Trophies are nice, but I don’t want to scream my lungs out – I want my breath taken away. I don’t want to bear witness to arms held aloft; I want to bear witness to singular moments of genius. The singular moments which turn generations into followers and followers into believers. Belief in the grand design. The grand design that in this world there does exist The One. The complimentary piece which completes every human being. And proof that it needn’t be a woman for a man or vice-versa, and it needn’t be based on sexuality. That sometimes, The One is simply there for the betterment of mankind, not for the enjoyment of individuals. I want these moments to reach down into the bowels of my lungs and rip every last breath from my body. To replace that breath with the silent screams of faith and hope and wonderment. I want singular moments which provide affirmation that there is a God.

If one needs proof of that I suggest looking no further than the video below.

ones

A much championed fight in the press. A crippled Roma lying wounded; a captain in the stands and another at the hospital by the half; an impromptu leader on one leg; a game with more dodgy fouls than rollerderby. And yet….

Two points lost, not one point gained.

Mirko, Mirko, Mirko….how could you.

Under normal circumstances, the lofted goal counts as five in the hearts and all is forgiven. Not here. Yes, he was so far beyond Roman bodies no one could tell him Lucio was marching up his backside. Yes, he made the right move and left Julio Cesar for toast. But it’s different at the San Siro. Have to bury that. Every time. You cannot leave chances on the table, because Milan teams will turn those chances into a point or three. Sunday, a point; next time it’ll be three. (Unless Rosetti is involved. Then it might be the first ever five point victory.)

The Mirko we know and love buries that first one and strips down to his Scooby Doo underoos in front of the Interisti. Unfortunately he’s only just making the long trek back to being Big Game Mirko.

With that said…the goal made babies in Montenegro.

And then there was Mourinho. Unfortunately – and we don’t get to say this often about Mourinho’s tactics – what he did worked. To perfection, in fact, and likely beyond his wildest dreams (those not involving Franky Lamps in the shower, anyhow). Let’s cut his bullshit about resting weary players and call a spade a spade with an international break on the fore: he sent out football’s Thug Unit to make sure it wasn’t football at all. Muntari, Motta and Vieira were out there for one reason and one reason only: to break Roma down physically. That they did, and nearly beyond anything Roma could withstand. Daniele’s face was broken and Philippe Mexes was forced into calcio’s version of the Curt Schilling moment with that eerily reminiscent bloody sock and subsequent heroic performance*. Roma’s two best players – with Philou back to being Philou and what have you – down to .5 and some dazzling hair.

* – Diego Milito would like out of Philippe’s back pocket now. It’s been two years and he’s got enough lint to sop up the tears now.

And so they did what they had to: put on a defensive clinic and lived by the counter. Classic Ranieri, in other words. And it, much like Mourinho’s vision, worked to perfection, even when the parts were less than ideal.

The defensive line was, by and large, brilliant. The plaudits have rained down on Mexes & Andreolli, deservedly of course, while Motta’s rise from just-below-garbage to just-above-awesome was just as vital, but let’s talk about John Arne Riise. Give me Riise versus Maicon & Balotelli and I’m taking to the basement head in knees. Did anyone expect those two to be so supremely out-dueled? Nay. He had help, sure, but this was a Norwegian stranglehold on Inter’s strongest flank by some margin.

Unfortunately my guess is that Riise often plays best against better teams as he’s less apt to fancy himself a goddamn prima punta (see: Mexes, Philippe) and thus his positioning resembles that of, gasp, a defender. Expect Bari not to go as well.

The subtle performance of Matteo Brighi belongs on a shelf in the manor. This was 08-09′ Brighi. Somewhat flying under the radar, but so necessarily vital – so necessary it needs to be said twice – to any sort of defensive formation with central solidarity. He was arguably the best player last year once the 4-3-1-2 variation made its cameo. I suspect it will become no different here: Matteo’s niche has been discovered. Whether Ranieri chooses to go this route more often remains to be seen, but it’s a sign and signs are good.

Simone Perrotta brought back visions of ‘06, at least on the back end, the highest compliment he can be paid. Daniele was Daniele for the mere moments on the pitch. But there was one man who above all laid the defensive foundation for this game. Who flew in to challenges with the graceful panache of a circus mule. Who found every dirty ounce of desire and willed it into a furious fireball of South American wonder.

David Pizarro. Go back and watch the game. Watch every moment a vital intervention is made before Mexes, Andreolli & Co. are forced into action. Every time a play was made he was there, doing some ungodly thing looking straight out of yoga for the handicapped. And it worked. Somehow, he was there.

Chilean midgets, ladies and gents. Chilean midgets.

words

I have decided I hate numbers. Words are better.

Julio Sergio: You starting goalkeeper. It’s been said over and over again, but it’ll be at least once more: Doni is like a cat and Julio Sergio is like a person with the brain. Yeah, the cat’s going to do some incredible things, but every once in a while it’ll scratch your face and shit on your carpet.

Go with the brain.

