GAME

89′ Another foul on Espo. Somebody needs to check that stat. He gets fouled at least 2-3 times every game he comes on.

88′ Curci catching crosses like he’s shagging flies before a baseball game.

87′ Antunes fires one wide. He did quite well today for what was required of him. Itchy trigger finger, too.

86′ Cross. Curci pulls it down. Somebody end this please.

Somebody on for somebody here. Iannelli, actually on.

84′ Mescara hot blocked. Yay.

82′ I’d be shocked to see another goal here. t-10+ mins.

80′ Uhhhh….Mancini on for DDR? Good thing he was hydrating heavily before he came on.

78. Catania possession results in…..are you shitting me? The p-b-p guy just called Catania’s lone striker in the box “the lone pepperoni in the pie”. Come on, guy.

77′ I think Espo is by far the #1 player on Roma in the category “fouls suffered per minute played”.

76′ iTunes playing some sweet D. Max on for Simone.

75′ Catania being way too casual with the ball in their box. Vuci, after running through the D, nearly took the ball back at the spot for a +1.

74′ I’ve seen more scintillating old timer tribute games.

73′ Espo puts a gimme somewhere not near the goal. Nice. Domizzi, anyone?

Best part of this game is the play-by-play announcer making jokes and having them bomb.

71′ Possession….possession…..possession………blah.

69′ Sloppy sloppy.

68′ Roma in possession….possession….possession….long ball cleared out.

67′ Nice work from the boys, lazy cross in by Cicinho.

Ah shit. Cassetti pushed Pia down right outside the box. Seriously, he looks deathly ill or something. Something is not right with him tonight. Free kick off the mark, goal kick Roma.

64′ I’m bored again. We need a streaker or something.

63′ Cicinho poked in the eye. Espo on for Ludovicious. Decent game from him. Not a huge impact.

62′ Curci makes his first real save of the night when Antunes (or someone) nearly heads a back pass out for a corner. Well done, lad.

61′ Nice chip by KA, just short. Catania offside. If not, he was to goal off a long pass.

Gazzola on for, umm, who cares.

58′ GORGEOUS cross by Cicinho into a waiting Perrotta, Simone heads it off the crossbar.

57′ Antunes throws in a nice cross just a bit in front of Vuci.

Vuci offside. 5 now? 6? Baiocco on for Biagianti.

55′ Counter by Catania but nobody comes along with the streaker. Crossed back

54′ Great ball by Lulu to an, again, offside Vuci. Pippo Vucinic today.

53′ Antunes has an absolute howitzer. Just uncorked one just over the bar.

52′ Gorgeous work for the Giallorossi. Nice ball in by Brighi, dummied by Simone, flicked over to the top back to Simone who fires off of the keeper for a corner which is headed out.

Cicinho walking to the sidelines. Coming back on.

50′ Espo getting ready….uh oh shot deflects into the arms of Curci. Cicinho’s down.

If Catania had a bit of patience instead of pulling the trigger ASAP they might accomplish something.

49′ Absolute rocket hit wide of Gilu by Mascara…Cicinho taken off the ball in a tough area for that chance.

48′ Sloppy passing to start off the half. Nice ball to Lulu crosses to Aqui, places in low and a decent save. Could’ve put that in.

47′ Jabbing….nothin’ doing, really. Cicinho taken own.

No Roman subs

KICKOFF

One question: What the hell is “Extra Mega Prostamax” and why would ANYONE want to take something with a name like that.

Half-time: Ugly. That’s all. Ugly.

And I’m going to have nightmares about this back line. This is the same one that bled 3 versus Torino, right? Yikes.

(Checked: It was Cicinho, Ferrari, Cassetti, Antunes. A little worse.)

Simone’s back on. Whistle.

45′ Free kick Catania in a fairly dangerous position. OMR bum rushed Mascara.

Delay, Simone is down. Brozzi (I think) motioning for Spal to hold off on the sub. Curci saves the free kick.

44′ Wow. Rare error from DDR, let’s two defenders by and Mascara fires one well wide. Dangerous chance there.

43′ Some nice defensive work by iTunes, stuffs a cross. Well done, young lad. Clears the ball out.

DDR gets into the act and stuffs another for a Catania corner….foul Elephants.

41′ Vuci beats his defender, lofts a cross to Lulu and one times a bullet just wide. That would’ve been a fantastic goal.

40′ Hudson thinks Vuci should have been sent off. Neh.

39′ Vuci looked to be tripped, ref gives nothing. He’s on a yellow so he’s gotta watch out for any thespian work.

38′ This back line looks firing-squad nervous.

“For those to work doesn’t the defender have to be within a couple of yards of you.”

Crickets.

37′ Woof. Pia goes down in the box and he’s booked for a dive….good call by the ref.

36′ Play-by-play guy finally understands away goals concept. Curci has an easy save, boots one deep. Blah.

35′ Vuci offside on a clear break to goal.

34′ I’m wondering if the play-by-play guy understands the concept of away goals. I don’t think so.

33′ God, Cassetti is getting eaten alive by crosses into the middle. Where’s Sammy K when you need him. Dangerous times in the Roman box.

31′ Wonder if Cassetti is hurt. Looked to be in a good deal of pain earlier and he’s not having a good game at all. (Of course, he’s not a CB either.) Middle of the pitch nothingness right now.

30′ Curci, Buffon, Zoff….none of them had a shot at that goal.

29′ Wow. Catania guy (Silvestri) being marked by the ghost of Christmas future heads a fuckin’ gimme into the back of the net. Well, they need two more now.

28′ Catania get right back to work, dangerous cross headed out. Perrotta gets a yellow. Shit, he grabbed a red to start off with. Wrong card. Wow. That would’ve been deadly.

That was a serene ball into the lower right hand corner.

King Alberto……..GOALLLLLLLLLLLLL.

PENALTY!!! Vucinic clipped big time in the box. Easy call.

26′ This is getting Premiership sloppy.

23′ Whoa. Great ball by Vuci, collision between Catania keeper and defender. That was nearly an away goal and all she wrote.

22′ Edusei hammers one just over the woodwork. Sloppy defending by the Giallorossi.

21′ Beautiful ball by Cicinho, Vuci just offside. Or not just, by a Pippo mile.

20′ iTunes fires a cross off Silvestre’s testicles. Ray is now getting a hard-on for the referee.

19′ iTunes hasn’t really been tested defensively much, but the boy can surely get forward and do some things.

17′ Roma basically finding no way to get good chances in the final third thus far.

16′ Curci barely snags a cross in the box. That has “Doni” written all over it. Ray is now salivating over Gilu’s “muscularity”.

15′ Cross by Cicinho, cleared out, Ludovicious kicks a field goal. Three points.

14′ Giuly swoops one in, Aquilani puts in an inch perfect ball back to Ludovicious. God it’s great to see him play.

13′ Simone with a nice touch on a beautiful left footed cross by iTunes. Jesus, who needs a LB?

12′ Kinda boring. Real boring, actually. Hudson likes the playing surface, though. Like a “pool table”.

10′ Aqui heads a corner down in the box, cleared out.

