Bye bye Matteo, Hello…Uhh…No one.

So it seems like Matteo Ferrari is headed towards Firenze. Good. Fine. Wonderful. I’ll lose no sleep seeing him in another uniform, especially after the year he just had. (I still hate him for his clinical finishing in Cagliari.) And I highly doubt he’s worth the money he was asking from Roma – I think I’ve said that once or thirty-seven times.

Rumor floating around says Roma is looking at Michele Canini of Cagliari….which has been refuted by his agent, saying no one has been in touch. They’re just waiting by the phone, hoping to be called to the prom and all that jazz. Canini is still the guy who Roma supposedly has “first option” on, but who the hells knows anymore, really. Cellino is approaching batshit pazzo, so wait and see. If there is a new CB, he’s certainly a name high up on the list.

Now watch Ferrari re-sign next week.

Mr. Christmas

This is starting to remind me of the Cicinho deal, it’s just that Roma has a much better relationship with Real than they ever will with Pietro Leonardi, and I’m sure the nuckfutter would love nothing more than to send a Spalletti mancrush to Napoli. Toto would probably prefer otherwise – even with Napoli being his hometown, the guy’s not exactly a spring chicken and his chances at Champions League football are dwindling. He will have had a major tournament, likely as a starter, underneath his belt for the Azzurri, but he’s experienced one Champions League group stage, no knockouts, and he’ll be 31 in October.

That said, he probably stays in Udine – they’re doing nice things up there if they can tighten it up a bit.

That @#$%in’ Guy Again

Francesco Modesto is back. This time saying Matteo Brighi could be involved.

i. I don’t doubt the Modesto rumors.
ii. I do doubt the Brighi rumors. Spalletti really seems to appreciate what he brings to the squad, and he fills his role very well, as limited as it may be. They can afford to pick up Modesto – no clue what kind of year he had, but I doubt it was revolutionary – without send Brighi.

And for the love of Buddha, would this guy just feckin’ move somewhere already? He’s been on the block since Zdenek Zeman was running the show. Or at least it seems. Let’s hope we see a LB ASAP, to save me from the daily Modesto to Roma in a deal including [Insert name of potential bargaining chip here] and I end up going out of my mind by July, as was the case with Chivugate last year.

In the end Modesto in Rome would be fine (best team, not best players bullshit again), but he’s down the list a bit I’d guess.

Who Are You Again?

Apparently Roma has offered 5m for this guy: Ibrahim Yattara.

You wanna know how much I know about him? Watch the next YouTuber, because that’s it:

Going to be 28 in a week and he’s been playing for a good, not great, Turkish team. Why the fuck am I not enthused?

* – And why do I not believe this rumor? Why do I not believe any rumors? Probably because they’ve given me reason to. Color be flabbergasted if this turns true.

Gilberto. Not That One. No The Other One. The Arsenal One.

Roma is interested in his physique in the midfield (which is the surest sign yet Rosella is keeping the team – bada boom). All this central midfield crap is confusing me. Aquilani isn’t going anywhere. Brighi might, and Gilberto would certainly be an upgrade over him, also allowing DDR a couple extra siestas in the stands without giving all the tifosi heart palpitations. Then there’s Pizarro who is the least unlikely candidate to ever be surgically detached from the Mister, but, uh, some offers are just too good to be true, which appears the case for every rumor that’s popped up including his name. Who the hell knows.

Here’s your foolproof central midfield knowledge, guaranteed to be 100% true: On September 1st we’ll know who’s playing in the middle of the pitch somewhere near or around DDR, KA and Simone. Until then, it’s all going to be banter….and I may pull a Cassanata or two.

There, take that to the bank.

I’ll Take You Too. Why Not.

Coming from the “we’re going to throw a bunch of names into a list” department, I’d like to introduce Hassan Yebda of Le Mans. From a most basic, the system is going to be shut down in about a half hour and I have to rush this out, standpoint, let’s assess him by the other names on the list: Benfica, Marseille and Arsenal.

The last one is the most important. Cool! Of course, it could all be bullshit. Not cool! Who cares! Here are some goals. Woooooooo.

Simone would’ve put that into Row Z, well done.

Is it me or was that Arsene Wenger commentating?

There goes GOMR’s spot.

Again, call me unenthused. I want Champions, like these guys….

I’m sorry I just ruined everyone’s day. My lord…..

Cassano

I’ve always maintained that it is not time for Cassano to return, and that he really, really needs to make amends before it can be considered. I also think we all, despite differing opinions on the sale, want one thing above all: Another scudetto for Francesco. Money is never a guarantee, so big bucks or not is really irrelevant right now.

There is one player on the planet that I truly believe, I’d even bet the house on it, could bring a scudetto next year if he were to sign tomorrow: Antonio Cassano. You can have CR3.5, Messi, Gomez…anybody. But what he did with Totti was something else. Those two were born to play together.

Considering Donadoni seems to be able to forgive and forget, or at least the latter, the question is, and this is purely hypothetical because he’s heading back to Sampdoria, would you take him back? I’ve always been curious as to what this percentage would look like.

Would you take Antonio back?
( polls)

The 23-year-old Ascoli star is a skilful dribbler with lightning movements, and he has earned the label in some circles as the ‘Cristiano Ronaldo of Serie B’.

“Well, yes, I like the comparison, the way I play is inspired by him,” admitted Guberti.

“I disagree, however, with those who say that Ronaldo derides his opponents. Like me, it is the way he interprets the role, although he probably does exaggerate a little too much sometimes.”

“I am a fan of Milan and my dream is to play for them. However unfortunately they are the only team who have not approached me.”

So…..he’s a CR3.5 wannabe and his dream is to someday leave his next club for Milan. Nice. Roma has the opportunity to be the future ex-club of the Italian Crissy RonRon. Love it.

They’re doing this to me on purpose. I know they are.

So Stefano Guberti of Ascoli. Can’t say I remember him from last year, but then again, watching Ascoli was never very high on my “To Do” list. I suspect the same could be said of most Ascoli tifosi. As you heard a 23 year old winger with pace and technique and all those fancypants things which make desired wingers so desirable. The most recent news is that negotiations are quite advanced and that there’s a good chance this kid will be Roman property next year for the price of 4m.

Usually a Serie B winger isn’t anything to get too excited about, but apparently the comparisons to CRon are so apt that ManU themselves have been showing their interest in the kid. When they have that much cash and they’re looking at Serie B bargains….the kid must have some skills. And he was apparently close to a deal with Fiorentina, who still have interest, which is uplifting all by its lonesome. Pantaleo Corvino can sniff out talent like he can sniff out edible prosciutto in a dumpster.

Left-winger it seems, but in the brief video I’ve seen he appears to favor his right with a nice little shot on net to go with all that fancypants ball work. In 37 games he’s got 7 goals, which is a decent sum for a young winger. Other than that? Nadda. He’s in Serie B, what do you expect?

Quite frankly, I’ve been hoping Roma would start poaching starlets from Serie B. You’ve got to believe most of the time it’s going to be smart business, because very few are going to come at a premium and the question of whether or not they can hack it in the top flight will leave a few teams hesitant. Some will flop, surely, but so won’t some stars from small clubs in Serie A who turn out to be the proverbial big fish in the small pond (Francesco Tavano comes to mind, though I’m starting to think he’s just not all that good). Quantity + quality doesn’t hurt.

Really looking forward to hearing more on this deal. I have yet to see the kid and I, for some odd reason, hope he shows up in Rome. Until then just pray he aspires to be more Totti or Vucinic and less CR3.5.

* – I just talked myself into loving a transfer after being vehemently against it over the course of a few paragraphs…again. I feel like I should be stronger than this.

The only vids I can find are individual goals (in the case of the second vid he scored both), but they are somewhat impressive:

First goal, 1:00 mark.

Both goals.

