Part of the allure of Philippe is that he has embraced this club and this city so much, he’s become one of Rome. Italian, French or Martian, he is as deserving of the title Romanista as much as anyone walking this planet. The guy is simply all Roman, showing it last year by inking a deal fresh into the summer despite being worth twice as much as Mr. What’s-His-Nuts thinks he is. So when he puts up stellar performance after stellar performance, it makes it all the more glorious for us as fans.

Unfortunately, I think Juan stole a bit of his thunder this year for a few reasons. One being Juan is the new, shiny toy and he was replacing that other character who used to play here who had a highly publicized transfer saga at some point recently (forget their name…Cristiana?). Another being that he is smooth, whereas Philou is a bit, shall we say, rough around the edges. (On purpose, of course.) But at the end of the day, nearly every week, it was Philou who was being relied on. Providing the big body on set pieces when Roma was in full Oompa Loompa mode, making defenders thinking twice about bringing that shit in his neck of the woods again, forgetting his name is not Philippe Inzaghi and going against the opposition’s defensive trap, and finally, just being one of the best defenders on the planet.

It wasn’t perfect, there were certainly a few slip ups (namely a few too many cards – though the most glaring undeserving), but all in all, it was just more of the same from Philou. World class play from a world class player. Simple, direct, to the point.

The final game so aptly summed up his time in the shirt: underappreciated technique (that’s more than one positively bullshit goal off a corner now, methinks defenses may wanna pay attention to him), bone crunching tackles, warrior mentality and a winning spirit. The best moment for me wasn’t that superb goal, either. It was when he went knee-to-knee/thing-to-thigh with an Inter rugby player (thought it was Pele, but if it was pure brutality, we can automatically assume it was Vieira instead) and he motioned for a sub immediately. This after he’d been taking a beating all day. Not only would he have been justified in asking off but any sane person probably should have asked off. Nope. Philou recanted his request and went on to make a couple critical tackles, while taking more of a beating, until the final whistle. A beating which probably cost him a spot on Les Bleus.

That, for me, is the epitome of an athlete. We see it with De Rossi and his never say die spirit. We saw it with Totti recently, when the man couldn’t stand and he’s still taking shots against Livorno. And we see it with Philou, a true modern day gladiator, and a possible recipient of some personal hardware come award season.

‘Tis truly a shame that he missed out on his chance to partake in the summer festivities, but it can only be considered fitting. The man is more Roman than he’ll ever be French.

Your 2007-08 Roman Defender of the Year, and you can probably pencil in the next couple as well.

Roma start their crucial month of March with a game in Parma, If you don’t believe me ask Francesco! You’d think that after an emotionally charged encounter with Inter we’d have at least 6 days to get over it, But Serie A don’t play that way. They like to have their biggest games on Wednesdays, Rome derby included. Add that to the fact Roma’s travelling to Madrid in less than 4 days and you get… Turnover!?!?

What!? Spalletti knows what turnover is ?! (Hey Spal, Why not try a 4-4-1-1 while your at it ? Remember how Lippi used Totti as a supporting striker in Germany ? They went on to win the WC so maybe Lippi was onto something by playing Jesus in the same position he’d been playing for his whole life. Stick Vucinic up top and let him poach and hold the ball up !) Looks like Brighi and Esposito might make it into the line-up and OMR a.k.a The Panuchster a.k.a. 1940’s haircut will be moving to CB for this game. (If the Gazzetta isn’t lying) But don’t worry, there won’t be any Adrian Pit(z) sightings

This is why this game’s a dangerous one. Let’s remember Parma gave Inter a run for their money the last time they played. And if it wasn’t for bad refereeing (Yup!), The Parma Prosciutto Posse would have snatched a well deserved 3 points from that encounter. I have no idea why the Tardini outfit is hanging out with Lazio and Livorno at the bottom of the table. We need to watch out, for Parma’s a sleeping giant that we don’t want to wake up. They’ll be heading onto to the Olimpico’s pitch with confidence after coming down from a Midweek high after they beat Udinese 2 to Nil.

This is what Happened last time:

Squads :

Parma :
Bucci;
Coly, Falcone, M Rossi, P Castellini;
Dessena, Morrone, Cigarini, Pisanu;
Gasbarroni; Lucarelli
Note to David Pizarro : Luca Cigarini ; Watch and learn DP, watch and learn…

Want more news about Parma ? Go here

ROMA

Roma are without Teen heartthrob Philou Mexès. A dislocated shoulder means Marco (smart parents) Cassetti is out for about 20 days. Bad news for Marco, but that’s great news for Cicinho and his fans. I also do not think Spalletti will want to risk the easily contused legs of Juan a.k.a J-Smooth a.k.a. Chivu who?

Probable Starting Line-Up

Doni
CICINHO!, Panucci, Ferrari, Tonetto;
Brighi, Aquilani;
Esposito, Perrotta, Vucinic;
Totti

Who ?: Roma (2nd place, 52 points) v Parma (14th place, 25 points)
When ?: Saturday, 1st March 2008, kick-off 18:00
Where ?: Stadio Olimpico, Roma
Why? 1- Because Roberto Mancini’s an untalented tactician. 2- Because we can’t play Madrid just yet
Streams : Here and Here

Prediction : 3-1 Roma

Vucinic will get a brace and Cicinho will blast one in from afar. Lucarelli will head in a useless goal for the Parma Parmigiano/Prosciutto Posse.

Forza Ragazzi!

Inter – Roma

La Liga’s big clashes manage to catch my eye but I can’t seem to get excited about the Ping Pong-ish style of The Premiership. (And don’t get me started on the damn USL league!) I, for one, love Calcio unconditionally. Unfortunately, Serie A’s reputation has been taking a bruising in recent years. Even the amazing WC 2006 win seems to have been overshadowed by different controversies;

Marco Materazzi’s headbutt reception means the French Fans will never admit to losing cleanly.

Then Calciopoli happened; Means pretty much everybody thinks Serie A is the only corrupt league in the world and that it’s not worth watching ”mafia” fixed games. Serie A witnessed a massive exodus of its stars and it’s membership in the Euro Big 3 club was being reconsidered by almost everybody outside the boot.

