taken his repeated blows on the chin and turned the other cheek, refusing to cause an uproar over his diminishing status. I can guarantee not all superstars would handle that situation as graciously and quietly as he. Imagine if Didier Drogba or Cristiano Ronaldo moved to Milan and found themselves spending more time perusing the crowd for hot chicks with Cristiano Brocchi more often than perusing the opposition for fresh meat with Ivan the Freaking Lunatic. I greatly doubt they would show as much class as Andriy. And perhaps that’s what has almost won me over regarding him. Luciano Spalletti has made it abundantly clear there is no I even in the vicinity of his team, and that locker room unrest has no business at Trigoria anymore (a good and valuable introductory lesson he was handed by a certain Cassanata upon his arrival in la citta eterna). Even with superstar status dwindling by the day, Sheva does not appear to be a guy whose head would match his desired contributions.

The first question on everyone’s mind skips past all other factors and jumps directly to finances. His transfer fee, paid less than two years ago, would be enough to buy most Serie B teams, and his paycheck still among the highest in the world. Even with his price tag being halved, it’s still a substantial amount of money (£15m) for a guy who has been a gilded bench ornament over the past two years. Money obviously means very little to Roman Abramovich, but it’s doubtful he’s going to drop Sheva off in Rome in his private jet for a mere few million quid and a messily romantic all night rendezvous with some mango gelato involving rubber gloves, medicated Chapstick (PRN) and a snorkel. (My gut actually says a loan would be enough for now.)

The man’s still going cost some serious bank, £10m an absolute minimum, I’d venture to guess*, and will still require a contract – however unfeasible – which will bend, if not break, the ceiling of the Giallorossi salary cap (the limit of which, or limit period, will almost surely be up for consideration this summer). Is he willing to take 2.5m before substantial bonuses? This would mean a serious, serious paycut,. His agent says something can be worked out, so perhaps Andriy has reached the point where money is a distant second to reclaiming his past status as a legitimate superstar.

• - I’m 99% sure his contract would be one of the very few whose negotiated transfer fee would be much less than the buyout clause, per the Webster ruling.

And now on to the next question on the list: Is Sheva the player done? Here’s an answer: @#$% no. Watching him play for country, rather than club, proves he is still exquisitely lethal, and still holds a talent very few in the world possess. The tactics at Chelsea never suited him, and perhaps neither did the Premiership – the case with many other highly skilled and technical athletes. The watered-down technique of the EPL is a far cry from Serie A, a place where his pitch intelligence, subtlety and no-need-for-description simple ability to constantly bulge the back of the net have flourished before and can do so again. Players of enough talent to win a Ballon D’Or – an unconscionably absurd award, but one which does require top drawer talent – don’t simply lose their abilities during their prime (neither do athletes who can do this). And if there is anyone who can nurture him back to health, it’s The Grand Imperial Poobah.

Is it feasible? I suppose. There are only so many clubs which can afford to take him on, and Roma is one under the right circumstances. Assuming he’d like to return to Serie A (going back to familiar and bountiful hunting grounds would seem a logical way for Andriy to reclaim his lofty status – I’m guessing he knows that), there are four who can accommodate his requests – even if Roma would need to do some finagling. Milan is the only real consideration aside from Roma, and Carlo doesn’t seem to think he fits their tactics anymore – so that one’s a great big heave of the shoulders. Inter? Would they attempt to bring him back half hoping to work some magic, half hoping to take an eye for an eye by swooping in and nabbing a Silvio favorite after ex-Moratti lovebug Ronaldo moved to the other half of the San Siro? I wouldn’t put it past Moratti, but if Mourinho is on his way to Milan, as many suspect (like me), then you can cross that one off with a big fact permanent marker. Juventus? They’ll be busy fighting off Milan for Amauri and I’m not sure I see Sheva appealing to them.

Tactically there would have to be a lot of tweaking – perhaps finally seeing that two striker system or dropping Francesco back into that treq spot – but that’s a subject only for if and when it happens. I have to say I think Roma will roll up their sleeves and burn the midnight oil to make this one happen, but I can’t be sure it will happen. They will probably only be the backup option to Milan, and Roma will have to wait on those developments before Rosella starts providing his agent with extracurricular favors in the hopes of dropping his price. Until then, wait and see.

In the end, despite the fact that I hold great hope that he comes to Rome, it’ll be fine either way. If he does don Kappa next year, I see him as 08-09’s Gabriel Batistuta. If not, oh well, they’ll still walk out onto the pitch come next year’s first giornata with the new Sheva, currently calcio’s greatest Eastern European import, ready to shepherd them to the promised land.