Briefs

I) Inter’s fans have been banned as well. Fair’s fair. That is, until there’s a possible penalty after the 70th minute….

II) Gianluca Curci is now wanted by Napoli, Fiorentina and Bologna along with Parma.

Listen, if Parma wants him, then they damn well better beat Inter this weekend and then send Daniele Dessena over for Matteo Brighi and a loan of iTunes.

* – Frey looks to be headed elsewhere, doesn’t he.

III) Cicinho says Roma will win. Don’t do that.

IV) These few days have been really slow for a title deciding week it seems. I blame Al Gore. Don’t ask.

V) Napoli has reportedly made an approach for Antonio Di Natale. I LOVE it.

(See: Francesco Tavano. Just sayin’.)

It seems like there should be more than this, but Soros is the same old regurgitation and Rosella ain’t sellin’, half the football minds think Inter will win, the other half is going with Roma (though Zamparini seems to think Cagliari will pip the title on the last day), they’re discussing Chivu’s injuries (again), and how many bottles of bubbly Moratti has already bought for the party at FIGC headquarters the San Siro next week. A whole lotta nothin’ going on.

Formality over, and that’s precisely what it looked like: a formality. The game was as much terrible as it was painfully boring, especially towards the second half – at least for me. I’ve had more exciting prostate exams. And, quite frankly, it had the feel of a friendly. (Just like the prostate exams.) The first half was more or less even, as it was on the scoreboard, while Roma finally took over the second half. Catania looked like precisely what they are, an inferior team with a severe dearth of attacking punch. It seemed the more the tried to press the ball forward, the more they tried to pull the trigger from outside or send in a useless cross to one blue jersey surround by a half dozen of the white variety. It was more or less what we (I) expected, and it’s on to another Coppa Italia final with Internazionale FC +1 on May 24th.

I find it really difficult to take too much from this game from a negative standpoint. The only thing worrisome was the patchwork back line, which looked shakier than a hooker in church, and will be sure to give me nightmares if Juan and Mexes are unavailable again at any point over the remaining three games. I almost threw up watching that collection. Twice.

There was some good, though:

iTunes: Kid gets more impressive with each run out. Or at least more tantalizing. I find it hard to judge a players defensive qualities against the sterility of Catania. There were a few very nice tackles, some pinpoint crosses, smooth footwork and those two Howitzers at the end, all of which is something I think everyone would love to see more of in the future. Almost surely needs a year of seasoning in the upper levels of calcio before he’s ready for that LB spot, but who knows, maybe we’ll all be shocked and find that a world class back is waiting in the wings sooner than we thought.

King Alberto: Great game, and awesome to see him bag a goal. Surely deserves a steep increase in playing time over the last few weeks as Spal closes out the season.

At least he better…..

Cicinho: The guy sent in a couple absolutely gorgeous crosses today. That ball to Simone was a thing of beauty. Though I’m pretty sure he had to limp off the field after taking a shot to the buttocks. That, my friend, is totally uncool and anti-macho. Front side? Take your time, sir, while we all grimace with you. Back side? Get up you Sally.

And that’s about it. Good result, very good second half, and it’s time to bring on the Nerazzurri.

“Highlights”, if that’s what you want to call them:

Takeover

The big news with the takeover recently has been whether or not UniCredit would exercise its right to invoke a 2% clause, perhaps Georgy Porgy’s best chance at getting the club, giving it 51% ownership in ItalPetroli and thus the chance to sell to Soros to pay off their debts. Well today, after lengthy meetings, they stated they will not use their clause, therefore Soros must deal only with the Sensi fam. Who, according to all reports and pure logic, do not want to sell – or at least not to Soros.

They’ll still have to restructure the debt, but it seems like the relationship is good between the fam and UniCredit, and that they have a good amount of trust in Rosella. We shall see, but Soros as owner is looking less and less likely by the day.

Ludovicious

Via Giacomo, a lawyer in Rome with knowledge on the inner workings: Ludovic Giuly has put in his transfer request. Basically, he wants more playing time – a fair request for someone whose career is essentially winding down. Didn’t realize this, but he has played a full 90 minutes only twice since February 1, along with just six starts in 21 games. So even though his season stats don’t look as though he’s been riding the pine, it’s still going downhill.

And let’s face it, the guy hasn’t been a starter since he left Monaco. His career isn’t going to last forever, and this may be his best chance to become a starter again. It’s really hard to blame him. Plus he must’ve heard all these targetman rumors and taken them personally, feeling mighty unwanted. (No, he still can’t get on any amusement park rides.)

I really, really like what he brought off the bench, but is he an integral part of the squad? Not really. Could they find a serviceable replacement? Sure. In fact, though he’s recently suffered an injury, Alessio Cerci is a right winger/right forward, who was so good in the first half of the year there were thoughts that he may even be recalled in midyear. Then you start talking about a guy like Joaquin who has been linked recently, and it seems this may even be a chance to upgrade. Or maybe it’s time to begin the Adrian Pit Era. Forza Pit!

Looks like it may be one and done.

* – This may very well be the first RO breaking news story. Watch out, hell’s getting mighty chilly.

KA To Anybody, Everybody

So apparently Alberto’s dad has been in contact with Inter +1. Not only that, but he’s agreed to a big big contract with them on behalf of his son. Really. You know what this reminds me of? Remember when Philou was “dining” with Berlusconi and Uncle Fester in Milan the night before the Champions League final last year, and supposedly had discussed moving there? Well they were in Athens at the very same time, which was odd. Preventing them from attending any such meeting. A meeting which was later laughed off by all (or most) parties “involved”. Yet still reported.

Guess what? Bunch of horseshit. How often do we hear of things like this that are complete fabrications? If the media sees a lookalike of either he or his agent, Big Superstar Player has signed a deal with Big Club. I think it happened with Emmanuel Adebayor recently. Aquilani’s pops has agreed no such deal, I’d bet my life on it.

Aquilani is a very desirable commodity and the fact that he isn’t a lock for the first XI makes the journalists of the world go all batshit crazy thinking he’s going to be tempted to move away. Not happening:

i. Rosella isn’t going to allow a Roman born phenomenon go anywhere in Italy, so Inter and Juventus can stop salivating about, oh, now.

ii. The kid’s family is loaded. It’s not about the money.

iii. Do you think leaking some stuff to the press, via your agent, would be a good way of, oh I dunno, letting people know quietly of your desires? It’s about the same as renting a huge ass board at the Olimpico that says “FU#$ING PLAY ME!!!”.

Roughly, you know.

Of course, this has been my greatest fear with David Pizarro being Spal’s cuddle buddy. You have a kid who could start for most any team on the planet on the bench often at the expense of one of the most frustrating players on the planet. In fact, this may be costing him a spot on the Azzurri when the Euros come rolling around. Maybe even a starting spot. Wouldn’t that frustrate anyone else in the same position?

Rest assured, he’s not going anywhere. His presence means too much to the future of the club and one day, when healthy, Spal will have no choice but to play him over DP. That day being mighty soon. It’ll all be fine, and now I’m going to enroll in a seminary to make sure things go smoothly. You know, get tight with the Big Guy.

Everybody Wants Spal

The Grand Imperial Poobah was asked about the recent rumors in France that Jean-Michel Aulass wants to bring him over to the lesser side with a big, fat contract. TGIP replied:

“I am very happy at Roma,” the 49-year old told L’Equipe. “I can do a very, very good job here.

“I have everything I want here. Everybody has his place and everyone trusts everyone else.”

I don’t really care about Lyon, his next move will clearly not be a step down to OL, but that’s a great line to hear from someone so influential in this side. I, and many others, still believe he has room to grow, but I think to a man we hope he does so in Rome….and in the process breaks his nasty addiction to pint-sized Chilean playmakers. Tis a tough nut to crack, though.