Why can’t Calcio/Italian Football get the love it deserves?

Not only that, Inter has been ”monopolizing” Serie A standings for the last 2 years. Causing Calcio to look like if there was only 1 horse in the Scudetto race. Thus, making Serie A a dull league.

I want to see this change. Serie A doesn’t deserve all of the dirty looks it has been getting by its European colleagues over the last few years. If being World Champs isn’t enough, Calcio needs something good…amazing.

How do we fix this? How can Serie A be able to bask in all of its glory once again? And Above all, WTF does this have to do with Roma you say?

With a crazy foto finish Scudetto race; and this exactly where Roma comes in. Serie A needs a battle to the end, a neck-and-neck,close contest type of thing. It could happen. And if Serie A’s fixed WWE style like some people might want to think, then this would be a perfect season ending Script/Scenario. Inter being the heel of course (I’m am so sorry for the wrestling metaphor).

Worst case scenario : Inter wins the Scudetto and no one lives happily ever after

Best case scenario : Inter loses to Roma making it a 6 point gap. Then Inter lose to Milan and/or Juve. They lose to Palermo and/or Fiorentina and draw Parma on the last matchday. Thus, seeing Roma win a well-deserved Scudetto

Inter need to win best supporting actor in Serie A this year. And all this will start with a Roma win on Wednesday.It’s time for Inter to stop hogging the top spot and step aside and let Roma shine in the Serie A Spotlight before winning the Champions League next year as well. Thus, consecrating itself as a legendary European club, as it should be

Match :

To say ; The outcome of this game will affect the Scudetto race is an understatement. This is the Big one;

TGIP’s saying this is the Match of truth ; ” The match against Inter can be described as the `match of truth,’ because if we beat them we confirm we are the team that has caused them most hassle in the last two years, and we reduce the gap at the top of the championship,”

Spalletti then added: “Inter have more of a physical presence, and can change the course of a match with one single action. We on the other hand play more as a team, and we will be looking to use our speed to our advantage.”

As for Inter, Roberto Mancini’s saying that a draw would suit his team just fine: No shit Sherlock! We know that this won’t be a cakewalk but Inter can’t think they’ll be facing a demoralized 10 man Roma team this time out as long as LP remembers Aqui is better than DP. Yippie!

Squads :

Inter

1 Abbondanzieri, Roberto Carlos
23 Ustari, Oscar

2 Ayala, Roberto
21 Burdisso, Nicolás
7 Samuel, Walter
17 Cufré, Leandro
6 Heinze, Gabriel
15 Milito, Gabriel

16 Aimar, Pablo César
5 Cambiasso, Esteban
22 González, Luis
8 Mascherano, Javier
19 Messi, Lionel
10 Riquelme, Juan Román
13 Scaloni, Lionel
3 Sorín, Juan Pablo

9 Crespo, Hernán
20 Cruz, Julio Ricardo
14 Palacio, Rodrigo
18 Rodriguez, Maxi
7 Saviola, Javier Pedro
11 Tévez, Carlos Alberto

Form (D W W W D)

Swedish striking sensation Zlatan Ibrahimovic will again miss out with a knee problem. Mario Balotelli is called up has been called up because Julio Cruz is out as well. South American allstars Cordoba and Samuel join Dacourt and Cesar on the list of long lasting, tough acting injuries, proudly presented to you by Tinactin. That means we’ll probably get to see Mean Marco Materazzi, Tyson Rivas and Crystal Chivu. For their part, Luis Jimenez and Dejan Stankovic are returning to the squad.

If you want to hear more stuff about Inter, you’re on the wrong page!

Inter (4-3-1-2)

Julio Cesar;
Maicon, Burdisso, Materazzi, Chivu;
Zanetti,Vieira, Cambiasso, Stankovic;
Suazo, Crespo

This is what happened last time :

Roma

Form (W L W L W)

Let’s not make this more sequential that it already is…

4 JUAN SILVEIRA DOS SANTOS
5 PHILIPPE MEXES
7 DAVID MARCELO CORTES PIZARRO
8 ALBERTO AQUILANI
9 MIRKO VUCINIC
10 FRANCESCO TOTTI
11 RODRIGO FERRANTE TADDEI
14 LUDOVIC GIULY
15 VITORINO GABRIEL PACHECO ANTUNES
16 DANIELE DE ROSSI
18 MAURO ESPOSITO
20 SIMONE PERROTTA
21 MATTEO FERRARI
22 MAX TONETTO
25 CARLO ZOTTI
26 ADRIAN FLORIN PIT
27 JULIO SERGIO BERTAGNOLI
30 MANCINI ALESSANDRO FAIOLHE AMANTINO
32 DONIEBER ALEXANDER MARANGON (DONI)
33 MATTEO BRIGHI
77 MARCO CASSETTI

Juan is out while Cicinho’s suspended. The only question Mark is Amantino’s fitness. Miss. Varone, can you please layoff Mancini until Thursday? That would be much appreciated

Roma (4-2-3-1):
Doni;
Panucci, Ferrari, Mexes, Cassetti;
Aquilani, His DDRness
Taddei; Perrotta, Vucinic
Totti

Who ?: Inter Milan (1st place, 60 points) v Roma (2nd place, 51 points)
When ?: Wednesday, 27th February 2008, kick-off 20:30
Where ?: San Siro, Milan
Why ? To end Inter’s supposed Serie A Supremacy.
Streaming : Here or Here
PEOPLE AT WORK : Fuckin’ Corporate FireWalls! You might want to try this. It usually shows the Big Games…

Categorical Matchups :

Inter vs Roma ; It doesn’t get any more categorical than this.

Final Analysis:

Don’t ask me to analyze this game. I can’t. I’m too freakin’ stoked about this encounter. I’m trying to put some thoughts together but Carlo Zampa’s voice is stuck in my head and won’t stop screaming Forza Ragazzi! FORZAAA!