9′ iTunes sends a cross to nobody. Everybody listening to the announcers talk about Soros? Hudson would know, he coached under him.

8′ Catania manages a chance, Pia taken off the ball in the box. Roma starting to push forward en masse.

6′ OMR just misses a goal on a header through a corner….whaddya know?

5′ Fantastic ball by Cicinho, Vuci mistimes the touch. Nice ballwork and he wins a corner.

4′ Little bit of back and forth so far….two early offsides for Catania. Little too eager on the ball here for Roma.

3′ Whoa, Perrotta just got hipchecked big time. Cassetti is limping…nice.

2′ Nice overlap by Cicinho, cross headed out.

1′ Looks like Simone is on the left. Catania is quite feisty to start off with.

KICKOFF.

Vuci is sans beard.

TIM Cup sounds sooooooo NASCAR.

——————————————————————————

The first leg was the very definition of a sleeper. Or maybe it could be described as a “coma in motion”. Whatever it was, it wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t really all that effective and it wasn’t fun to watch. Bad news? It’s probably going to be the same thing all over again. Good news? I’d bet everything currently in my pockets that Roma goes through (Swiss Army knife, Orbitz, HTC and $7 plus change).

Said it yesterday, but Catania is in trooooooouble. They’ve got Juve at calcio’s Chateau d’If and they’re hosting Roma on the final giornata. Quite frankly, they can’t worry about this game. Well, they can, but it’d be mighty foolish of them. And the who’s who of Catania isn’t on their call list, it’s on the non-convocati variety:

Non convocati: Ioime, Lasagna, Martinez (squalificato), Morimoto, Polito, Sciacca, Spinesi, Stovini, Tedesco (squalificato), Vargas.

A couple of sizable DQ’s in Martinez an Tedesco also (for them, at least).

Spal’s call-up list is standard, with a few kiddies thrown in:

ANTUNES Gabriel
AQUILANI Alberto
BERTAGNOLI J. Sergio
BRIGHI Matteo
BROSCO Riccardo (prenderà il numero 40)
CASSETTI Marco
CICINHO
CURCI Gianluca
DE ROSSI Daniele
ESPOSITO Mauro
GIULY Ludovic
MANCINI Alessandro
PANUCCI Christian
PERROTTA Simone
PIZARRO David
TONETTO Max
UNAL Daniel
VUCINIC Mirko
ZOTTI Carlo

So the only area which might be an issue is the defense, where it’s gonna look somethin’ like this:

Cicinho, Cassetti, OMR, Max.

Who loves fullbacks?

Could it be the day we’ve all been looking forward to – the DDR at CB experiment? Perhaps. We shall see.

Streaming is aplenty, but may I make a suggestion. GolTV is available, which means Ray Hudson will be available. Some people love him, some people hate him. In fact, he’s very much, like scotch and Patrick Vieira’s face, an acquired taste (the latter, of course, being nearly impossible to acquire). However, the man’s a Roma fan, and thus you must love he of greatly exaggerated metaphors and superfluous superfluousness.

Projected XI:

Curci;
Cicinho, Cassetti, Panucci, Tonetto;
DDR, KA;
Ludovicious, Brighi, Mancini;
Vuci.

I haven’t a clue here.

Whoa, lineups out…4 central mids:

Curci, Cicinho, Panucci, Cassetti, Antunes, De Rossi, Brighi, Giuly, Perrotta, Aquilani, Vucinic

A disposizione: Bertagnoli, Pizarro, Esposito, Tonetto, Mancini, Unal, Brosco

Interesting…

We all know Simone can play out wide, but it may be King Berto on the flanks. Or could DDR be in the back and Cassetti out wide……

Oh, plus Unal AND Bosco on the bench? Nice.

GolTV is replaying Giuly’s cracker versus Milan in the CL a few years back right now. I’m feeling a goal from him tonight.

Who the hell is De Rossa? Because according do the GolTV guy, he’s playing in the midfield for Roma.

Liveblog up at the top now.

On to Udinese…..

Game.

91′ Foul on Espo, 1 minute stoppage. Thank fuck.

90′ Doni deflects one over the net. I don’t know whether his fantastic game is good or bad, because it might just mean he’s used up another of his SuperDoni days, and the quota is dwindling. I don’t want to see him drop kick one behind him into his own net on Sunday. Sadly, I’m almost bracing for it.

88′ Fiddling around, waiting for the final whistle. Vucinic stopoped by one of 17 ManU defenders on the pitch.

86′ Mancini fires one off someone’s face, DDR fires one high…..typing that made me sick.

84′ Lotsa pitter patter here, ManU defending well deep.

What the hell is a scuderro?

“Roma are still alive in the scuderro race.”

82′ Espo on for Taddei. HEY, a fucking Totti mention. 82nd minute. Whaddya know.

80′ Has anyone noticed not one single mention of Totti by the ESPN announcers this game, but they can’t stop tugging on Neville’s Neville? Come on, ladies.

79′ Not much going on in either direction besides a lot of passing and standing around.

76′ Roma corner. Another corner. Nothin doin besides confusion in the box.

75′ I’ll just be glad when this game is over. Shit, I might even do the Udinese preview tonight.

O’Shea on for Carrick, Rooney on for the Welsh Yeti.

73′ Mexes has looked a bit shaky today. Here’s to not getting drawn with Manchester in the next decade. Yellow for Simone.

Is it me, or does Ludovic coming on feel like a ManU goal is inevitable?

Game. 1-0 Manchester on the break. Mexes couldn’t defend the center and the man. And so we look towards 2008-09.

69′ Piza off, here comes LUUUUUUUUUUUDOVICIOUS. Simone will drop back now.

68′ Tevez offside, if not he was clear on goal. Corner Roma…..oh, Juan missed it……clear chance in front of goal.

67′ So where’s Giuly, Spal? Corner, Roma. Taken easily by Pizarro.

66′ Foul by Panucci on Anderson, looked quite like a dive. Headed out by Philou, atta boy. Hey, this might be our miracle….Gary Neville is warming up.

65′ Headed up by Philou….Mancini and Vuci counter almost too quick for them.

64′ Park wins a free kick. Max defends very well, ManU corner.

63′ Juan cleans up in the back, Roma seems destined foir something here. Taddei shows too much ball….how about some Ludovicious.

I hate these dumbass biased announcers. Really do.

61′ Tonetto wins the ball off Park, well done, sir. Well done indeed.

59′ Corner Roma…our fair Giallorossi are winning some chances here. Piss poor corner by Piza, ManU counter….Taddei wins another poor ball. Vuci manhandled.

58′ Ronaldo’s warming up.

JUAN AGAIN. Fucking immense.

57′ TADDEI. Take your sweet time why don’t cha? Corner Roma, after Taddei gets a sitter blocked. Juan header saved on the line.

56′ Juan kung fu defends. I love him. Absolutely love him. Hargreaves fouls somebody. Here’s Max.

Nope, it’s gonna be Tonetto. At least there’s a left peg in the house now. Get ready for a ton of stoppage time later.

Here comes Cicinho. Dislocated shoulder for Cassetti? Ugh.