Now a question: if Luciano Spalletti is such a visionary, such an incredible alchemist, why in the name of all that is holy did it take three @#$&ing years to give Julio Sergio a start?

Perhaps Luciano saw the performance against Juve and resigned out of shame.

Motta: I genuinely have no idea where this rollercoaster is going next. He might push for Zambrotta’s spot on the Azzurri, or he might get roasted like poultry against the Coppa equivalent of Kosice (Lazio?). Ride it while it’s hot, pray it stays that way.

Andreolli: Simone Loria could probably lap him in a feet race, which isn’t so good, but he makes up for it with a fair bit of agility and a toe poke that’ll earn him a few penalties and a few Azzurri callups.

It’s been years and years since saying this, but here goes: Roma can start any combination of the four centerbacks possible, and I’ll still sleep soundly the night before for any.

Mexes: Heroic is a word, but I like typical Mexes best.

Riise: See above.

Tonetto: Good sub, did his job, and damn do I miss vintage Max Tonetto. Perhaps the only player on this roster whose identity is still wholly sitting in the 4-2-3-1 Spalletti era. He’s almost a symbol of the era, if you will. More than Totti, Mancini, Taddei, Perrotta, Panucci or anyone else, because as soon as the system died, so did Max. Two years ago he notched rougly 1,200 games, now he’s scrapping for cameos as the face of Roma, as well as age, has changed so much.

I look forward to Riise’s first suspension just to relive the days of a bombing Tonetto overlapping and whipping crosses.

Brighi: The bread and butter of any defensive formation. Sure, Daniele’s a defensive wizard, but Brighi fills all the gaps. Filling gaps are good, or else other people fill them. And if your wife has ever cheated on you, you’ll know that’s bad.

Or maybe you can decipher these things without life-crushing infidelities. Whatever.

Perrotta: Good.

Daniele: Better.

Pizarro: Best.

(This is what happens when you set the bar low.)

Faty: I suspect it was Moratti who replaced his studs with rollerblade wheels.

Mirko’s was the far more glaring opportunity, but if Bambi here could’ve stayed on his feet he might’ve iced it as well. Everyone’s calling Ranieri’s tactical decisions spot on, but I’m calling bullshit. He clearly should’ve left Tonetto on the bench and subbed in some proper shoes for Ricardo.

Menez: When Ranieri first showed up in Rome, it was thought Menez’s days were numbered. Claudio the defensive disciple and Luciano the attacking visionary, Spalletti’s strengths seemed to mesh much better with Droopy. Then there were the fights, the non-calls, the snubs and the benchings. Everything pointed to Menez as the first January casualty.

And now this. Not only is the talent shining through, but all the other stuff is vanishing. The diving? Nigh gone. The boy actively tries to stay on his feet now. The laziness? He actually ran off the ball this weekend. Who knew? And the vision? My, my, my.

The boy’s a bit special. And, incredibly, it’s been Ranieri bringing it out. Who knew?

Okakachukamuthafucka: Speaking of boys who are a bit special…if Mirko’s goal made babies, Stefano would’ve made Italian families of Nigerian descent had he scored on that run from midfield. The skill and pace for a manchild his size is staggering. This one could be the answer to all that ails.

Mirko:

Mirko

Mirko

…

Inter v Roma

Best news you’ll hear up until the game: they aren’t supposed to win.

Which really makes it fun, eh? Inter are in good form; Roma are not. Inter have a fully fit squad; Roma do not. Inter are at home; Roma are only sorta at home. Classic nothing to lose game.

Good personnel news: RomaNews is trumpeting the midfield of Brighi, Pizarro, Perrotta and DDR in rhombus form. At its heights, the finest midfield Roma can offer.

More good news: for the very first time ever, I checked the referee before checking the squad list…just to see if it’ll be Roberto Rossetti. It won’t. Another piece lessening the tilt a bit.

The almost bad news, not quite good news: no Doni no party. Are we at the point where Julio Sergio is a wash with Alex, if not preferred? Can’t speak for the fandom, but I’m damn close. Doni may be part feline, but Julio has a full set of chromosomes. Push.

(Gun to the head, however, and I’m tapping Doni on the shoulder.)

The bad news: no Totti, but you knew that already, lessening the sting.

The real bad news: they’re not in good form. At all. Bologna wasn’t convincing; Fulham, though they did precisely what they should’ve against ten men, was still against ten men. And they’re still just two weeks off a loss to Livorno at home. Hopefully this is enough of a bullseye to pull everything together, but a great deal of things must be put in the right places in order to be tightly bound.

The really bad news: no Juan, no Burdisso. Not entirely sure whether Burdisso would’ve played if fit – the gentleman’s agreement with playing against the contractual club and whatnot – but it’s still a loss, as you can be damn sure that backline would’ve read Burdisso, Mexes, Juan, Riise if all were fit. (At some point it will read a sexy Andreolli-Mexes-Juan-Burdisso this year, I guarantee it.)

Some less than ideals coming at the wrong time against the wrong team in what may or may not be the right place anymore. So all they must do is play like they have nothing to lose. Because they don’t.