It doesn’t matter who’s on the pitch, Roma will want to show Europe from what Pasta they’re made from. Inter has crazy money…I mean talent. All of their players are international stars, Chivu being the exception that confirms the rule of course. DDR and Totti can stand up to anybody on that field tomorrow. Roma has a united squad that can stand up to the un-homogenous, individually talented being that is Arg-Inter ! Not only does Roma need to win to keep the title hopes alive. They need to win in honour Calcio’s beauty.

Prediction :

3-1 Roma

Er Pupone hasn’t scored since Week 18 against Atalanta. Don’t foget the Golden Boy loves to score at the San Siro whatever colours the stripes he’s striking against are. Mr. Totti deserves a brace. It’s pallonetto time bitches! Who cares if Jimenez gets the only Inter goal ? DDR will get the other with one of his patented bombs

Forza Ragazzi ! Andiamo a prenderla! ‘sta partita determinanta è nostra ! Forza Roma !!!!!!!

This is what happens when Cicinho starts !

Roma managed to fend off Prandelli’s purple posse to gain some ground in the (re?)Opened Scudetto race. Oprah promised us a Soaring and Joyful event and she delivered. She’ll now be promoting the upcoming book so Stay tuned for book signings in your area!

On with the game :

Roma controlled most of the possession in the 1st half. Like usual, the finishing was lacking. But they must have held at least 75% in the 1st half. Fiorentina were great at defending spaces and were well compacted in defense. Tried to restrain the Roman Clusterfuck as best as they could. They resisted well the whole 1st half. Even Mutu and Vieri were helping out by coming back to help out the D.

Like Greece, circa June 2004, Fiorentina looked dangerous every time they attacked.Even without much possession they managed to pull many occasions of out their Asses. Thank God Doni was on great form, he even managed to indirectly cause Mutu to leave the match. Cicinho got his first Serie A goal on beautiful team effort. This was an excellent game; the 1-0 scoreline doesn’t do justice to the beauty of this Serie A outing. Fiorentina and Roma gave us a beautiful display of what I like to call Serie A at it’s best.

IL TABELLINO

ROMA–FIORENTINA 1-0

ESPULSI: Cicinho (R)

Highlights:

Dr. Phil’s Categorical Matchups. (Tomorrow : Twins on Heroin !!! )

Tired Legs vs Contused Legs:

Dr Phil fucked up on this one! This game was excellently exciting. Not Rollercoaster-ish a la Parma- Torino but That was Some Sexy Serie A Action!

Adrian Mutu vs the Giallorossi Defense:

Doni took him out early on so he didn’t get to do must damage. This pisses me off a little because I’m sure that once Pradè saw the knee injury, he got on the phone with Pantaloon Corvino right away.

Luciano Spalletti vs Cesare Prandelli :

Spalletti read the game well this time with some smart defensive substitutions. I love the fact that he know you can’t have more than 2 players under 4 feet on the pitch at the same time!
Like the Italians like to say: Ha ben gestito il risultato. He managed the result well. ! Spalletti gets all 3 point but Prandelli wins this matchup, purely based on non -calcio factors!

Cesare Prandelli: This guy takes La Viola seriously! His outfit is the coolest I have seen on a Serie A bench. Silvio Baldini rocks a mean Jeans and ugly shirt but I mean the Shiny Purple almost vinyl/Leather coat with the pimped out purple turtleneck! It doesn’t get any better than that! The only reason he (almost?) pulls it off is because he looks like a Movie star from the 50’s. If Prandelli starts smoking cigars a la Lippi on the sidelines with a nice purple hat like this one (preferably ornamented by a feather); he’ll be officially legendary!

David Pizarro vs Chris:

Playing higher up DP has the chance to do less damage. 1 decent outside footed cross in the closing minutes other than that? Aquilani didn’t get himself into life threatening situations and Pizarro didn’t score in a derby yet…

What a beautiful thing is it to see DDR and Aquilani together!

Stars of the Match

His DDRness:

I will, as of now, begin taking Daniele De Rossi’s amazing displays for granted. DDR is; indispensable. What I’m about to say might offend and repulse some of you, and you might not see me in the same way after. In my defense I’d like to say 2 things 1st.

1. I’m more of a fan of the dirty unrecognised defensive work. As much as I like Totti-esque attacking displays; The various Gattusos, Cannavaros, Zambrottas and DDR’s of this world obtain and deserve all of my respect. I think spectacular defensive displays deserve the same media Hype attackers get.

2. Totti is the Nicola Tesla of Calcio, a Roman Gladiator, blessed by the God of Mars and now is a legendary Roman god himself. His feet look like they’re possessed by Stephen Hawking’s brain.

I will still go on and say this; as of 2008, Danielino has surpassed Francesco Totti in my giallorossi heart. Those Spaniards said it best: DDR is Gattuso dressed in Armani.

Cicinho:

even tough he took a stupid 2nd yellow at the end so he won’t be facing Inter. Cicinho is a star. He was at the same spot as Totti and Giuly on the goal. The guy is crazy fast, running back or running up the pitch. I think that Spalletti doesn’t want to see Giuly, Pizarro and Cicinho on the pitch at the same time. So more Aquilani for Pizarro means more Cicinho. I irrationally admire the mini Brazilian WingBack (he’s not exactly what I call a Defensive RB). His supposed defensive shortcomings are overcompensated
with what he brings to the offence.

Minchia ! Cicinho was all the way on the left side of the 5-yard box and beat Totti and Giuly to the ball to score. Grande Cicero!

Amazing shots from la distanza like in the 37th minute! Of all the times he could have scored today it had to be the ugly one. Starting with Doni ; 8 untouched passes by the Viola before CiCi’s goal. Stupid sending off that’ll see him miss the Inter clash, but he would have probably been benched anyhow. His celebration alone; (Conti and all)- plus the fact that he desperately needed and rightfully deserved this goal earns him my Man of the Match not called DDR.

il Capitano a.k.a. The Golden Boy a.k.a. The guy who gets to sleep with Ilary Blasi :

How much knocking and bruising does Totti take week in and week out? I mean it’s crazy, there’s always a minimum of 2 guys on him at all times and one of them is always trying to twist his nipples.