My favorite part of the little Lyon-Spal report was this:

“A few weeks before that game, I received a Christmas message from Lyon,” he revealed.

“In the card it said: success is for those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

God, that makes the usual corn you get from Hallmark sound like riveting prose. Typical Frenchies.

Cry Baby 3.5

I took great satisfaction in this video until the very end. A good thing is never left undisturbed, is it? Bastards.

I’d take Giampaolo Pazzini faster than you could say “Alberto Gilardino is a has been”. It was just one line in Gazzetta, they being the ever reliable ones, so it’s not much to get your hopes up over, but it fits, does it not? Another in the line of guys who could provide the missing ingredient to the Giallorossi pie.

Problem is he hasn’t been all that prolific this year and can, from what I’ve seen, botch some shots quite gloriously. Finishing issues? No thanks. I can’t see him being the out and out numero uno needed for a team like Roma – unless they’re pazzo enough to think Totti is going to show up for the first giornata waving his magic wand. Ideal young piece of the puzzle, but a main piece right now? I’m skeptical. Seems a proven commodity – one that at least has a proven track record of scoring a nauseating number of goals, and Pazzini’s never scored double digits – would be a better fit. I feel like he’s primed for an epic explosion, but how long can Roma wait for one of those, really. Not long.

That said, I’d love to see him wind up in Kappa next year. Kid is obviously very talented. It’s just he’s in a position that needs production over talent right now. That’s the key.

How much leg does this rumor have? Very little at the moment, but we shall see what happens with the Viola this summer. Mutu’s suspension isn’t helping in their bid for Champions League football and that will likely have repercussions across the board for the mercato. Watch the last two weeks of the season intently.

And a video with a slightly creepy soundtrack (around the three minute mark) to savour while we await the mercato:

I See A Spaniard

Joaquin “has an offer from Italy”, and rumor is Roma is that offer with Everton lurching in the background. Asking price is 15-18m. Start praying. Clearly Ronaldo Koeman is the dumbest man alive, because he is absolutely filthy. At Roma, he’d be volcanic.

(There’s really nothing else to say. If you’ve watched even one Valencia game in the non-Koeman era, you know of Joaquin.)

* – Start thinking of a right flank with Joaquin and Cicinho capable of just running at dudes. Gross.

Guiza

(Seriously, bro, get a YouTube video. Until then you’re a nobody.)

According to Marca, also known as Spain’s best-selling toilet paper, Roma has sent someone to Spain to discuss some stuff with his agent (aka his baby momma). Precisely what they’re discussing is his buyout clause, which is coming in at a decent 15m. Thoughts are that Roma would like to do a deal without having to go through Mallorca and complicating things. Knowing Rosella, this is a good thing.

I’m assuming going through the agent is less about the actual transfer fee itself and more about the fact that Real Madrid, Barcelona, Inter and Milan will be jumping into the fray soon enough, and nobody wants to get in a bidding war with them. Especially Real Madrid. They’re that really, really rich guy who shows up at the auction in a Cadillac with bull horns on the front, a cowboy hat and a belt the size of Canada. While everyone else is playing nice and bidding in reasonable increments, they roll in and just yell out “17 MILLION DOLLARS” to put the squadoosh on the procedure. When, in fact, they were only bidding on a used dinette set won on The Price is Right. That’s Real Madrid. They’re That Guy.

So…if they’re going through the buyout clause, it would seem in order for this to get done, they would like it to happen mighty quickly. Perhaps there will be more rumors on this soon. Or perhaps Marca is a piece of shit which couldn’t properly report the weather from outdoors. Either one.

A Joe Without The “E”, Which Is Rather Lame

Supposedly done and dusted to Man City for just a ridiculous amount of cash (£20m, or something). Not sure what happened there, though maybe it has something to do with Sven’s status.

I strongly believe there’s next to nothing to this, but that won’t stop me from putting up a YouTuber. Kid’s mighty talented.

Saving The Best For Last

No, not Antonio Di Natale. Go away.

The suits have put in a phone call to Torino for……..

wait for it…..

wait for it…..

wait for it…..

Alessandro Rosina.

Let the summer begin.

I’ve lost all faith in logic – at least whatever was there to begin with. Two games after The Injury II, Roma is suffering from an acute and severe bout of efficiency.

Shots on goal: 14
Goals: 7
Scoring %: 50*

*(I used my trusted abacus on this one. Fret not, ’tis correct.)

How might one go about splainin’ that? One of the greatest players in the history of ever goes under the knife and then Roma decides to put on their golden finishing booties? Even pint-sized Brazilian defenders are scoring goals. Where was this when Totti was serenely feeding giallorosso caviar on a silver spoon to undeserving recipients on a week to week basis? (’Cept you, Mirko.) This typifies Roma; breathtakingly tantalizing, incessantly frustrating. How we love thee.

Three points, two games to go. Do we dare get excited? Perhaps. Hope springs eternal. But so don’t taxes and that creepy old man outside my apartment who keeps asking me if I work out. I feel like the best advice is to treat the remainder of the season like surgery: You can go into the procedure hoping you come out as the footballing version of that kid** from Rookie of the Year, but your safest bet is to suck it up, wait for it to be over and savor*** the thought of random females signing your cast.

Oh, Roma won 3-0, in case you’re phoning in your fan card.

** – Everybody has a moment when they realize they’re getting older. Mine occurred when someone had to inform me Kevin from American Pie also played Henry Rowengartner in ROTY. And he now looks like this. I feel like I should be back to eating mushed peas or something. Seasons of life pass mighty quickly. (I think I just infuriated the 40+ demographic. Moving on.)

*** – I’m going to use the British “ou”, starting whenever I remember to do it, until June 29th. You know, give the Brits in the house something to look forward to for the summer. (Now deleting British demographic. I’m on a roll.)

Doniéber Alexander Marangon

I’m not one who pays much attention to interviews, and especially not those with players speaking in a second language. So maybe I shouldn’t judge, but I get the odd feeling he’s the dumbest guy on the team, and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s his boneheaded decision making. Or perhaps it’s because when I look at him I see a metrosexual caveman.

Funny thing. Saturday there was a new rumor hitting the press which said The Grand Imperial Poobah is/was showing some interest in Carlos Kameni of Espanyol and a vice-Doni in Yohann Pele, of some French club (this space is reserved for when I actually look it up…..Le Mans). Given Gianluca Curci’s almost certainly inevitable departure next year – be it on loan, co-ownership or, gulp, full sale (coughmarcoameliacough) – going into the market looking for a backup netminder would make sense. However, while Pele might be untested enough at the higher levels to be a backup, Kameni is not. He’s a full stop No. 1 – and a very good one at that. (Albeit one with questionable taste in pool buddies, but who really cares.) Only 24, he’s already taken home the title of Africa’s best keeper. Mighty good start.

Fast-forward to Sunday and Doni was flashing reflexes that had the ghost of Lev Yashin raising an eyebrow. Typical Doni. One week the goat, next week the hero.

If there’s any truth to the fact that Spalletti is interested in a legit number one with a live, working coconut between his ears, one game isn’t going to change matters. You don’t have to be a Roma fan for more than a month to see his often condemning limitations; and for all the steps in class this year – including that brilliant two month run, the one which coincided with Mancini’s scintillating run, making me think it was either a Brazilian thing or they were playing hide Amantino’s Amantino at Trigoria – he’s still got a long way to go before he hits world class. Too many mistakes. Too many simple mistakes, actually. (Including his positioning against Livorno, a frequent participant in my nightmares nowadays.)

I can be swayed – all too easily sometimes – as vested emotions can be damning. Not here. I’m still 100% in the send Doni elsewhere faction, even if he played like Dino Zoff’s step-nephew on Sunday. Mistakes and lapses in concentration from strikers are one matter. The last line of defense is entirely another. Give me a solid, smart, reader of the game with half the reflexes of Doni any day.