Squad:

Andreolli
Artur
Baptista
Bertagnoli
Brighi
Cassetti
Cerci
Cicinho
De Rossi
Faty
Guberti
Lobont
Menez
Mexes
Motta
Okaka
Perrotta
Pizarro
Riise
Tonetto
Vucinic

XI

Julio Sergio
Motta, Mexes, Andreolli, Riise
Brighi, De Rossi, Pizarro
Perrotta
Menez, Vucinic.

RomaNews likes Ranieri to outfit that rightflank with Motta; I nominate Cassetti until Ranieri gives us a reason to think otherwise. The rest are largely personnel by default in a 4-3-1-2 situation.

FORZA ROMA

Roma 2 – Fulham 1

The English will have you believe this was about the referee. But with the benefit of video replay we have seen…

i. The intentional handball in the first half on the ball to goal was a red card and penalty.
ii. The red card in the second half was not.

So they cancel each other out and a penalty is left on the table. Pretty decent swap if you ask me.

(A win is a win is a win these days, right?)

GAME

Baptista skirts one wide. Fulham with one last throw, nothing done.

That, admittedly, was a pretty poor call. But Roma were just playing the keepaway game and it has little effect on this game.

Straight red for Konchesky for a tackle on Taddei, who sells it like Rodrigo Taddei.

Two minutes added.

Menez with a streaking Taddei makes the poor choice and shoots. Still a bit of maturing to do.

87′ Zamora goes to ground quite easily in the box, wants a call, none given.

Okaka goes for an audacious bike from outside the box and Schwarzer forced into a leaping save.

86′ Fulham now pushing numbers as they have little choice here.

Okaka so nearly beat’s the line, but he’s learned a bit much from that Mirko fella.

Now a Fulham corner. Danger is in the air….Julio punches like a proper keeper should.

83′ Menez gettin’ fancy, Julio plays it back to yeremy down the line who is stonewalled.

Fulham have a free kick with Mexes tugging at Zamora’s shirt. Poor decision.

82′ Okaka holding up down the line…waiting for the reinforcements and it’s back to holding Fulham hostage in their own end.

80′ Having missed the entirety of the last 5 minutes, the danger here is sitting back happy with a 2-1 win. Must press Fulham still. Cut their throats.

Epic server problems coinciding with Okaka’s goal. Who cares.

OKAKACHUKAMUTHAFUCKA. That is prima fucking punta. Header right into the back of the net.

Another corner is another goal kick for Fulham. This 5th referee thing isn’t working out splendiferously, is it?

Fulham under the impression they can attack and do, eventually Riise nabs a free ball back for possession.

Daniele goes tit for tat with Riise which was a clear corner but the Europa League 5th ref botches it, giving Daniele a yellow.

70′ Zamora is on and Fulham win a corner back down the other end on an offbalance clearance.

Training ground play as he’s left all by his lonesome outside the box to unleash his fiery blaze of a left foot. What a peg that man was gifted.

RIIIIIIIIIIIIISE. What. A. Hammer. 1-1.

Deflected up for a corner.

67′ David wins a free kick in Riise territory…as though everything isn’t Riise territory.

65′ A leaping Julio puts it wide.

Goober off for Menez. Very well played by Stefano.

64′ Now Taddei whips in a shot for corner….very weakly taken low.

And here comes the locksmith: Menez..

63′ Rodrigo fires a cross of his defender, which is an enormous help.

61′ Ironically, Roma are playing the far more physical game of the two.

Julio makes some space but fires it directly at Schwarzer on his lesser foot.

59′ Dempsey enjoying some falling over.

58′ Love Guberti, so much fight, as Okaka has a touch of Baptistaesque disproportions.

Two red card things:

i. Don’t you forget it came mere minutes after Taddei entered the pitch, eh?
ii. Karma for the handball late in the first, methinks.

A gaggle of corners….Guberti plants one off Pantsil’s face. Stefano has jolted to life.

55′ Server difficulties also not helping today….Guberti tries to make my dave better but tipped up and over by Schwarzer.

54′ Very nice win by Okaka to save possession….Guberti again with some pace to save possession. Making camp in the Fulham thirdd….Cassetti header behind the net.

52′ Corner Roma…lots of possession now…Baptista with a cheeky soft volley into the side of the net.

There were three angles shown: two a red, one which showed it wasn’t. I suspect the ref saw one of the two.

49′ Professional foul by Gera to snuff the attack. And not Nevland with a quick red for taking out DDR from behind.

48′ Lots of running around chicken/head style.

SECOND HALF

And I don’t care if Doni is actually part cat, sell him. Now. His stupidity cripples this team time and time again, as with a wasted sub here.

Cicinho, after creating the best chances of the half through his crossing, coming off. Don’t get this one bit. But then that’s the want of Ranieri.

Rodrigo Taddei and Julio Sergio coming on. Fucking. Awesome.

I quit.

Certainly not as poor as they’ve been recently, creating enough chances to get something done surely, but not putting them in the back of the net. And, to be fair, this could so easily be 1-1 on two penalties right now.

