Italia-France: A Running Diary of Mediocrity

By: chris | September 8th, 2007

Italy 0 – France 0…Everybody 0:

So here we are, the great rematch of the final in Berlin, the one that actually counts because (most of) the big boys are back. Italia is without Luca @#$%ing Toni and Marco Materazzi, la Frenchies’ old nemesis, while France is at pretty much full-strength, minus The Chosen One, who has been battling injuries during the start of the season in L1 and not up to par yet (TCO is Samir Nasri if you’re new here). The Azzurri are also missing a decent head coach and any sense of continuity in the lineup. France is suffering the opposite problem, as their resident buffoon has been perched up in the cheap seats by UEFA for his unfortunate misplacement of that much ballyhooed “Dossier of Evil.” In an extreme understatement, having Ray Ray Dum Dum up in the stands is a good thing for France. Of course he did leave his fingerprints on the game by starting Julien Escude over Philippe Mexes. Escude being obviously a much better defender than Philou. Not to mention knowing the opponents because he’s teammates with a few and plays against the rest every weekend in Serie A with Sevilla. Duh. Onto the starting XI’s.

Frenchies:

Landreau;
Diarrhea, Thuram, Escude, Abidal;
Ribery, Vieira, Makelele, Malouda;
Anelka, Henry.

Azzurri:

Gigi;
Oddo, Canna, Barzagli, Zambrotta;
Camoranesi, Pirlo, Gattuso, De Rossi;
Del Piero, Inzaghi.

It’s a good thing Donadumdum stuck with a familiar formation and players who had been starting regularly. Of course the back five were expected, but way to start 3 deep-lying mids and Camo in the midfield. That’s tactical genius for you. I don’t even know what to say about the ADP/Pippo pairing, it might have been the lesser of many many evils, but they blew. Bad. Oh, and arguably the best midfielder in all of Serie A over the first two weeks (and a couple not far behind, Foggia and Rosinaldo) hasn’t even made the pine for the game. Yeah, I’ll tackle that one at a later date. Whatever, the running diary.

Running Diary:

(I couldn’t see the clock during any of the game, so the minutes are complete guesses. If they’re off, guess what? I don’t care.)

7′ I think I’ve been buffering for eons now, but here we go, back into the swing of things.

9′ It’s nice to see Zambrotta back after missing the last few qualifiers. It will be even nicer to get a few glimpses of Mrs. Zambro in the stands today (fingers crossed).

10′ Anelka offside by a quarter-mile. He’s been watching too many Pippo tapes.

12′ Pirlo gets taken down from behind by Henry, then gets up with that usual look of disbelief on his face, saying, “Are you fucking kidding me?” It’s either that or, “I think I just soiled myself, I hope nobody notices.”

14′ Mauro has his hair in a half-ponytail and has somehow worked that Argie-Italian hybrid into looking like a geisha.

16′ Canna is taken down from behind in the box, no call. Who knew? France gets that call. And if that was Malouda, aka “King of the Invisible Tackle”, Blatter would’ve sent him an official letter of apology and a gift basket full of scented bath oils and nipple lube.

19′ France is getting way too many passing lane’s in the Azzurri half. It’s starting to open up like Paris Hilton’s legs post-happy hour.

20′ Pippo sucks. That is all.

21′ It’s like the field is on a slant, all the play is concentrated on the right because the LW is, well, there is no left wing.

22′ Camo elbows Malouda in the face, probably facing a 3 year international ban and a civil suit for 1 billion euros from the FFF later this week.

27′ Lassana Diarrhea (that’s his new nickname) molests Zambro. Gianluca fails to get the call and/or be cuddled. Goddamn French.

28′ Really really really missing Luca Toni right now. Hope Fab Quag’s comes on soon. Oh. Wait. He’s in the stands….