Fortunately, Il Re Totti is looking better and better. He looks officially fully recuperated from his recent injury woes and The Fiorentina game helped him gain the right timing back. Bring on The Black and Blue. Hoping he pulls another Pallonetto out of his golden ass. Message to Totti : Grow your hair back you non-Hippie!

Disorganised thoughts:

-Taddei and Cicinho looked like they were joined at the hip for the whole time they were on the pitch together. Both getting up on offense and on defense. Playing those 2 together looks like you have 2 RW when we hold possession and 2 RB when Fiorentina was countering.

-Vucinic not only needs to learn how to finish but he needs to get a cross in the box without seeing it blocked! I know it’s not his natural position and you can’t expect Vuci to play like Mancini. He needs to be centered more. He can hold the ball up better than Giuly ( La fourmis atomique was on the end of every long ball!). Frey gets a lot of credit once again, However, Vucigol needs to work on his freaking positioning, watch it with the Offsides!

-Ferrari can’t defend C. Vieri to save his life. Technically, Matteo is the one who cost us 2 points last time we played Prandelli’s purple people.

He was trying to do too much in the 1st half controlling the ball and all but Ferrari pisses me off. He has talent, he has the Size and Skill but he’s not at that level, he’s not elite. He needs to be at this point in his career, for himself se no; he needs to kiss his Azzurri hopes good bye

-The young Kukuzzamanovic looked good. La viola know how to recruit the youngen.

- I’m pretty sure Ted knows who we are now !

-Saying Papa Waigo rapidly is very pleasant! Plus if you say it 3 times I front of the mirror, he appears with Candy in his hands!

Grazie Ragazzi!

Thanks to Antonio ”Talentino” Cassano we’re now 9 Points back. That’s 3 losses for Inter. So let’s give them their 1st one on Wednesday. Now if only someone can remind Lulu Giuly to keep his hands and arms in the vehicle at all times…

That’s right; the color purple is coming to town and is bringing Adrian Mutu along. Oprah assures us that this encounter will be nothing less than ”Joyful and soaring!” Now that’s what I call over-hyping the game!

Honestly, this is a must win game. Irrationnaly, I’m an eternal enthusiast and totally think Roma still has the chance to win something this year. The Scudetto is still a mathematical possibility. Who knows, the Liverpool loss has maybe opened up some wounds and we will see Inter lose against Milan, Juve and Roma and then tie some team like Fiorentina again. I need to stop chugging down Scope in the morning…

Chris had a tragic accident with some Listerine breath strips and will be unavailable to preview the game against the Viola, but he would like to relay his thoughts.

(Chris would also like to inform everyone that he’ll be speaking in 3rd person from here on out and he has no idea what he just wrong. Chris would also like to say Forza Roma.)

* GHB Chris !

Last Time ;

Roma

Squads : Juan and Mancini are the notable roman absences. Maybe we will get the chance to witness Mirko Vucinic’s return to the Starting 11. But you never know with Spalletti…. For those of you wishing to see a 4-4-2,4-4-1-1 or a 3-5-2 I would like to say HA! Ain’t gonna happen.

Probable:

Roma (4-2-3-1)

Doni;
Cicinho, Mexes, Ferrari, Tonetto;
De Rossi, Pizarro;
Taddei, Perrotta, Vucinic ;
Totti

Firoentina ;

For all things La Viola, Ted has an excellent, and i by excellent i mean excellent, post up on the Fiorentina page…

Squads: Vieri and Gobbi are the only injuries Prandelli has to cope with

Probable Formation :

Fiorentina (4-3-3)
Frey;
Ujfalusi, Dainelli, Gamberini, Pasqual;
Donadel, Liverani, Montolivo;
Santana, Pazzini, Mutu

Who: Roma (2nd place, 48 points) v Fiorentina (4th place, 41 points)
When: Sunday, 24th February 2008, kick-off 15:00
Where: Stadio Olimpico, Roma
Streams : Here

Dr. Phil’s Categorical Matchups. (Tomorrow : Twins on Heroin !!! )

Tired Legs vs Contused Legs:

Both teams had matches mid-week due to their respective European obligations. So the Giallorossi can’t say that the Viola had some fresher legs. Both teams are tired and will be playing on Wednesday. I don’t expect this game to be a very high octane affair.

Adrian Mutu vs the Giallorossi Defense:

Lately. Adrian Mutu has been scoring howlers all over the place, some as far away as Norway. The young Romanian non-gypsy is by far the most threatening weapon the purple people have on the pitch. Let’s hope the Juan-less Defense can limit his efforts.

Luciano Spalletti vs Cesare Prandelli :

If it weren’t for the saddening illness of Cesare’s wife, Prandelli would be the man on the Roma bench today. I truly believe that. His insanely short stint on the Giallorossi bench is the reason Roma had bought Matteo Ferarri.

As much as i respect TGIP, I prefer Cesare Prandelli’s class and the way he works with youngsters. The gaffer is as classy as it gets and he knows how to read a game and make the most of what he has. Let’s see if TGIP can learn a thing or two and start adapting his team to the match that’s being played on the pitch, not on paper.

David Pizarro vs Chris:

DP needs to understand that scoring against Real Madrid isn’t enough to be in the good graces of Chris. DP would need to score the winning goal (No deflections allowed) in a Roman derby and then pull King Alberto out of a burning building, thus saving his life. Just then, DP might get some love from Chris, but even the above mentioned scenario doesn’t guarantee unconditional Chris appreciation!