Knowing Ranieri he’ll make a halftime sub, but I’m not seeing one necessary at the moment. Seem to be putting a few things together. (Outside of, perhaps, Motta for Cassetti.)

Had the good fortune to review that handball in slow motion – he actually stuck his hand out to stop the ball from going to the net. The gripe is less with the referee and more about the lack of video replay in football.

HALFTIME

44′ Doni hurt himself unnecessarily juggling the ball with an attacker steaming down. Unfuckingbelieveable.

And a Dempsey shot skirts just wide after Andreolli failed to clear. Bit worried about his confidence here.

43′ Another Cicinho cross comes in which Okaka heads well wide. Still, nice little run of chances.

Short ball played, Mexes’ shot hits the outstretched hand on the way to goal but no call. Everyone wants the penalty but it was bulleted too quickly.

Okaka does brilliantly to dribble with two defenders and his shot is deflected for a corner…

41′ Andreolli in a tough position made a nice little tackle to clear an easy chance for an offside Dempsey.

40′ You know, I’m starting to think that Ranieri is truly bizarro Spalletti: instead of a second half letdown, they don’t quite fully show up for the first half.

Gorgeous touch and pass by Julio to create a chance down the Fulham end and David drives a shot which Okaka can’t escape from in an offside position soon enough.

37′ Kamara heads a completely open header – tough angle admittedly – nowhere near net as Okak risks a red card going studs up high, but only a yellow.

36′ JRiise with a vital interception cutting off supply to the goal. Very vital.

35′ Cicinho’s cross turns into a harmless shot, but it’s clear he’s miles above anyone else on the team at whipping balls in right now. Missing Tonetto a bit, actually.

34′ Yellow card for Greening for improper use of hair.

33′ Riise is having a field day against Cassetti; little surprise.

And Clint Dempsey blows a 1v1 with Doni by allowing the defense back into the equation.

Cassetti whips a ball into Baptista when he should’ve left it short for Okakchukamuthafucka.

28′ More than the scoreline, a bit worried what this does for Andreolli’s confidence. He may be necessary on the weekend and conceding such a clear penalty cannot help.

26′ Guberti has become the main avenue of the attack, which isn’t all that effective with so many bigger Fulham bodies in the box ready to clear crosses.

Mexes whistled for making a clean tackle after Briise smoked Cassetti.

24′ Oh my, Mexes goes inches wide of the post with leaping, gliding header. Shoulda woulda coulda.

23′ Cicinho is wearing some odd apparatus on his right leg, presumably to prevent injury and/or being good at defense.

22′ More stream issues.

18′ Kamara scores. 1-0.

Clear penalty conceded by Andreolli. Hero to goat in a moment.

16′ Incredibly, Hangeland wins the physical battle between himself and Pizarro. It would appear David could not slay Goliath this go ’round.

Training ground play to Goober is blocked.

15′ B. Riise punches Cicinho in the face, free kick from 30 won.

14′ Baptista and Goober have a moment of misunderstanding – obviously not having spent much time together, what with Stefano avoiding the trainer’s table and all.

13′ Guberti, immediately after the British commentary mention his onefootedness, skirts one with the other foot towards Okakachukamuthafucka and it’s cleared to win a corner. So ha.

12′ Fulham looking at an early sub. Ranieri should also be forced into at least two first half injury subs.

11′ Julio with something resembling a proper footballer’s touch, so that’s something.

9′ TVU is popping in and out, but was fortunate enough to see Daniele block a shot and Cassetti’s side part.

7′ Slight stream issues, unfortunately.

5′ Cicinho is in midfield as Baptista finally meets his match in the giant Norwegian Hangeland.

4′ Ah yes: extraordinarily clear and extraordinarily small.

Okaka with an early offside ever so slightly.

Here we go, rocking TVU through atdhe.net.

KICKOFF

Busy looking for a stream whilst they kickoff…

Streams: MyP2P; atdhe.

(I warned her.)

Stefano ate a small Filipino family and is storing them in his thighs.

Official XI

ROMA:

Doni
Cassetti, Mexes, Andreolli, J.A.Riise
Cicinho, Pizarro, De Rossi, Guberti
Okaka, Baptista

A disp.: Julio Sergio, Motta, Taddei, Perrotta, Cerci, Brighi, Menez
All.: Ranieri

Love this lineup, particularly the men up top. And I wouldn’t be surprised if Cassetti and Cicinho swap places.

FULHAM:

Schwarzer
Pantsil, Hughes, Hangeland, Konchesky
B. Riise, Etuhu, Greening, Gera
Kamara, Dempsey.

A disp.: Stockdale, Baird, Nevland, Anderson, Smailing, Davies, Zamora.
All.: Hodgson

The game is in 40 minutes, apparently. Goddamn Uefa Cup start times.

“I have always said I want to stay at Roma. It’s a discourse which relates to my life and the day I became a Romanista, not based on trophies, or who the club buys.”

The continuing legend of Daniele De Rossi.