53′ Stunning noncall on Cassetti, oh he’s down. Shoulder again. Time to warm up Tonetto. Unfortunate, almost, because he’s been everywhere.

52′ OMR for the FK, shades of Madrid…….heaved out by ManPoo.

51′ Long ball wasted, picked up by Doni. JUAN. FUCKING JUAN. Saves the day. Albeit a bit long on the touch by Park, but Juan is amazing. Another corner. What’s this, infinity times 12?

49′ Simone clears it out, but ManU ends up wih possession again after the free kick. Cassetti whips it out of bounds. Doni just went full out for a ball into the side netting. Love him.

48′ DDR defends well….Cassetti misses an open fucking net….ah Christ.

47′ How many corners is this for ManPoo now? Infinity times seven? Eight? Good lord. Goal kick. Mancini shot in the box stuffed by ManU. Sneaky goal scoring chance there.

46′ Wow, hadn’t even checked the schedule. Udinese on Sunday, eh? Wonderful. Come on, David.ManU now with possession, De Rossi deflects it out of bounds for a corner.

No changes either side.

SECOND HALF

FORZA ROMA

And it’s time to pray, ladies and gents, for the most magical half of football you’ve ever seen in your life.

I think it’s about time for Giuly to come on for Taddei. There’s nothing to lose.

An extremely exciting game for neutral observers, surely, and it’s great to see Roma with so much life after being put on their back foot for the entire first quarter hour. I don’t see how this game can end 0-0, and let’s just hope it’s the good guys who get the goals.

HALFTIME

47′ Silvestre plays it OOB. Roma playing for one last chance….foul on Taddei.

46′ 2 minutes…..goal kick ManU.

45′ Foul on Simone. Beard’s lookin’ good, so that’s something. Perrotta has already covered 5500m….good christ.

44′ Cheeky cross with the outside of Cassetti’s found scooped by EVDS. Sweet ball from MC.

43′ Mirko back on, very sore it appears. Foul on park, poor call. Out of bounds. A goal here would be monumental.

Vucinic walking off. That’s a good start, pray for Mirko. Just be smart with 10, that’s all I ask.

41′ Corner cleared out. Vucinic hurt. Oh fuck. Lower back. Wes Brown’s knee right into his back.

40′ Rio looks hurt…..oh boy. Counter Roma….DDR….Vucistopped…..fuck.Cassetti smartly heads the cross out of bounds for a corner. Just noticed Marco shaved pregame. Atta boy.

38′ Foul on Simone, who has been running ragged. Juan is a stud. That’s all. I don’t care if Roma fails to win a trophy, he’s worth Chivu and so much more.

37′ Goal kick ManU.

36′ What a fucking tackle by Juan. Roma in control right now.

35′ Regardless of the scoringline, Roma is making everyone proud right now. They’re all fight.

34′ Daniele playing like a madman now. Perhaps he needed that PK miss.

DDR backheel stuffed! Fuck.

Absolutely devastating. Surprising, because he made one on a much bigger stage in Berlin.

31′ Daniele needs to calm down. Fantastic defensive work by Juan.

Oh Daniele. Baggio circa 1994.

Amantino wins the PK!!!!

29′ Vuci fires on on PENALTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Horrible pass from Taddei cleaned up easily by ManU. Giuly will be making an early entrance.

28′ Dangerous ManU counter ruled offside. Whew.

27′ OMR cross headed out by Carrick, corner Roma.

26′ Park sends one out of bounds. Not sure what he was going for there, perhaps Ronaldo in the stands.

25′ Doni fires one out of bound just to let us known he’s still heart attack Doni.

“Roma have not won in their last 2 away matches in UCL”…..Ummmm, I think they won the last one, you dumb fucks.

24′ Doni saves a laser from Anderson. MOTM thus far, easy. Goal kick Roma.

23′ Hargreaves gets owned by Juan and Cassetti in the box.

22′ Offside Park, Roma pushing forward. Weak header from Vuci caught by EVDS.

21′ Cassetti into the box, Pique clears it for a throw. Hargreaves falls with the ball out of bounds, fk ManU.

20′ Anderson wins it back with some hustle….Pizarro over the top to Vuci….

17′ ManU possessing….counter Vuci…..foul Anderson on OMR….Amantino foul.

16′ Roma gain possession, long ball handled easily……Doni is a fuckin hero right now. Should be 2-0 ManU.

“Right when I thought I was out he pulled me right back in.”

15′ Not much happening, ManU with possession…..goal kick for Roma.

13′ Nice swipe…..Pizarro sends a poor pass deep. Here comes Piza again, Taddei……EDVS saves one on Vuci…..Clusterfucking…EDVS saves a laser from Amantino. MUCH BETTER.

11′ The good news is that ManU is controlling like Roma to start the game last week, so perhaps Roma’s in line for a couple goals. Mexes with a great challenge on the ball to save another gscoring opportunity.

10′ Great save by Doni on Hargreaves. Jesus christ, slow it down.

9′ Headed out by OMR for a corner. ManU coming at Roma fast……corner headed just over the bar.

8′ Good buildup thwarted, foul by Mexes, fk, ManPoo. Poor throw by Cassetti.

7′ Tackle by Juan, a nice one, splits out to Park, fires to Tevez who heads it wide. Very unlucky.

6′ Park shoots wide, kept on by OMR. Coulda been dangerous.

5′ Amantino tackled by Park,ManU playing with the balls.

4′ Roma balls to the wall here….shot wide by Taddei. I love the way they’re playing. They came to win.

3′ Early sweet play by Amantino…cross cleared by Philou, corner ManU….odd header by Taddei. Tevez offside.

2′ Throw to Roma, cheeky work in the back from Mexes, run by Cassetti, cross scooped by EDVS>

1′ Early foul by Anderson, booted out for a ManU goal kick.

Kickoff

What was with that extra special hello from van der Sar to Simone? Didn’t EVDS show up at Juve after Perrotta?

Daniele De Rossi is bouncing around like a freakin’ animal. OMR with the band, but this could be DDR’s night.

FORZA ROMA

Too many commercials. I need some on the field stuffs.

I’d take a Ryan Babel-esque call tonight surely. Maybe a pk from Amantino? After the last few weeks, that’s the best we can hope for from him. Or maybe this will be the ultimate “gimme a contract already, dammit” game?

Pregame: Tommy Smyth just provided the translation for Marco Cassetti and managed not to say “bulge the old onion bag”. I suppose that’s step one in the right direction.
———————————————————————————————————————————–

Banners graciously made again by RomaShield27 of

I wanted to wax on regarding keeping hopes low and all that jazz, then I saw the starting XIs: no Ronaldo, no Rooney, no Evra. This thing ain’t over.

MANCHESTER UNITED (4-3-3):

Van der Sar;
Brown, Ferdinand, Pique, Silvestre;
Anderson, Carrick, Hargreaves;
Park, Tevez, Giggs.

ROMA (4-2-3-1):

Doni;
Cicinho, Mexes, Juan, Cassetti;
De Rossi, Pizarro;
Taddei, Perrotta, Mancini;
Vucinic.