(Hit mute.)

Valeri Lobanovsky

No, he is not a transfer target, he has actually been deceased since 2002. Valeri was Dynamo Kyiv’s long-reigning coach, and the man who mentored Sheva when he was still but a buding phenomenon. A pretty good player (left wing), his greatest claim to fame was creating a system under which a team could thrive, rather than a group of highly gifted individuals. The system was very similar to one employed by the famous Ajax Total Football team, but it was based more on fitness rather than extreme skill based purely on resources. His teams absolutely dominated Soviet football and on three occasions he took them to their peak as a club (like their CL run which eventually brought Sheva to Milan). The only great export from this system, the only person who could really thrive in the West, was Andriy Shevchenko.

There has been much talk of Luciano Spalletti’s Roma in the same sentence with that same Ajax team and Total Football recently, and it’s not unfounded. Andriy made his name in another system which was similar. Andiry could again make his name in a similar system under another soon-to-be-great coach. I am 100% convinced if Sheva came to Rome, The Poobah could take him back to the promised land.

* – This was really ironic, because I wrote that Genoa/Sheva bit up top on my flight yesterday, and only picked up my book while we were beginning our descent. Much of the first chapter was on Lobanovsky, and there were a few mentions of Sheva – the two automatically clicked in my mind. It’s not exact, but it could and would work – and don’t think for a second Sheva and his handlers don’t know this. (The book is Jonathan Wilson’s Behind the Curtain: Travels in Eastern European Football, if you’re interested.)

Palladinho

First off, let’s dispel the notion that Alberto Aquilani would be sold as a part of any deal involving Juventus – or anyone else for that matter. Not happening. I haven’t seen the original source, but something tells me it’s called Sportutto, or the like.

I see Palladino as perhaps the ideal replacement for Mancini for the versatility he provides as a lateral forward with pace, skills and the strikemanship (that’s a new word I just made up) of a striker. I think of him playing against Roma and I think of a guy who was born to play the wing effectively, at the very least, in the unique Spalletti system: slicing in to space, holding the ball, creating towards the box and the capabilities to find the back of the net and the height to find the end of a cross. Basically, he’s a middle class Vucinic. I’m very appreciative of all that Mancini has done for Roma in his past years after being such a find, but I can do nothing but hope that Juventus has an interest in him, and is willing to part with Raffaele in return (plus a bit of cash, of course). The Roman puzzle is still not finished, but I fully believe he is one of the remaining pieces.

(Or maybe Spal just has a crush on Napoletano wingers: Espo, Toto, Fab Quags and now Palladino. It must be only a matter of time before Foggia is linked.)

Manchester Nuggets

I) Rio Ferdinand is “doubtful” but Sir Alex is “hopeful”. Guess what? Speculation is useless. We’ll find out tomorrow and that is that.

II) I convocati:

ANTUNES Gabriel
AQUILANI Alberto
BRIGHI Matteo
CASSETTI Marco
CICINHO
CURCI Gianluca
DE ROSSI Daniele
DONI
ESPOSITO Mauro
GIULY Ludovic
JUAN
MANCINI Alessandro
MEXES Philippe
PANUCCI Christian
PERROTTA Simone
PIZARRO David
TADDEI Rodrigo
TONETTO Max
VUCINIC Mirko
ZOTTI Carlo

III) Never look ahead, Saffy, never look ahead….

“If we get by this one, the difficult one of course will be Barcelona – a marvellous football club and a good football team.”

I’ve never had much respect for Fergie as a person, just as a coach. Even mentioning Barcelona before the second leg has been played doesn’t help. What a classless fuck.

This game has nothing to do with form or paper lineups or any of that jazz – it has to do with response. Over the past week Roma has succumbed to a devastating amount of poor luck. First in Sardininia, when Matteo Ferrari placed a perfect ball past Doni and Marco Storari had the game of his life; allowing Roma to take home a completely dominant one point. Then Tuesday they lost to ManU despite outplaying them for much of the game and deserving at the very least a portion of the spoils. At the very least this must be mentally distressing. At the most it’s mind altering, momentum stopping, heart shattering and confidence killing. Thus they have to show up both mentally and physically on Saturday.