Squad

2 CICERO JOAO DE CESARE (CICINHO)
3 MARCO ANDREOLLI
5 PHILIPPE MEXES
7 DAVID MARCELO CORTES PIZARRO
9 MIRKO VUCINIC
11 RODRIGO FERRANTE TADDEI
13 MARCO MOTTA
16 DANIELE DE ROSSI
17 JOHN ARNE RIISE
19 JULIO CESAR BAPTISTA
20 SIMONE PERROTTA
21 STEFANO GUBERTI
22 MAX TONETTO
24 ALESSIO CERCI
27 JULIO SERGIO BERTAGNOLI
32 DONIEBER ALEXANDER MARANGON (DONI)
33 MATTEO BRIGHI
77 MARCO CASSETTI
89 OKAKA CHUKA STEFANO
94 JEREMY MENEZ

Indisponibili: Juan, Burdisso, Totti, Faty.

XI

Doni
Cassetti, Mexes, Andreolli, Riise
Taddei, De Rossi, Pizarro, Perrotta
Baptista, Vucinic

You know the Europa League drill.

Bologna

Struggled forever finding any words to sum up this victory. Not talking about le mot juste – just le mot. And then it came from the strangest place. The Dark Knight happens to be on Home Box Office at the moment, and I’m finding it highly appropriate as Harvey What’s-His-Two Face would so quintessentially sums up la magica in name alone. These days, those days, every days. Bipolar as ever, two sides of the same coin as ever, two-faced as ever.

My head, mostly by the manner which they went about achieving this valuable triangle, was throbbing throughout the entire thing and thus I misremember much of the game, but this is what I unmisremember – both sides.

Good: Mirko Vucinic & Simone Perrotta got their first goals of the Serie A season.

Bad: In November.

Good: Mirko Vucinic did not mess his pants on a sitter.

Bad: In the last 97 minutes of football against Bologna, Mirko has three goals. So maybe he just likes playing Bologna.

Good Simone Perrotta also nailed a sitter.

Bad: This probably fills his quota til March.

Good: They won.

Bad: It was very, very ugly.

Good: A rightback returning from injury looked good.

Bad: A rightback returning from diabolical form finally put together some decent form. And then got injured for roughly the 29th time in the last three games. (Fuzzy maths, but ballpark or thereabouts.)

Good: Philippe Mexes is starting to look like…Philippe Mexes.

Bad: The same goes for his hair.

Good: Matteo Brighi’s current form could send last year’s form a postcard and it wouldn’t arrive until next year.

Bad: His agent shut up real quick, eh?

Good: David Pizarro gave his full approval on the coining of David Pizarro Syndrome.

Bad: See above.

Good: Fitness, we suspect, puts him off the hook. (Though you could put him back on the hook if you just picked him up and placed him on a coat rack.)

Bad: So has anyone else seen an athlete in great form while haggling for a contract, only to swandive immediately after receiving said contract? Me neither…

Good: Jeremy Menez is smoother than Casanova on silk sheets.

Bad: Much like Casanova, he’ll tantalize and then disappear for long stretches. Might call, probably won’t.

Good: Marco Andreolli is turning into a pretty nice footballer, giving Roma a helluva centerback foursome.

Bad: It’s by necessity, as Juan was officially created by odd blowing techniques from a long tube.

Good: Whoolio Baptista’s touch did not resemble a trampoline.

Bad: I don’t even have a snippy snap here – that was actually pretty goddamn sweet. I must be out of rememberings.

And remember this guy?

Roma v Bologna

I like triangles. A lot. One after another…

Just win. How about that? Just win.

Squad

Andreolli
Antunes
Baptista
Bertagnoli
Brighi
Cerci
Cicinho
Doni
Esposito
Faty
Greco
Guberti
Juan
Menez
Mexes
Motta
Okaka
Perrotta
Pit
Pizarro
Riise
Vucinic

Assenti: Burdisso, Totti.
Squalificati: De Rossi, Cassetti, Taddei (2)

XI

Doni
Motta, Mexes, Juan, Riise
Cerci, Pizarro, Brighi, Perrotta
Menez, Vucinic.

Streams: MyP2P; atdhe.

Udinese 2 – Roma 1

The majority of the blame lies not on the stuttering, misfiring and nonfiring Mirko, but Rodrigo Taddei. How many promising Roman attacks were undone by David Pizarro Syndrome (that of laying the ball exquisitely onto the foot of an opposing player) in the first half? Most weren’t even with a red shirt in the frame, leading me to believe he’s colorblind.

And the red card…oh my. It’s a stupid fucking rule, an absolutely beyond absurd rule – sticks and stones, etc. – but it’s a rule nonetheless (though a yellow would’ve certainly been sufficient). I’m not even pissed about what he said. In fact I’m thrilled he said it. I just have one question…

Why the fuck didn’t he say it in Portuguese?!?!?!

I’m joking, but I’m not. What are the odds the Italian linesman is fluent in Portuguese? Slim to none? Would this not have solved a whole host of problems? This way they stay with eleven men for the next half hour and Adrian Pit (Pronounced Piz) could’ve come in to save the day. But more importantly than The Romanian Boywonder: they’re not stuck with tired legs in the latter stages of the game, which were clearly there.