And though many people seem to think the transfer of Mancini will bring in some cash (not if the Webster ruling has anything to do with it), one must wonder if Doni is a guy whose transfer fee is being looked to as a bonus on the kitty. Milan did want him at one point. Which I suppose begs the question…how much is he worth? I haven’t the faintest. Depends on the week, I gather.

That said…..Forza Doni.

* – Pic of Yohann Pele. Tell me he doesn’t look like Doni, Carlo Zotti and Julio Sergio got together and had a child.

Pillaging Parma. Or Parma Pillaging Roma.

My heart went all aflutter with this little nugget. It’s the flagrant cruelty known as “unrequited love”, sometimes called “transfer rumors that I made up in my head”.

So Porky Pig, more commonly known as Tommaso Ghirardi, has declared his love for all things bacon fat Matteo Brighi, Antunes & Gianluca Curci. In fairness, I’d be fine with all three leaving, each with a provision:

1. Matteo Brighi fetches a fair price, at least on co-ownership – though he’s getting to the age where co-ownership says “you’re wanted, but not that much”. I like his play and his gum chewing habits, but he isn’t exactly an integral part of the squad – not to mention the likes of Ahmed Barusso and Daniele Galloppa chomping at the bit to get back to Rome.
2. Antunes goes out on loan.
3. Gianluca is not fucking sold in full. You hear me, Rosella & Co? Kid’s still only 22. And he’s Roman, for Pietro’s sake.

Matteo Brighi is the only one who should really be in red & yellow Kappa next year, as Antunes could really use some experience – unless he’s gone from Second Division in Portugal good to Serie A good after spending a year at Trigoria, something I doubt very highly – and Curci needs to be peppered with shots in front of a bad defense for a year and he desperately needs get away from the tutelage of Doni. Only thing that would change my mind is if he goes to Swissaustria, Gigi & Amelia succumb to injury and he plays out of his cranium, leading the Azzurri to the title and besting Buffon’s one goal from open play stat in Germany. (Damn you, Zaccardo.)

Bad news? Parma has a really good chance of getting relegated. Catania is getting mighty close to the drop zone – anyone else think they might run out their Primavera on Thursday with a very, very meaningful game on Sunday? Win is in the bag, ladies and gents – with remaining games against Juve and Roma, but Parma still has to travel to Firenze and host the Internazionale FC +1. (They wanted a new nickname, they got it.) Either Catania or Parma managing one point might be enough for safety. Cruel scheduling.

What it means is there’s a decent chance anyone heading to Parma will be doing so in Serie B. Would Brighi want that? Doubtful. He could start for plenty of Serie A teams. iTunes could use anything, really, and Curci just needs a bad defense in front of him

And of course……….

Daniele Dessena! Could they swing the swap (plus Roman scrilla) of the century? They’re linked with every CM from here to Zimbabwe and he is gold, baby…gold! It has to have entered Spalletti’s mind. Hell, I’d settle for co-ownership of Dessena for a swap of Brighi, Antunes and Curci on loan – and let him stay at Parma for the year. It’s happening, just because I say it is.

Clearly I need to drop my hopes, but dreams help us survive, right? (Or help us do some bullshit equally as trivial.)

Mini Nuggets

I) Game’s Thursday, not Wednesday. Don’t forget, or else you’ll do something stupid like cancel an appointment for Wednesday and make it for Thursday, thinking you’ve put yourself in the clear. (Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I’m a dumbass.)

II) Liverpool + Amantino = sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Or at least Rafa is still fantasizing about him.

III) Somebody put an exquisite coaching clinic for defenders on DailyMotion. Good times.

* – Italy Euro/WCB site is now running daily. Come hang out, Marco and I are getting lonely and have resorted reenacting Cassano-Mancini man hugs + don’t touch me there.

IV) I love it when sites decide to throw a random smattering of names into a sentence and call it a transfer rumor:

La Roma insegue Pazzini e Di Natale.

I giallorossi puntano anche su Pokrivac (Monaco), Pranjic (Heerenveen) e Jo (Cska Mosca).

We’ll talk later on these. Maybe. (Pazzini definitely, he’s going to be gold.)

For now, a little present from me to you. Enjoy your day.

Not every decent player from these teams will be sold, and some of the more desirable pieces, the young prospects, will probably stick it out with their teams and even benefit from staying with the team in Serie B. (Guys like Marco Rossi and Dominique Malongo.) But the veterans who are surely deserving of a spot in Serie A will be sold, and that’s when Roma starts looking. Plus some of the budding superstars who would be wasting time in Serie B. Given this year’s contenders are much better than the likes of Messina, Chievo and Ascoli – most of them, anyway – we might actually see some significant post-relegation action.

So I’ll take a look at each relegation contender and start plucking away at their roster like Massimo Moratti plucks away at the Argie national team. Half fantacalcio, half “who loves bargains?”. And regardless of ownership, each of these players are potential targets. Let the dreaming begin.

(I’m going to go mildly bonkers for someone here, might be a bit of a surprise.)

20. Livorno 30 (-22)

Remaining Sched: @ Atalanta, Torino, @ Empoli

Probability of Relegation: Judging by how inept Roma looks against them in the final third? They should be in contention for Europe. Two legitimate six pointers and a game against Atalanta? Chances are they go down, only because the teams above them are just a notch higher.

Marco Amelia: I’m waiting for the other shoe. That’s all. He’s clearly too good for Livorno, but why hasn’t anybody snapped him up in the last year or two? He prostitutes himself weekly and has made it clear he wants the fuck out of Livorno. Really makes you wonder.

Other than that? I’d take him in a heart beat over Doni. Unfortunately, Doni’s on a reasonable contract and he has saved Roma at times this year, though condemning them just as frequently, which makes it seem unlikely Roma will attempt to spend the cash to upgrade the position when there are a few other spots higher up on the To Do list. Plus there’s Gianluca Curci, and who the hell knows what he’s going to turn out to be. As much as we’d love to see another Roman in the starting XI, it ain’t happenin’.

And basically, this is where it ends with me for Livorno. If they could chop off Alessandro Diamanti’s left foot and transplant it on Adrian Pit or something I’d jump at the chance, but from everything I hear, he wouldn’t fit under Spal. Hell, I don’t even want Alvarez back.

Sounds about right for the 20th team in Serie A, eh? (No offense, Marco.)

19. Parma 31 (-22)

Remaining Sched: Genoa, @ Viola, Inter

Probability of Relegation: Take one look at the schedule. They’re getting relegated. Hugely unfortunate, too.

Luca Cigarini: The heir to Andrea Pirlo’s throne is like 99.99999999999% to Juventus. Bastards. He’d be quite the addition, though.

Cristiano Lucarelli: His name was bantered about for some time back in January before he signed with Parma, and it looks like his stay with the Gialloblu will be just as short as his one in Donetsk. Here’s a thought. The guy obviously isn’t an ideal first striker for Roma in Totti’s absence. But he could be a decent backup to Mirko or whomever is brought in to play striker, whether it be a replacement or that big name striker we’re waiting for. Even on a one year loan. Not likely, but it’s a thought.

Andrea Gasbarroni: I like Gasbarroni’s skill set a lot. Is he quite Roma material? I dunno. I think he might be one of the guys who throws on his Superman cape anytime he knows I’m watching the game. The king of this club is Antonio Chimenti, who plays like Gigi Buffon’s second cousin whenever I’m viewing.

Daniele Dessena: This kid is God’s gift to calcio. Seriously. I’d give my first born for his signature in giallorosso. 20m? 30m? 40m? Pay it. I don’t care. This kid is going to be one of the greats. We’re talking about one of the best midfields ever along with Daniele De Rossi and Alberto Aquilani five years from now.