Prediction : 4-2 As Roma

This game will give us the chance to witness the ghost of Azzurri midfield Future in Montolivo, Aquilani and DDR. With those 3 we’re well covered until 2014 at least…

Goal scorers Totti, Vucinic, Cicinho, DDR, Mutu and Liverani . They never happen anyway so I’m going with what I’d like to see. Totti Scores 1st gets that 2 millionth appearance in a Giallorossi shirt and then heads off to the bench to take it easy before the black and Blue bring on Crystal Chivu. Vucinic and Cicinho need goals for their confidence and DDR a.k.a. the Future of this squad a.k.a the only guy that can make Totti’s impending retirement easier to swallow a.k.a. the Best Midfielder in the world (Fuck it, I said it). DDR just deserves a goal because he’s DDR. He does the dirty stuff , the useful stuff, every little thing the team needs and even if he gets a lot of credit for his play, it’s still not enough in my book.

Forza Roma ! Forza Ragazzi !

see, no Bella Ciao !

All about the quick-hitting build up leading to the easy sitter for Simone. Pure Roman attacking.

#9 – Phantastic Philou v Milan

Nothing like a cheeky half-laser, half-slurve from a centreback.

#8 – DDR v Fiorentina

Picture perfect form on the long range missile. I miss these.

#7 – Simone v Catania

Perrotta’s one man show through, over and around the entire Catania defense.

#6 – Totti v Palermo

Totti and his killer dead ball skills. What a fricken swerve.

#5 – DDR v ManYoo

I know I know, but come on, it was a fantastic goal.

#4 Taddei v Cagliari

Bike it, baby.

* – In watching every single goal from last year, you know who was probably the most present creative playmaking force besides Totti? Rodrigo. The guy is indispensable.

#3 – Max, Alberto, Mancini & Totti v Milan

The Totti header against Milan. Great anticipation by Max to spike the ball to King Alberto, the rabona to Mancini and then the perfect cross to Totti’s head. True team effort and beautiful workup. Vintage Roma. Love everything about it. I’d put it higher, but…

#2 – The Stepovers.

Ooh la la.

#1 – Totti v Sampdoria

When you’ve just scored the 4th goal of a game which was already in the bag and the fans for the home team give you a standing ovation, you’ve done something pretty fucking special. Hands down. And I love Spalletti’s delayed reaction like he didn’t realize what just happened.

Doni;
Cicinho, Panucci, Juan, Tonetto;
DDR, Pizarro;
Taddei, Giuly, Mancini;
Vucinic.

Or Cassetti at RB. But I can’t imagine Cicinho will be mayor of Happyhappyland if he’s benched for 3 straight games. Well, unless you count his cameo coming on for Vucinic in the other Olympic stadium.

A wrap-up of the current injuries.

Il Capitano: Could very well be back a week from today for the makeup game against Cagliari with the assistance of a custom made boot to prohibit liberal movement of his ankle. Which basically translates to: they’re getting a pair of Reebok Pumps, pumping them all the way up and slapping a set of studs on the bottom.

(Don’t even act like you didn’t have a pair.)

Unless Vucinic is out, only bring him back if he’s 100% ready. Cagliari is decent, but Roma should take 3 ten times out of ten.

King Alberto: KA goes from being ready for the initial encounter with the Sardinians to Roma’s chief injury non-fixer, Dr. Bozo, saying he’s “hopeful” he’ll be back before the Christmas break because he needs some “elasticity” (yeah, KA is tight). You know, if it wasn’t for the nagging and lasting nature of those damn groin injuries I’d be pretty pissed……but in the end always better safe than sorry. Which is always the case with the general groin area.

DDR: I saw that he’d been hit with an injury during the game, but I didn’t see how (my eyes were darting between the laptop and the ManU-Sporting game on the tube), and I totally missed that he was taken out by a studs up tackle from Little David. The guy plays what is easily his best game of the year and he STILL can’t help but fuck it up. To paraphrase Dr. Bozo: “He is Daniele.” Yes, he’s going to play this weekend because that’s what DDR does.

(Apparently he doesn’t have the best of ankles though, a minor concern for the future.)

Simone Simone: Something which comes as a complete surprise to absolutely no one: Simone’s injury is/was long term. Makes sense seeing as he’s missed all but what seems like 3 games so far this year. Won’t play Sunday, and I’m full on board with somebody kidnapping both he and KA, locking them in a basement somewhere in the south of Italy and leaving them there until the winter break comes. There are some very cushy games coming up and losing one or both for an even longer period of time is a much greater risk than dropping 2 points to Livorno or Sampdoria. (Or, the Coppa match against Torino). Considering Dr. Brozzi (that’s his real name, though Bozo seems to be more applicable lately) times a 5 minute egg with an hour glass, I suspect that will be exactly the case and we’ll see them roundabout January.

Brighi: No, this isn’t a central midfield depth chart, though it certainly is starting to appear that way. Had a minor muscle problem prior to the game in Kyiv and little information (that I can find, anyway) on whether or not he’ll be ready for Udinese. Doubt it will matter, as we’re probably looking at Lulu behind Vucigol and Pizarro behind both in the lineup. More news leading up to the game.

Philou: Going in for another scan on Thursday, which will help determine quite a bit, but they’re handling this with two pairs of kids gloves because the last thing he needs is a rerecurrence. If I had a gun to my head I’d say we’re looking at a Panucci-Juan partnership on Sunday, and I’m fine with that.

Ferrari: Not hurt but suspended. This might turn out to be not such a bad thing, because Fab Quags and Antonio Di Natale could really make things ugly for Matteo. This also means they’re holding open tryouts at Trigoria to find somebody, anybody better than Samuel Kuffour to be the 3rd CB on Sunday. I’m on the next plane.

* – In all seriousness, if Philou is still out and emergency dictates another central defender is need, guess who’s filling in? DDR.

Marco Andreolli:

R.I.P.

Let’s run down the gamut of Roman news which has transpired over the past few days. Also, if you didn’t know already, Francesco Totti is freakin’ money.

Injuries

King Alberto: His injury hit at the right time with the international break on the way, so he may only miss the Napoli game. Supposed to miss a month – or, more accurately, be up for reevaluation after a month – which would allow him back before the Milan, Lazio and Spoting mini trifecta; but knowing TGIP, he can expect to come in around the 85th mark in each of those games. Still, that nagging aspect is the worry, because the last thing Roma needs is a recurring groin injury for the Azzurri’s newest superduperstar.