30′ Gattuso gets a yellow for a late blow on The Human Beer Can (I apologize for that)

33′ Nice pass into the box by Mauro, Del Piero gets it in the box and misses up close. Damn, 2002 was a looooooong time ago, wasn’t it?

34′ GREAT pass by Pirlo, Pippo puts it over the bar. Typical.

36′ Vieira pulls his skirt up and slaps DDR in the face. Classy guy.

38′ Close up of Mexes kicking his feet up and relaxing because he knows damn well he won’t play. Even if Ray Ray Dum Dum is up in the stands wondering which shunned former Les Bleus star is at home sleeping with his wife.

39′ Anelka taken down by clumsiness. Free kick France.

40′ Ref is blousing his shirt, showing everyone how cool it is.

41′ Ribery takes a hard shot towards….the corner flag.

433′ Malouda lines one up and puts a missile high left and Buffon casually makes a phenomenal save. Donadumdum looks like a man whose job was just saved.

Halftime: No real domination by either side, a lot of switching off between midfield battles. Forwards are useless up to this point, really. Pirlo had some spectacular passes, but nobody really stood out. Mostly just both defenses doing their jobs and a couple good saves by each goaltender. Can you tell how unenthused I am?

46′ No half-time changes.

48′ Good shot from Camo, decent save by Landreau and a corner. ‘Nother corner. Nothing.

51′ It looks like The Don Doni unleashed an inspirational halftime monologue because the boys have come out looking very aggressive. Or maybe they’re just being aggressive. Yeah, probably that one.

52′ Cross comes in from Oddo, Inzaghi misses the header with his 6cm vertical. Once again, coincidentally the size of Pippo’s Pippo.

52′ Anelka makes his way into the box and takes a shot on goal which is followed up by a fantastic save by Gigi. Serie B last year or not, best keeper in the world and there isn’t even a close second.

53′ Thierry Henry has just been spotted in the stands with Tony Parker and Eva Longoria because he has yet to show up on the field yet.

56′ Gattuso begins to stare down the ref on the ground because he had yet to award a free kick. Referree concedes to Medusa-like stare, awards foul. Damnit, doesn’t he know this is the San Siro. Ivan’s house.

57′ Simone Perrotta on for Camo. No red card on the touchline, which is a good start for Simone these days. A smart tactical move by TDD, also. Because the team desperately needed some attacking width on the flanks and brining in the fourth central midfielder for your only winger will certainly do that. The man’s a genius.

58′ Now Gattuso wants a 20 second timeout because he got hit in the mouth. Ivan has turned into a Naomi Campbell prima donna mid match. He’s one more late tackle from taking off his shoe and throwing it at somebody.

59′ Great attacking chance for the Azzurri, but Del Piero gets bitched off the ball by half the France squad. Time to get him off.

63′ Pippo coming off for the commie, which is good. They need a big body in there for all those crosses coming in from the wings.

64′ Zambro has been spending an inordinate amount of time on the ground today. I’m sure there’s a ‘legs weak’ + ‘Mrs. Zambro’ joke in here but I’m going to spare you (especially the ladies).

71′ Tempo has really slowed down, we’ll call this The David Pizarro Effect, and it looks headed towards a 0-0 draw at this point. Which was probably the case all along.

75′ Makelele takes the fourth shot of his career towards the goal….at Stamford Bridge. Hits some old lady in the 3rd deck.

76′ Henry has just absolutely disappeared. Where’s Trezeguet? Bad memories?

78′ France gets a 3v2, has absolutely nothing come of it. Both teams have sucked on the attack today.

79′ DDR draws a free kick from 35 yards out….nada.

80′ Seriously, Anelka has been much better than Titi. Who saw that coming? Put your hands down, liars.

82′ Di Natale in for Del Piero. Fresh legs, nothing else.

84′ Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooring….

85′ DDR and Simone form a Roman tag team on Makelele. Awww, poor Frenchman.

86′ Toulalan on for Ribery. Nothing says “we’re going for a goal and the win” like bringing on a defensive mid for your best attacking midfielder.