Think Aquilani. Think De Rossi. Size, speed, skills, technique, maturity….he’s close to the perfect athlete. The very definition of a complete midfielder and, at 20, still with a lot of room to grow. The type of player, along with the Roman legends, you build your team around, not work into your team. A good coach can make him great. Luciano Spalletti could turn him into a legend.

I have a list for the summer. Forget Mario Gomez, he’s got the top spot. Actually, he’s probably got the next spot for the next five years, or at least until Roma buys him.

* – If Soros came along, bought Roma and announced the next day Daniele Dessena has been transferred and signed a 12 year contract, I’d probably write daily love sonnets to Georgy here every day for the life of the contract. That’s how good he’s going to be.

18. Reggina 33 (-22)

Remaining Sched: @ Catania, Empoli, @ Cagliari

Probability of Relegation: Talk about a gift of a final schedule. I think they stay up. If they don’t? Then they damn well deserve to go down.

At the moment my favorites to go down are Livorno, Parma and Empoli. A far cry from earlier in the year when it looked like Cagliari, Reggina and Catania might make the tumble, leaving next year’s Serie A even more north-heavy than it already is, leaving basically Roma, Napoli and Palermo.

Francesco Modesto: Duh. Though his rumors have gone mighty quiet. Seems like Juan Manuel Vargas is the left back du jour. We shall see, but if Reggina goes down, would anyone be shocked? Didn’t think so.

And that’s about it.

17. Empoli 33 (-21)

Remaining Sched: Udinese, @ Reggina, Livorno

Probability of Relegation: I’d say medium to medium well. I think they lose to Udinese and Reggina, making it a do or die last game where they draw with Livorno. (If you bet on that, don’t come griping to me when it fails miserably.)

Andrea Raggi: I dunno. He’s a talent, no doubt, but not quite ready for a Roman leap.

Considering half their team is on loan from Juventus, Milan or Inter – those players basically being “the good ones” – it’s pretty thin pick’ins. I pick none.

16. Torino 34 (-14)

Remaining Sched: Napoli, @ Livorno, Fiorentina

Probability of Relegation: Uh…uh…uh….I don’t want to think about it. (If all is good and right with the world, they stay up. I don’t have faith anything in the world is good or right, therefore I don’t have good vibes.)

Alessandro Rosina: It’s likely he’s going up for sale anyway. Watch for monkeys throwing chairs, clown cars driven by giraffes and Massimo Moratti saying something very unintelligent when he does.

Listen, once in a lifetime. How much would you pay for a 24 year old Zola if you knew then what you know now? Start there. Roma absolutely HAS to make a serious effort to break the bank for him this summer.

1. Novellino deserved to be canned simply for failing to get the best out of Rosinaldo this season.
2. I need to change my pants.

Marco Motta: Who wants the Azzurri’s future RB? I’m 99% sure he’s just on loan from Udinese, so I’m not sure how feasible a sale would be. But for some odd reason, I’ve always felt he’d wind up in Rome one day. Don’t ask why, just be thankful the day he does.

David Di Michele: He was thisclose in January, but the boy may finally come home in the summer, whether or not Torino goes down. And I’ll admit, the guy has looked pretty good this year, but he still cannot finish. I don’t think Roma needs any more issues in that department.

Matteo Ruben: He was The Shit (that was an official designation) until his knee went out. Even Real Madrid was sniffing around. One day, maybe. Not yet.

Masashi Oguro: Just for his wikipedia entry:

Oguro owns a chihuahua named Rao. He is a fan of the manga Fist of the North Star. He is a fan of the Hanshin Tigers. He loves the card game Uno, and has been appointed a “Uno Ambassador”. When he is excited and wants to get attention on the field, he yells “UNO!”.

UNO!

15. Cagliari 35 (-19)

Remaining Sched: Fiorentina, @ Udinese, Reggina

Probability of Relegation: They stay up. They’ve lost twice in the last six weeks, both times in Milan. They’ll get points….somehow.

Bobby Freshwater: Personally I’d love this kid on the Roma books, headed out on loan for a year or two. But one, he’s co-owned by Inter and two, he’s co-owned by Inter.

Michele Canini: So it looks as though Milan is sniffing around the guy, perhaps even making offers. Well guess what? On July 1st of last year, Cellino said Roma had asked about Canini and he replied that he is not for sale, but if he does go up for sale he will sell to Roma.

Does the guy pull the promise off the table after a year? Doubtful, the Sensi fam and Cellino, crazy as he may be, seemingly have a good working relationship. And if you recall, Canini looked damn fine when Roma went to Sardinia and Matteo Ferrari messed himself. I can’t imagine Spal being any less impressed.

The kid is clearly ready for Serie A – but is he ready for big time Serie A? Remains to be seen. Surely a name to keep a lookout for over the next month, though. Could be staring at a new CB.

And that’s about it from the epic overachievers. Except fucking Storari, who could displace Buffon for the nazionale with the performance he put up against Roma. Asshole.

14. Catania 35 (-11)

Remaining Sched: Reggina, @ Juventus, Roma

Probability of Relegation: If they get 3 against Reggina, they should be in good shape just because six teams are behind them, but if not…..

Juan Manuel Vargas: He’s coming, even if Roma has to take Gionatha Spinesi along for the ride.

Jorge Martinez: In the 2 games against Catania thus far, has anyone been impressed? I certainly haven’t. Then again, to impress as a striker for Catania you’d probably have to ber Jesus Christ of Rome (Francesco, duh). But he’s also been linked to Arsenal, and you know how it goes: If he’s good enough for Arsene, he’s good enough for me.

And if the interest has sustained, Catania’s status may not matter.

I’m sure I missed some. Anyone else?

I saw these “Pizaman to Athletico” rumors and immediately dismissed them, because the thought of Spal without David is like the thought of Linus without his blanket, Marcello Lippi without his cigar or Cristiano Ronaldo without his air of scumbaggishness (tis a word, per Webster). But some central midfielders started to pop up in transfer rumors. Then more central midfielders – defensive mids at that – continued showing up unannounced. The Matteo Brighi’s agent mentioned his client is close to an extension. The the agents of these rumors, a couple, at least, started confirming Roma’s interest. And then I went “whoa”, because I can add 1 + 1. (Math whiz and all that.)

So…would The Grand Imperial Poobah really consider selling his little buddy? Seems unfathomable, right?

But if the reports are true, that Athletico is ready to offer up an unconscionable €15m for the Mighty Morphin Turnover Machine, well, they’ve got to at least seriously consider that, right? Would you turn down a clean $20 for a $10? Because that’s what this amounts to. Even David’s staunchest nut-huggers admit his price was steep, and now they might be able to make a freakin’ profit? Give Rosella & Prade execs of the year if they can pull off that coup.

And let’s face it, David’s on borrowed time once Alberto Aquilani finds his magical stay healthy potion. He’ll only improve with time and pretty soon David’s going to be playing patty-cakes with Matteo Brighi and Gianluca Curci at the end of the bench. For all he provides and will provide in the near future, he’s not exactly a smart dollar left on the bench. If you can do it, gotta do it.

That said, can we imagine the day Spal sends Pizaman away? Never.

* – Tell me this isn’t totally Spal and David:

Amantino:

I’m wavering, but deep down inside I know the club needs a more consistent performer whose on the pitch success doesn’t rely on his success between the sheets. Actually, let’s think about this for a second. His horrid stretch came when he’d just broken up with his long time flame. Then, around the turn of the year, he got absolutely en fuego for about 2 months, and during the same time he was being linked to some fox from a TV show. The rumors – at least from what I saw – suddenly died down, and now he’s playing like a handicapped Smurf (all apologies to the handicapped Smurfs in the house). They line up, do they not?

Rumor is Liverpool wants Amantino for the price of his buyout clause (€5m). The jokester in me says it’s probably more than he’s been worth this year, but the logical me, as much as he wants to agree with the chuckler, says that they can do more and get a better price. The problem will be convincing Amantino not to use the clause. Eh.