No respect. No fuckin’ respect.

————————————————————————————————————————————

Sounds like Alberto is unable to go, no words on the benches yet. It’s the lineup we thought we’d see, and that’s fine by me. I hope David Pizarro makes up for every bad thing I’ve said about him and pulls the strings on at least a half dozen dimes tonight. Hell, if he plays a part in two or more goals and Roma wins, I’ll buy a DP 7 Kappa kit and wear it mighty proudly.

I really cannot wrap my mind around benching Rooney. Ronaldo I can actually see, but Rooney is a 90 minute player, and those are integral in these types of games.

I would also pay good money for an early knock to Rio, and to see him forced off early, tying that arrogant fuck Fergie’s hands when it comes to substitutions. Actually, an Tomas Kusnzvsijcaka sighting would be nice also.

Fergie made me do this:

More than anything, I don’t hate Fergsuon for his arrogance, I hate him for giving me hope. Bastard.

I can’t help it, I’m excited now. It’s the Curse of La Magica. Ah.

Game. Unreal.

92′ Mancini with a poor, poor ball into the middle. Terrible game from him, really.

90′ Ronaldo volley over.

89′ Foul on somebody, Roma fk…..corner.

88′ Ronaldo too far through the box, to Tev, stopped by OMR.

85′ Mexes dribbles it out of bounds, Roma losing shape and all. Who knows what this team needs right now.

And could we can the talk from the announcers saying ManU is through? We know the likelihood they’re through is extraordinarily high. However, there’s a reason they play the games.

84′ Tevez for Rooney.

82′ Rooney’s shot blocked by OMR. Roma down the other end…..Espo taken down, throw in ManYoo.

80′ Mancini’s shot stuffed. Long distance try from Pizarro goes nowhere.

79′ Nothing, nothing and more nothing.

Espo on for Aquilani, who did little.

Espo coming on. If ever there was a time to make up for an tnire season of nothing, this is it.

75′ Dead on their feet, it appears.

73′ KA puts one over the bar. Philou cheering everyone on.

Roma not doing much right now. Bleh.

Ronaldo off the post. He is the only player in the world I would say I would be very happy to see get a career ending injury. A disgrace to athlete’s everywhere.

I’ve had my day with Doni. Bout time for a new keeper.

65′ 0-2. Throw everyone forward. Everyone.

64′ Is Aberdeen playing today? No? then can we shut up about them please?

63′ Corner, Roma…..foul DDR in the box. Pretty bad call.

Corner, Roma….Mancini is bringing the ball back away from the goal too much on his first touch……..fuckin’ a….great save by vdS.

61′ Ronaldo dives again. Is he trying out for the Portugal Olympic Dive Team? Good christ man, have some respect.

Poor ball up high from Mancini.

60′ Giuly huge impact already……this is what they need. Ball into the middle saved by vdS….corner.

Giuly for Taddei….here comes the CL hero. Let’s make it 3 for 3 with the kits.

58′ Pizaman loses the ball, puts it out of bounds. LG for DP now, please.

57′ Cassetti foul on Evra.

56′ KA blocked by the ManPoo back line. That was his first.

Need some Ludovicious.

55′ Hargreaves on for Anderson.

54′ Ronaldo dives, free kick. Mexes is yellowed, perhaps for his reaction. Come on, Philippe. Goal kick Roma.

53′ AA hammered down trying to make a run. That’s a fk, ya know.

52′ Oh man, Panucci fires it just over. Roma looking much better here.

51′ Can we stop with the long balls? Tonetto is saved from EVDS.

Oh Max……laser fired wide, that had to tie it right there.

48′ Poor touch by Max, Roma ets a foul. DDR gets tackled near the box. Nothin’. That’s a pk for United at OT.

Better ball in, but Taddei knocked it too far, a second ball into the box is cleared.

47′ Mancini has not been even close to his vintage self……Roma corner.

46′ Pizarro another long ball too far. Come on, let’s shorten this up.

SECOND HALF KICKOFF

Half Really, something needs to change going forward. The game borderline sucks and Roma is going for too many long balls and not enough of their vintage gameplan. Defensively they’e held United really well and it’s just been one freak occurrence.

Pizarro yellow for Ronaldo’s ridiculous dive. What an acting job.

Yellow for Anderson. Let’s have one more for him.

Ronaldo gets crushed by DDR. Good.

45′ Slowing down. Lotsa nothing. 3 minute stoppage.

43′ Roma in possession…..too far from Piza, goalkick MU.

42′ Vuci……mama…..just wide.

40′ Now it’s time to step it up. Roma have controlled this game and now that shit.

39′ Fuck. Ronaldo 0-1.

38′ Long ball for Vuci from RT goes too far to EDVS, some disease emanating from your colon.

37′ Corner Roma…..Mark Cass a little too long for Rodrigo. CR6.25 is bitching and moaning like a little girl. What’s new.

36′ Mancini has not been good. MU’s triangle gives Roma possession….good cross from Max headed out by Evra.

35′ Fark, one ball through and Vuci was clean to goal. Rio put it out well.

34′ Free kick in a good spot for Roma….nothin. Piza hasn’t been great on set pieces yet.

32′ Here comes John O’Shea. NICE.

These commentators are idiots. Giggs was just running down as the messenger, yet they’re question why SAF would bring Giggs on. Mensa duo, no doubt.

31′ Giggs is going down to find out what the deal is…….let’s see him go out.

Stretcher is coming out. And Vucinic has been winning the battle between Rio & NV, now if Vidic goes out, this could be huge.

28′ Vidic is down…….oh boy, he’s really in pain….could just be a stinger, but…..

27′ Mancini runs at the D….booted out….possession….Vucinic……just over. Fantastic composure to turn on that ball falling down.

26′ Max tried the move Totti fed him with against Empoli…..no go.

25′ Doni kung fu kicks the shit out of the ball back to EVDS – that sounds like a disease, doesn’t it?

24′ Pizaman low….cleared out of the box twice.

24′ Mexes little clip on CR6.5…..MU throw….Scholes gets blocked. Roma free kick….quick counter….Mancini…..corner, Roma.

22′ The homeless lumberjack appears to be playing LB now. Clusterfucking…….goal kick. MU.

21′ max loses the ball, out for a ManU throw.

20′ Foul by Max on JSPark. Crapoldo is no Totti and puts the FK wide.

19′ Where was the foul on Taddei? Evra and his badonkadonk plowed him over.

Anderson kicks just outside of the field goal posts. Christ, he wouldn’t even make it in the NFL.

18′ Ronaldo is pouting like a pre-schooler. Good to see all is normal.

17′ Foul in the box on Crapoldo, flies a bow. Yeah, fuckin’ you.

Ohhhhhh…..Panucci just over the bar. Patented header from the ageless one right there.

15′ Superb tackle by Cassetti on Crapoldo….Roma possess….deflection for a Roma corner.

14′ Nice touches from Roma – Vuci and Mancini – but Roma end up having to put it out.

13′ ManU trying to play keepaway for 90 minutes….finally Roma gets it back.

