Formality over, and that’s precisely what it looked like: a formality. The game was as much terrible as it was painfully boring, especially towards the second half - at least for me. I’ve had more exciting prostate exams. And, quite frankly, it had the feel of a friendly. (Just like the prostate exams.) The first half was more or less even, as it was on the scoreboard, while Roma finally took over the second half. Catania looked like precisely what they are, an inferior team with a severe dearth of attacking punch. It seemed the more the tried to press the ball forward, the more they tried to pull the trigger from outside or send in a useless cross to one blue jersey surround by a half dozen of the white variety. It was more or less what we (I) expected, and it’s on to another Coppa Italia final with Internazionale FC +1 on May 24th.

I find it really difficult to take too much from this game from a negative standpoint. The only thing worrisome was the patchwork back line, which looked shakier than a hooker in church, and will be sure to give me nightmares if Juan and Mexes are unavailable again at any point over the remaining three games. I almost threw up watching that collection. Twice.
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GAME

89′ Another foul on Espo. Somebody needs to check that stat. He gets fouled at least 2-3 times every game he comes on.

88′ Curci catching crosses like he’s shagging flies before a baseball game.

87′ Antunes fires one wide. He did quite well today for what was required of him. Itchy trigger finger, too.

86′ Cross. Curci pulls it down. Somebody end this please.

Somebody on for somebody here. Iannelli, actually on.

84′ Mescara hot blocked. Yay.

82′ I’d be shocked to see another goal here. t-10+ mins.

80′ Uhhhh….Mancini on for DDR? Good thing he was hydrating heavily before he came on.

78. Catania possession results in…..are you shitting me? The p-b-p guy just called Catania’s lone striker in the box “the lone pepperoni in the pie”. Come on, guy.

77′ I think Espo is by far the #1 player on Roma in the category “fouls suffered per minute played”.
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Color me shocked they didn’t call up the women’s team. They’ve got about as much depth as the Vatican City national team and a Coppa Italia final run where they’d get creamed by Inter won’t help them achieve safety, their main and only concern right now. I’m not saying they’ll tank the game, but I’d but utterly astounded if we saw something close to their best XI. Plus, the moment they try to get forward with more than one, maybe two attackers, the Giallorossi are going to open up the floodgates, something Catania is all too familiar with.

Roma’s gonna win. Or at least Roma is gonna go through. I’d bet the house on that one. Liveblog tomorrow.

For now, a little look back at last year’s run:

I’d take Giampaolo Pazzini faster than you could say “Alberto Gilardino is a has been”. It was just one line in Gazzetta, they being the ever reliable ones, so it’s not much to get your hopes up over, but it fits, does it not? Another in the line of guys who could provide the missing ingredient to the Giallorossi pie.

Problem is he hasn’t been all that prolific this year and can, from what I’ve seen, botch some shots quite gloriously. Finishing issues? No thanks. I can’t see him being the out and out numero uno needed for a team like Roma - unless they’re pazzo enough to think Totti is going to show up for the first giornata waving his magic wand. Ideal young piece of the puzzle, but a main piece right now? I’m skeptical. Seems a proven commodity - one that at least has a proven track record of scoring a nauseating number of goals, and Pazzini’s never scored double digits - would be a better fit. I feel like he’s primed for an epic explosion, but how long can Roma wait for one of those, really. Not long.
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I’ve lost all faith in logic - at least whatever was there to begin with. Two games after The Injury II, Roma is suffering from an acute and severe bout of efficiency.

Shots on goal: 14
Goals: 7
Scoring %: 50*

*(I used my trusted abacus on this one. Fret not, ’tis correct.)

How might one go about splainin’ that? One of the greatest players in the history of ever goes under the knife and then Roma decides to put on their golden finishing booties? Even pint-sized Brazilian defenders are scoring goals. Where was this when Totti was serenely feeding giallorosso caviar on a silver spoon to undeserving recipients on a week to week basis? (’Cept you, Mirko.) This typifies Roma; breathtakingly tantalizing, incessantly frustrating. How we love thee.

Three points, two games to go. Do we dare get excited? Perhaps. Hope springs eternal. But so don’t taxes and that creepy old man outside my apartment who keeps asking me if I work out. I feel like the best advice is to treat the remainder of the season like surgery: You can go into the procedure hoping you come out as the footballing version of that kid** from Rookie of the Year, but your safest bet is to suck it up, wait for it to be over and savor*** the thought of random females signing your cast.

Oh, Roma won 3-0, in case you’re phoning in your fan card.
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This is the part where each of you start lead piping defenders of mid-to-lower table clubs, making sure they stay the @#$% away fron Francesco’s lower half.

(Great vid, as usual, from ermes79. Just one question: When did Coldplay become the official band of Roma? Does it have something to do with the goal celebrations?)

Big game? Might be. We’ll have to keep one eye here, one eye elsewhere. But aside from the actual result, I’m frothing at the mouth to watch Vincenzo and Antonio back together again and playing against Roma. It’ll be mighty weird, but I’m sure on a few occasions I’ll be imagining them in giallorosso, streaming down the pitch at the Olimpico, waiting for the chance to run in celebration towards the Sud. L’aeroplanino has at least been called up, so we shall see what happens. Unfortunately, Sampdoria still has much to play for with a spot in Europe in the balance, so it’s not as though Walter Mazzarri can throw any old lineup out there.

That’s really where the good news ends. You know the standings, and it doesn’t seem as though Francesco Totti took a dip in the fountain of medical miracles, meaning he’ll be left back in Rome to rehab. Taddei is also “out for the year”, which is one of my favorite things in sports. It happens across the board, too. Players will have an injury which would normally take a month to heal, but because the season has only 3 weeks remaining, they’re out for the year. Is this necessary? Because when I hear “out for the season” my first thoughts are, “does he have AIDS and where the hell are my prayer candles?”. Can we be a bit less dramatic? Like, say, “he’s going to be out three weeks and will miss the remainder of the season”. Is that too much to ask? Because as it looks right now, minor injuries which have ended a players season have taken at least 7 years off the back end of my life. Thanks.

Oh, right, Sampdoria.
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Not every decent player from these teams will be sold, and some of the more desirable pieces, the young prospects, will probably stick it out with their teams and even benefit from staying with the team in Serie B. (Guys like Marco Rossi and Dominique Malongo.) But the veterans who are surely deserving of a spot in Serie A will be sold, and that’s when Roma starts looking. Plus some of the budding superstars who would be wasting time in Serie B. Given this year’s contenders are much better than the likes of Messina, Chievo and Ascoli - most of them, anyway - we might actually see some significant post-relegation action.

So I’ll take a look at each relegation contender and start plucking away at their roster like Massimo Moratti plucks away at the Argie national team. Half fantacalcio, half “who loves bargains?”. And regardless of ownership, each of these players are potential targets. Let the dreaming begin.
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