This match will also be about who’s there and who ain’t. Yes, Francesco Totti is out, but Mirko Vucinic is more than capable of slotting in for him – despite not being to Totti’s level (though who is). But making their way back will be Juan and Simone Perrotta, a good sign at the very least for the impending “I need a miracle” second leg on Wednesday. David Pizarro is suspended and the aforementioned fuckhead Ferrari is going under the knife and will miss 2-3 weeks for a meniscus issue. We may have seen his last game in the jersey, and that last game may have been Cagliari. What a way to drop a turd on the front lawn before exiting the party.

Regardless of who plays they have to respond and they have to respond victoriously. Still only four points.

Standings

1. Inter 68
2. Roma 64

Inter travels to Atalanta on Sunday.

Last Five

Roma: WLWDL

Genoa: LLDWW

Squads

Roma:

ANTUNES Gabriel

AQUILANI Alberto

BERTAGNOLI J.Sergio

BRIGHI Matteo

CASSETTI Marco

CICINHO

CURCI Gianluca

DE ROSSI Daniele

DONI Alexander

ESPOSITO Mauro

GIULY Ludovic

JUAN

MANCINI Alessandro

MEXES Philippe

PANUCCI Christian

PERROTTA Simone

TADDEI Rodrigo

TONETTO Max

VUCINIC Mirko

Genoa:

Portieri: 1 Lanza, 83 Rubinho, 73 Scarpi.

Difensori: 3 Bovo, 18 Criscito, 25 De Rosa, 23 Ghinassi, 16 Lucarelli, 24 Konko.

Centrocampisti: 8 Danilo, 29 Fabiano, 28 Juric, 7 Rossi, 68 Vanden Borre.

Attaccanti: 22 Borriello, 21 Di Vaio, 9 Figueroa, 11 Leon, 14 Sculli, 38 Wilson.

Probable XIs

Doni;
Cassetti, OMR, Mexes, Tonetto;
DDR, Aquilani;
Taddei, Perrotta, Mancini;
Vucinic.

Back line I suppose is the question. Juan was called up but he absolutely has to play Wednesday with Mexes suspended and Ferrari getting the own goal homing device taken out of his knee, so will Spal risk yet another injury with this damn foot issue refusing to go away? Cassetti or Cicinho? I don’t know. My gut says Cicinho, therefore I’ll put Cassetti in there so that I can’t go wrong. Giuly for a start perhaps? Or just plenty of minutes off the bench? Questions questions.

* – Philou is not actually suspended. Regardless, risking Juan is still a, um, risk. Yeah, a risk.

Genoa:

Rubinho;
Konko, Bovo, Criscito;
Rossi, Milanetto, Juric, Fabiano;
Leon, Borriello, Sculli.

Last Game

Predictions

They can’t be horribly unlucky three in a row, can they? Three points.

Score: 2-1 Roma
Goals: Vucinic (17), Borriello (33), Mancini (54)
MOTM: Rodrigo
Mancini Give-A-Shit Factor: 6.5

When: 1800 CET, 1200 EST
Where: Stadio Olimpico
Forecast: 15°C, partly cloudy.

Streaming: Here.

FORZA ROMA

I wonder how much Matteo Ferrari and his agent think he’s worth now. Perhaps a half a euro and a bag of manure? Because that’s what his performance was worth, minus the half euro. What I’d really like to know, however, is what the was he planning to do with the ball on that own goal besides try to beat Doni. Or did the ball landing at his foot surprise the hell out of him as he was actually about to enter into a little jig? Just horrible stuff. Where’s Samuel Kuffour when you need him?

Scratch that. I’m watching Ajax – Heerenveen right now and Ajax conceded within 2 mins of Sammy K coming on. Whaddya know.

Of course Roma played Cagliari off the pitch for much of the game, and they have nothing to look back on but their own inability to finish (cue image of Bruno Conti checking the bank books and getting immediately on the horn to Amsterdam and Stuttgart). Totti’s header was stopped superbly, which was probably the clearest chance on goal they had the entire game. Mexes botched about seven balls in the box which coulda shoulda woulda been game winners. Alberto muffed his back heel. Mancini flew a rocket to the moon, despite it being a difficult shot. Giuly may have had two or three on another day. No finishing. None. In a game which should have been 9-1. The magic forcefield around the goal has returned at precisely the wrong time.

One other factor, which may have not actually been a factor, is the fact that Luciano Spalletti strategerized with one eye looking towards Manchester United on Tuesday. Never ever ever do that. Whether or not Alberto Aquilani would have made The Difference is surely debatable, though he did have two clear scoring chances in his time on the pitch, but karma can come back to bite you in the ass mighty hard when you underestimate the minnows. (The inclusion of Cassetti for Tonetto was another move which surely kept a lazy eye on Tuesday.)