Rodrigo’s got a history of this (see: Genoa 02.09) and that in itself is inexcusable. Heat of the battle is one thing, but poor decision making is another – and I’m not talking about Okakachukamuthafucka’s hair styling.

Fortunately he’ll have time to think over his actions; unfortunately it’s two games and not three.

The rest of it is inexplicable. They outplayed Udinese until that first goal, a goal entirely against the run of play, and then nearly fell apart before putting Humpty Dumpty back together again. They then did a supreme job down to ten men to limit Udinese – a team with incredible attacking talent – to a fraction of the chances a team up a man should have. On the balance of things, they clearly deserved at least a draw, probably a win. Until, at least, you get to the execution factor.

They’re simply toothless in the final third right now and, as Ranieri said in that interview years back with Juventus, this team will rely on individual work – occasionally brilliance – to score goals. They do not have that individual execution right now, for whatever reason because Mirko Vucinic is a shell of himself.

And so they did it again. They limited the opposition’s chances to set pieces and counter attacks. To a degree, yet again, they did their job. Yet again, faltered in the final third. Yet again, failed to execute. Through injury, through inability to execute, through a lack of luck, through Brazilian spies, through the goddamn wind direction – everything is coming together to breed this monstrosity.

Eventually they will execute, eventually the performances will turn into points, and eventually Roma will be Roma once again. For now, it’s merely riding through what can only be called the perfect storm.

And Brazilian double agents.

Udinese 2 – Roma 1

GAME

Cleared, and that’s game. No three minutes of added stoppage this half.

Di Natale skies one, one last chance to go down the pitch.

Brighi off after a great deal of running.

Finally, Baptista. How casual.

90′ Slowly play building back up, but this will take a miracle with Vucinic in the game.

And are we not missing a sub here?

4 mins added

That was just incredible. A golden opportunity if ever there was one.

Mirko misses yet another sitter. Oh my, my, my. 2-2 in the bag.

Nice tackle by Daniele and yet the corner is conceded. Goal Udinese. Floro fucking Flores’ second header.

Is there a Baptista sub somewhere in here, perhaps?

83′ Lots of tired looking bodies dotting this pitch right now.

I have to admit – I don’t like Udinese with 10. I don’t like this much space on the pitch…

…as Sanchez skips past everyone.

81′ Mirko standing over, for some reason…..Mexes heads it out for a goal kick.

Udinese’s back line is crippled. Coda, Zapata and Lukovic. Free kick Roma from just outside the corner of the box.

Idiotic second yellow for Basta, as he literally hugged Mirko from behind as he was heading down the left flank, presumably to nowhere.

That was oh so ineitable, and Ranieri with a sub in the bag. Gut these motherfuckers.

78′ Mirko is tugged. Red for Basta! We’re even, baby.

76′ Simone Pepe making his entrance for D’Agostino. You know, I was just about to mention how that left side is Guberti and Cicinho. Apparently Marino noticed this. So did Pepe, who wins a free kick and a Guberti yellow within seconds on the pitch.

And Doni saves one destined for the upper corner. All hail Alex.

Perrotta bosses Lukovic, Vucinic heads the clearance out for a throw.

It’s 9 men back here, no exceptions.

73′ Cicinho, fresh off ACL surgery, is playing leftback. Absolutely fabulous.

71′ This is agonizing. No need for these type of substitutions right now. The gods are oh so cruel.

And here he comes.

Motta goes down for the second time in the minute. Looks as though Cicinho will need to get ready.

I’ll be pleased with another shot on goal, much less another goal.

Motta cramp. That’s good.

(Isla in for Inler, one of the red card possibilities. Damn them.)

68′ Anyone gander a guess as to Doni’s timewasting yellow? I vote 79th.

Di Natale, who looked about six pitches offside, skies one high and to the left.

Motta yellow. No need for 9 men here.

I think Andreolli’s been known to play the right, which he is now and Motta on the left. A much better option to a gameless Cicinho.

65′ The great hope at this point is a maintained 1-1 because the only support Mirko’s getting is under his shorts.

63′ Quick realization: straight red means three games sitting, yes?

Andreolli in for Cassetti. Bravo.

So how’s Brighi doing in deserving that new contract this year? Mmm hmm.

Yellow for Basta for clattering Daniele. Taddei’s wasn’t the last red.

60′ Finally a break in possession and Brighi cuts into the box but he is Matteo Brighi and you can guess what happened next.

Daniele yellow.

Mirko is truly a man abandoned up top. No one within 20 yards. This is not the best thing for his form.

The game has settled down with Udinese taking command of possession.

57′ Asamoah cuts one wide of goal just under the legs of Mexes. Disaster averted.

An attempt to roast Mexes proves fruitless before Juan has to overhead clear a ball. Another goal is going to require some individual brilliance because numbers be sittin’ back.

Cicinho warming up furiously.

