The Azzurri started off the match in their Nice Retro blue Kits with a 4-3-2-1 formation . Toni up top, Palladino and Di Natale as his shoulders and an Ambrosini-DDR-Pirlo midfield. Cannavaro and Barzagli we’re flanked by Oddo and Zambro. Marco Amelia was getting ready to show his detractors from what kind of Pasta he’s made from.

Donadoni said he feared the firepower of the Portuguese play but all went well in Zurich Wednesday Night. An Evening Sam, was able to enjoy first hand in the stadium. I hope you got to sing the Po Popopopopo anthem dude! Italy showed once again how they bring out their best when they face worthy opponents. Say all you want about RQ and CR7, we’ve all seen the videos on Youtube (thank you 13 year old Malaysians!) but as ‘’entertaining’’ as their fancy footwork can be, I prefer Andrea Pirlo’s class and Luca Toni’s Brute force. Not to mention, Fabio Cannavaro’s all around awesomeness !

1st Half

No subs except for Grosso replacing Zambrotta after half an hour. We had a couple of good chances in the first half. Di Natale missed a sitter, (i.e. Thank You captain obvious) and Luca Toni botched one half decent cross. Andrea Pirlo curled in a beautiful goal; the only problem was him handling the ball before scoring. Other than That, Textbook goal.

However, our favourite Blue kitted team (Screw you France, nice Spanish spanking; Hey Les Bleus! On le Nique votre coq sportif!) Weren’t controlling the ball like AcMilan can.

Portugal maintained possession for the better part of the 1st half. R. Quaresma was running circles around Oddo. He’s immensely talented, especially once inside the box, but thank god for Italy, the Porto player possesses the decision-making ability of Edgar Alvarez (see that Livorno/Roma link right there?)

The Azzurri D managed to fend off all the Portuguese attacks. Barzagli and Cannavaro had no trouble controlling Portugal’s’ big Zairian/Congolese Centre Forward. Big Strong dude that Makukulakula fellow !

C.Ronaldo then earned himself a freekick by falling like only he can, same distance as his recent ‘’wonder goal’’ in the Prem. But Marco Amelia made a great save, trying his best to make us forget GiGi Buffon

Portugal screwed up their best opportunity 45 minutes in, Portugal’s ambiguously metrosexual duo ran in a 2-on-1 with ManBag and Q-Cheezy on the ball, only to see them screw things up royally. Good thing for the Boys from the Boot, they took that botched sure goal and ran it in for a Luca Toni goal. 1-0! Fabio Grosso crossed one in to the box and Luca Toni happily slapped the cool, old-school looking ball in the back of the net. I’d like to thank Ricardo for screwing up royally.

A kick to the Portuguese Coq right before the break.

Scolari said before the game, Italia only need one decent opportunity to screw you over
Luca Toni’s extra-time goal being exactly the screw-mentation Big Phil feared.

Then Ray Hudson loses it ; Text book Italian Football , One chance and they Kill ya’ ! (Actually we need 3 Ray!)

2nd Half

The second half saw a lot of Substitutions and little confusion.

The Azzurri Start out like possessed players! 4 minutes in, Pirlo sends in a great ball in the box, Di Natale controls it down for Luca Toni who gives Portuguese GK Ricardo the chance to redeem himself with a great save. On the resulting corner Pirlo kicks off Cannavaro’s foot and the ball gets in the far post for the goal. RETE! 2-0! Po Po Popopopo !

Then Donadoni says; hey it’s 2-0 let’s test out Marco Amelia’s skills! Gamberini, you’re in!

Perrotta in for De Rossi and Gamberini for Barzagli , Simone slots in at Trequartista and the Don switches to 4-2-3-1

Palladino gets an excellent chance 63rd, his shot is deflected on the cross bar by the keeper

Luca Toni comes off after 69 Minutes; it’s Borriello time! I think the Don did that 69 minutes thing on purpose because Borriello’s WAG is a coked up STD farm. He didn’t do much. This kid’s on the over-hyped shelf until further notice

Q-Cheezy then scored a sitter in the 75Th, but his goal was cancelled 1 minute later after Quagliarella scored off the nifty keep up that was going on between Perrotta and Di Natale. 3-1!

Big Phil Scolari needs to bring Joao Moutinho to the Senior squad, he’s way better than Petit, Hell Miguel Veloso too!

A Second Ronaldo free kick forces Marco Amelia to make another decent diving save in the 89th. 3 whistles later and the Azzurri have spanked Portugal 3-1! Forza Ragazzi

Aquilani was the only player not to make it off the pine. Good, no groin snaps!

ITALIA-PORTOGALLO 3-1 (primo tempo 1-0)
MARCATORI: Toni (I) al 46′ p.t.; F. Cannavaro (I) al 5′, Quaresma (P) al 32′, Quagliarella (I) al 33′ s.t.
ITALIA (4-1-4-1): Amelia; Oddo (Cassetti dal 36′ s.t.), F. Cannavaro, Barzagli (Gamberini dall’8′ s.t.) , Zambrotta (Grosso dal 29′ p.t.); De Rossi (Perrotta dall’8′ s.t.); Palladino (Quagliarella dal 33′ s.t.), Pirlo, Ambrosini, Di Natale; Toni (Borriello dal 27′ s.t.). (De Sanctis, Aquilani). ALLENATORE: Donadoni.

PORTOGALLO (4-2-3-1): Ricardo; Bosingwa (Ribeiro dal 24′ s.t.), R. Carvalho, B.Alves, Caneira (P.Ferreira dal 1′ s.t.); Petit (F. Meira dal 1′ s.t.), Maniche (Meireles dal 17′ s.t.); Quaresma, Deco (Nani dal 1′ s.t.), C.Ronaldo; Makukula (Almeida dal 12′ s.t.). (Quim, Patricio). ALLENATORE: Scolari.

ARBITRO: Kever (Svizzera).

NOTE: spettatori 30.500. Ammoniti: nessuno.

Angoli: 5-10.

Recuperi: p.t. 1′; s.t. 3′.

Key matchups

The ambiguously metrosexual Portuguese duo of Quaresma and C. Ronaldo vs The Azzurri Defence:

Hell Nani was the most dangerous winger on the opposing squad yesterday!

Ricardo- Q-Cheezy- Quaresma is all fanciness and no substance. He looks dangerous but when he gets close to goal, he screws it all up.

C. Ronaldo was C. Ronaldo. He ran, he whined, he dove and he took that weird ass stance of his before Marco Amelia suavely saved his Free Kicks. Who the Hell said he was the best player in the world? Damn you sensationalist English media!

Winner: Azzuri Defense

Strikers not named Toni vs Finishing:

At least Quags got one in, Di Natale still can’t finish off anything decent but i totally forgot about Andrea Pirlo’s amazingness

Winner : Luca Toni and Andrea Pirlo

Donadoni and his IQ vs Big Phil:

The Don must be laughing his ass off seeing how he’s going to negotiate a contract now! The coach mixed it up well I find. Starting off with a Christmas tree and fielding De Rossi. Now, he still doesn’t understand that Ambrosini and Palladino shouldn’t be first choices; maybe he was giving them a last long look before relegating them to the bench or the couch in the summer.

Quagliarella needs to be on the pitch! I’m confident that Quagliarella has cemented a spot on this squad.

A part from Palladino and Borriello, Donadoni still needs to factor in players like Rosina, Gilardino, Miccoli, Lucarelli, Iaquinta and dare I say Beppe Rossi. Let’s see what the Don’s next squad selection.

Big Phil paid for the shortcomings of the Portugese defence. If Quaresma and Ronaldo finish off that 2-on-1 they had right before Toni’s goal, Big Phil’s team goes in to the 2nd half 1 goal up and Donadoni isn’t smiling like a 14 year old boy at a Tittie Bar. Bada Bing !

Winner : The Don

The Molson Ex, 3 stars

Marco Amelia Amelia vs Portugal was one of the key matchups I forgot to include in the preview. I’m ecstatic that Marco Amelia was solid yesterday.

He was faultless on the Portuguese goal. The defenders forgot Quaresma on the edge of the box. The Livorno keeper did all he could to reinforce his 2nd keeper spot, that Vice-Buffon spot seems to be comfortably occupied. Azzurri fans need not to fear seeing Amelia between the sticks.
Forza Livorno !

Andrea Pirlo;

Luca Cigarini has some big ass shoes to fill! Amazingly accurate passes all game long and he almost scored 2. I’m sure Fabio Cannavaro would be willing to give him that goal.

Luca Toni :

Toni e Fulmini! Everytime I see him in Azzurri Blue he scores. Even in the WC2006 final he scored, but thatr’s another story. The Big Man was a late Bloomer but he has been flowering for the past 4 years and is probably going to provide a huge yield of goals before the end of his career.

——————————————————————————————-

All in all a good entertaining game and a solid azzurri performance. Bring on Ireland !

Forza Ragazzi !

Here are the goals, audiovisualy speaking of course :

Luca Toni !

Pirlo/Cannavaro 2-0

Q-Cheezy 2-1 !

Fab Quags 3-1 ! in Non-English, Someone know what Slavic language this is ?

Forza Ragazzi!

* Free Azzurrini fix right here

Italia – Portogallo

It’s international soccer time again! Italy will be facing Portugal in Zurich on Wednesday. It’ll be their first match since 2004. Both teams have qualified for the Swissaustrian Euro2008. Friendlies usually give way to thousands of substitutions and a low paced game, but with all the firepower these 2 teams have on the field, let’s hope it becomes exciting.

The Azzurri are on a 18-month unbeaten streak (that long?) and will be looking at the Portugal game to test their preparation ahead of the Big Summer Show. Ever since Roberto Donadoni took over (and Nesta and Francesco left) we haven’t seen that German fighting spirit.

We did, however, finish 1st of our group in front of France, who usually choke during the big events. (You know WC 2002, WC 2006 final or WW2, pick one)

* Did you know France have not won a major tournament since the Last Millennium, Champions League included !

Portugal managed to take 2nd place in their Euro qualifying group. Even with all the stars they have on the team, Portugal needed to draw Finland in the last qualifier to earn entry for Swissaustria. Luiz Felipe Scolari’s squad was in a group with teams like Kazakhstan, Azerbaijan,Armenia… and they still finished behind a Potato-eating, Podolski-less Poland. They won only 7 of their 14 games. But the bottom line is that, they are going to Euro and still are dangerous.