87′ Azzurri setting up an attack in the end of Frenchness, nothing comes of it – per usual. Di Natale is elbowed in the face, no call. Where was this ref during the USA game last year?

88′ France parking the team behind the ball. That’s “win at all cost” tactics for ya right there.

90′ 3 minutes added. Excuse me, 3 more minutes of boredom added.

91′ Oddo crosses from the left, hits a young kid in the first row of the stands….in Portugal. I think Oddo may be the first person in the history of football to someday take a cross and actually kick it out of the stadium. Seriously, some of those are just unreal.

92′ Nothing

93′ Nothing

Whistle. Nil – freakin’ Nil.

I feel like I just watched two immensely talented but horribly coached teams go up against each other. Actually, that’s what happened.

More on this game and stuff tomorrow/Monday. I need to go pick up my level of excitement by watching paint dry.

Some Related Roma Posts:

Category: Team News

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Marco420

DDR didn't do anything bad but he didn't do anything well either. BAsically, we aren't used to DDR not having an impact on a game. He didn'T suck, he was just average/ok, that's so rare that people can mistake it for suckitude.
Adam

Thats a relief, thanks Bashar..
Adam

So i heard De Rossi was pretty poor for this game, with a number of bad passes etc. Can anyone confirm this?
Ethan

Marco, that was classic. I had a friend over who had never heard Ray's commentary, and he was having trouble believing what he was hearing.
Michael F

I think alot of people are being a little hard on Alex yes he is past hie prime n yes he played shit but i dont think he himslef has relised that his boy can no longer do what his head is telling him to do. If he is to be used in the squad at most of the bench. Donadoni needs to relise that there are italian players out there who are aound after he stopped playing i mean still with alex n pippo up front thats just not cricket as far as im concerned. against the comies he needs to start with Aqualini n Quagcantspelltherest n i dont see why micolli cant get a call.

I would have to agree though Capello would have to be the best option at the moment

no matter how boring or hao much i dislike him he will bring results and as an italian suppoter that is all i care about beating them all to prove how good the Italian game is
Marco

For those that watched the game on GolTV, I think the highest note of the day (in terms of entertainment) was Ray Hudson's commentary on Gennaro Gattuso: "he's playing like a tyrannosaurus rex with hemorroids”. That had me rolling on the floor almost.

The rest of the match was blah.
Bashar

I can't imagine an Italy without Pirlo.. He was easily twice as good as any other player out there..

Btw.. A running diary of mediocrity? That's a step up from suckitude.. At this rate we'll be below average come the Scotland game and maybe average by the time the Euro rolls around.. haha
Bassy01

Italy always won when they had a block of players from one team. the best midfield these days is Roma, and Donadoni is not a coach,he has Perrotta that is a guy who can score and defend in Midfiled and he leaves him on the bech, he had Aqulaini that can shoot the ball from the stands and score, and then order De Rossi to stay behind, shit, I can coach better that that. said that, I only support Italy when the Romans play. I have to admit, as much as I hate Capello, he is the best player selector and manager around, I did not say the best coach (Spaletti and Zeman are the best), but capello, can pick the players and then tell them go do your best.(I hate him, did I say that?)

as for the question about Mancini (Allesandro), he is not playing because he is not in perfect condition (contract and muscles) yet, thank God this year we have a bench (remember what bench is or was?). Vucinic to my surprise is playing bery good at least for 60 minutes. I'm waiting to see Cicinho play. heard a lot but never remeber him (means I was not impressed in the past).
Stefano

Hello, I am not sure how many people live in Canada but tonight at 10:00pm on The Score there showing The Real Football Factories: A Global Tour of Hooliganism. I think its six episode series. I know there’s an episode in Italy and The Derby Della Capitale is in it.
I agree with everyone fire Donadoni, Italy have not looked good under him. The best player last night was Cannavaro - was Henry even playing that game stupid uefa.com voted him player of the match. I think he had one good chance but nothing serious he was mostly throwing elbows and kicking out at the defences after he lost the ball. There was a couple of French players who were being dirty. But overall disppointment with Italy, not so much with the defence but with the midfiled and the forwards. They should still qualify and hopefully have a new coach.
Juan Carlos Sol

the most boring game ever, thats all I have to say about that

Italy seriously needs to be rejuvenated, especially up front.