52′ Corner followed up by another corner for the Zebra, which they so thankfully sky for a goal kick.

51′ Now that things have calmed down, it would appear D’Agostino is primed for a red card too. So we’ve got that to look forward to.

Then again, maybe this is a favor to even up the numbers. Only 10 v 11 now.

Taddei got a red for being slapped in the face. Genuinely. Between this and the curious four minutes of added time, I have no idea what’s going on with this ref.

Taddei red! Straight red for nothing? He got hit in the face and threw a slight fit, but that’s never a straight red. What the hell is happening?

47′ Taddei steals an early pass in an attempt to make amends before the ball winds up the other way and Brighi tugs Asamoah down. Resulting free kick trickles in the box but Doni nabs.

SECOND HALF KICKOFF

Lukovic coming on for Pasquale. Roma staying the status quo, meaning 12 v 10.

To be quite frank, they weren’t that bad. The goal came against the run of play and they were a bit frazzled after that, but they settled down nicely and were able to put some chances back together and even up the scoreline. (Motta’s looking good, which is a huge plus. )

Clear MOTM is Rodrigo Taddei. Unfortunately, he’s been Udinese’s best player.

Two options, then: Baptista on for Rodrigo, bringing Perrotta down to the left and Guberti to the right; or Cicinho for Rodrigo and Motta pushing up. I like the latter myself, but Cicinho hasn’t played since, what, February? Not sure the width, pace and skill of Udinese is a time to renew acquaintances with professional football.

Meaning…neither move is likely.

HALFTIME

No idea what this ref is doing, but Roma get a free corner.

D’Agostino lands very, very awkwardly and he looked to have turned something the wrong way.

1 minute added, we’re now at 47:35.

Mirko finally puts one home. Offside.

Taddei runs after the keeper and the first thing Handanovic does is pound the ball down the left for some easy possession. Jesus. H. Christ.

Resulting corner bounds around in possession in the final third before Asamoah puts one inches from the net.

Sanchez is about to skirt by Cassetti and gets tripped up – free kick, yellow card and in a dangerous spot too.

Juan did all the work leaping higher than the highest building in all the land and forcing Handanovic into coughing up a point blank rebound that DDR simply tapped home. Grand work by Juan.

Another corner. GOOOOOOOOL DANIELEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

41′Perrotta break centers one that’s cleared for a corner. Let’s go in level, eh?

Mirko cleaned out by D’Agostino as he’s about to skip past. Easy yellow. Free kick from 30 at the right touch….cleared….Taddei tries to dribble in, but sucks and Udinese get a goal kick.

I dare say, he should be dropped this very moment.

Motta point blank saved by Handanovic. A touch angle for Marco, a great save by Handy.

Taddei with a nicely delayed foul won. Cross coming into the top of the box…..cleared.

35′ Foul Taddei from the same spot as the goal. This should be good. Lives spared.

Doni supermans a cross whipped into the box and the resulting centered ball is flubbed by Asamoah from the top of the box. So thankfully.

33′ Ridiculous foul called on Perrotta. Free kick Udinese called from just within the half.

Or maybe it was Mirko for being clumsy.

31′ I vote the players boycott giving Taddei the ball. Perhaps then he’ll be taken out.

Guberti either whiffed or the defender nicked a volley from six or so.

29′ I just watched Udinese get about 3 lucky bounces to keep possession. That does not bode well.

27′ Mirko called for handball #2. Brighi takes down Pasquale, which would be unfortunate – he seems primed for a red.

26′ Yellow for Inler for cleaning out Motta.

Taddei needs to be taken off. Now. That’s the fourth pass in ten minutes he’s centered onto the foot of a black and white shirt – he might as well put one on.

Doni beat 1v1 but pushes Asamoah far enough to the right that he had no options. Disaster #3 averted.

Taddei sucks. Officially. It may be time to run two rightbacks on that right side.

22′ Roma doing their absolute best to blackout, but the cross is centered into red shirts.

How Roma. Udinese have created nothing in the last 10 minutes, get a free kick and Floro Flores heads it off the goddamn post and into the net. 1-0.

19′ Taddei makes us forget Pizarro is gone by laying a pass directly onto the foot of a zebra stripe.

18′ Awful call – Roma win a throw. Daniele does Udinese a favor by launching the ball for a goal kick – subconscious favor, I suppose.

16′ Long – very long – Cassetti ball so nearly nabs Guberti making a run. Cassetti then joins, knees D’Agostino in the back – not called – and everyone’s pissed. Particularly the trainers who have to sprint onto the pitch.

Yellow for Pasquale for doing asshole-ish things like going studs up on Juan and pissing off Daniele.

14′ Mirko creates a chance, Brighi drives low, Handy saves. This is some decent football here, y’know.

13′ I’ve been swearing by Vicks Vapor Rub on the chest for years – Mirko apparently does too.

Corner cleared into a Udinese counter which Doni gobbles up. Boy, I’d almost forfeit corners today.

Daniele De Rossi, of all people, puts on his skirt and skips a ball to Handy. Some decent tackling being done in this midfield early.