After Holland and Germany before WC 2006, Italy continues their habit of facing decent opposition before big tournaments.

What: International Friendly
When: Wednesday February 6, 2008, 20:45 CET
Where: Letzigrund Stadium, Zurich , Switzerland
Streaming : Here

The Italy squad going to Zurich isn’t exactly the one DonaDoni will be bringing to the big Tourney this summer. So the new guys need to impress the hell out of the Coach.

Squads

Italia

PORTIERI: Marco Amelia (Livorno), Morgan De Sanctis (Siviglia)

ATTACCANTI: Marco Borriello (Genoa), Antonio Di Natale (Udinese), Raffaele Palladino (Juventus), Fabio Quagliarella (Udinese), Luca Toni (Bayern Monaco).

Notable absences : GiGi Buffon, Gennaro Gattuso, Mauro Camoranesi , Cristiano Lucarelli, Alberto Gilardino , Marco Materazzi and Glasgow hero Panucci won’t be making the trip either. Oh yeah, and some guy named Francesco Totti !

No notable surprises given the number of injuries and the fact that this game is a Friendly. Although, I will never understand Roberto Donadoni’s infatuation with Massimo Ambrosini. How about a little Cristiano Zanetti instead ? Marco Borriello is the only new comer

I can understand Donadoni picking Palladino over Alè el Piero, but ahead of an on-fire Antonio Cassano a.k.a Talentino? That’s just wrong. What the hell kind of a relationship did you and Palladino ”build” during your Livorno stay !

Why Bobby, Why ?

Antonio sa che al 90% dipende da lui. Comportamento, impegno, sacrificio: se mette insieme queste cose…

Why not test how he fits in to the squad (read : In the group, as a human being, not a player) now, rather than when it’ll be to late to find out ? Anyway, a 70% fit Talentino is better than Palladino 9 days of the week.

Not only is Antonio Cassano a better option (we’re talking talent here, not brains) than the Juventus youngster, you also have a little bald man called Alè Rosina, who happens to be way better than his Town rival. There’s also that boy from New Jersey …

I don’t know what to expect from this game. Donadoni will surely want to try out some different stuff, and test the likes of Borriello , Cassetti and Semioli

The Starting line up should look like this, then get ready for all hell to break loose after the half, when The Don Doni decides to make 12 Substitutions and try Luca Toni in Goal.

Probable Formation ( as in that’s what La Gazzetta says )

4-2-3-1

M. Amelia
Oddo, Cannavaro, Barzagli, Zambrotta
Ambrosini – Pirlo
Quagliarella – Perrotta – Di Natale
Toni

Maybe it’s just my Giallorossi glasses but just imagining a Pirlo- Aquilani- De Rossi midfield makes me drool. (could you imagine Pirlo in Rome instead of Pizzaro !?)

Let’s see how this Azzurri team fends off against the runs of the Premiership Pretty Boy and Ricardo Quaresma.

Portugal squad ;

Goalkeepers: Quim (SL Benfica), Ricardo (Real Bétis Balompié), Rui Patrício (Sporting Clube de Portugal).

Forwards: Ariza Makukula (CS Marítimo), Cristiano Ronaldo ( Manchester United FC), Nuno Gomes (SL Benfica), Ricardo Quaresma (FC Porto). Hugo Almeida

Pepe, Jorge Andrade, Miguel and Simao Sabrosa are the injured dudes from the Portugese Squad

There’s also that Geezer Luis Figo who isn’t playing, Fucking mercenary! How the hell do you go from Barça to Real Madrid ? Ask Ronaldo, the real one, you say ? I still don’t get it !

Probable starting XI ; 4-5-1

Ricardo ;
Boh ? , Carvalho, Meira, Boh ?
R. Quaresma, Maniche, Petit, Deco, C. Ronaldo
H. Almeida

Key Matchups:

Roberto Donadoni and his IQ vs Big Phil Scolari :

Big Dr. Phil has won a World Cup with Brazil and has been working miracles with this Portugal Squad. Scolari’s one of my favourite coaches; I mean who else would punch an opposing player in the face?

Not the Don Doni that’s for sure. Lippi might be willing to throw a uppercut after all the Gattuso beatings he received in Germany, circa 2006, he has surely toughened up. (If you can withstand a Gennaro Gattuso choking, that officially makes you hardcore)

One can only wonder how Donadoni will want to approach this game. He’ll be renegotiating his Azzurri C.T. contract after the game, so i’m expecting a little screaming from the sidelines. Now if Roberto Donadoni could only channel the Calcio Knowledge his feet have and send it to his brain…

Strikers not named Toni vs Finishing:

We are all well aware of Luca Toni’s crazy ass finishing abilities but how will the other guys fare?

Antonio Di Natale, he ain’t no Antonio Cassano, his finishing isn’t nearly as surgical as Talentino’s. Before his Ukrainian brace, the only way ToTo Christmas got in the news is because of his easy botched goal chances.

I hate Antonio Di Natale’s game (If he comes to Roma, for anything less than 5M$, I’ll have to organize a Coup D’État on Trigoria. Who’s with me?)

I can’t make any objective judgments about him; I just don’t like the guy. He’s not a crappy player, but there are so many other players that deserve a chance ahead of him. Plus, at his age, he has no upside whatsoever. Anyway, we have all read the Toto debate here.

His Udinese teammate, Fabio Quagliarella, has a tendency to dissapear in games from time to time; gladly he also has a tendency to pull out something crazy from his ass at any moment. (See Lithuania or Chievo games) I Hope he’ll want to show Manchester United and the Premiership teams that young and excellent attacking talent doesn’t only come out of Portugal. Let’s hope Fabio proves to us all why he was worth about 20M$ this summer.

The ambiguously metrosexual Portuguese duo of Quaresma and C. Ronaldo vs The Azzurri Defence:

This is a midweek friendly, the domestic title races are still up for grabs so no one will really bring their serious A-game to the table , seeing how nobody wants to get injured during a meaningless encounter. Fabio- The Berlin Wall- Cannavaro is world class and Andrea Barzagli can grind it out with the best of them, but This ain’t your daddy’s Italian defence.

Pero, it would be an excellent practice/test if Quaresma and C. Ronaldo decide to put their heads down and run straight at the Azzurri back line. Gianluca Zambrotta should be fine on the flanks; he’s used to training with guys like Messi, Henry and Ronaldinho. If ever the Man bag owning duo decide to wreak havoc on the flanks, it’s Oddo/Grosso I’m worried about.

Prediction:

The last time Italy and Portugal played it was on March 31st 2004, also a friendly to get the kinks out before Euro2004 kicked off. Italy ended up winning 2-1 and Fabrizio Miccoli(another Di Natale replacement ?) did this to win the game.

Friendlies are damn near impossible to predict; a Roberto Donadoni coached friendly would be plainly unpredictable. I’m expecting a low scoring draw, but this game could very well go either way. C. Ronaldo , R. Quaresma and friends could start manhandling the Azzurri defence all game long. On the other hand, Luca Toni can strike at any time and you never know when Fabio Quagliarella or Andrea Pirlo might pull out something special from their respective bag of tricks.

I just hope everything goes ok, we get the usual low scoring draw, and maybe get that lucky winning goal like last time.

As long as Simone Perrotta, DDR and Alberto Aquilani don’t get injured, I’ll be happy with whichever result. A spanking at the hands of Portugal could probably get Donadoni and Italy to wake up and smell the Lavazza and get them working smarter (as in leaving Palladino and Ambrosini at home or playing your best Italian midfielder not named Andrea Pirlo.)

Italia – Portugal : 2-1
Goalscorers: Quaresma, Toni and Quagliarella

Forza Ragazzi ! Siamo Campioni del Mondo, CAMPIONI DEL MONDO, and for another 2 years, nobody can take that away from us !

They’re through, and that is all that matters. Finito. Done. Hell, they can lose against the Faroe Islands at home and still make the trek north next summer for some fine ass chocolates and cuckoo clocks. And the savior of the day? None other than Christian “Old Man River” Panucci, who got on his pogo stick and out-jumped all those young, Scottish whippersnappers and beat them to the ball. Oh, to be old and athletic. As far as the game, I had this to say in the preview:

“This is one game where the only thing that matters is the end result, and I could give a fuck all about the means.”

I’m sticking to my word. They sure as hell didn’t look like World Champs (how on earth the possession wound up 50/50 I don’t think even Rene Descartes could figure out), but they got the result and that’s all I care about. And yes, they deserve credit for doing it in hostile territory in poor conditions.

The scoreline should have been more heavily in the Azzurri’s favor – namely 2-0 if the referees in Scotland could properly assess the offsides rule. Toto Di Natale’s poach should have counted, while the Scottish player was offside in nearly the exact same place on the field in front of the same linesman. Last free kick? Meh. Anywho…

So, book your tickets to Switzerland & Austria, it’s off to take care of some business. Now, as far as the details of the games go: apologies, I can’t get into too much. Not only was the Vaseline stream in full effect, I could only see out of one eye for whatever was there (it’s cluster headache season for me, oh happy days). I got the gist of the game, but the particulars I’m just not the person to ask for this game. And it’s entirely possible I wouldn’t have been regardless, as it was nerve-wracking enough without having to worry about who was sending what cross where, who couldn’t turn the correct shoulder off the attacker (ahem, ADT) and who was giving his man space on the wrong side. This is one of those games you watch to watch, and that’s that. They’re through, now moving on.

Martha’s on the particulars, while Ian has summed up the emotion of the Scotsmen today. And datasports’s match ratings.

Standings

1. Italia 26pts
2. France 25pts

All that matters right now, baby. Wednesday is now a formality.

Highlights

Tonigol

The man is a certified machine and it’s a damn shame that he has to spend his weekends in the Bundesliga as opposed to the homeland. What’s more impressive, though, is that every time I see him his ball skills and coordination continually improve. Yeah, it’s a cliche, but the man is truly like a fine wine, ripening with age. The goal was superb, sticking his outside foot and 12 meter long legs past the defenders outstretched leg was quality for the big man, and displayed an underlying agility not commonly seen with many bigger target men (this is where you try and picture Jan Koller or Peter Crouch in Coppelia). Same goes for his ball work however many minutes later, beating the defender with a subtle touch and firing the shot into the outside of the net. Boys got skillz.