I don’t like how this is shaping up. You know Moratti would love nothing more to use his Roman Scouting Department and offer Amantino a 4m per year deal if he uses his buyout clause.

Then again, maybe he’ll sign. Who knows. But if he doesn’t find a steady girlfriend by mid-summer I’m shipping him out personally.

Mauro Esposito aka Maurizio Domizzi’s Bargaining Chip:

This one’s been floating around awhile, along with Roma’s supposed interest in Domizzi. It makes sense from both sides. I’d be willing to bet heavily they get swapped with a bit of cheese coming from Roma. That is that.

Here, But Still Incoming

Mirko Vucigol: Everybody in the world wants him, Lecce wants €12m for his half, bringing the total to €19m. He’s worth it and Roma will have not choice but to at least get close to Lecce’s offer in order to take him back. Roma can’t afford not to buy Mirko, partly because of Francesco’s injury and partly because he’s Mirko @#$%ing Vucinic.

Incoming

Nikola Pokrivač:

I’ll be honest, no clue who this kid is. Played one year with Dinamo Zagreb before being shipped off to AS Monaco this January for €3.5m. Defensive mid, 22, never capped by the Croatian senior team but a stalwart in the younger squads.

So apparently playing roughly 4 months in France has been enough to show some people, namely the hierarchy, he’s ready for the next step. That’s mighty quick. His agent is giving out mixed vibes, which means I need to reevaluate my sources, surprisingly (Roma News has been different from nearly everything else I read lately, leading me to to believe something weird happened over there, which is a shame).

I’ve tried perusing his YouTubers but I felt like I was watching Croatian football games without a program guide. Which I was. Try for yourselves.

Florent Malouda:

Must’ve been a slow news day. You’d think with CL football to quell the need for bullshit rumors the media would stick to Drogba’s dives and Fernando Torres being the Spanish Jesus. Speaking of diving….Florent Malouda, ladies of gents.

I’ve never really been a fan. Actually, I was sort of indifferent for a long time. That all changed July 9th, 2006 when we witnessed The Dive Heard Round The World:

….which was followed by this………

…..and then all was right with the world again.

I quite simply don’t want him, and at a reported €25m, not to mention on a Chelsea contract (per annum salary no lower than a sum which could cure world hunger), you’re going to have to do a lot of convincing for me to think there’s any reason I should even be writing this, much less any more. Moving on.

Benoit Cheyrou:

Can we stop with the phucking Phrenchmen, please? Philou and Ludovicious are enough already. (Unless it’s Samir Nasri. I’d donate at least half a kidney and a full testicle for his Roman signature. Hell, I’d even throw in a signed lithograph of the other one. The kidney, that is.)

Let’s see: He’s 27. Plays in the midfield. Is the brother of Bruno, epic Liverpool screw up. But he’s got 9 dimes this season. That’s not half bad, especially when you’d think Nasri is serving up treasures on a silver platter like a royal butler. Okay…

What I always wonder when these rumors pop up is whether or not the media got the right name. Lorik Cana, the Albanian Gattuso, has been linked in the past and is linked along with Cheyrou. Have to wonder if it’s him. Actually, I’m going to say it’s him. (Doesn’t he look good next to the shield?) Just because I’d rather it was and because I can. Forza Lorik.

Watch this and imagine him patrolling the midfield with DDR. Bestill me heart:

Nikola Zigic:

Everybody remember this guy? (Yeah, it sucked, but that was a helluva goal.) While Roma is in the midst of a strange attempted takeover which may or may not be over, Valencia is going through some sort of economic crisis. What exactly? I dunno. I don’t pay too much attention to Spanish footy, as much as I’d like to. But they’re supposedly having issues. Nice. Cue firesale. The one name being linked to Roma specifically is the Serbian Josh Hartnett.

Well if you’re looking for a guy to get on the other end of a cross, he’s so fitting it’s almost overkill. He’s just freakin’ huge and has some technique to boot. What more do you want?

He cost €20m last summer and his price hasn’t exactly jumped this year, but neither has anyone’s at Valencia, really. Is this concrete? I dunno. But it makes a bit of sense, ya know?

Enjoy a YouTubers while we wait for this to fizzle off and die or to pick up steam:

Amauri:

The man’s agent just does. not. shut. up….but this is one time I’m glad he piped up.

“At the moment I am in Rome. I have spoken to Roma’s sporting director Daniele Pradè who wanted information on the situation.

“He told me that as soon as they sort out the questions regarding the club’s direction, we would speak again.

“There isn’t any definitive agreement with anyone yet. We haven’t even talked about money with Juventus.

“The summer transfer market is still some way off and we are just at the early stages.

“I can only repeat that we are weighing up various offers and I will be more precise in the future,” Grimaldi continued.

“The player just wants to play for the best clubs. He enjoyed being in Rome and has lots of friends there, but at the moment there are lots of factors to consider.”

Well well well. So Prade’s been on the horn with Amauri’s agent recently. I guess we need to wait and see what plays out with the ownership situation, but all the Amauri fans in the house can feel free to dream on a little. Good news.

So enjoy for now:

I’d like to send a big vaffanculo to the good people who decided this game was unworthy of a stream. Listening to Zampa was a nice touch, though. Nothing kicks a normal lazy Sunday into “let’s get some shit done today” like Carlo Zampa screaming into your ear in the early morn. It’s like a straight IV of espresso + red bull + Pablo Escobar’s baking soda.

Did the game mean anything? I dunno. It’s really hard to comment having not seen it, but scoring four freakin’ times in the first stanza after learning your leader and best player is going to sit out a few months appears, at least on the surface, to be a statement of some sorts.

Then again, counting the last half hour Torino spent in the Olimpico, Roma outscored the Granata 8-0 in a 62 minute span. Yes, EIGHT to zero. I love Toro, but how about a 38 game season of nothing but home games against Torino. That’s a +152 goal differential for those scoring at home. Anybody with me?

So who knows. Maybe it’ll take the next four (maybe perhaps five) games to determine how this team has truly responded to His absence.

Soros

Alright, let’s get this straight: I’m for new ownership. I’m just not for throwing the Sensi family and the team they’ve built under the bus on the way to new ownership (which is happening). And I’m damn sure not for Soros. So yesterday’s news is the best I’ve heard in months: Soros withdraws.

Now it may be true or it may not, but I do suspect it at least will be true at some point, if not now. So no, I do not expect Soros to takeover Roma at any point. That’s that.

(More Sheik news, though. Take it for what you will. I take it for nothing right now.)

Spaniard

(I figure from here on out we can assume Roma will go into the mercato with the Sensi fam as owners, which means you can put Football Manager away.)

So we can look into a quote from a few weeks back from Ernesto Bronzettiballs:

“Roma are looking at four or five players and will surely sign a couple of important men,” he told Centro Suono Sport.

“The Lupi know how to make the right moves in the market and have shown that in the past by cashing in on players to bring in others, who have proved to be intelligent purchases.

“I can’t give names for their targets this time around, but I can reveal that they are European.

“They are certainly looking for a striker and I will pay particular attention to a Mallorca player who has scored 20 goals.”

Cool. So Roma is seriously looking at “4-5″ players, will make a couple signings of important players and they’re European. I’m guessing by European he means by nationality, not European based, so no need to worry about the non-EU signing just yet.

The last line is Güiza, unless two freakin’ players have scored 20 for Mallorca this season. Somewhat of a late bloomer at 27 – something I always worry about unless the name begins with Luc and ends with oni – but still a long-time talent who scores goals. Bout it. Well, at least he does now. Plus Barca, Real & Milan want him.