Seriously, that’s the first thing you learn in Coaching 101 – don’t underestimate anybody. Especially not one which had won 5 of their last 6 at home.

Highlights

Il Tabellino

CAGLIARI (4-3-2-1): Storari, Pisano, Lopez, Canini, Agostini; Fini, Cossu (80′ Del Grosso), Parola; Foggia (74′ Biondini), Jeda; Acquafresca (82′ Matri). A disp.: Capecchi, Ferri, Magliocchetti, Larrivey. All. Ballardini

ROMA (4-2-3-1): Doni; Cicinho, Mexes, Ferrari, Tonetto (55′ Cassetti); Pizarro, Brighi (72′ Aquilani); Taddei (80′ Esposito), Giuly, Mancini; Totti. A disp: Curci, Panucci, Antunes, Pit. All. Spalletti
ARBITRO: Saccani di Mantova (Lion-Biasutto)

MARCATORI: 2′ Ferrari (aut), 45′ Totti

NOTE: Allontanato Ballardini, tecnico del Cagliari, per proteste. Ammoniti Tonetto, Pizarro, Cicinho, Cassetti. Recupero 1′ pt, 3′ st

Player Ratings

Doni: He might as well have brought a chaise lounge and Anna Karenina, he had all day to do as he pleased. Not even worth a vote, really.

Cicinho: Is it me or does he fall in love with sending the ball into the box high, failing to realize there are maybe two people on Roma capable of a proper header? He was good. It was Cagliari, the minimum you’d expect. Made a couple nice – and rather unexpected – defensive stops as well. 7

Mexes: If he was a striker he’d get a -12. But he’s not, and he was getting into positions CB have no business getting into. Defensively he stuffed nearly everything which came his way, and had to make up for the complete suckitude Ferrari displayed. 7.5

Ferrari: You, sir, can take your boots and walk the fuck outta town. I wouldn’t hand you a Primavera contract right about now. (No, I’m not bitter.) -4.5

* – Also, could that be the worst performance from a guy fighting for a big time contract ever? And who wants to speculate he signs with Inter in the summer……

Tonetto: Nice professional foul on Foggia in the first 20. His job was essentially to limit Fogia’s impact on the game and work off of Mancini on the left. Did both well, and there were a couple splendid overlaps thrown in. 7

Pizarro: Very good game, unfortunate he didn’t score that bullet in the first ten or so. 7.5

Brighi: All I could think while he was out there was “Premiership, Premiership, Premiership”. Immense motor, can defend well, but lacked everything else – namely the stuff the Giallorossi are known for. Improved in the second half, but his passing range is about 3 feet and he really didn’t fit into the scheme today. 6.5

Mancini: Had an absolute field day with Pisano on the left, and I think he only got taken off the ball once or twice. Hard to blame him on the volley close up simply because the ball had bounced so high that he got under it a bit and skied it into the Mediterranean. Immensely dangerous, even though he was double teamed every time he got the ball; I thought he had a great game and actually gave a shit. 7.5

Giuly:Seemingly everywhere in the first half, then fell off the face of the earth in the second. Tale of two halves, really. Botched an easy chance on goal when he slipped on the ground following Francesco’s sublime through ball. 7

Taddei: He was good, not great, but good. 7

Totti: Free kick was perfect placement, and he spent nearly the entire game grabbing his hamstring, which is quite worrisome with Tuesday looming. I think Cagliari had no less than three men on him for much of the game, yet he was still able to feed his teammates. 7.5

Aquilani: Surely made a difference when he came on. The big hullabaloo is his attempted back-heel on that pass, but he was already flying towards Cagliari’s goal with Storari closing down and momentum going the wrong (or right) way. The back of the net was wide open while area in front of him was going to be blocked immediately. Never know. 7

Cassetti: More of the same, but he was ridiculously close to being sent off, which you just can’t have in a game like that – especially when Christian Panucci isn’t on the field to save the day. 6.5

Esposito: Did a whole lot of nothin’ after he came on – though he surely deserved a foul late on there. 6.5

See all those? Good scores. Very good scores. Because Roma played a very good game. But they just couldn’t finish, and they had an own goal ruin everything. None of the matchups mattered. Nothing, aside from their inability to finish (and Marco Storari*).

* – Also, Michele Canini, that guy Roma has first option on, looked mighty good as well. Roma will have to act quick, however, as Cellino is leaving June 30th.

Time to start thinking about some reinforcements. Like now.