* – This is why I drool uncontrollably every time I see Graziano Pelle marked as “Luca Toni with better ball skills”. Hummuna.

“The stadium was on fire, even if it was raining. You couldn’t hear yourself think,” he noted of a packed Hampden Park.

“We played a great game and in the end deserved our victory.”

“I want to dedicate this win to Sandri. Faced with such a tragedy, our victory looks like a minor incident.”

I haven’t run through all the interviews, but for the guy on the team playing furthest from home it’s a nice gesture. Obviously he is Italian and this is a national issue as much as, if not more than, a sporting issue, but it’s still something to think of that after what has to be an emotional and draining victory on Scottish soil.

To me Luca has always been a class act and it’s nice to see him continue the trend despite spending so much time with Franck Ribery. Of course, I’m still not entirely convinced his moving to te Bundesliga was based solely on the fact that he could “never play with another Italian team against Fiorentina”. You know, seeing as he had been there all of two years and I don’t think we need to see his tax forms to surmise he’s making a decent sum of change up there in Germany…

But we always love you, Luca. Keep scoring for la nazionale and I could give a damn if you make 12m per year for a Qatar B side.

And The Coach Of The Match Award Goes To…

…Raymond Domenech. Nominated by…himself. Awarded by…….himself.

When Rayray passes on, there needs to be an immediate summit of all the top minds in neurological medicine to try and figure out how can a single person, who has supposedly gone through the full gamut of evolutionary stages, continue to make Paris Hilton look like Marie Curie and Albert Einstein’s love child. Seriously, I mean some of the stuff he says is incomprehensible. Example #712,953,841 (and a 1/2):

“At least they were useful for once. They won because my words motivated them. I didn’t see the game, as I prefer not to force myself to sit through too many ugly things. I feel both relieved and frustrated, as to be honest I would have preferred to play the last game in Ukraine with the need for a result. This is the strength of our squad, the ability to hold out under pressure, when we are afraid of elimination. I shall miss that sensation.”

First of all, I guess he must not look in the mirror often, then. Second, the day that I bring my bill to the UN requiring IQ testing prior to procreation, he’ll be my examples 1-bajillion – and I’m pretty sure it will sail through with a unanimous vote. (As well as full episodes from The View.)

Oh, and now all the Azzurri needs to take Group B is a quick 3 points at home against the Faroe Islands. Congrats, France, you’ve been beaten by the better team once again.

Rino felt the same way, “Domenech is always being such a pain and he really did not deserve to reach the finals.”

Of course, they’ll never stop bitching about Italy and how they “deserved” to win in Berlin. As always, the French with their panties in a bunch.

Women.

Man of the Match

Easily Gigi Buffon’s “Turban Gasping For Air“. I spent no less than 20 minutes trying to figure it out before I decided he cut himself and with no bandages in the locker room, the only thing available to use was a cut off section of Donadoni’s pantyhose. Either that or he was planning to pull it down over his face and rob the Royal Bank of Scotland once the game was over. Unfortunately, the fashion police got a hold of him before he could pull off the heist.

(courtesy of Chico)

Real MOTM For Scotland & Actually European Qualifying

As has been the case throughout the entire qualifying campaign, we are left with one overwhelming question, “Where the hell would this team be without Andrea Pirlo?”. Well, I have a definitive answer: Home. Another game, another game changing moment, only this time it came from an aspect of his game you don’t usually expect from Andrea, his defense. In case you missed it, in extra time the Scots sent in a corner which was headed on goal, only then to be cleared off the line by Pirlo’s noggin, saving a goal and sending the Azzurri into the locker rooms with a one goal lead.

I think more than a few will nod their heads silently when I say a goal in the 46th minute heading into the half would have been the death toll. The absolute last thing this Scottish team needed was a sense of belief and momentum heading into the locker room, while Donadoni would have been left trying to keep everybody calm and adequately motivate them. Nearly all the emotional intangibles rest with the Scots for the game, another would have made the Hampden Park hill climb into K2. (Not to mention the simple addition of another Scottish goal, which would have made Panucci the hero for only squeaking out a draw, not launching the Azzurri to victory.)

Anyway, Andrea Pirlo saved the day and displayed a sense of cool only true champions hold time and time again. Hands down the MOTM for all of qualifying. Without him, Wednesday’s game would be meaningless for all the wrong reasons.

Roberto Donadoni

im·be·cile [ɪmbəsɪl, -səl or, im-buh-sil, -suhl or, especially Brit., -seel]

–noun
1. Psychology. a person of the second order in a former classification of mental retardation, above the level of idiocy, having a mental age of seven or eight years and an intelligence quotient of 25 to 50.
2. a dunce; blockhead; dolt.
–adjective
3. mentally feeble.
4. showing mental feebleness or incapacity.
5. stupid; silly; absurd.

Ambro? No DDR? Chiellini for Camo? I’m still trying to figure out how that last one was supposed to work out. And without Kenny Miller’s Miss of the Century and Andrea Pirlo, we’re singing a very different tune. The same Donadoni we’ve seen for the last year plus. I still think the defining moment of the Roberto Donadoni era was in the Faroe Islands, where they squeaked out a 2-1 “victory”.

Anyway, as always, they qualify despite Donadoni, not because of or with him. I suspect the same can be said of whatever success they have in the Euros. (Yes, I’m silently praying he gets canned pre-tourny.)

In The End

I believe it’s safe to say that Scotland has become a boon to football not only in Europe, but on the global stage – with a large slice of the credit going to the fans. Sadly, they’ll be going home to get ready in anticipation of the WC qualifiers after the Euros are over. I’ll openly admit to rooting for the scoreline to stay 1-1 in the late 70’s and early 80’s enabling the possibility of France watching from home this summer.

It’s been awhile since the Tartan Army was relevant, and they are certainly that and more now. Chances are they qualify in 3 other groups, at the least, and earn their deserved place in Swissaustria next summer. Alas, it’s not to be, and they’ll have to wait for their chance, but just allow me to say: Welcome back.

* – We’ll be back with Roma stuff tomorrow then getting ready for the exhibition match against the Faroe Islands on Tuesday. Enjoy.

The time has come. One game which means nearly everything. And yes, we’re looking past the international juggernaut that is the Faroe Islands. Basically, take points, and the Azzurri go through to Austria & Switzerland. Lose and it’s time for some meaningless friendlies until World Cup Qualifying starts (don’t even get me started on the reigning champs needing to “qualify” – bullshit). Everybody on board? Good.

Last time I checked, playing in Scotland isn’t exactly the same as a pitch smack dab in the middle of Candyland; unless, of course, you mean Lord Licorice’s lair, at which point I’d totally agree with you. The atmosphere will be loud (drunk), raucous (drunk) and heavily leaning in the favor of the Tartan Army (drunk). If there ever was an away game, this is it. Well, on second thought, I believe it might come in a close second. Scotland has some of the best fans in Europe, and they will literally be a collective 12th man in Glasgow. But last time I checked, the Azzurri did pretty well against a team which is vastly superior to the Scots in the summer of ‘06. And, oh yeah, they happened to be hosting the World Cup.

The mental preparation which that provides will be huge, as much of this team was also in that starting XI in Dortmund. (Probably looking at 6 out of 11.) Therefore, this team, and especially the leaders, will know how to deal with a hostile crowd, and block it out. It’s one of sport’s oldest cliches, but damn it fits: “They’ve been there before.” Of course, that time a little more was on the line…

The variable which, horrifically, hasn’t remained constant is the guy calling the shots on the sideline and getting his team in the proper mindframe in the locker room. Or, in the case of Roberto Donadoni, doing neither and being an overall jackass to boot. Yes, that’s code for “Donadoni is no Lippi”, but I’m sure I didn’t need to remind you of that. Will it be enough to make a major difference and have the big fellas forgetting what it was like in Dortmund? I don’t think so and I hope not, but only time – specifically 90 minutes – will tell.

Oh, and Scotland will be at an immediate disadvantage as the game is not being played in France or against France, because they bitch French teams on a regular basis. (Which kinda sorta makes them endearing.)

Squads

Azzurri:

Goalkeepers: Gianluigi Buffon (Juventus), Marco Amelia (AS Livorno Calcio), Gianluca Curci (AS Roma).

Defenders: Andrea Barzagli (US Città di Palermo), Daniele Bonera (AC Milan), Fabio Cannavaro (Real Madrid CF), Giorgio Chiellini (Juventus), Fabio Grosso (Olympique Lyonnais), Massimo Oddo (AC Milan), Christian Panucci (AS Roma), Gianluca Zambrotta (FC Barcelona).

Midfielders: Massimo Ambrosini (AC Milan), Mauro Camoranesi (Juventus), Daniele De Rossi (AS Roma), Gennaro Gattuso (AC Milan), Simone Perrotta (AS Roma), Andrea Pirlo (AC Milan).

Forwards: Antonio Di Natale (Udinese Calcio), Alberto Gilardino (AC Milan), Vincenzo Iaquinta (Juventus), Cristiano Lucarelli (FC Shakhtar Donetsk), Raffaele Palladino (Juventus), Fabio Quagliarella (Udinese Calcio), Luca Toni (FC Bayern München).

No real surprises other than Palladino, but he’s deserving of at least a spot in thhe stands (nothing more until the Faroes roll around). I’m not really understanding the uproar over the ADP and Pippo snubs. They’re both pretty much finished, and are substitutes at the very best these days, unless one of them decides to switch positions.

A quality 6 midfielders, 5 of which are central. Logic would have us believe this means we’re going to see a 4-3-3 or a 4-2-3-1 (or maybe he reads this page and is ready for the 4-3-1-2), but knowing Don we could see 4-4-1-1 with 4 deep-lying central mids, Gattuso in the hole and Camo up top. Why? Because he’s a fucking idiot. That’s why.

Scotland:

Goalkeepers: Craig Gordon (Sunderland AFC), David Marshall (Norwich City FC), Allan McGregor (Rangers FC).

Defenders: Graham Alexander (Burnley FC), Gary Caldwell (Celtic FC), Christian Dailly (West Ham United FC), Alan Hutton (Rangers FC), Jay McEveley (Derby County FC), Stephen McManus (Celtic FC), Gary Naysmith (Sheffield United FC), David Weir (Rangers FC).