His scoring from the last few years (all competitions):

07/08: 22
06/07: 16
05/06: 9

And before that he spent 3 seasons in the second division despite being one of the best talents in Spain, and there’s the issue. He at least was a cassanata. A fat, lazy partier whose desire for the nightlife trumped his desire for European nights.

It’s funny because there was an article on him just today from Sid Lowe, a writer for the Guardian who loves Spanish football, but still can’t help being British. Throw a Brit into the world of the mass media and, well, clown cars chauffeuring shit-tossing monkey’s are bound to show up eventually. But usually good, as long as Spain is the lone subject. The article (here in full) was regarding his very famous girlfriend who has admittedly slept with anyone that could possibly get her famous, especially footballers. Basically she was the shiny town bicycle. And now she’s his agent. FIFA license and all. Hooray for opportunities.

Here are a few snippets:

Nothing, that is, except getting up close and personal with the very rich and reasonably famous: as one all-singing, all-dancing send-up put it, Bermúdez made a name for herself by “going from bed to bed” and pinning down “any old celebrity in any old toilet”, demonstrating a fornicatory fascination for “bull-fighters, singers and waiters.”

And footballers. Especially footballers. Because Nuria Bermúdez loves football. A season ticket holder at the Santiago Bernabéu, she it was who claimed to “know” the entire Real Madrid squad.

When he signed for Ciudad de Murcia, he was presented as “the greatest promise in Spain and the greatest party-goer too”.

And then along came Nuria.

It could have been the worst thing that ever happened to him – a good time guy and a good time gal egging each other on. Instead, it was the best. “Ever since Dani’s been with Nuria, he turns up to training and it doesn’t look like he’s slept under a bridge,” said his coach at Getafe Bernd Schuster.

Supported by coach Gregorio Manzano – a smashing bloke with a degree in psychology – Güiza has settled perfectly at Mallorca.

Am I the only person who sees a ton of redflags around that? And not just a couple, it resembles the Sud during a derby.

In the full article there’s a little sentence which says Guiza tumbled down a major hill when his first marriage. Well what happens if his relationship with this firecracker of an agent fails? (50%, remember.) Will he need a coach who has a psych degree to get him hitting on optimal? If not will he show up at Trigoria looking like he slept under a bridge? (And in all seriousness, that’s a classic quote right there. I don’t like Bernd Schuster but kudos for that one.) Who wants a big-money signing who less than two years ago showed up at training still hungover from legs ‘n eggs at the local pole dancing club? Anybody?

I’m all for second, third, fourth and nth chances, but I hope he gets his chance at big time footy in Spain. Honestly, he seems now (from interviews in Spanish that I can’t understand) to be an affable, likable guy. But he’s soon to be 28 and, well, just too many red flags. Of course, I realize not all athletes are Kaka, but still, this one’s just a bit much this soon. Two to three year probation period minimum. But if Bronzettiballs says his name, methinks that means something….

Plus he doesn’t have a YouTube highlight video. And you’re nothin’ if you don’t have one of those. Nothin’, you hear me?

And for the love of Gesu, can we target some strikers who have better decision making capabilities when it comes to women? The fact that one of Roma’s targets got suspended for using his girlfriend’s banned gonorrhea cream and another’s baby mama is a proud footballing groupie just does not reflect well on their decision making capabilities at all. And what the hell would this do to Amantino’s fragile psyche if he saw all these slutty chicks walking around Trigoria? I shudder to think.

(Never thought I’d miss the days when Totti was running through hot chick buffets like Tara Reid runs through an open bar.)

* – There are more rumors, full themed rumor post tomorrow.

The Potato Chunks In Your Clam Chowda

I) Juan has been suspended for one game, so it looks like it’ll be Philou and The Grumpster trying to stop Talentino and L’aeroplanino this weekend. Oh good.

II) SpanglyPrincess – oddly enough that’s my real name, “Chris” is just the pen variety – sent me a little working on the history of Roma a couple weeks back which I’ve failed to post because I’m a terrible person. Here it is. Go there. Devour it. Savor it. Then come back to me when you need dirty jokes (not so) cleverly disguised in transfer rumors.

III) The Michael Jordan of AS Roma, aka Matteo Brighi, could once again be close to a contract extension with Roma (if you believe agents). Which would totally explain all those rumors linking Roma with central mids lately.

Uh oh, David……..

IV) If you type “giallorossi” into google, this pops up as one of the three sample pictures.

I’m going to be banned from the internet at some point. It’s inevitable.

V) I just want to get off topic here for a second before we go our merry ways. I just read here, at 1am, that Scarlett Johansson is releasing a Tom Waits cover album and I nearly popped out twins.

How can the world allow this to happen? One of my all-time all-times and she’s going to butcher his music. What’s the world coming to?

I’ll leave you with some Tom as I go to bed attempting to ignore this tragedy.

SportMedia, an outlet I have zero familiarity with (or I may and just not know it), seems to think Mr. Amantino has been in contact with Mr. Mancio and they’re all excited about getting the chance to work with each other next year. Oh, and Amantino might use his Webster ruling clause to buyout his contract for a measly 5m. Nice.

1. If this is true, I hope Amantino dies of distemper.

2. When the #$%& does Amantino have time to call opposing coaches? Isn’t he busy moping 24/7?

This would be near disastrous, because I’m pretty sure Bruno & Prade could rope someone into paying more than a signed lithograph of Mancini’s Glamour Shots portrait and a twice-licked charms blow pop, which is all he’s worth right now. Seriously, he had a very good 1-2 month run this year but besides that he’s been utterly useless. Stepovers are nice, but he never accomplishes anything besides firing shots into sprawling defenders. Mirko Vucinic has quite clearly become The Guy, and if they’re going to pluck someone off the bench, it should probably be someone more consistent than Amantino. Meaning instead of having one good game and one bad game over the course of a week, we’ll be getting a good performance once a month.

His agent is a notorious jackarse, so who knows how this will play out. He is the agent of a certain Emerson who used to ply his trade in Giallorosso, and I think we all know how that turned out. Therefore, I don’t have good vibes whatsoever. But honestly, I could care less if he goes to Inter. I just don’t see him as a true game changing force for them, probably just another Suazo.

Also, if Mancini goes I’ll have much less distaste for him in the aftermath than Chivu simply because he’s a complete flake and I’m not sure if he knows whether he’s signing for a different team or ordering a combo meal at the McDonald’s drive-thru. Crystal knew what he was doing, I’m pretty sure Mancini just goes into bobblehead mode every time his agent opens his mouth.

I wish I was joking.

I think I did this awhile back, but I’m really interested to see how high this number is now…..

To sell or not to sell, that is the question…..
( polls)

Pietro Lo Monaco, Catania’s sporting director, has been saying for quite some time now that when Juan Manuel Vargas gets sold, the preferred destination is Roma. Not really sure why, could be that he has a school-boyish crush on Mama Rosella, or could simply be that he’s an intelligent, well-reasoned man and that he knows Roma is the best thing goin’, and he wants the best for his soon to be ex-monster of a left back.

Yesterday JMV’s agent joined the act, and specifically mentioned Roma when announcing to the world that Juan will be exiting stage Sicily this summer:

“Vargas is ready now to play for a big team,” agent Carlos Alberto Delgado told Romanews.eu.

“He has spent two years at Catania and now he wants to test himself at a prestigious club like Roma. He will certainly leave Sicily in June.

“He doesn’t necessarily need to always be a starter because there aren’t first-choice players and reserves at big clubs – there are three or four players competing for a place and it’s not easy to be picked all the time.

“I can’t say that if I have had contact with Roma because I had to know Catania’s plans first. I don’t want to show a lack of respect to the Elefanti.”

That’s as close to “come and get him” as you’re gonna get without the real thing. The issue now is where Roma stands on the issue, with the easy money saying Spal and Bruno listened to this interview in Bruno’s office and spent the next 20 minutes pouring ice cold buckets of water over each other. Then Mama Rosella came in, asked to join and they both looked at their watches, mumbled something in Spanish and walked out the door – right after slipping her a blank cheque with “Catania Calcio” right next to “Pay to the order of….”.