Simone Perrotta: How many times has he been hit by a minor injury this year? By my count it’s three. An eerie coincidence considering he turned 30 less than a month ago and with his pin-balling workrate he must be nearing 250,000 on the odometer. Let’s hope it’s nothing more than just that, a coincidence. Out between 2-3 weeks (specifically 20 days, 13 hours, 47 minutes and 9 seconds), and it looks like he’ll probably miss the Napoli game, considering TGIP’s massive, inflatable kid gloves as of late when it comes to recently recovered players not named Francesco Totti.

Philippe Mexes: Should be ready once play resumes post international siesta. Most likely won’t be playing for France, but we knew that already.

Mauro Esposito: Calf injury, supposedly held out for precautionary reasons. At this rate his first start is going to be in February. He and Simone just cannot stop picking up unwanted hindrances. Kind of like K-Fed and children.

Rodrigo Taddei: Should/will be back for the Napoli game.

Marco Cassetti: Ditto. Probably the last person who needed an injury early. His “replacements” have looked pretty damn good.

King Fuckhead: Still an inconclusive brain scan result.

Marco Andreolli: I haven’t really been looking, but did they send him to Guantanamo Bay or something? How injured is he? What’s wrong? Does he still belong to Roma? Does Spalletti care?

Upcoming Schedule

10/21 Napoli
10/23 Sporting
10/28 @ Milan
10/31 Lazio
11/4 @ Empoli
11/7 @ Sporting

The two pairs of games so close to each other isn’t all that welcome a gift, but it certainly could be worse (rewind the schedule about 2 weeks). After that, it’s a Sunday walk in the park until the December 12th game against ManYoo inside the Olimpico. Judging by the way things look right now, 15 points from that schedule isn’t all that unrealistic. Some may even say a reasonable expectation (or would have said so until seeing Milan thrash Lazyo this past weekend). I’ll say 16 points, with a draw against Milan and Sporting. Anything less than 10 points and I’m going to need some IV anti-depressants.


Panucci & Mancini “Rifts” With TGIP

Most egomaniacal athletes (that’s 95% of them) will have a disagreement with their coach at some point; and 100% of that time, the media will try to blow it out of proportion – it’s their job to sell print. To me, that’s all this is in both cases. You have a fight about something probably inconsequential due to frustration (see: 4 games, 2 points), you come in a few days later, have an awkward man hug, a third party makes a joke about it, everyone laughs and everything is back to normal. It’s how locker rooms work. The whole “airing laundry” stuff means little and there is nothing between Luciano and Christian that will get in the way of a professional relationship at the very least.

Same goes for Mancini, the type of flake who, as he said, “needs to be put in his place” every now and again. I love Mancini, but he seems like a guy who is needed in small doses in an enclosed setting; and can every now again be the type of guy that says something so far over the top that everyone gets quiet with eyes like saucers. You know, like the type of guy who tells a double amputee to “break a leg”. He’ll sign his extension, we’ll all move on and all will be forgiven with a firm Poobah ass slap. Group hug.

Alessio Cerci

One of the many elite prospects to come off the assembly line at Roma’s world class youth factory seems to be doing big things down in Serie B. Alessio Cerci is currently on loan at Pisa (he’s an ugly bastard, isn’t he – he looks like Rodrigo Taddei and Encino Man had a homosexual love child), already tearing up the opposition – 4 goals in the last 3 games – to a point where the Roma hierarchy has considered bringing him back from loan as early as January to join the senior squad – and he’s only 20 years old.

The strange part? He has a ridiculously low buyout in his contract for Pisa, even though Roma probably has a buy back option as well. The stranger part? He was on loan to Brescia last year, with another buyout clause amounting to peanuts, and was sent back to Roma, with Brescia politely refusing to stump up the cash (or that’s how it has been reported, Serie B loan deals aren’t exactly high up on the media accuracy meter). What happened all of a sudden that makes his value skyrocket this much? Or why had it dropped so low? And does that have anything to do with his lack of call-ups from the Azzurrini?

Assuming that Roma can bring back Cerci, one has to admit this is a puzzling move. Either that or complete media BS. The kid’s youtube resume looks good (though I think that’s the point), but not enough to vault him past the likes of Mirko or Mauro just yet – especially considering TGIP’s aversion to Arsenewengeritis, a disorder in the same family as paedophilia, recently. He can play as a lateral forward or a second striker, not unlike that Totti guy, with a little bit of speed, and one who can dribble, cut in, make runs and knock it with both feet. All of which is nice for the future, but nothing that would be more valuable than significant playing time for Pisa in the second half of the year. If, in the next two months, he continues his dominance and shows he has nothing more to learn in Serie B, then I’ll change my tune, but I think most highly doubt that will be the case. Until then, let the kid tear up the lower league and keep the tifosi drooling.

Hell of a prospect, but my money is still on Stefano Okaka Chuka.

Goals:

* – If anybody recalls that little discussion we had a couple weeks ago as to “who could possibly fill in for Francesco when he retires”…food for thought. But a topic for another day.

Phat Philou

This is Philou playing the role of Antonio Cassano for the scout team in anticipation of the Sampdoria game.

I know it’s a bit early, but I couldn’t wait until Christmas – I had to get that off my chest.

FIFPro XI

I wasn’t going to mention this because it’s so far beyond absurd it’s nearly incomprehensible, but nonetheless, take a look:

GK: Gigi Buffon – Serie B (Not that he isn’t the best in the world, but still, if this is based on last year…)

LB: Alessandro Nesta – Because he’s not only a LB, but also the best in the world at the moment.

CB: Fabio Cannavaro – Apparently the voters failed to renew their Real TV subscription. At this point, I’m beginning to wonder how many Italians are actually on the voting panel.

CB: Carlos Puyol – Eh, there were better.

RB: John Terry – Not only is he a CB, but he wasn’t even the best on his own team last year (Carvalho); some might even say 3rd best, falling behind a midfielder (Essien).

LW: Lionel Messidona – Legit. Pencil him in here for awhile.