Midfield: Scott Brown (Celtic FC), Barry Ferguson (Rangers FC), Darren Fletcher (Manchester United FC), Paul Hartley (Celtic FC), Lee McCulloch (Rangers FC), Stephen Pearson (Derby County FC), Barry Robson (Dundee United FC), Gary Teale (Derby County FC).

Forwards: Craig Beattie (West Bromwich Albion FC), Kris Boyd (Rangers FC), James McFadden (Everton FC), Shaun Maloney (Aston Villa FC), Kenny Miller (Derby County FC), Garry O’Connor (Birmingham City FC).

Tactics

Azzurri: Ah, fark. Here’s the lineup you’re likely looking at…

Gigi;
Zambro, Canna, Barzagli, Grosso;
Gattuso, Pirlo, DDR;
Camo, Toni, Toto.

Alright, maybe DDR starting is kinda unlikely seeing as how Donadoni has no fucking clue what he’s doing and will probably start Ambro, but I can’t bring myself to line up the Milan midfield in this game. Listen, MA can “surge” into the final third all he wants, but the fact is he couldn’t hit fucking Stay Puft from twenty yards with a pass (my bad, wrong pic). I’m done – and I like Ambro, I really do…but puhlease.

The other position up for debate is that LB/RB spot, where Old Man Panucci and Space Balls (Oddo’s new nickname, for obvious reasons) are supposedly in competition, but I hope we see a little Fab Grosso action on the left with Zambro on the right. Fact is, the guy plays his best ball in the shirt and has proven he shines on the biggest of stages. So expect to see Space Balls in the XI.

* – The one reason I won’t be too upset if Grosso is on the pine is because Scott Brown could give him absolute hell, and it might be best if Zambro deals with him. However, if I’m coach, Grosso has a starting place in my squad for what goes down in my book as the greatest goal celebration of all time. What a moment. (Biased? Nah.)

Otherwise, there is little else we can say about The Don’s choices when it comes to tactics. They’ll probably struggle mightily to score a goal (or to pluralize that), and 99.999999999% of the offensive opportunities will come through one Andrea Pirlo. Luckily enough, on the other side, it will be just a hard to break down the Azzurri defense. Unless, of course, they take to the wings, where a three-legged Schnauzer has been able to expose them as of late.

Oh, and then there’s that Tonigol guy…..

Scotland: Please forgive me for knowing little (read: nothing) about Scottish football. What I do know is that they’re less “joga bonito” and more “fuck, is this over yet?”. Therefore, here’s my guess at Scotland’s tactics:

Ian’s got his XI up (and preview), which reads a little something like this:

Gordon;
Naysmith, McManus, Hutton, Weir;
Brown, Ferguson, Hartley, McCulloch;
Boyd, McFadden.

Key Matchups

Tonigol’s Noggin v The Entire Tartan Army (And Navy, For That Matter): Did you watch that video? The only Scot who could’ve stopped him that day was William Wallace himself (don’t ask me why I know this, but it’s because the real Wallace was like 6′8 – not because Mel Gibson was badass). Unless Scotland has somehow put out a couple of elite defenders in the last 6 months or so (they haven’t), they don’t have a prayer of stopping him from getting to balls up high. Therefore, expect a Tonigol header or two in the net.

(If I’m a Scot, my prayer is that Space Balls is in the lineup, so you man mark all other 9 players, leave him all by his lonesome on the right and let him send crosses towards Greenland all day.)

Italy v Hampden Park: I’m of the belief that intangibles matter more for country than club. Why I don’t know, but I’ve always run with that train of thought. Which is exactly why Scotland’s home record in the qualifiers terrifies me: 6 games, 6 wins, 15 goals scored, 3 conceded. There isn’t much more to say other than “yikes” and hope the boys in (the good) blue play their farkin’ arses off. If they don’t…….

Azzurri v The Flanks: As Ukraine displayed in September, getting down the flanks against the Azzurri for good teams can be akin to a Sunday stroll in the park at times. This is not one of those games that you want to allow space out wide, especially on the counter for Scotland. Scott Brown, one of Celtic’s whizkids, is mad pacy and can beat most fullbacks down the line. Lock him down, or else. Same goes for McCulloch on the other side, although he’s not nearly as talented. But it’s in the biggest games that the most unheralded players tend to shine. Underestimate nobody, especially those in an area of your own weakness.

Can Somebody, For The Love Of God, Please Create Some @#$%in’ Scoring Chances On This Team? v Roberto Donadoni: This is one game where the only thing that matters is the end result, and I could give a fuck all about the means. However, the only way the boys can get that result is if they either play out to a nil-nil draw (entirely possible) or create some freakin’ chances already. As is said after nearly every game, this team would be nowhere without Andrea Pirlo. It would be nice to get him a little help, but The Don Doni don’t play that. Can they win despite playing what will probably be one of the biggest, yet ugliest, games in European qualifying history? Maybe. But DDR would be nice sending in some passes or scoring from distance, ya know…

Key Men

To me there are two: Gennaro Gattuso and Fabio Cannavaro. I suspect Ivan has been waiting for this game for a very long time, considering his fondness for his old stomping grounds as well as the fact that his Mrs. is Scottish (So who does she root for? The hubby or what could be the greatest football victory/upset in the history of her homeland?). He’ll give us his greatest attribute and play his enormous heart out.

Last year, when the Azzurri needed their captain the most, Fabio put on a virtuoso performance in Germany and earned the Golden Ball in a 4 week period. They need him once again. We don’t get to see many vintage Canna performances these days, this very well may be one. If anyone understands what needs to be done at Hampden Park, it’s Fabio.

Predictions

The way I see it, it’s either going to be an ugly one goal win or an exceptionally ugly draw (it’s going to be Wayne Rooney ugly on Saturday no matter what – which is really really bad). What I don’t see is Scotland beating Ivan & Ambro/DDR, then the back line…and then the best keeper in the world. Sure, they may play well and valiantly, but Scotland can’t stop Tonigol, nor can anybody in the world seemingly stop Andrea Pirlo. The D combined with those two will be enough to take a hard fought 1-0 victory out of Scotland.

Score: 1-0
Goal: Tonigol (47)
MOTM: Canna, giving us flashbacks of Germany (God was that beautiful)

When: 1800CET, 1700 Scottish Time, 1200 US EST
Where: Hampden Park, Glasgow, Scotland
Forecast: 5°C, high winds and rain. Oh boy. Welcome to the UK in November.
Streams: Here.

And of course…….

(That video being in French is incredibly satisfying, no?)

Still Campioni del Mondo.

FORZA ITALIA

Looking Ahead

Roberto Donadoni’s reign has been so disenchanting that many people have already taken to looking towards greener pastures and lined up potential replacements. I’m going to take it a step further and start to line up a game preview for the big tournament coming up. No, not Austria, Switzerland, Bavaria & Anybody Else Who Might Be Able To Host A Major Tourny In Central Europe. I’m talkin bout South Africa 2010. Qualification is still a ways away, and not necessarily a sure thing with The Don Doni at the helm, but for shits & giggles, here’s a run down of the potential lineup traveling to the tip of Africa in the summer of ‘10:

(And before you go crazy regarding omissions, this is pretty random and just for fun. Though I think it might be pretty close to accurate.)

Keepers

Gigi Buffon: For some reason, it seems he should’ve retired years ago, but he’s only 29 at the moment, and will only be 32 during the tournament, practically in his prime for a keeper – especially the Italian variety. There’s nothing to suggest his skills will let up, nor anything more to say he won’t still be the best keeper in the world when the WC comes rolling back around. And though he may already have his winner’s medal, he may have even more motivation for the tourny: to cement his status as the best keeper in the history of ever. A tournament approaching Germany ‘06 makes the title a formality.

Gianluca Curci: Supposedly Gigi’s heir has been rather hit or miss of late, but luckily it has been a case of lacking experience and maturity rather than an over-estimation of talent. Either he’ll be loaned or moved by 2010, and with a full year of taking shots under his belt, he’ll start to fulfill that massive ceiling of his.

Emiliano Viviano: Another relative youngster, but has all the talents a world-class keeper requires, and will be on the list as soon as he hops on board the train to the big 4. Kid is legit.

No Amelia, you say? Well, combine his start for Livorno along with the fact that absolutely no one wanted to touch him with a ten foot pole even though he was basically rubbing up on all the big clubs looking for some action like a recently dumped and drunk freshman makes one wonder whether or not everyone else knows something we don’t. I suspect they do. (Among other reasons.)

Defense

Looking at the ages of current defensive Azzurri regulars – Oddo (31), Zambro (30), Canna (∞), Barzagli (26), Matrix (34), Panucci (∞∞), Chiellini (23), Grosso (30) – reveals this little area might be an issue sometime soon. Most will either be out or on the cusp of being out. No doubt they produce some stellar talent in the boot, but defenders typically take a little longer to ripen and there aren’t exactly any young’uns pushing for a spot at the moment. Wing and a prayer.

Andrea Barzagli: Solid CB and the future owner of the Azzuri’s back line. Easily the best combination of talent, youth and experience they currently have at their disposal, and he’ll be in his prime when South Africa rolls around, assuredly as a starter.

Giorgio Chiellini: The Schnoz will be there as a part-time LB, part-time CB, with most of the starts coming on the left. Versatility is the name of the game when it comes to limited rosters, and his will be huge eventually.

Christian Panucci: I kid I kid. (Although…)

Marco Andreolli: Regardless of what team he’s on at the time, way too talented not to make this roster unless his career becomes a complete bust. May even push for a starting spot, and if the Nesta comparisons are even remotely true, this back line goes from questionable to team strength immediately.

Marco Motta: That blur you’ll see floating down the right hand side of the defensive flank is this guy, yet another in the long line of Italian defensive phenoms. A personal fave, and will leave few, if any, harping for the fullback performances in Germany.

Speaking of Zambro, though he’ll only be 33 at the time, it’s highly unlikely he’ll be on the plane if only because the guy just cannot seem to stay healthy, and when you’re over 30, that’s a very bad sign. It would not surprise one bit to see him retire after the Euros in order to prolong his playing career. And of course, once he begins having his many children, he’ll need to stay home to breast feed, as I don’t think his wife’s mosquito bites will produce The Milk adequately.

* – Don’t believe me?