It is time to play talents like Pazzini, Rossi, Quags, Rosina...
Anthony

I have been reading this blog for a couple of weeks now and have decided to add my two cents on Donadoni and the aging attack of Italia.

First Donadoni is the worst coach. It is painful to watch. He must be fired immediately. That is it. Add Del Piero who I f---ing hate. He has done more to hurt the Italian team over the years than any footballer for any national team in the history the sport. He is weak, slow and a damn baby. Pippo has some magic left in him, but should have never been on the pitch. Italia needed a physical foward against France's muscular and fast defense and not tiny-weak-senior citizens!!!

Donadoni's mid field stupidity. Pirlo and De Rossi have similiar mobilty which makes Italia's offense predictable. Look at Guily for Roma. Super fast and agile which allows Roma's offense to be unpredictable which results in fowards with real oppurtunities to score goals. Aquilani should have started alongside Pirlo. Do that stupid Donandoni and even retarded Del Piero might score a goal. Italia needs a fast foward like a Miccoli or Quags paired with Iaquinta or Toni. I am no coach but power/height with speed is as basic as it gets.

In the end I agree that Donadoni is to blame. Bring on Cappello. Italy must learn to play to destroy and nothing else. Skill and dolce vita are no longer enough.
Ethan

Oh, and this is great: Donadoni blamed Bayern for the Azurri's woeful showing: http://www.channel4.com/sport/...
Ethan

An embarrassment,considering how wretched France played. Malouda, Ribery and Henry were invisible, France's best defenders were on the bench looking completely uninterested, and Dom-en-yeeeech fielding his own squad of Geritol-poppers. Where was Laurent freaking Blanc?

I don't foresee Donadoni taking the team to Austria-Switzerland even if they qualify.
Marco420

Barusso scord for Ghana yesterday in 2-0 win...
Marco420

Donadoni will not be coaching until 2010, worst case i know people who know people...

But getting F. Cappello in would mean Italy woulld be winning 1-0 in very boring games, but at least, Del Piero wouldn't be anywhere near meaningful pitch time.

I'vee said it before, but Dp and Pippo are only useful against the likes of Moldova and San Marino. We might as well bring in the next generation now if we're going to look like this on a soccer pitch. For the sake of la Nazionale, A. Gilardino needs top play for C.Prandelli again. He was great in the WC, because M. Lippi used him perfectly( See USA and Germany)

I just can't wait for Ancelotti to take the reigns of the Azzurri. He said he wants to do it someday, aso let's make it happen. Theb Luciano Spalletti circa 2018 would be great...
Kamran

This was the first Azzurri game that I saw after the Berlin final and truth be told, Donadoni effed everything pretty badly. Buffon, Canna, Pirlo and De Rossi to some extent were the only players on the squad who were playing with some conviction. Inzaghi's beat-offside-trap runs are totally useless against big defenders. Del Piero, as usual, screwed everything for the Azzurri. His runs are slow and lacking in technique.