12′ That would’ve been a ManU peno at Old Trafford.

10′ Slowing down….CRon gets “fouled” by Mexes….

9′ “Manchester U trying to out-Roma Roma”……they just wanna be like the Giallorossi.

8′ Scholes fouls Piza, lots of long balls from Roma….Vuci chases down vdS….poor stuff from ManPoo.

Poor ball from CRon, Roma have possession. Taddei chased vdS down too much and Cassetti was up against CRon and Evra ll alone. That’s a no no Rodrigo.

5′ Has Crapoldo even had a touch yet? Roma throw, gaining some early possession. David swinging long balls early.

Poor free kick, really, DDR called for the foul.

4′ Ugh, ppor ball from Mark Cass, Roma gets poss….very slow buildups ere. Anderson pounds Rodrigo from behind without consent, free kick.

3′ Long ball from Piza to taddei, Evra heads it out….poor ball by DDR….through ball too far for Vuci………

2′ Roma winning headers, Anderson pounds one out of bounds. Roma seems very composed.

1′ ManYoo send an early ball down to Rooney, results in a thrwo. Roma nabs possession…..Vuci fires one way, way wide.

KICKOFF

Spalletti is looking extra suave. Ferdinand has a HUGE booboo. He get in a right?

Curva Sud is off the chain right now. There we go.

Countdown to kickoff…..5 minutes.

The time for revenge is now.

This game leaves me somewhat beyond words. Partly because I’m so…sick…and….tired of thinking about and watching Manchester United. There’s a reason why I, and many others who appreciate the finer things in life, don’t watch the Premiership. Or, more appropriately, the Premiershit. Were they wiped off the map it would be of no great loss to the sport from a technical and tactical standpoint.

Beyond ManUre itself, however, I don’t know what to expect. Never do with this Roma team. Logic says they will be fired up for the big game, as we all know they play to the level of their opponents almost to a fault (see: the derby, where Roma was merda against merda). But it’s not as cut and dried this time around.

Now it’s not just about Roma. It’s about all of calcio, as they’re the country’s lone representative remaining in Europe this year (shut up, Viola). Those are mighty large expectations missing one Francesco Totti. But they should be fine, as long as The Grand Imperial Poobah is at the helm. In TGIP we trust.

So here’s to Roma, and here’s to an early red for the scum of the sporting world, Cristiana Ronaldo.

Rumored lineup via il Romanista:

ROMA (4-2-3-1):

Doni;
Cassetti, Mexes, Panucci, Tonetto;
De Rossi, Aquilani;
Mancini, Pizarro, Taddei; Vucinic.

MANCHESTER UNITED (4-3-2-1):

Van der Sar;
Brown, Ferdinand, Vidic, Evra;
Carrick, Scholes, Anderson;
Ronaldo, Park;
Rooney.

No Giggs and PARK????

Is it me or does that lineup not look all that frightening anymore?

I said it at the beginning of the year, I’ll say it now….

Also, instead of liveblogging down the page, the newest entry will start at the top. Because it’s easier that way and I’m an idiot for not recognizing this sooner.

ESPN’s coverage has just now come one……

Anderson looks like he should be the other girl on a BET sitcome.

Amantino is looking spacey. I don’t like that.

Bout time:

Over/under on “bulge the old onion bags”: +/-8.5
+/- on pounds of hairproduct used by CRon: 273.5
Times Derek Rae will proverbially yank on Fergie’s Fergie: 273.5

I could sit here and spout off vitriole against the merda all day, which I might do anyway, but they’re not worth the collection of breaths.

Roma is en fuego. We know this. Mirko Vucinic is looking like everything he’s supposed to be and more, even though it’s from the bench. It’s like the old boxing analogy: don’t go in looking for the KO, because chances are you’ll get kayoed yourself. Soften ‘em up with a few rounds of jabs, knock their arms around a bit and wait for their hands to drop…..then go for the KO. In the Giallorossi equation, Amantino is the jab (that sometimes fucks it all up and kayos the opponent anyway), and Mirko is the knockout punch in the late rounds. It works, at the moment…..don’t mess with it.

Rumor has it David Pizarro is starting. I don’t care if Little David scores 12 goals and urinates on Luciano Zauri for his 7th celebration, Alberto Aquilani is Roman, he is Romanista, and he has to play. This is a game which is unlike any other game, and tactics can mean very little. Let’s hope they’re all wrong.

Another early rumor is that Marco Cassetti will get the start on the left, and the only real answer here is that Max Tonetto was so freakin’ exhausted after he ran the London, Boston and Chicago marathons in succession on Saturday evening that he’d be good for maybe a half going in. Coming off an injury? I dunno. Could be baseless speculation.

Cicinho looks to be very, very quietly winning that starting spot in the RB slot.

Oh, and the hard and soul of the back line has returned to hate on Lazyo just a little bit more. Phorza Philou.

Rumored Lineup:

Doni;
Cicinho, Mexes, Juan, Tonetto;
DDR, Pizarro;
Taddei, Perrotta, Mancini;
Totti.

T-minus 1 hour.

A little derby love to hold you over:

Scratch allllllll of that, Vucinic and Aquilani are IN, per Il Romanista:

ROMA (4-2-3-1): Doni; Cicinho, Juan, Mexes, Cassetti; De Rossi, Aquilani; Perrotta, Taddei, Vucinic; Totti

LAZIO (4-3-3): Ballotta; De Silvestri, Cribari, Siviglia, Kolarov; Behrami, Ledesma, Dabo; Pandev, Bianchi, Rocchi

Also, you will all be happy to know I am in fact rocking the Simone-inspired beard, which may just be good luck.

Doni;
Cicinho, Mexes, Juan, Cassetti;
DDR, Aquilani;
Taddei, Perrotta, Vucinic;
Totti.

Lineups are official.

True Visions 3608 is up…….

And here we go. The flags are waving, the teams are ready, it’s derby time ladies.

KICKOFF

SHIT, LAZIO GETS AN EARLY CHANCE ON GOAL.

Not good. Bad caps lock monster.

Cicinho’s on the left…..odd.

1′ Philou’s looking primed to stick his yellow boot up some Laziale asses.

2′ Looks like Cici is a counter move for De Silvestri.

Berto is getting knocked all over the place in the opening minutes. Just you wait til he unleashes his revenge.

3′ Corner Roma…nice run from Cassetti. Totti taking it………another corner. Forza.

Too much loft. Poor pass from Taddei, I believe. Hit the ball like a sally, those baby blues unis must be rubbing off.

6′ Roma’s passing has been pretty terrible to start off the game. Let’s hope they’re just getting warmed up.

Free kick baby slappers…..off the cross bar..

DONI!!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!!!

Way out of position. That was damn near 1-0.

8′ Defense is really being tested here. This reminds of the last derby.

10′ Roma at least controlling some play now, but jesus. Testy few minutes there.

Bianchi goes a litle top heavy and falls down in the box. Big breasts will do that to ya, buddy.

11′ Lazio’s uniforms look like they’re stuck in 1980, just like their organization.

13′ Cassetti’s passes have really been off here.