Daniele Bonera: He’ll put it together enough to be a quality back up, but how much else is really up for debate. Luckily for him, the older you get at Milan, the more one improves. I still think that entire organization should be pee tested. Including Uncle Fester.

Philippe Mexes: Because by 2009 Sepp Blatter will impose a rule that says: “If you are easily the best option for your position for your country and your coach is too much of an idiot to play you, you may switch national allegiances after sitting out a period of one year.”

Cristian Zaccardo: He’s too talented not to be there, and he must have done his penance for that own goal last summer, right? Maybe not yet. But he’ll most likely be in South Africa backing up Motta.

Manuel Pasqual: He’s like that girl who you were friends with in high school and forget about until she comes around during college breaks. Continually she starts to look better every year, and each time you see her you say “Oh yeah, you”, until finally she graduates and she starts looking like marriage material. Intelligent, a nice, mature girl and very pretty, although not drop dead gorgeous, but someone who you know would make a fantastic wife and a great long term decision. So if you missed that: I want to marry Manuel Pasqual.

Paolo Cannavaro: Come on, what’s a World Cup Azzurri team without a Canna in the squad? Even so, it’s very plausible he winds up on the squad.

Midfielders

Daniele De Rossi: At some point this team is going to get some coach that realizes you play your best players, especially when you don’t have a consistent system to speak of. This isn’t brain surgery.

Alberto Aquilani: Already an integral cog in the current Azzurri machine, he’s there for the long haul. One of the first of The Don’s very reluctant young callups. A complete midfielder and a quality partner with his Roman brother in the middle. Owning the midfield as they do so well.

Riccardo Montolivo: He’ll be there. He’ll be starting. Somewhere.

Andrea Pirlo: He’ll only be 31 when Sudafrica rolls arround, and if recent performances mean anything, his playmaking abilities will be needed desperately. Actually, the slightest hint of creativity will be needed desperately. But that won’t be the case. This wave of young midfielders is grossly talented, and it may get to the point where he can’t make it above a group in their respective primes consisting of: De Rossi, Aquilani, Montolivo, Rossinaldo, and Dessena.

Gennaro Gattuso: I’m just not sure he’ll ever broach the idea of retiring from the Azzurri. Or, more accurately, that anyone will have the grapefruits to tell him that maybe it’s time to hang them up. So this means he’s brought in as a late game sub when the Azzurri needs to protect a lead. And also as the team’s personal bodyguard in the country with an alarming crime rate. You can have your automatic weapons, I’ll take a pissed off Ivan 8 days a week.

Alessandro Rosina: It’ll probably take the sudden death of The Don for Rosinaldo to earn a starting spot anytime soon, but he should earn one by ‘10, regardless of the gaffer. In a team that right now desperately right now needs a creative influence, Rosinaldo and Montolivo will be enough to strike fear into the hearts of all.

Daniele Dessena: Oh he’s good. Real good. But he’ll be looking up from the bench for most of the tournament. Having a talent like Dessena on the bench makes “luxury” the understatement of the century.

Forwards

Alberto Gilardino: One of these days he has to put it together. Might be close, might not. Strange to think less than 18 months ago he was starting for the Azzurri in the World Cup. It appears he’s found those finishing booties once again, but only time will tell.

Luca Toni: Here’s the deal, his skills are going to fade much more slowly than most strikers because he doesn’t base his game on speed. Also, he is a relative late-bloomer, as he spent much of his career in the calcio dungeons. Every team needs a little Tonigol, and he’ll be hugely effective during his time on the pitch.

Giampaolo Pazzini: His talent is crazy good, and by this time he will have most likely put it all together and begun terrorizing the (old) women and children of Serie A with regularity, to the point where I’m almost ready to say he’ll be the #1 come 2010. Almost.

Giuseppe Rossi: Results trump, well, everything. Despite not being good enough for Sir Whiskey Nose’s Portuguese-speaking tastes, he’ll be good enough for the Azzurri’s. Not to mention the versatility to split out wide or play up through the middle of the pitch. As always, versatility is the name of the game. Except when it comes to gender. (Write that down.)

And, last but not least…..

FRANCESCO TOTTI: You know it’s happening. Don’t even act like it’s not.

(For the helluva it: Gigi; Motta, Barzagli, Andreolli, Chiellini; Montolivo, De Rossi, Aquilani, Rosinaldo; Totti; Pazzini.)

What that was was a lot of great foreplay combined with erectile dysfunction until Cristiano Lucarelli finally found that last little blue pill which was floating around in the bottom of his of his dresser drawer; or, they created beaucoup chances but couldn’t put anything away (welcome to life as a Roma fan for the two weeks before the break).

I “watched” the game, but I didn’t really “watch” the game. It was streaming in some Firefox tab just beyond bigstring, uefa.com, The Moscow Times and Adult Friend Finder, and it didn’t catch my attention unless an announcer got all riled up to the point where I could actually hear something beyond the other game tapes I was watching on windows media player (which was actually quite often).

Still, please forgive me for not upholding my Azzurri blog duties and for not getting excited about a friendly with Benni McCarthy & Friends. Unless, of course, the game was being held in Johannesburg, at which point I would’ve watched just to see how many players were murdered mid match (yes, brilliant idea, let’s give one of the biggest rotating tourist attractions – the World Cup – which sends millions of cash wielding, flashy and easily targeted people every 4 years to the country with THE SECOND HIGHEST PER CAPITA MURDER RATE IN THE WORLD; and again…“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe.” )

* – In looking for that link, I came across this, which I have absolutely nothing to say about other than this: let’s just hope every one of those were closed caskets.

From what I could tell, there was little to learn from the game outside of this: if Alessandro Rosina doesn’t get called up for the Scotland and/or Faroe Islands games, and he murders Roberto Donadoni, I’m pretty sure a judge would let him off. The guy has been earning it for the past year plus, emphasized his point yesterday, and has become a necessary option for this team. In other words, remember that little “Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes” section from the Georgia recap, he’s exactly what this team needs. They need a singular creative entity – he is just that. He can send out some awesome, threaded passes, he can score some spectacular goals and he has a Energizer Bunny-like engine – all from just beyond the midfield and just behind the strikers. But, most importantly, he can just take the ball, run at dudes, and usually beat them. That is a rare commodity these days. I’m not ready to say he should be starting, but he deserves a loooooooooooong look, at least against the amateur carpenters from the Faroes.

Also, The Don still needs to be fired.

Datasports match ratings, and they appear to have been wholly unenthused.

Somebody Throw Those Georgians A Parade

Raise your hand if you had Scotland-Georgia in the office pool for the game that will decide Group B? If you said yes and you’re not Scottish, Nostradamus or Ms. Cleo, you’re lying through airplane hanger-sized gap in your teeth. GB has the world champs, the bridesmaids, and another squad that make it to the quarters in last year’s WC and it’s coming down to those two squads? All respect in the world due to Scotland, but we’re in the big leagues now. Crazy stuff.

Anyway, Georgia won, which is a massive help to the Azzurri and gives them another potentially favorable result when they travel to the rolling sheep-infested hills of the Isles in mid-November. I don’t think, though, it’s any indication that they’ll be ready to roll over when they entertain The Champs. The injury monster had reared its ugly head and lef them starting a sunday senior league team. In fact, if anything, I think it may be enough to push them over the top and anger them enough to prove that they were deserving of all their earlier accolades, and not the relative minnow of the past. This should be enough to tell the Azzurri to take this game even more seriously. If not, it will unquestionably bite them in the ass.

Group B
France 25pts (11GP)
Scotland 24pts (11GP)
Italia 23pts (10GP)

See that GP? Absolutely massive.

Scenarios:

First of all, let me just say this, after watching Appalachian St. embarrass Michigan this year (amongst other, major upsets), not to mention seeing the boys in blue thisclose to a draw on the island, I’m terrified to hand those 3 points over to the Azzurri for that game against the Faroe – but I’m going to do it….

Azzurri Win: They go through, period.

Azzurri Draw: They go through, period.

Azzurri Lose: Here’s where depending on the Ukraine comes in. If they lose, then they have to hope Ukraine beats France, or else the Azzurri are playing for pride against the Faroe Islands a few days later.

So, to keep things simple, let’s just win, eh?

Oh Captain, My Captain

Just thought this was good food for thought, considering once Canna retires, which will likely be within the next two years (I just cannot see him staying on any longer than it takes to break Paolo Maldini’s record – I don’t expect him to be around for Murder Central 2010), it’ll be time for a new captain to riise from the ranks pretty soon. Or, once Gigi Buffon retires.

Basically, yesterday’s game was foreshadowing, with Daniele De Rossi the most capped player in his little age bracket (I did ‘82-86 b-days), to the surprise of no one. But what is interesting is who’s second. The list:

DDR: 28
Gilardino: 24
Barzagli: 18

Guess who got the armband after DDR was taken of yesterday? Yup, Gila. Nobody else is really within spitting distance, and much of this as moot, as Gigi is not yet 30 and therefore doesn’t have to worry about losing those reflexes anytime soon (I’m prepared to say he’ll retire after 2014 – when he’ll be 36), but it is food for thought. I can’t say I think Alberto Gilardino would be the quintessential captain, or anything close, but he’ll have to start bagging goals galore again for that to even be a consideration. In fact, unless The Don gets a freaking clue anytime soon (not likely), and permanently implants DDR in the national starting XI as he should be, the likely recipient will be Andrea Barzagli. Let’s face it, Canna is retiring sooner rather than later, and there’s no guarantee the Matrix will earn back a starting spot ever again (he is 34, after all), and there aren’t really any competitors for Barzagli’s spot, nor any youngsters close to being ready. Methinks he’ll be in that spot for a very long time.

“It is just like the World Cup Final and a whole year’s work will come down to 90 minutes,” the ex-Livorno tactician admitted.”

No, it’s a game in Scotland. Not Berlin. Getting yourself in a position to say a game against fucking Scotland(!) is your WC Final makes this tenure an utter disaster. He does realize this is the Azzurri he’s coaching, right? This isn’t Luxembourg. How depressing. That statement illustrates everything wrong with the Roberto Donadoni Era.