If Donadoni continues to coach the team till 2010, god forbid, I'm pretty sure we'll easily beat Les Bleus' record for the worst performance by a defending champion.
Xelius

I just finished watching the taped game and I have to 100% agree with the response that most people have of "WTF Del Piero and Inzaghi...Wait we are in 2007 right." Del Piero is way past his prime let alone up to the grade of international football. I would have rather had my 70 year old grandma on the pitch than Del Piero every time he got the ball he lost it and every time he tried to do something with it he royally screwed it up. People say its also Dondumbdumb's fault for picking him but its also Del Pieros fault for not doing the best thing for the national team which is taking himself out back behind the shed with the shotgun by himself because we all know donadumbdumb would probably stuff that up too if he was left in charge.
elmi

call my comment biased, but alex dp is not half as good as an unfit totti...thanks to donadoni alex's starting and totti's at home... alex and pippo would have been the best pairing, in 1998..
marco aurelio

after that listless display today, i can only dream of seeing re-charged cassano in the near future.

forget seeing anyone under the age of 22 playing for the nt (in a real game) while the don is in charge. at first i thought it was because he had little faith in the young guys but now i think he just doesnt want to (or can afford to) gamble with his neck on the line. he just has to go.

as far as dp goes, i am now desensitized by his performances with the nt. what we saw today has become the norm and he was painful to watch yet again. however, i dont blame dp cause he's not the one calling the lineup for the game. i'm sure the guy has every intention of doing well. it's just that his intent and his current abilities are not aligned. the finger can squarely be pointed at the don. personally, i have less of a problem seeing dp coming off the bench against tired legs (as we saw in the wc) but playing as a starter and staying on for over 80 min. against a physical, fast team is a head scratcher that only seems to make sense to donadoni.
kevin

Get Miccoli out there..You want energy? Actually, I'll answer that for you. Yes, you need energy and a spark plug Dona-dumbie! Pippo is still good, but not what the Azzurri need. If this is what we're gonna see in the rest of qualifying, sit out Euro08 and prepare for 2010.

I'm sick of this garbage... I hate criticizing managers, but c'mon, get with it!
Bashar

I remember that Roma tag team.. haha.. that was great..

As for the game.. I'm not worried about the qualification.. Italy will go through.. I'm pretty sure of it.. What worries me is with all that talent, Italy can't hit top gear..

Oddo, Inzaghi, Del Piero.. No.. No No No No No!!!! Get them out.. fast.. Lucarelli can't stay on his own two feet.. same comment about Zambro's wife goes here.. I don't know what the world's obsession with Pippo is.. He sucks!!! Even if he does score, he's horrible!!

What happened to Miccoli?? He's the most in form striker in Italy right now! Rolando Bianchi?? He's doing quite well.. Iaquinta is doing decently at Juve too..

Buffon; Grosso, Cannavaro, Barzagli, Zambrotta; De Rossi, Gattuso; Pirlo, Aquilani, Fab Quags; Miccoli

That's a winning lineup right there.. other options are Rosina, Foggia, Camoranesi can be thrown in there too if anyone disagrees with Aquilani's inclusion..

Materazzi can replace Barzagli and Toni can replace whoever the hell he wants when they come back.. Jesus Christ.. When Italy qualifies they need to fire Donadoni because he's not the right man for this job.. Capello is jobless.. Bring him in for the Euro as an emergency measure.
MarcoMTL

Fucking Pippo is killing Gilardino. Gilardino used to be a terrific all around player but he started to play the offside trap like Pippo just to score goals and keep his spot on the pitch and it has turned his game to shit. He doesn't look anything like the player he was with Parma.

I guess I might be jumping the gun with Cassano but I was watching some youtube highlights and he is so damn brilliant. I think he will play really well with Samp. It is the perfect spot for him. Cassano just wants to be the man and he'll finally have the chance to be that person. I know people made a big deal of his imitation of Capello but it was really funny.
chris

Questionable, hasn't he been looking pretty out of shape up there? Even though he would be a big help. The one guy I've been hoping would show up again (at least at some point in his career) is Gilardino, as someone alluded to earlier - I'm guessing it was a Marco, that's usually a good guess these days. He's got the talent, where it went, who the hell knows.