Free kick in range for Roma…..

headed out…..Roma loooking disorganized and kind of all over the place.

15′ Corner for the sheep herders…

Roma back in possession.

Cassetti making a run…..Vuci in the box…Mexes makes a nice tackle to win possession. Bianchi threads one to Doni. Brilliant!

18′ Just showed Mudingayi looking lustfully towards Behrami on the bench. Oof.

Vucinic shoots wide.

19′ Roma really working on some thing here. Totti with a nice flick…..Mexes is shown a yellow. Fark.

21′ ANOTHER Lazio set piece. Jesus.

A whole lotta nothin in the middle of the pitch right now.

23′ Roma string some nice passes together…vintage stuff…but the ball is headed over the crossbar.

24′ Marco Cassetti just put on a clinic for Valon Behrami…

Siviglia shown the yeller for a stupiid foul on Vucinic.

Free kick does nothin’, but Roma’s at least putting Lazio on their back foot. They’ll fall down eventually.

26′ I’m feeling a Siviglia red card today.

Those dumb Lazie fucks….you can’t put the ball through DDR”s midfield.

28′ Corner…..bounced out of the box.

Siviglia boots it towards the Sud.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLL

TADDEI ON THE DEFLECTION!!!!!!

Behrami tries to clear it but it hits Taddei off the face and he scores the opened. God, that just fucking defines SS Lazio right there.

That was all Vuci’s run, though. Beautiful slalom.

Bianchi just got hit in the giblet. The one remaining after they took thhe other when he wa sold to Lazio.

De Silvestri is down….really down. Ummm, broken rib, perhaps?

35′ Neh, he’s fine.

Juan is a monster.

Phew…balll trickles through the box….

Aquilani gets it out of danger. Testy times.

Kolarov gets a yellow. Taddei has been taking a beating today. Luckily one of em was a goal.

DDR with a smooth back heel. Puhlease, Lazyo.

39′ Cassetti with the foul on Ledesma…..just a harmless trip. No card. The savages are booing. or is that a mating call?

Daniele De Rossi with a man’s challenge on Kolarov. Absolute freakin’ beast.

No foul on Vuci…what the fuck?

Fuck. 1-1. The ref had to miss two fucking calls for them to get it.

Totti has been relatively nonexistent.

45′ 1 minute added.

Dabo given a yellow for being a fucking louse.

Halftime.

Fuck. That is all. Fuck.

And Genoa draws it 1-1. Atta girlies.

Good news: Roma can’t really play much worse than in the first half, an we’re clearly due for a sub or 7. Also, Nearly the entire Lazie squad seems to have yellows, so the chances of a red may be decent.

And here we go again….

2nd half:

@#$%….Simone puts it wide right off the bat. Hey, at least he didn’t boot it to the Sud.

Cicinhp makes a nice grab….Taddei boots it to the bench. Where’s Amantino? He’s pretty damn ood in these things ya know.

Little bit of field tennis here…not much going….Christ, is Roma playing anyone on the wings?

Great ball by DDR, Ballotta grabs it but he was sliding towards a red card. Damn.

FUCK. Totti goal ruled offside.

Roma’s playing a one touch game right now. Very welcome.

Kolarov launches a tribute to ex-Lazie Massimo Oddo and launches a ball deep into the Nord.

Bianchi throws an elbow at Mexes….must’ve learned that in the Prem.

Ball gets lost in the box. Roma in possession.

5′ Aquilani gets a yellow card. He’s pissed.

54′ Bianchi puts it wide. Thank christ.

Subs, please.

55′ Aquilani boots it over the goal. To Lazie.

What a fucking bullshit ccall.

Morganti is out of his fucking mind here.

Penalty.

And Serie A just gets more and more embarrassing.

SUBS, PLEASE.

60′ Taddei is….well….he needs to come off.

SIIIIIMMMMOOONNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

2-2

You run that ball back out you madman.

Juan giving a real embrace to Cassetti – you can see how much this jersey means to him already.

The boys are running around like animals. They want this so bad.

Alright, love yer face Taddei, but it’s time to come off.

Amazing ball from Totti to Vuci….corner kick…..where’s Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudovic.

65′ Mutarelli on for De Silvestri.

Ludovicious for Taddei.

67′ Cassetti kicks a field goal, Lazio ball.

Kolarov is the Serbian Massimo Oddo.

I hope he stays at Lazio for a long, long time.

Giuly nearly had a break right there…..played it into the box, it’s cleared out.

Ledesma goes down….strained his labia minora.

Bianchi off for Mauri.

Totti & Giuly…that’s what it’s going too be.

Cassetti is down.

Game’s still 2-2, even though it should be 2-1.

Overhead boot from Aquilani and he hurt himself on the landing.

You know………..

Roma really taking the gamee to Lazio righ now.

Genoa & Inter drew 1-1…..come on Giallorossi…….

Damn, Behrami swings it for a goal kick. Tempo really slowing down here.

Somebody went in two footed on the captain. Siviglia. Bitchass.

Another sub, Spal? Maybe some mantino?

Vucinic just faked himself out. They’ve got one in em…come on.

Here comes Amantino.

Mudigayi just onto the pitch fresh out of the showers.

Mancini on for Vuci. I like it the other way around.

Rocchi cries because he wanted a pk for his dive. You already got one today, buddy.

Corner oon some work from Amantino.

Another corner from Amantino.

Morganti has been fucking terrible tonight.

Cassetti has taken a real beating tonight.

andeev gets stopped one his way to a 1v1 with Doni by Cici and Juan.

OMR for Cassetti, being helped off the field.

5 mins stoppage.

Roma 4 – Real Madrid 2

Everybody sufficiently nervous? Fingernails down to the bone? Adult diapers on? Good. It’s game time.

All I ask for is an early Roma goal. Just an early Roma goal. One which sends the entire Real Madrid XI forward, scrambling for two goals and blowing their back line wide open. And that will go down to the golden boots of one Il Grande Capitano.

Il Romanista’s pumping this out as the probable formation:

Doni;
Panucci, Mexes, Juan, Max;
DDR, Pizarro;
Taddei, Perrotta, Mancini;
Totti.

Which would be the first time in a long, long while that I’ve hit a starting XI on the nose.

And we still have over an hour til the first whistle, but this one’s that important.

New formation via ilR:

Doni;
Cicinho, Juan, Mexes, Tonetto;
De Rossi, Aquilani;
Taddei, Perrotta, Mancini;
Totti.

ALBERTO!

And of course, Cicinho. The big guns are coming out tonight.

The Real lineup via Corey:

———–Casillas————
Torres—Canna—Pepe—Heinze
Guti—-Diarra—-Gago—Robinho
——-Baptista—-Raul——-

UEFA stream is already bumping the CL anthem….doesn’t the sound of that just scream “I’m calling out of work on a Tuesday or Wednesday and spending the day in my bathrobe eating Cheez-Its and yelling things at the TV”?

Early prediction of the day: we’re going to shatter the offside’s record number for comments…which I believe stands at 438. I’ll guess 492.

Seems about that time……

The Bernabeu is bumping AC/DC “High way to Hell” right now….damn straight they are.