South Africa Friendly

As I sit here writing this I’m watching Crash, which is one of the most sobering and important movies of recent years. It’s also really depressing considering its social reflections. Almost as depressing as watching Roberto Donadoni march out onto the pitch for yet another game captaining the Azzurri ship. If Roberto Donadoni’s Azzurri coaching career was a movie, it would be Requiem For A Dream (one of my top 2 favorites, which I should probably schedule bi-weekly sessions with a shrink to discuss). You just can’t stop the downward cycle. It’s destiny.

* – I was between Requiem and Rory O’Shea Was Here. Requiem won out because only heroin addicts would make some of the decisions Donadoni does.

So, in order to give the “big boys” some rest, The Don has unleashed the JV squad for the South Africa friendly, or, as I like to call it, the Italian U-25 All-Stars. Comprised mostly of youngsters looking earn either their first caps or a serious look for some extended time in meaningful games, as well as some vets coming off injury or looking to earn their own time. Oh, and Daniele De Rossi. The best midfielder in Serie A. Duh.

So, let’s take a look at this roster of vets, neophytes, scallywags, philanderers and wannabe bushmen:

Gianluca Curci (Roma): Supposed to get the start, and if he plays the entire game, he will equal the number of minutes he has played for Roma this season. Which is, uh, strange, but this kid is phenomenally gifted and just needs some composure and maturity before he challenges Sebastian Frey for Robin to Gigi’s Batman in Serie A – where Gigi is the Christian Bale Batman, not George Clooney (welcome to the movie edition of the offside). Also, the life expectancy would jump about a decade in Rome with the immediate departure of “The Human Cardiac Arrest”, Alexander Donieber.

Marco Amelia (Livorno): Another Roman youth product and another really strange situation. His team, Livorno, to put it politely, fucking blows ass. Real bad. Which is not really his fault, but the fact that he has allowed 17 goals already is mildly alarming – seeing as how that could be an entire season for Gigi. So, uh, the two backups for Gigi are a) a 22 year old reserve for his club, and b) statistically the worst keeper in Serie A. Pray for Gigi’s health. And world peace. But Gigi’s health first.

* – Yeah yeah yeah, I know Abbiatti and De Sanctis are waiting in Spain somewhere, but these two are more important.

Cristian Zaccardo (Palermo): He scored what was one of the most jaw-dropping goals in last year’s World Cup. Only it was an own goal, and that signaled the end of his WC experience. Still, he’s still young, and pretty damn good. His speed is a great asset down the touchline, and it will be nice to have a change from watching Massimo Oddo cross the ball towards Pluto. If he plays well enough, he may earn a few “real” call ups soon.

Giandomenico Mesto (Udinese): Versatile choice who has been pretty good for Udinese this season (at least in the minimal sample I’ve seen). His one great deciding factor which may assist him in getting a serious look is his ability to play RW as well, with wings one of the weakest positions on the list of potential Azzurri members. Not that it matters, with Donadoni’s Cialis-induced unrelenting hard-on for deep lying CMs. You know the type that they say, “if you have an erection lasting more than 36 hours, call your doctor”. Look, if you have an erection lasting 36 hours, call the Guiness Book of World Records first. Your doctor can wait.

* – You know, I failed to think about this, but with The Don being a former left winger, the one time in the last 6 months he played with a true wing set, the France game, he only played with a right wing, not a left. Either he is a cocky fucktard (probable) who doesn’t think anybody is capable of playing towards his own standards and therefore the LW spot is being left vacant in memory of his greatness, or he has some deep-seeded self-loathing psychological issues. If so, maybe he and I should schedule a group session and I can tackle that whole Requiem thing (I’ve actually got the reasoning down – I’m cool, no issues here. Well, there is that three legged giraffe from Jupiter under my bed that tells me I should dress like a clown, become a dental hygienist and rename myself Pam.)

Daniele Bonera (Milan): I don’t want to know what’s going on during that train ride from Parma to Milan, but it seems to be ruining potentially great careers. First Gila, now Bonera, whose last year plus could probably be described as “sloppy”. Supposedly improving, but not enough. You’d think learning from Maldini, Nesta and Costacurta in practice every day would help…..

Alessandro Gamberini (Fiorentina): He gets up the field well for a CB, and he’s a quality squad member who could earn a regular reserve role one of these days, especially with Canna, Panucci and The Matrix’s hour glasses running long, and no CB prospects on the immediate horizon (the best option is still Marco Andreolli, but he’s still a long way from getting garbage minutes in an early round Coppa match for Roma – of course, as Curci has shown, that doesn’t mean jack). This game may go a long way in determining his future call ups.

Canna, The Other One (Napoli): The Other Cannavaro is only 26 (shocking, I know), and despite being a U-21 stalwart, has yet to make his senior debut. I suspect he’ll get some late minutes, but his time to prove he belongs on the permanent list of considerations will be with Napoli, not against South Africa. Still, what’s an Azzurri team without that patented Cannavaro mega-watt grin? Nothing. Too bad Fabio couldn’t be named just to get a 10 second cameo with his bro. I can only imagine how special forming a partnership in central defense for the national team with your brother in the same game must be. One for the ages. Maybe some day. And yes, Paolo would cry.

Giorgio Chiellini (Juventus): The Schnoz, as he will be known in these waters from here on out, is playing for a regular spot with the big boys. Many (many many) will argue his eventual seat is in central defense. May be true, but for now he could be a decent backup option in the rotating door which has been the LB position under The Don.

Andrea Dossena (Udinese): Listen, when this is your reaction to being called up…

“I was told on Saturday afternoon that I may be included, but I didn’t really believe it at first. Then the official call arrived and it was great. This is a beautiful and pleasing surprise for me.”

…then you probably don’t belong. But I’m all for throwing guys a bone in meaningless friendlies. Also, I’m ballparking the number of LBs during The Don’s tenure at 4,723.

Angelo Palombo (Sampdoria): He’s kinda like the kid who’s been at the party for the last few hours, but has just kind of been sitting on a couch in the corner observing things for awhile until somebody comes over and says, “Hey, when the hell did you get here?”. The Don obviously likes him, but he has all that disgusting midfield talent breathing down his neck. What happens in this game is likely moot. He’ll be on the outside looking in the window for a long time.

Riccardo Montolivo (Fiorentina): The Phenom. He’s just playing to determine whether he’s engraving his name in marble into the starting XI in the near future or the near-er future. The end.

Antonio Nocerino (Juventus): Ask a Rubentus fan about Antonio and they’ll tell you he’s the second coming of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Ask someone else and they’ll say “get in line, young’un”. He’ll be a regular call up eventually, but how much more is questionable (best guess is on the bubble of that starting XI for most of his career – less about him and more a testament to the disgusting amount of talent running through the Italian midfield pipeline at the moment – this list including DDR, Rosina and Montolivo is devoid of names like Aquilani, Dessena, Cigarini, Russotto, Cerci, etc etc etc). And his chances will improve exponentially if he can avoid being hit by automobiles.

Daniele De Rossi (Roma): Listen, I’m not even going here. You gave him the #10, he’s the best midfielder you have at your disposal (Pirlo fills a role like few in the world, but he’s very limited in certain areas), treat him accordingly. Hopefully he doesn’t see the field so he’s ready and rested for Roma’s 2 games in 3 days coming up – but wait, he’s got the armband, so no gift from The Don.

Franco Semioli (Fiorentina): He of offensive facial hair has been recalled, and it’s nice to see some wingers actually under consideration. He actually may have a chance to make a dent for himself, but then again, he isn’t a CM.

Pasquale Foggia (Cagliari): Will likely miss the game, but he would’ve had to do a lot more for me to say he deserves to be called up for the Scotland game. He’s just not ready.

Alessandro Rosina (Torino): He’s like the guy who has that smoking hot girl friend, who’s just that: a friend. She has a dickhead boyfriend who consistently disappears at night and as everyone knows, it’s with other, sluttier girls. Rosinaldo consistently sits with her at night, listens to her problems, makes her feel comfortable and better about herself and puts in all the work that the bf should, but can never evolve past friend. Every night she sends him home with a hug and the dreaded, “you’re easy to talk to”. Until one night the bf is off somewhere picking up a third world STD from some Puerto Rican chick (big ups Puerto Rico!), and Rosinaldo comes over to console her and she realizes that she has been an idiot all along and that he is the one she should be with. So he ends up spending the night and they live happily ever after (and score many many goals together). The end.

In all seriousness, if Rosinaldo isn’t on this list for Scotland and the Faroe Islands I’ll get all up in arms. Then what, I don’t know. But I’ll be angry while doing it.

Stefano Mauri (Lazio): Rumor has it he stepped on the field in Genoa, but you could’ve fooled me. More a testament to the scarcity of wings in the peninsula than anything else. If the Azzurri either, a) were at full strength, or b) had a coach who had a solitary brain cell roaming around in his skull, he’d be a distant thought.

Vincenzo Iaquinta (Juventus): Out, the end.

Cristiano Lucarelli (Shakhtar Donetsk): The big commie will see his time, but as soon as Talentino, Gila, Pazzini, Pelle, Palladino, etc etc etc either progress or start to get a clue, he can buy up permanent residence in Ukraine. His performances in the shirt thus far make “dismal” look like butterflies and cupcakes.

Alberto Gilardino (Milan): Remember this guy? He scored an assload of goals for Parma, started the WC at 23, then dove into oblivion in Milan until that swell little trip to the evil side of the Olimpico a couple weeks ago. Unfortunately, he is one of the great hopes for this team, because they still don’t have a consistently very good striker to partner with Lucagol, and that is something they could desperately use while the kids are still sucking on the teat of the calcio breast. He, along with Cassano, is supposed to be one of the next generation’s great hopes. All we can do at this point is pray he starts bagging goals galore. (And could we get him out of Milan, please. The last thing we need is one of the Azzurri potential striking greats learning from Pippo.)

Predicted XI:

Curci;
Zaccardo, Gamberini, Bonera, Chiellini;
Semioli, Nocerino, De Rossi, Montolivo;
Gila, Lucarelli.

I have no clue, nor do I really care. The only things I care about are a) that DDR and Curci don’t get hurt, and that b) Montolivo and Rosinaldo do enough that The Don gets a freaking clue and calls them up with regularity in the near future. Other than that, I could care less if Benny McCarthy bags 81 goals and the South Africans put up three digits. But, I’m going to go with a 4-0 Azzurri victory. The kids and vets fighting for time will probably take this one seriously – they have something to win here.