CM: Steven Gerrard – I’m a self-professed lover of all things Stevie G, but even I’ll admit he was under par last season. I can’t even say he should have been on the Prem XI. Essien deserves a spot.

CM: Kaka – Golden Champions League Ball for sure, but I’m not sure he’s a CM. I don’t even think Ancelotti knows what he is. Nevertheless, deserving wherever. (He’d be on an NFL draftboard as “athlete”.)

RW: The Fake Ronaldo – Also on the World’s Biggest Pole Smokers XI, wearing the captain’s armband.

ST: Didier Drogba – Well, looks like Ruud got slighted, since his partner must obviously be Francesco Totti…

ST: Ronaldinho – …uhhhhhh.

Totti’s one thing. Totti AND Ruud omitted? Obviously this is more of a popularity contest and no one watches Real Madrid anymore. Just a ridiculous list.

For the record, my XI for last year (key phrase):

GK: Petr Cech, I guess. Pepe Reina was great late in the CL, but Cech was pretty spectacular after the injury.
LB: Tempted to hold this spot for Maldini’s son. For now, it’s honorary to pops.
CB: Ricardo Carvalho. He was really something to behold last season.
CB: Sergio Ramos. Ditto.
RB: Dani Alves. Guy’s good, but the defensive flanks are weak comparatively.
LW: Lionel Messi. Getafe. Getafe. Getafe.
CM: Michael Essien. Might make this team at a couple spots.
CM: Andrea Pirlo. Serie A and Azzurri fans know.
RW: Kaka. His position is negligible. Slot him anywhere from the midfield up, he plays there at some point.
ST: Ruud van Nistelrooy. That late season clutch run was insanity.
ST: Il Capitano. As if he needs justification.

As you know, opinions are like ass holes, everyone’s got one. That’s mine. Let’s see yours – the opinion, that is. And if anyone puts David Pizarro on there I’m going to track you down and have you committed.

New Goalie

This one kind of flew under the radar, but Roma picked up a young stud keeper for the youth setup this weekend. He’s 12 years old and supposedly moved to the city recently from Spain via France.

Can he touch the crossbar? Yay? Nay? I need an answer to this. I really do. Also, how many pairs of shorts/pants is he wearing? And is he supposed to resemble the Mayor of Munchkinville?

Courtesy of Linda.

Those cheatin’ bastards make their way back to the Olimpico, fresh of a 1-0 loss to Udinese at home (I’m cryin’ inside – really, I am) and the loss of about half their roster to injury and Alfa Romeos. Roma? Just the opposite, coming off a commanding 2-0 victory against Dynamo Kyiv and finally getting most of their squad back from the physio’s table at Trigoria. Last year the teams….oh, wait, they didn’t play last year, because Juventus was in Serie B for fixing games. How sad. And as far as, well, the entire world is concerned, friendlies don’t matter. In case it wasn’t obvious yet, they aren’t exactly an accurate barometer for future form or success.

So, the Roman boys have been earning their fair share of praise from about half the managers in Europe as one of the best teams – if not The Best – in the world at the moment. I’m not ready to start calling them the reincarnation of Milan’s Invincibles, but they’re good. Damn good, in fact. The team has taken the stance that it’s still early, that they won’t let it get to their heads and that they certainly haven’t wrapped up the Scudetto yet. Always good, it’s best not to get too cocky early; but one would hope behind those veiled statements is enough confidence to believe they are no lesser than Milan or Inter or Juventus, and play accordingly. The next two weeks will go a long way in determining such.

The Standings

1. Roma 3-0-0 9pts (+7)
2. Inter 2-0-1 7pts (+4)
3. Napoli 2-1-0 6pts (+5)
4. Juventus 2-1-0 6pts (+4)
5. Milan 1-0-2 5pts (+3)
6. Fiorentina 1-0-2 5pts (+2)

Regardless of what Juventus fans say, they’ll still have to beat Roma by a couple goals to jump into first place, and then hope that Inter draws or loses…and that Napoli doesn’t perform a similar trick against Empoli. So you can take that “win and we’re top of the table” bullshit and stick it up your zebra-laced asses. Politely, of course.

The Squads

Roma: Keeps: Doni, Curci, J. Sergio D-Fence: Philou, J-Smooth (Juan), Cicinho, Tonetto, Panucci, Ferrari, Antunes, Cassetti Mids: King Alberto, DDR, Pizarro, Barusso, Brighi, Lulu Gulu, Espo (!), Mancini, Taddei, Perrotta Up Top: Il Capitano, Vucigol. No surprises.

Juve: Portieri: Gianluigi Buffon, Jess Vanstrattan, Cristiano Novembre. Difensori: Alessandro Birindelli, Giorgio Chiellini, Andrade, Domenico Criscito, Zdenek Grygera, Cristian Molinaro, Nicola Legrottaglie. Centrocampisti: Sergio Almiron, Cristiano Zanetti, Hasan Salihamidzic, Pavel Nedved, Antonio Nocerino, Ruben Olivera, Tiago. Attaccanti: Vincenzo Iaquinta, Alessandro Del Piero, David Trezeguet, Raffaele Palladino.

The Probable XIs

Roma: Spaletti has made no bones about it, he wants to win this game, so you can be assured he will be fielding his strongest XI, aside from maybe a couple of positions.

Doni;
Cassetti, Mexes, Juan, Tonetto;
De Rossi, Aquilani;
Taddei, Perrotta, Mancini;
Totti.

Juventus:

Gigi;
Birindelli, Andrade, Criscito, Chiellini;
Salihamidzic, Almiron, Zanetti, Nedved;
Del Piero, Trezeguet.

Key Injuries

Roma: Surprisingly at this point the only two injuries to speak of are Christian Panucci and Marco Andreolli, after what seems like half the team was injured only a few weeks ago. Old Man River is still out. Due to recent form, one would think Marco Cassetti will start, as he played a hell of a game on Wednesday, so maybe Spalletti would like to ride his wave as long as possible. Then there’s that Cicinho guy – who is supposed to be decent – but he may not be 100% fit and harmonizing yet. It looks to be Marco. Andreolli? Lord knows when he’ll play. His injury is a nuisance for his development with the team, but largely a non-factor.