UEFA’s stream is crapping out early, which is a good sign going in. No video. Buffering slowly. Nice.

I’m getting bunch of stills with British commentary. Does it get any worse than this? (You’ve got 8 mins to get your shit together, UEFA.)

Alright channelsurfing.net is working somewhat…..

Here we go, kickoff….

I’m still trying to get this to work. Awesome.

Simone is looking burly with that beard…

Second half LB….let’s try this.

Two fouls in a row, Berto just a few yards outside the box. Tough spot to give that up.

48 AH! Corner of the woodwork….everybody be thankful for that one.

Jesus…cleared off the line. (I’m having issues again. I think the year 2008 is against me.)

Ah shit, Berto goes knee to knee, Gago is cranky and kicks the ball weally weally hawd.

Nice play by Cicinho to clear the FK out of the box.

Robinho gets shot by a sniper in the stands 8 seconds after the play, fk Real…….foul. Roma poss.

Simone misses a next match if there is one.

Simone heads it wide….goal kick Real. But he did it while lookin sexy so it’s cool.

Nice save from Alex on a long range ball from Diarra.

Cicinho is faking Robinho out with his ddefensive moves. Only Cici.

Drenthe on for Diarra. Oh yippee.

Mirko for Amantino. I like this one, actually. Mirko has been a CL monster this year and he holds possession well if need be.

Cicinho yellow foor who the hell knows what. (The stream works for 30-40 seconds before I have to refresh the page. Big stuff only.)

Foul on the edge of the box….red. Definitely. No way he attempted to play the ball there.

Vucinic is playing like a madman.

CICINHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1-0

Legend. Fuckin’ legend

Who saw a header from him?

Hold tight, just hold tight.

Oh shit. 1-1 Raul.

Whoa, he was waaaaaaay offside. Come on.

Pizarro on for Simone.

Helluva defensive play from Mexes…..good news is another Real goal only ties mattters. Roma has the AG now.

Vuci had space, should’ve held the ball after Guti tried to depants him. (Who knew?)

I don’t know Spanish, but I think thhis commentator said the ref gave a yellow to Pippo Inzaghi. Good god.

Foul on the Tottster…..Cicinho…..Vuci….ack. Yellow for Alberto.

Alberto looks like he has very soft hair.

Yellow for Max. The ref is going bananas here.

Cici tries to get cute, floats a 3v2 into Iker’s breadbasket. Booooo.

Soldado on for the Beast.

Things are getting dicey up top of the box. Yikes.

Vucinic has been exquisite since coming on.

Panucci for Cicinho. Love it. Atta boy Cici…………..ah DDR! Inches away from ending the game.

4 mins stoppage.

Totti is timewasting….

VUCIIIIIIIIIINIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCC

Roma’s through!!!!

Game’s over. All but the final whistle.

MOTM goes to Vucinic. Legend.

4-2 on aggregate, and the Giallorossi go through.

Ladies, gents, bushmen and scallywags, the day is upon us. Associazione Sportiva Roma takes on The Guys From Spain Who Win Stuff back at the home fortress. First round of the Champions League knockouts on a glorious Roman Tuesday evening. It may very well be a magical night, but hide the women and children, it’s time for i Lupi to come out and play…

The news of the day is that the Legend in the Made, Daniele De Rossi, will be suiting up much to the dismay of Real Madrid’s attacking front. I don’t think there’s much else to say other than……oh thank god.

The lineup is rumored to be:

Doni;
OMR, Juan, Mexes, Tonetto;
DDR, Pizarro;
Giuly, Perrotta, Mancini;
Totti.

Which is fine by me. At this point, if Pizarro plays like he can, fanfuckingtastic. I’d give the little man a big, lingering man hug and a hearty Spalletti ass slap. As long as Roma wins, I don’t care who plays. And I have my reservations about Giuly starting on the wing – he has a much bigger impact in the middle or as a substitute out wide, I believe. But wahtever. Ludovicious Giulius to the rescue. (By the end of the year, Ludovic is going to absolutely shatter my personal record for Most Nicknames Given During One Season. I hope he gets wind of that.)

As you may know, my liveblogging juju is determined by my pre-game coffee run, and let me just say – this beverage is all kinds of fantastic. Not to mention a smooth transaction, no dropped change, pleasant counter girl….I’m feeling good about this game. Real good.

If you aren’t pumped yet, just watch this:

And we’ll keep the liveblog running up until the game gets started with info as it comes in……

Alright, supposedly official lineup (via uefa.com):

Doni;
Panucci, Mexes, Juan, Cassetti;
De Rossi, Pizarro;
Giuly, Perrotta, Mancini;
Totti.

Pizarro’s playing, whatever. I don’t care. (Still, that’s incredibly stupid.)

Real (also via uefa):

Casillas;
Ramos, Heinze, Cannavaro, Torres;
Diarra;
Guti, Gago, Robben;
Raul, RvN.

Streaming:

www.channelsurfing.net if you’re at work

and Zee Sports at myp2p.eu appear like it will be the best option, but we shall see.

Seems about time for this……

So I’m waiting for the plugin for uefa’s stream to download…..

ROMA (4-2-3-1): Doni; Panucci, Juan, Mexes, Cassetti; De Rossi, Pizarro; Giuly, Perrotta, Mancini; Totti. A disp.: Julio Sergio, Cicinho, Aquilani, Vucinic, Taddei, Ferrari, Tonetto. All. Spalletti

REAL MADRID (4-1-3-2): Casillas; Sergio Ramos, Cannavaro, Heinze, Miguel Torres; Diarra; Guti, Gago, Robben; Raul, Van Nistelrooy. A disp.: Dudek, Salgado, Soldado, Drenthe, J.Baptista, Higuain, Balboa. All. Schuster

And we’re off…..

FORZA ROMA

Seriously, it’s impossible for me not to miss the first 5 minutes of a game. Security upgrades….yada yada yada.

Alright, and we’re up….

5′ Robben crosses into the box, Doni takes it. Canna for the throw. Wait, Hot As Balls.

Wow. Raul. 1-0.

Scuse me. 0-1.

Fuckin hell.

Cassetti with a nice shot, nothin.

7′ WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

Did Chivu sneak into the stadium and put on the shirt again for a day?

Jesus. Goal for RvN ruled offsides.

8′ Panucci banging crosses off legs. Nice. Giuly loses possession. Daniele De Rossi with a nice tacklee for possession.

10′ DDR with another man’s tackle on HAB. Completely indispenable.

Simone flubs a shot in the box. Whaddya know. A legless wonder could score more goals than Simone.

11′ Heinze makes a nice tackle to take a helluva chance away from Mancini. Is Cicinho ready to come on yet?

12′ Cassetti controls possession by chesting a ball oout of bounds. No, I’m not bitter.

13′ Mexes goes in for a nice challenge on Guti. Ball winds up out of bounds. Guti winds up with an erection.

Btw, uefa.com streaming = totally not worth the money. Good qualiity but still jumpy. Plus the price has gone up. I blame Platini.