De Rossi Praises Scotland, Or Not

Them’s fightin’ words.

A lesson in controlling boooooorreeeedooom. This was worse than watching the France game, because at least with that game you knew by the 12th minute it was going to be a nil-nil draw and you could channel surf. Against Georgia the Azzurri were so supremely talented it was hard to take your eyes away because at any moment a sub could come in and they could erupt for 17 goals or something. Of course, that is until you remember that the coach is Roberto Donadoni.

So what did The Don do? He played a safe lineup against a perennial powerhouse with a whopping ONE point against teams not from the Faroe Islands. The ancient back line was predictable, and they were all effectively efficient, though mostly far from spectacular (Fabio Grosso channeled his German self a few times during the game). Then he played his all Milan midfield of Andrea Pirlo, Massimo Ambrosini and Ivan the Freaking Lunatic. What did they do? The latter two contributed nothing offensively aside from some short, meaningless dump-off passes or long, misplaced through balls winding up at the foot of a Georgian. Pirlo was good, but far from his optimal self. So, to recap, when you’re playing a team at home with no chance of winning what do you do? You play a safe, veteran backline with 3 deep-lying central midfielders, 2 of which have nary a chance of creating jack and/or shit. Duh. How To Coach A World Champion 101.

The forward line was busy, but the return of Luca @$%ing Toni was a big wake up call. He dropped off, picked up the ball well, held it up and doled it out effectively the majority of the time – not to mention creating space for others to put the ball into his big damn self. His presence in the squad is crucial and if the Azzurri plan to make any noise in the Euros – if they make it, of course – he will be Key Guy Numero Uno.

In the end, it was a commanding victory and Gigi was never challenged, but this type of football will not work against the big boys, and it may not even work in Scotland. The solution to me is to scrap the attack from the flanks because it is just not working. I haven’t seen a decent cross thrown in to a decent big man in god knows how long. Pirlo has spearheaded many of these Azzurri victories – and it’s frightening to think where they would be without him – but he needs a little creative help. A creative influence just behind the striker(s) would go a long way in creating a few offensive chances, and the retirement of that Totti guy has been an unbelievable loss. Yet another reason why Roberto Donadoni needs to be given the pink slip. No Don means a Totti return (you know you’re silently nodding at that statement).

Group B
Scotland 24pts (10GP)
Italia 23pts (10GP)
France 22pts (10GP)

Players

I’m going to eschew the rating system simply because some were so uninvolved for either long stretches or the entire game (notably the back line and Gigi) that it really isn’t fair.

Gigi: He could’ve penned a novel, recorded an album, fathered a few children and baked a mean lasagna during the game. He touched the ball about three times. One of the easiest clean sheets he’ll ever see.

Oddo: He just isn’t cutting it anymore. He gets down the flank well, but just doesn’t have that extra burst to beat most defenders; and when he does, his crosses are atrocious. When you’re best attribute is holding the ball long enough to knock it off a defenders shin and win a corner then it’s time to go back to being the team barber.

Barzagli & Panucci: I noticed both probably a half dozen times the entire game. They could’ve brought a barcalounger and parked it 30 yards in front of goal for 95% of the game. GG and Massimo locked down well, but this was Georgia. They were never going to seriously mount a challenge on goal.

Grosso: There were times when I wondered what the hell had happened to his career. There were also times when I thought I was having flashbacks from Germany. Either way, he played off both Di Natale and Tonigol well, and that goal should be enough to at least keep his place on the team once Zambro returns. Nice to have you back, Fabio.

Pirlo: Who the hell knows what happened on that goal. I was watching through my vaseline smeared stream so I assumed it was deflected off somebody, but that doesn’t appear to be the case. He wasn’t dropping the balls on dimes today, but he was still one of the best players on the team and one of the few creative influences.

Gattuso: I almost want to give him the MOTM, but I can’t give it to a defensive player against a squad like Georgia. That would be like giving David Ortiz the MVP Award in a beer league softball game. Still, he was his typical rabid animal self. I also suspect he’s eying that Scotland game and we may see him take things to an entirely new level unseen before. Scary.

Ambrosini: Like Gattuso, he closed down well, but this is still Georgia. We know what we’re getting from GG at this point and we deal with the lack of offense he brings. What the team needed was someone with superior offensive abilities and creative genius at moments. That guy should have been Daniele De Rossi, but of course, Donadoni did in fact spend his career in Milan, so why not throw out the whole midfield of the team which had grossly underachieved all year until this past weekend? Duh. Ambro’s passing was horrid to start the game, then he realized he was getting beyond himself and his talents and switched to short, meaningless dump off passes. He’s adequate, but not right for this team, they simply need more from his spot. Much more. Too defensive for Georgia.

Di Natale: He shined at moments, he looked relatively useless and incoherent at moments. The one benefit to his inclusion was that he didn’t need service to create. In fact, the more separation he got from Tonigol, the better he performed, including the sublime chip which Luca rocketed off the hardware. Another in the category of “adequate”, but it doesn’t stop us from praying that Gilardino and Talentino get a freaking clue as soon as possible.

Quagliarella: He was pretty fucking terrible most of the game. His best asset was creating an inch of space then taking a shot which was usually off target. More of what he’s apparently been throwing out there this season in Udine, with the “sophomore slump” and “one hit wonder” whispers getting a little bit louder each week.

Tonigol: My MOTM for his ability to control the ball, wreak havoc and force the defense to double, triple and quadruple team him at times. One of the greatest compliments you can give a player has come to define LT over the past few years: He changes the way opposing teams play the game. He might have even been MOTM before the game, but the cheeky assist to Grosso and the countless efforts he gave from the lone striker position really allowed the Azzurri to not only control the game, but prevent Georgia from even thinking about pushing too many men up, with a largely ineffective offensive team around him.

Foggia: For someone so dynamic and skilled, he was utterly “bland”, as Martha accurately put it. Simply: he’s not ready. Rosina and Montolivo are; get that through your thick skull, Don.

Mauri: Seriously, what the hell is he even doing on the squad? Lazio hatred aside, he just doesn’t belong. (Although the dearth of true wingers in the peninsula is quite alarming).

(Datasport’s ratings – most of which I agree with)

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

It was a commanding game, a solid 3 points, but things still need to change. And soon. There should have been more: More goals. More changes. More creativity. More life. They were flat and they were just sort of there, allowing talent to dictate the outcome of the game (always a win – 10 times out of 10). Just kind of stabbing Georgia on the surface repeatedly, rather than simply slicing their collective throat and taking their will (morbid, I know).

Here’s how I would change things: First of all, Pirlo all by his lonesome isn’t going to get it done offensively. The return of Toni is a massive help, as will the inevitable return of Alberto Aquilani, but they need more from the midfield. Somebody needs to take some of the creative pressure from Pirlo and work in tandem to create opportunities, rather than having four guys holding the ball, another four clamoring for space and waiting for Andrea to work himself free and put the ball on a dime. My solution is to drop a trequartista or attacking mid behind the two striker system rather than flanking a lone striker with two lateral forwards, resulting in a 4-3-1-2 or something similar. The creative influence needs to be one who doesn’t work his way towards the opposing box, he needs to start out closer.

Being that this is Italy we’re talking about, there is a plethora of options. Totti is perfect, but we’re going to have to wait for the return of Lippi for that to happen (dreaming? maybe not…). Fabrizio Miccoli would be a decent option. So wouldn’t Riccardo Montolivo or Alessandro Rosina – that is if Rosinaldo hadn’t murdered Donadoni’s dog (or whatever mortal sin he committed against The Don which prevents him from being called up for a real game). King Alberto would be another great option, as we all know how well he can create from just behind the strikers. But you know who very well may work? Somebody who has actually been a bajillion times more effective in a central creative role in his last few Azzurri caps than he has been as a lateral forward/winger? Alex Del Piero. Now bear with me, because I just threw up in my mouth writing that sentence, but I’m not joking. When he is able to play from the center of the pitch and involve himself behind the striker(s), he has been very good, not vintage Alex, but still good. At least an option, as he may prove to be more effective in that role than people think.

Also, this three deep-lying CMs or 4 central mids shit has got to go. Know your abilities and know that you should be hammering these teams, not resting their heads on the pillow in the final minutes. The addition of Grosso worked well, and it’s nice having an attacking option from the back line like Fabio. When Canna returns it’s time for either Zambro to take over RB with Fabio on the left; or, if Zambro doesn’t heal in time, Panucci slots into the RB slot. Oddo’s crosses are just unbelievable. To the point where I was fantasizing about Cristian Zaccardo during the game. Speaking of whom, he’d due for another (legitimate, aka non-South African friendly) look soon. Oddo’s just not the answer. Hell, the way Marco Cassetti has looked for Roma, I’d rather see him get a recall (that’s correct, I said “recall”). RB is one spot where there are more than enough good options that we don’t need to see Oddo putting crosses into the third deck anymore. Thank you.

Oh, and would you get your Number 10 on the fucking field please? Dear Christ.

For the hell of it, I’d love to see this lineup during the next run out (Faroe Isles):

Gigi;
Zambro, Canna, Barzagli, Grosso;
Gattuso; Pirlo, De Rossi;
Aquilani;
Gilardino, Toni.

I know the two strikers haven’t always worked perfectly together, nor is Gila in optimal form (yet), but the strike partner with Toni isn’t exactly jumping out at me. In fact, if such is the case, the Milan X-Mas Tree formation may work (4-3-2-1), with two creative midfielders behind Tonigol. Hell, I think that might work. Thoughts?

Upcoming
Now it’s off to Scotland, in what will be like a one game playoff series unless France decides to shit the bed against Lithuania (a draw would not surprise me – in fact, way back when I called a 0-0 or 1-1 tie). Then the Faroe Islands are coming to town, which will be a quick 3 points and hopefully be a much better performance than last spring (I still have nightmares of Gigi almost being beat late in the game and allowing the Faroes to thieve a historic and ultimately defeating point). But that game may be just a formality, in either direction.

The SA friendly is supposedly going to be an “experiment”. Hopefully it fails miserably, blows up in The Don’s face and he loses his job (he won’t). The “B”, aka U-25’s & Friends, squad has been called up:

Questo l’elenco completo. Portieri: Amelia, Curci; difensori: Zaccardo, Mesto, Bonera, Gamberini, Cannavaro Paolo, Chiellini, Dossena; centrocampisti: De Rossi, Palombo, Nocerino, Montolivo, Semioli, Foggia, Mauri, Rosina; attaccanti: Lucarelli, Gilardino, Iaquinta.