Thieves: Line ‘em up. Mauro Camoranesi pulled his right thigh’s third medial rectus femoris muscle or something (duh). Antonio Nocerino was taken out by a Fiat. Hasan Salihamsandwich may or may not play for unspecified reasons (aka I’m too lazy to look them up). Jean-Alain Boumsong strained his vagina. Jonathan Zebina bitch slapped a guy in pink, giving credence to his immense masculinity, and has thus been suspended. Marco Marchionni has picked up a mild case of SARS (or something). Zydnek Grygera has done something that will likely preclude him from playing (yeah, that’s the official medical term). Karma, baby. Karma.

Key Matchups

Roma v Fatigue: During the Dynamo game it was no big secret the boys got tired as the game progressed. After all, this was the third fixture in a week for some, even though only one had played close to a full 180 270 – I can’t add (Simone, but stamina is what he does). This will be key during the second half, when the Bianconeri will be on fresher legs (you know, seeing as how they’re not in Europe and all). If they can keep composed and a few more rested faces come in then it shouldn’t be a big deal.

But then there’s the Fiorentina game on Wednesday. Not pretty. Probably the biggest factor during this game, as well as the next two weeks.

Philippe Mexes v 1st Degree Murder: As much as I’d love it, I don’t want to see Philou two foot Pavel Nedved in the chest at any point during the match. We all know those two aren’t exactly bosom buddies, but Philou just doesn’t like Juve. Period. He’s had his spats, he will have more, hopefully they just don’t result in any pretty colored cards. With how dominant he has been, one of my biggest worries.

Francesco Totti v Gianluigi Buffon: There is really little to be said about this. Juventus’ back line wouldn’t strike fear into the hearts of a girls mentally challenged sunday school team (we’ll call them Lazio). So who will win the matchup between two of the best the world has to offer? Serie B or not, Gigi is the best in the world, hands down; while Francesco is the most dangerous striker in the world right now (counting last season), with 3 goals in 3 games, all striking the final nail in the coffin. As always, a matchup for the ages.

Mancini (or Lulu) & Max Tonetto v Juve’s Patchwork Right Side: Here’s what the IR for Juve’s right side looks like: Camo, Grygera, Zebina (mentally injured), Nocerino, Marchionni and potentially Salihamsandwich. Starting will be Birindelli and who the hell knows. Take it down that left hand side early and often, and then some more. It’s like someone left the side door to the bank vault open and you have all night to loot to your heart’s desire.

Roma v The Goal Line: 479 minutes and counting. Wouldn’t that just be splendid to stretch the streak against Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves.

Tactics

Tackle. Run. Pass. Pass. Pass. Wait. Overlap. Clusterfuck. Goal. Celebrate.

Game

It’s quite obvious what Roma is going to try to do. The question is how well they can do it and for how long. At this point the team has really yet to fire on all cylinders, although there were some stretches during that first half in Sicily as well as the buildup to Simone’s goal on Wednesday that were drool-worthy. What happens if a highly motivated side can put some stretches like those against a team missing quick a few key members and backups? Well, it becomes “how long can Gigi hold up the dam?”

Juventus isn’t going to be hiding their gameplan in any super secret underground bunkers either. They’ll try to create and feed the two forwards up top, and try to keep Roma from sneaking the damn ball past midfield, because this team could potentially bleed goals. The biggest question is how well they can plug the holes and prevent Roma from scoring at will. And if Andrade and Criscito give Il Capitano too much space, good bye game.

No matter what, the game will be hard fought and there will more than likely be a few cards and beaucoup free kicks. The defense is much improved from August and the team has done so well controlling games that it’s hard to believe they won’t have similar success until the old legs start to get a little tired. Another factor, which is often brought up less, is the crowd. Water can help, pacing yourself, or taking a rest here and there will help, but nothing helps buoy the legs like a raucous Olimpico crowd. Hopefully the return of Juventus will be enough to throw Curva Sud and the rest of the stands into a frenzy, and give the boys that extra little bit of adrenaline they need when the second half rolls around. So if you’re going to be there, get after it.

In the end, I think Roma’s form, quality and playing at home will be enough to hold off the big, bad Serie B champs, but it will still be a very close and very tough game. Roma for the win. (Duh)

Quotes

“When I decided to leave Parma, I wanted to come to Rome and not Turin. However Sensi preferred Pelizzoli because he was younger.” – Gigi Buffon. Ugh.

“I couldn’t care less about Juventus. I don’t want to know of any transfer stories regarding myself and them. I’ve never imagined myself as a Bianconero. I am a Roma player and I don’t want to hear about such things. I am staying at this club and I’m not pondering anything else.” – Philippe Mexes. All hail Philou.

“We always went into this game as the underdogs. This year our meetings with Juve will be in a sort of balance between our results and their prestigious history.” – Daniele De Rossi. Translation: Hey Juve, you’re not the big, bad wolf anymore. Suck a toad, cheaters.

“I think that Roma are the favourites, but in the grand scheme of things the two teams are of equal strength.” – Alex Del Piero. Really? Funny, I didn’t get that memo.

“In my career I have drawn with Juventus twice, but never won. It’s not too bad, anyway. I will ask my lads to give me a gift.” – TGIP. Get the man a damn gift, fellas.

Predictions

Score: 2-0 Roma
Goals: Mexes (19), Totti (77)
MOTM: Daniele De Rossi, for closing down the entire midfield
Yellows: 8 (heated affair)
Red: 1 (Nedved – for being an ass clown. An ass clown with great hair, but an ass clown nevertheless.)
Doni Related Cardiac Arrests: 756
Times ADP Will Get Bitched Off The Ball: 97

Where: Stadio Olimpico
When: Sunday, 3:00 Roman Time, 9a EST
TV: US, Fox Sports Channel, 9a EST.
Streams: Here, here and here.

FORZA ROMA

(I need to edit/fact-check more often, my b)