15. Rvn angling for a peno. Bitchass.

20′ DDR from distance, right of the goal. Those haven’t been working out for him so well lately.

21′ Raul misses basically a sitting header for 2-0. Robben is eating this team alive. God, when’s his injury coming?

22′ Yellow for Diarra.

Wow, uefa has dropped out. They’ll be getting a very unpleasant email about a refund. (Along with a personal attack on all things Michel Platinin.)

I LOVE DAVID FUCKING PIZARRO

THE KING OF CHAMPIONS LEAGUE DEFLECTIONS

1-1 BABY

ah, fair’s fair, right?

God, I can breathe again. And I can tell the lady not to find a hotel for the night. (I hope.)

24′ HAb with a big time whiff. Hair’s holding him back.

25′ Shitee, that was a chance. Totti and Mancini missed the ball near the edge of the box.

Herbert Fandel looks like a Germanized, refereeing Baby Huey.

28′ Free kick fron OMR header territory…..

Too long. Btw, Mr. UEFA, who the fuck is ‘Man-chi-ni’

29′ Fernando Gago kickss a 30 yard field goal. Goal kick.

30′ Miguel Torres looks like an extra on CSI: Miami.

Robben with the volley, Mexes with the block. Waiting for Arjen’s iinjury any minute now.

Btw, this is the Dutch computer. Doubles vowels.

Real playing keepaway, can’t keep it away from DDR.

Mancini holds possession…cleared out.

35′ Old Man River is looking like a senior citizen. Maybe instead of tattoo’s he should go find Brian McNamee.

37′ Daniele De Rossi is the best defender in Italy. End of.

38′ Ludovicious slips and donates it to the foot of Robben. Ugh.

Lulu on the break, Roma get possession…..Mancini…..free kick. Mancini gets all excited, takes a premature free kick. Fandel puts up his hand and say “no sir”.

40′ Shocker of the day: Philou getting in someone’s face. But he’s such a kind, well-mannered lad…….

Shades of Juventus. David Pizarro gives the ball away far too close to the box and DDR gets a yellow for the foul.

If it weren’t for his deflections, he’d be useless.

42′ Pizarro loses the ball, fouls, Real bbreak, foul from Casettti on the other end.

Jesus.

43′ Fernando Gago looking to follow in the footsteps of Tony Meola and make it to the NFL as a kicker after his career is done. Goal kick.

Half time.

It’s about 60-40, 65-45 right now. Real doing well to set up their offense and Roma isn’t helping with their fouls. Robben is an animal and OMR really just can’t contain him.

And of course, DDR is the glue that holds this team together when it looks like all could fall apart.

Inter update:

Matterazzi off with two yellows in the 30th minute. 0-0 at half time. Liverpool really needs to take this gift. (Sure, it may be good for Italy. Guess what? I could care less. Forza Reds.)

Back on the field, and it looks like everyone’s ready to go. No subs being mentioned.

Kick off….Roma possession.

Totti hacked down free kick for Roma.

46′ Pizarro…..wow. Right into the boot of the closest defender. Who knew?

Helluva tackle by Mexes on Robben. I think Arjen should grow his hair out like Guti. The Bald Mullet, aka The Bullet.

47′ What a feckin ball by DDR, right onto the foot of Totti from 50 yards. FT can’t control it.

GIULY. What the fuck are you doing? Great buildup from Totti, Mancini and Simone. LG manages to shoot and earn Real a THROW IN.

Corner runs through the box. Roma manages to get it out. Roma really defending as a team, goal kick.

50′ Nice flick onto himself bby RvN, Doni manages to take it.

Roma needs to settle down. Too much emphasis on clearing the ball instead of maintaining possession.

That Totti guy, he’s good. Cassetti misses Simone, who has been a big nonfactor.

David Pizarro must have an incredibly high opinion of himself, because he gets himself into situations he has no business being in.

55 (or so) Commentatorr “It’s been that final ball just letting Roma down at the moment”. Yeah, no shit. Welcome to the last 2 months.

AMANTINO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AMANTINO!

AMANTINO!

AMANTINO!

AMANTINO!

AMANTINO!

Deft move by Totti, perfect pass, Mancini slides past Casillas and it’s only the goal line in his way.

2-1 Roma.

Get that man a fucking contract.

60c (or so) Totti looks inspired.

Hand ball Simone.

62′ Gesu, nice shot by Ramos, just wide.

Pizaman off, King Alberto on.

Time to drive in another nail.

Still scoreless at Anfield.

65′ Yellow for Torres, taking KA down from behind. How fucking dare he…..

I think Herbert Fandel moonlights as an audio guy for porn. Dunno why.

66′ Gabriel Heinze is making his way up my shit list today. Don’t touch the Tottster.

67′ Fucking Doni……Butterhands Buttafuco and Real nearly had a second.

Max on for OMR. Marco over to the right.

I’d like to see something happen with Giuly on the right. Maybe some Cicinho.

71′ Totti fouled by Gago. Free kick from about 35m….

69′ Yellow on Simone for a whole lotta nothin’.

Sergio Ramos with a yellow, he’s out for the 2nd leg. That’s HUGE.

Juan actually looks hurt, though. Shit, here comes the cart…..

Feck, and OMR just went off. Juan’s standing up, which is a good sign.

DDR goes down. Fell on his side.

Back up. Real’s possession has really been held down since KA entered the field.

Gago puts another over the bar. NFL, here he comes.

74′ Nice defending by Cassetti. Real throw.

Real maintaining their set up in Roma’s half and Hot As Balls puts it wide.

Ferrari coming on….

Juan coming off. Looks not in the best of moods and limping a bit. Everyone pray for Juan’s ankle.

77′ Royston Drenthe and his braids getting ready as well.

Break for Roma….4 v 2….shit, that was a chance…..

Aquilani elbowed in the face by Diarra. Damn, that coulda been another yeller. But Totti’s pass a bit too strong, that could’ve been .

Drenthe on for Diarra and Baptista on for Robben.

Shit, RvN hits the post….Tonetto up the wing…doesn’t work.

80somethingth’ Roma taking some pressure, lucky to win a GK.

Baptista puts a well placed pass over the bar. This iis quite nervewracking.

Perrotta wins it well, Roma’s possession eventually ends up in a corner. Everybody’s taking their leisurely time…..goal kick RM.

Raul gives DDR a little too much ass, Roma FK.

Giuly goes up for a header, ball sails right over him….gesu.

Drenthe dives at Mexes in the box and he wants a PK. Stand up, Royston.

Real now taking the “clear at all costs” route.

Fantastic interception by Berto. Real managing to set up in Roma’s end. Real just look more alive at the moment.

Somebody caught Philou waaaaaay late from behind and there was no call. Bullshit.

3 mins of added time.

Cassetti gets a yellow for slapping Drenthe in the face. Good. Kid’s an ass.

Totti and Mancini work a nice run but it’s stopped by the Real back line.

Giuly has looked gassed for the last 10-15 minutes.

Final whistle and Real Madrid gets alll up in Herbs face….

2-1 Roma. God, that’s not a great lead but a win is a win is a win. Two weeks….