11′ World class tackle by Juan. Remember how good he is? Easy to forget sometimes.

10′ Introduced right into a corner, nothin’ doin.

And finally, 9mins in, a stream: http://www.iraqgoals.net/ch3.html

No streams as of yet. Slight problem with 2 mins to kickoff.

Streams: MyP2P.eu; atdhe. Streams at this moment are quite bad, but we’re hopeful – this isn’t exactly Roma v Frosinone.

Ilary gets another shot to be the midweek good luck charm. Should she falter, her photos get replaced with those of Okakachukamuthafucka.

And really, no one wants that.

Official XI

UDINESE (4-3-3):

Handanovic
Basta, Coda, Zapata, Pasquale
Inler, D’Agostino, Asamoah
Sanchez, Di Natale, Floro Flores.

Roma:

Doni
Motta, Mexes, Juan, Cassetti
Taddei, De Rossi, Brighi, Guberti
Perrotta
Vucinic.

They’ve gone from Spalletti needing a hostage situation to change formation to Ranieri swapping formation with every change in eind direction.

Something in the middle, maybe?

Cassetti at left back makes me nauseous to the point I think I may be with child, and the inability to finish over the past 2-3 weeks really isn’t being helped seeing Mirko ‘I couldn’t hit Italy from Rome right now’ Vucinic and Simone ‘Me neither’ Perrotta the two farthest up the pitch. This is only ‘probable’, but RomaNews is typically pretty good. RomaNews is good, and that formation is legit.

I need a Pepcid.

Udinese have run out an extraordinary attack minded lineup, apparently fine with the idea of giving Mirko & Simone sitter after sitter to drive into Slovenia. That back line is clearly their weak spot and would seem to give Stefano Guberti license to shred, but then we could say the same about a fullback tandem of Motta & Cassetti.

Di Natale is still Di Natale – which means he needs to be pee tested – and I reckon they’re a better side sans Quagliarella (not the best player for the makeup of a ‘team’). That and Alexis Sanchez harboring downright disgusting talent. Plus D’Agostino and Inler.

They lack not for talent going forward. Roma do at the moment.

Which leaves problems. Brighi, Taddei and De Rossi’s form leave absolutely everything to be desired. I mean we’re talking Massimo Ambrosini-type 5 yard passing leashes. This limits Perrotta’s off the ball effectiveness, and if Mirko isn’t on, Mirko is useless.

Of course there’s one thing to point out regarding Mirko’s foibles last weekend:

Yes, he had surgery, but this is a guy we constantly joke should be benched against anyone outside the top half of the table. Is it really so skewed to say we shouldn’t have expected Mirko to bury those even in the best form of his life? I think not.

That said, a great deal lies on his shoulders along with Stefano Guberti’s counterattacking abilities. I gather this game will have a decent enough flow, despite the lack of offensive gusto being offered by the Roman side, but Udinese is going to get a very decent amount of the ball.

Udinese

The injury list is bustling, the back line is patchwork, the midfield full of grit but no flair, and Mirko Vucinic’s doppelganger is still roaming the pitch without the slightest clue. No Totti, no Pizarro, no Menez, no idea where the creativity will come from. No words, really, for a game which could use so many.

Checking Udinese’s recent fixtures, it was wonderful to see they’d lost their last three fixtures before quickly realizing can an easier opponent than Livorno at home be offered for sacrifice?. No, unfortunately. Until they do something which eradicates this loss – this cancer – there’s little reason for hope or positive thought going forward. Bedrock has been hit.

Time to pick themselves back up.

Squad

1 BOGDAN LOBONT
2 CICERO JOAO DE CESARE (CICINHO)
3 MARCO ANDREOLLI
4 JUAN SILVEIRA DOS SANTOS
5 PHILIPPE MEXES
9 MIRKO VUCINIC
11 RODRIGO FERRANTE TADDEI
13 MARCO MOTTA
14 RICARDO FATY
15 VITORINO GABRIEL PACHECO ANTUNES
16 DANIELE DE ROSSI
19 JULIO CESAR BAPTISTA
20 SIMONE PERROTTA
21 STEFANO GUBERTI
23 LEANDRO GRECO
26 ADRIAN FLORIN PIT
27 JULIO SERGIO BERTAGNOLI
29 NICOLAS BURDISSO
32 DONIEBER ALEXANDER MARANGON (DONI)
33 MATTEO BRIGHI
77 MARCO CASSETTI
89 OKAKA CHUKA STEFANO

XI

A bit of false hope? Perhaps. Last year the 4-2-3-1 was driven into the ground by Spalletti even when the requisite parts were not in place, at times crippling the team beyond repair. Are they able to run the same with Brighi in for Pizarro and Stefona Guberti given another chance to run rampant on the wing? It appears they may be given that chance: RomaNews says the return of the 4-2-3-1 is upon us.

Doni
Motta, Juan, Mexes, Cassetti
De Rossi, Brighi
Taddei, Perrotta, Guberti
Vucinic

Previewish liveblog tomm, etc.