Of course, it’s not the easy. It’s extremely difficult to gauge the summer mercato without any clue as to the status of ownership. Whether it’s the Sensi’s, Soros or some dude who franchised parking lot dentistry (he’s British, I hear), the structure of the footballing minds will almost undoubtedly stay the same unless the ownership wants to seal their own death warrant. Bruno Conti will be there. Luciano Spalletti will be there. Daniele Prade will almost certainly be there. So, considering this is the trio who seemingly pant heavily at the sight of all things Vargas, I tend to think JMV will be there as well. The cash will be there for him either way. (I just talked myself from being clueless to purchasing Roma a Peruvian defender over the course of a paragraph. I’m not going to lie, it’s a gift.)

I also venture to guess Lo Monaco and perhaps even JMV’s agent know more is happening behind the scenes but haven’t let on.

And if you don’t want more defenders named Juan, you’re bloody out your @#$%in’ tree my friend. (Provided he comes with health insurance and all that.)

Speaking of ownership…..

A Hungarian Wants Roman Pie

It’s almost embarrassing to google the name “George Soros” and think of him as linked to Roma in the capacity of a potential chairman. There are certainly some less-than-favorable persons in ownership boxes across Europe (just look across town), I just don’t want Roma to be one of them.

And let’s get this straight off the bat: a soon-to-be 79 year old man doesn’t just up and decide to get involved with football when he should be getting involved with an estate lawyer and cardiologist instead…..unless there’s a motivating factor aside from Roma at stake. There’s a good chance AS Roma isn’t the only Sensi holding Dr. Evil has putting a green sparkle into his eye.

At the very best Roma is an investment platform. At worst? A medium for sinister motives (start thinking politically). Then you start looking at the children, particularly the sons, of which he has five. Which one had a birthday recently? Too confusing to really wrap the mind around.

Aside from that, I haven’t a clue. I’m not against an injection of new ownership and a bit more money. But the last thing I’m for is American, or American based, ownership, and one quick look as the commercialized, unidentifiable foreign gathering of football players that is the Premiership is more explanation than any words can do. The “English league” sold out; the last we want is for Roma to do the same.

There’s a reason why I don’t support Juventus or Inter or Milan, and those reasons are one in the same regarding why I don’t want Soros or any other soulless money hound attempting to take control of the team. This club isn’t about the money.

What I am for is getting Francesco Totti a scudetto before he retires. Quite frankly, it’s all about him right now. He deserves it and whoever writes the checks should give him one going out.

But is Roma so far away right now? With the race this tight and Inter having benefited from so many egregious calls, will Roma still need 80m in transfer fees next summer to progress? And even if Soros does haul in the cash, does that guarantee success? Absolutely not. One look at Inter pre-Calciopoli is example enough. It seems to me the plan is mighty fine and the plan is working, and well before many expected. So honestly answer me that: Is Roma really that far away?

I don’t see Roma needing a savior. I see this as people getting all excited about building a fantacalcio team and not much more. Roma – the entire club – has worked long and hard to get here, to knock on the doorstep and announce its arrival. Having a jackass in a suit swoop in and steal the glory when that door is open is mighty unfair. They’re on their way. They need fine tuning, they don’t need an overhaul.

Daniele De Rossi summed it up best for me:

“What the Sensi family has done for the club in these years has been unforgettable. I will sign my contract renewal with them.”

They may not be the richest family in the world, but I think people tend to forget what they have done for this club (this post gets more and more applicable by the day). If they do go out, it’s on their shield. Then let’s hope someone equally as capable is brought in to carry Roma to glory, someone equally as capable of carrying on the tradition of La Magica.

One last final thought. And I’m a little fuzzy on the exact details, but I recall an interview where Franco Sensi said he “hesitated” back in 1997 after being told to rid himself of a certain player. I think it fits. Here goes:

Back in 1997, when Francesco Totti was, in quite possibly the worst scouting assessment of all time, deemed “surplus to requirements” (or something equally fucking boneheaded) by Carlos Bianchi, nearly sold to Sampdoria. In fact, he was mere minutes away from wearing the Blucerchiati. Francesco had already been told he was off, and he’s signed terms. The only thing which stopped the deal was Franco Sensi, who had second thoughts before picking up the phone – literally seconds away he’s said – and decided against this deal. His hesitation gave us Il Capitano. I don’t doubt for a second it had something to do with Totti being Roman; if only because Franco knows what that means, and he knows, even if Bianchi’s tactical assessment was correct, a lesser Roman is still a god. And those you cannot buy, much less sell.

Franco Sensi gave us Francesco Totti. Would George Soros, or any other number crunching owner, have hesitated, effectively doing the same? Would it be worth the risk to find out? Is that even a real question?

And that’s the difference for me, because I’d take Totti and one scudetto over “maybe” Totti – or Francesco replaced by anyone else – and a dozen scudetti eight days a week.

(Francesco’s version from his book here, posted into an online forum, the only place I can find it.)

“Reports” say Soros will be making a bid by the end of the week. Until then……

(A pretty good article from il Romanista here. There is much to thank the Sensi family for, and there’s nothing to say they can’t take Roma to the next level.)

Fluffing the Fluffernutter

I) I found it downright comical anything was made out of Francesco repeated “vaffanculo” in the direction of the ref on Sunday. Knowing how decisive that play could have been in the scudetto race, I wouldn’t have faulted him for throwing a Frazieresque left hook in Rizzoli’s direction. Really, on how many occasions has the play been more decisive than the on-the-field play this year? How bad is that? As far as I’m concerned, Pierluigi Collina should have called Francesco to apologize to him (also for being a Lazie fan).

And Pietro Leonardi can shut his big fat mouth aaaaaaany time now. Thank Christ he doesn’t work for a big team, or else we’d never hear the feckin’ end of it. Imagine him in Uncle Fester’s position….cripes.

II) Klaas Jan Huntelaar hearts all things Italian, particularly Rome, and he especially loves “scooters”. Insert your own punchline here.

(Though who doesn’t?)

III) Romanews prediction for tomorrow:

PROSSIMA GARA: Roma-Catania (mercoledì, ore 18.00)
INDISPONIBILI: Ferrari e Cassetti
DIFFIDATI: De Rossi, Mancini, Aquilani e Tonetto
SQUALIFICATI: /
IN DUBBIO: Juan e Aquilani
PROBABILE FORMAZIONE: Doni, Cicinho, Mexes, Panucci, Tonetto; Pizarro, De Rossi; Taddei, Giuly, Vucinic; Totti.

I’m wondering who will get risked and how. I respect Catania and all that, but the fact that they’re in the semis hovers around the Riemann hypothesis, life and Rosella’s tan on the “List of shit that can be explained”. Time for a JV squad. And yes, Amantino is now in the JV squad – which I’m guessing is bad for his contract negotiations (if there are any).

Back: Cicinho is a probable, Spall will almost definitely sit OMR and Tonetto is pretty much a must with Marco “Underappreciated” Cassetti still nursing that shoulder.

Midfield: I’d like to see some Matteo Brighi action, which would allow for someone to sit…perhaps even Simone. DDR sure, DP probable (loves those small teams), and then Amantino on the left. On the right? I’ll go bold and say Mauro Esposito to get on freakin’ start in Giallorosso.

Totti: I don’t see how, for the love of logic, he plays unless it’s for form as a late-game substitute. Cagliari is fresh in everyone’s mind; I don’t think the Coppa – nice as it is – is the place to risk him again. Has to be Vuci. Or Claudio Della Penna. Or the milk man. Or Rosella’s milk. I don’t care who, just not Francesco.

Til the squad lists……….