And this is nice, Ray Ray Getting Dumber Every Day was spotted in the French locker room, which is against his ban. Brilliant.

http://www.channel4.com/sport/...
MarcoMTL

Anyone think Cassano will be ready for the November qualifier against Scotland? I think Cassano is going to be great with Sampdoria.
Francesco

i've made peace with the fact that Donadoni is totally clueless. Even if we get to Euro 2008, I'm pretty sure FIGC will be hiring a new coach in July 2008.
Dolita

SACK DONADONI!!!
I just cant bare it anymore. He must be one of the dumbest coach Italy ever have, especially when compared to his predecessor.
Bring back Lippi, and Totti+Nesta would be back. Plus Euro 2008 cup too!
chris

This whole Donadoni thing is getting absurd. It was obvious he was playing scared and for a draw from the get go. How do you have two of your most dynamic attacking players in the squad (Aquilani and Fab Quags) parked in the stands and another at home (Rosinaldo) while calling up Foggia - who has been good, mind you, but Rosinaldo has been lighting up Serie A for how long now? - and picking Di Natale and The Commie for the pine as his two attacking options. I've said this from the beginning: The more coaching he is allowed to do the more obvious it is he doesn't know how to do it. There is some sort of political favoritism behind the scenes here which is putting the qualification of the World Champs in jeopardy. Not to mention ending the international careers of two of probably the Top 5 players the Azzurri have eligible. This regime has been horrendous.

The problem is taking 4 points from France and Ukraine - two quality squads - really isn't that bad when you look at the big picture. Sure, they should take 6, but 4 is acceptable. Anything less, though, is horrible. Unfortunately, if they pick up 3 against the Ex-Commies, Donadumdum probably keeps his job.
Chico

I just can't believe Del Piero is still allowed on a football pitch to represent the country - it's been unwatchable for the last 10 years. During which he has been preferred occasionally or regularly (without a single decent performance) to great players like Totti, Baggio, Beppe Signori, Gianfranco "legend" Zola, Paolo "Laziale di merda" Di Canio, and now Rosinaldo or Quagliarella - I just ask "Perche'" and find no answer.
Lorenzo

When will we see an Azzurri trequartista line of Rosina-Aquilani-Fab Quags with either Toni or Gilardino up front?
Ezio

Mancini (and Ferrari) should both be on the bench against Reggina. He suffered from plantar fascitis and he just today started training with the ball and the rest of the squad.
MarcoMTL

How about a Roma question? When will Mancini be ready to play. What injury does he have? Last I heard it was flu like symptoms about 7 weeks ago. Unless he came down with a more serious infection I don't see why he hasn't played yet.
Marco420

est as in best, of course
Marco420

est thing about the game was Materazzi's shirt...
john

toni was much needed. hes a player that can make a difference up top n we didnt have one today. i dont think del piero should be a starting forward for italy in a game like this hes too slow and unaffective. i also ddidnt agree wit gattuse pirlo de rossi on the field together the whole game. ok u start wit them but we need a win here n the sub should of been one of them for perrotta not camero. we had no linkage to the forwards it wasnt pretty.

thats what works well wit roma the constant linkage to the forward n mobility of the midfield. a draw is not killer but were fighting for second place wit a lot of away games to play not the position italy should be in right now.

forza italia forza roma
MarcoMTL

That had to be one of the most boring matches I have ever seen. Rarely does a coach get everything wrong but Donadoni pulled it off. The wrong subs and wrong players on the bench. Great stuff! I would have loved too see Aquilani start instead of De Rossi. Why have Pirlo, Ivan, and DDR playing side by side? He was playing for a draw to save his job.
Chris

Both of these teams looked completely flat. I turned off the game halfway through because I couldn't believe how much the teams looked like they didn't care.

Italy is worrying me immensely about qualification chances now. It's going to be really interesting the rest of the way to see if they can get in.

Did you notice that both teams seemed almost a little too "chummy" towards one another? It looked like they were just happy to hang out with each other for 90 minutes instead of actually representing their nations...