Curci will reportedly get the nod, which will see his Azzurri minutes lap his Roma minutes for the season. What Daniele De Rossi is doing on that squad I have no freaking clue. Give the guy a rest. He’s better than every name on that list and he does not need to be kept fresh against a mediocre side. He should have been kept fresh against Georgia, jackass. Lineup prediction:

Curci;
Zaccardo, Gamberini, Bonera, Chiellini;
Foggia, Nocerino, De Rossi, Montolivo;
Gila, Lucarelli.

Who the hell knows. Who the hell cares.

Methinks That’s Marcello Lippi’s Music….

This is the best thing that has happened to the Azzurri since, well, Marcello Lippi resigned:

“I will leave all doors open,” Lippi said. “I have learned in this world that you can never say never.”

This is the type of quote people overanalyze when they’re desperate and looking for a sign. That is us right now. This team needs to look like a world champion again.

Goals

(Going into Azzurri mode………..)

One of my all-time all-times. An excuse for a soundtrack.

So, this game’s theme is out with the old and in with the not as old, but still fairly old. Alessandro Del Piero and Not-So-Super Pippo have been dropped in favor of anyone who possibly has a prayer of creating their own goal in this decade. Or, the strikers he calls up really don’t matter because he now has a healthy Luca @#$%ing Toni at his disposal. And, if you haven’t been paying attention to Bavaria this season, Luca’s tearing shit up. Like seriously – 10 in 10 including the red headed stepchild that is the UEFA Cup. Apparently the German defenses haven’t seen his youtube clips from the last few years, because he’s just running rampant. Always good news for the boys in House of Savoy blue.

Here’s all you need to know about this game: Italia should win. Italia needs to win. Italia will win. Period.

* – Apparently somebody has been handing Luca a massive slice of humble pie. Either that or he just hasn’t been watching the Azzurri as of late. “Me, a leader of the side? I’m not even sure that I’m going to be picked.” Yeah, uh huh. Listen, if Luca doesn’t start I’ll fly to Genoa and disembowel Donadoni with a spork myself. Or maybe I’ll just write mean things about him on this page.

Group B
Scotland 21pts (9GP)
Italia 20pts (9GP)
France 19pts (9GP)
Ukraine 13pts (8GP)

I love that Ribery is calling that France will qualify over the Azzurri from 3rd place along with Scotland. If you’re going to make a bold statement like that, and include Cinderella, then do so when you’re actually in a position to qualify today. Otherwise, shut your mouth and go back to feeding Tonigol.

Squad

So thievishly thieved from Martha.

KEEPERS: Amelia (Livorno), Buffon (Juventus), Curci (Roma)
DEFENDERS: Barzagli (Palermo), Bonera (Milan), Chiellini (Juventus), Gamberini (Fiorentina), Grosso (Olympique Lyon), Oddo (Milan), Panucci (Roma)
MIDFIELDERS: Ambrosini (Milan), De Rossi (Roma), Gattuso (Milan), Mauri (Lazio), Montolivo (Fiorentina), Pirlo (Milan)
STRIKERS: Di Natale (Udinese), Foggia (Cagliari), Iaquinta (Juventus), Lucarelli (Shakhtar), Quagliarella (Udinese), Toni (Bayern Munich)

A couple surprises, notably Daniele Bonera, who hasn’t impressed enough to warrant inclusion on a girls U-11 all star team as far as I, and many others, have seen thus far. Moreso a testament to how injury-riddled that back four really is right now. Also, Stefano Mauri made over what’s his name? Oh yeah. ALESSANDRO ROSINA. I think we need to hire a private investigator to see what Donadoni’s personal vendetta is against Rosinaldo. Did he sleep with TDD’s wife? Sister? Daughter? Son? Come on man, give the guy at least a freaking spot in the stands. Riccardo Montolivo is no surprise. He’s going to be on that list for a very very long time. Don’t start handing out the gold stars to Donadoni just yet, that’s an expected callup.

Possible Preliminary Lineup

Who the hell knows. 4-3-3? 4-2-3-1? 4-4-1-1? 4-4-2? 3-6-1? 0-10-0 with 10 CMs? All possible. What we do know is this: Roberto Donadoni has no fucking clue what he is doing. The lineup card should be filled out accordingly.

My best guess is a 4-3-3 or the 4-2-3-1, likely the former. If he plays a safe lineup against Georgia he’s just asking to lose his job. This is the type of game, after playing like dog shit against France and being outplayed yet getting a fortunate 3 points against Ukraine, to say, “Hey, wait a second, we’re the champions of the world! Maybe we should play like it…”

As far as picking the lineup goes, we might as well pick names out of a hat. Gigi is self-explanatory, but the rest of the defensive corps are either injured, suspended, retired or fresh out of Pampers. The only sure starter is Andrea Barzagli, and while I love him and think he’s a fantastic player, that’s a baaaaad sign. Canna – suspended. Zambro – hurt, again (though I suspect he’s just trying to get time off to spend with his wife – to which I say: “atta boy”). Materazzi – nearly died. Nesta – retired. Daniel Maldini – not ready just yet. So here’s my best guess for the back four: Oddo, Panucci, Barzagli, Grosso. I suppose Chiellini is possible, but, well, who the hell knows.

As far as the midfield goes, I suspect TDD could use that 5-1 thrashing of Lazio to justify starting an all-Milan midfield of Pirlo, Ivan the Terrible and Ambrosini – who has actually been playing well as of late. However, there’s also that Daniele De Rossi guy, who just happens to be the best total midfielder in the peninsula, so there is really no excuse for leaving him out of the starting lineup for the next, oh, 8 years. (Give or take a day.) A midfield of DDR, GG and Pirlo should get it done, provided DDR doesn’t feel the need to attach himself to Pirlo’s hip and lets his offensive skills flourish.

Up top it’s going to be Luca all day. Who will be flanking him is the question. Di Natale may start, but he doesn’t play for a big club, so he’s probably not good enough, according to Donadoni. (Yet another example of his transcendent genius.) Fab Quags hasn’t exactly been on form, so he may not even see the bench. In fact, he hasn’t scored a goal yet, which makes all those Mauro Esposito comparisons look a little more accurate. Here’s the shocker: Vincenzo Iaquinta has actually been looking pretty damn good, and should probably get the start (blasphemy, I know), that is if his knee is alright in time, which it’s supposed to be. So my predicted top line is Di Natale, Toni, Iaquinta. If no Iaquinta my best guess is Fab Quags – I just don’t see TDD entrusting his job to anyone else. Anyway, could be worse. Could also be much better. The best hope is that the game against Lazio is an indicator of things to come and Alberto Gilardino finds those goal scoring boots which have been resting peacefully at the bottom of the Mediterranean. Until then, we wait.

* – His Giginess has been tapped on the shoulder and bestowed with the captain’s armband for this game. I’m usually in the camp of preferring an outfield player, but no complaints in this case – even if I am mildly surprised it wasn’t given to Ivan the Freaking Lunatic. (Could that be a hint that he won’t be playing? Or, if he does, he won’t be playing a full 90?)

So, predicted XI:

Gigi;
Oddo, Panucci, Barzagli, Grosso;
Gattuso, Pirlo, De Rossi;
Iaquinta, Toni, Di Natale.

Georgia
Uhhhhh….Kakha Kaladze? That’s all I’ve got. No, really. Look at this squad. I consider myself to be of decent knowledge for a Westerner when it comes to the former USSR’s national leagues and all, but I’ve got nothing. Absolutely squadoosh. That roster screams “Azzurri victory.” Just don’t tell Donadoni – we might see a repeat of Hungary when he tries out his new 3-2-2-1-1-1 formation.

Anyway, nine games and seven points isn’t exactly going to get it done against the likes of the reigning world champs, no matter how much Donadoni tries to make the world forget that they are actually the world champs (or, tries to get them to play like this Azzurri team). The 3-1 victory way back when should be replicated at the very least and TDD will probably be able to avoid the unemployment line until the next international break or so.

EDIT: Kaladze is injured. So I’ve truly got nothing. But I do smell blood in the water.

Game

I suspect we’ll see the Georgian team bus pull onto the pitch in Genoa and stay there for a firm 90 plus extras. A nil-nil draw (or any draw) is a victory for them and makes the Euros a distant dream for the Azzurri, and everybody enjoys being the party pooper every once in a while. Here’s what I expect to see from Donadoni’s lineup, regardless of who’s on the field: shoot hard, shoot straight, shoot often, shoot a little more often, lather, rinse, repeat (look at that, I got it right). This is no time for “anti-football” or to be outplayed by a vastly inferior side, and it’s about damn time we saw an offensive explosion from the best damn team in the world (supposedly). Just take a look at these goal totals from the last 6 months:

Faroe Islands – 2
Lithuania – 2
Hungary – 1
France – 0
Ukraine – 2

That’s 7 goals in 5 games against one very good team, one good team and three teams which should have been blown out the water with a freaking nuclear explosion into the back of the net. We’re not even asking for joga bonito or the ball to be walked across the goal line in a conga line. All we’re asking for is to score some goals against the teams that they should be scoring goals against. Is that too much to ask? Squeaking by and getting lucky with victories after being outplayed will only last so long. Eventually it’s going to bite the Azzurri in the ass.

I think the entire Donadoni era can be summed up in one sentence: They don’t play like world champions. Same roster (largely – minus that Totti guy and Nesta, who didn’t really factor in Germany), which makes it the coach’s fault. It’s time he showed himself capable of coaching mediocrity, and the only thing that would answer that this weekend is an offensive explosion of monstrous proportions. No offense to Georgia, but let’s see some real results already. He’s been given enough rope; tragically, he looks to be hanging the whole team with it.

(This week’s Donadoni related rant was sponsored by the letter 7 and the number Q)

Predictions

Score: 4-0 Azzurri
Goals: Toni (16), De Rossi (41), Toni (67), Iaquinta (72)
MOTM: Luca @#$%ing Toni

Where: Stadio Luigi Ferraris, Genoa
When: Saturday, October 13th, 20:50 CET
Streaming: Here

As always, FORZA ITALIA